chahat

The rather broad lady showed up at the theatre just before the performance started and handed the usher two tickets. "Where's the other party?" asked the usher. "Well," said the lady, with a blush, "one seat is a little small for me and rather uncomfortable so I bought two. But they're both really for me." "Okay with me, lady," the usher replied, scratching his head., "There's just one problem. Your seats are numbers 51 and 63."

Joe grew up in a small town, then moved away to attend college and law school. He decided to come back to his hometown after graduation because he could be a big man in this tiny town. He really wanted to impress everyone, so he opened his new law office, but business was very slow at first. One day, he saw a man coming up the sidewalk to his office. He decided to make a big impression on this new client when he arrived. As the man came to the door, Joe picked up the phone. He motioned the man in, all the while saying, "No! Absolutely not! You tell those clowns in New York that I won't settle this case for less than $1 million. Yes. The appeals court has agreed to hear that case next week. I'll be handling the primary argument, and the other members of my team will provide support. Okay. Tell the DA that I'll meet with him next week to discuss the details." This sort of thing went on for almost five minutes. All the while, the man sat patiently as Joe rattled instructions. Finally, Joe put down the phone and turned to the man. "I'm sorry for the delay," he said, "but as you can see, I'm very busy. What can I do for you?" The man replied, "I'm from the phone company. I came to hook up your phone."

A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because even though it was a very large mammal its throat was very small. The little girl stated that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human; it was physically impossible. The little girl said, "When I get to heaven I will ask Jonah!" The teacher asked, "What if Jonah went to hell?" The little girl replied, Then you ask him".

Jim goes on vacation to the Middle East with most of his family including his mother-in-law. During their vacation and while they are visiting Jerusalem, Jim's mother-in-law dies. With the death certificate in hand, Jim goes to the American Consulate's office to make arrangements to send the body back to the U.S. for proper burial. The consulate, after hearing about the death of the mother-in-law, tells Jim that sending a body back to the States for burial is very, very expensive -- it could cost as much as $5,000. The consulate continues and explains that in most cases, the person responsible for the remains normally decides to bury the body in the country where he or she passed away. This would only cost $150. Jim thinks for some time and answers, "I don't care how much it will cost to send the body back; that's what I want to do." The consulate, after hearing this, says, "You must have loved your mother-in-law very much considering the difference in price." "No, it's not that," says Jim. "You see, I know the story of a person buried here in Jerusalem many years ago. On the third day he arose from the dead! I just can't take that chance..."

Dear Cat Owner, Following are instructions on the best way to bathe your cat: 1. Thoroughly clean the toilet. 2. Add the required amount of shampoo to the toilet water, and have both lids lifted. 3. Obtain the cat and soothe him while you carry him towards the bathroom. 4. In one smooth movement, put the cat in the toilet and close both lids (you may need to stand on the lid so that he cannot escape). CAUTION: Don't get any part of your body too close to the edge, as his paws will be reaching out to grab anything they can find. The cat will self-agitate and make ample suds. Never mind the noises that come from your toilet, the cat is actually enjoying this. 5. Flush the toilet 3 or 4 times. This provides a "powerwash and rinse" which I have found to be quite effective. 6. Have someone open the door to the outside and ensure that there are no people between the toilet and the outside door. 7. Stand behind the toilet as far as you can, and quickly lift both lids. 8. The now-clean cat will rocket out of the toilet and run outside where he will dry himself. Sincerely, The DOG

A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel plans. So, the husband left Minneapolis and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the email. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston, a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her email expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My loving wife Subject: I've arrived Date: April 6, 2006 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then. Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P.S. sure is freaking hot down here!!!!!

Rabri Devi died and went to heaven. As she stood in front Of yamraj , she saw a huge wall of clocks behind. She asked, "What are all those clocks?" Yamraj answered, "Those are Lie Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a Lie Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock will move." "Oh," said Rabri, "Who's clock is that?" That's Gautam Buddha's. The hands have never moved indicating that he Never told a lie. "And whose clock is that?" That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands Have only moved twice, telling us that Abraham only told 2 lies in his Entire life." Rabri asked, "Where's my Laloo's clock?" Laloo"s clock is in my office", replied yamraj, "I'm using it as a Ceiling fan".

A Sardarji went to US & had a meeting with Bill Clinton. Bill : I want to show you the US advancement. come with me. (He takes him in a deep forest) Bill : Dig the ground. (Sardarji did it.) Bill : more..more..more... (Sardarji went upto 100 feet) Bill : So now , try to search something. Sardarji: I got a wire. Bill : you know, it shows that even 100 years ago we used to have telephones. ( Sardarji became frustrated.) He invited Bill to india. Next year Bill had been in India Sardarji : I want to show you our advancement. (the same, he takes Bill in forest.) Sardar : dig it . (Bill does.) Sardar : more ..more ..more .......... (Bill goes upto almost 400 feet..) Sardarji : try to find something. (Bill tries.) Sardarji : did you get anything ? Bill : no. Sardarji : yes, even 400 years ago we used to have WIRELESS

Bill Gates was in India a few days ago. He announced that Microsoft plans to release a windows version in Hindi. Here are some Windows related terms that may be used in the Hindi version of... Khidkiyan 2000: Phaail = File Bachao = Save Aise Bachao = Save as Subko Bachao = Save All Mujhe Bachao = Help Dhoondo = Find Firse Dhoondo = Find Again Hilao = Move Daak = Mail Daakiya = Mailer Paas se dhekho = Zoom In Duur se dhekho = Zoom Out Kholo = Open Bandh Karo = Close Naya = New Khatara = Old Badli Karo = Replace Bhaago = Run Chhaapo = Print Dekh Ke Chhaapo = Print Preview Kaapi = Copy Kaato = Cut Kato = Stupid Houseguest Chipkao = Paste Payshul Chipkao = Paste Special Goli Maaro = Delete Nazaara = View Hathiyaar = Tools Hathiyaar Khambha = Toolbar Khuli Chaadar = Spreadsheet Iska Bhi Naam Nahin Aata = Database Futaas Ki Goli Kha = Exit Ped = Tree Thooso = Compress Chooha = mouse Tik-Tik Karo = Click Idhar-se-Udhar.Udhar-se-Idhar = Scrollbar

Early one morning, a mother went in to wake up her son. Wake up, son. It's time to go to school!' But why, Mom? I don't want to go.' Give me two reasons why you don't want to go.' Well, the kids hate me for one, and the teachers hate me, too!' Oh, that's no reason not to go to school. Come on now and get ready.' Give me two reasons why I should go to school.' Well, for one, you're 52 years old. And for another, you're the Principal! ---------- - Chahat Looking for romantic shayari? Click here

A frog telephoned the Psychic Hotline and was told, "You are going to meet a beautiful young woman who will want to know everything about you." The frog said, "That's great! Will I meet her at a party, or what?" "No," said the psychic, "Next term--in her biology class."

There are three men an american an japanese and a fat guy the american junps out and says god bless america the japanese jumps out and says go bless japan the fat guy jumps out and says god bless whoever i land on. And he died happily.

Employer: “In this job we need someone who is responsible.” Applicant: “I’m the one you want. On my last job, every time anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss. All during the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring. The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but, finally it was too much for him. He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?" Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response. The little girl said, "My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don't want to miss it!" ---------- - Chahat <mod edit> A guy hosted a dinner party for people from work, including his boss. All during the sit-down dinner, the host's three-year-old girl stared at her father's boss sitting across from her. The girl could hardly eat her food from staring. The man checked his tie, felt his face for food, patted his hair in place, but nothing stopped her from staring at him. He tried his best to just ignore her but, finally it was too much for him. He asked her, "Why are you staring at me?" Everyone at the table had noticed her behavior and the table went quiet for her response. The little girl said, "My Daddy said you drink like a fish and I don't want to miss it!" ---------- - Chahat

Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money. If you are my financial aid institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female, don't worry, I have plenty of money. ---------- - Chahat