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Vjkk Vjkf, Sorry for how long this is in advance I'm really struggling and could do with some advice. quite a few years ago I lost my mother to cancer. After she passed away I didnt think about her too much because I guess it was easier to block out the pain rather than think about her condition deteriorating and no longer being here also I didnt have any stresses of life at the time and so it didnt hit me that hard then. about 3/4 years later as I started working harder I started becoming more stressed and this is when depression and anxiety hit me. After a few months I started to take anti depressants and then I spiraled out of control completely. I overdosed multiple times, I self harmed drank smoke at times. I was also gambling heavily. During this period I wasnt taking the medication properly and I pushed my close family away. I harassed a girl which made me feel 100 times worse as I felt so guilty and eventually got in trouble with the law. I have gotten much better over time as I was advised I was misdiagnosed and shouldn't have been given those anti depressants especially which were such a high dosage. I havent drank/smoke or gambled for over a year or so. My relationships with my immediate family have gotten better over time also thankfully. I know myself deep within that despite some of my bad actions/choices it wasn't really me so I've gotten better at forgiving myself. However I'm still affected as I don't have any friends now my family all have wives/husbands and kids and I can't talk to my dad about how I feel as he is from India and he doesnt understand emotions. i dont know who to talk to and I keep hoping that this relationship I had with this girl will get better over time. She is now married but I didnt really care about that I was just happy that she was initially regularly communicating with me during my initial depression stage. She has completely blocked me off and i'm not allowed to contact her. I used to know her initially from Saturday school and had multiple friends in common. When I was struggling I was just really hoping that I could always help her or support her when ever I needed because I saw her in such a positive light. That harassing was due to me being sorry and wanting her to realise that i wasnt in the right frame of mind. I've never fallen out with anyone before this and the fact that i know she gets a long with other people i know makes me feel weird now. I constantly think of her and miss her which I know sounds wrong but its my depression kicking in telling me there is something wrong with me. I dont view her in any other way than a sister but as I've caused her a lot of stress I care about her more and every time she hurts me its like I think this isn't really her and she is only putting an act on because her parents don't want me to have anything to do with her. I know I should spend more time dedicating myself to sikhi but a part of me feels angry and upset and alone. Growing up in an Amritdhari family and going to keertan programmes when I was younger I've always had a wish to take Amrit hence why i've never cut my hair/beard off. I only know japji sahib which i was taught by mummy ji to do but I have an issue whereby I dont fully do it e.g. sometimes I would just listen to and I want to Amrit someday but when I start reading Jaap Sahib after 6-7 mins I struggle to continue and feel like its dragging on. I do simran when I wake up and at night. What would you recommend I do? Am I a bad person for still thinking/hoping this relationship with this girl would become better and I would feel better about myself? Is this attachment even though I have no desire to spend my life with her and it hurts badly when I think about it? I'd appreciate any advice you can give. Vjkk Vjkf

Hello everyone I live in the sacramento area in California. There are a lot of sikhs here but most of them are the alcoholics and kaami kinds. I don't feel comfortable in their in their company.So if there is any good sikh living here who could be friends with me. I am 24.

Im wondering (being an girl) can one just be friends with a punjabi boy? I have this idea of punjabi boys shaped through media/songs that they will always want more than friendship. Is this true?

WJKK WJKF Sangat ji, I don´t want to sound like a pansy, so please try to undersand me... I am 17 year old keshdhari boy liviing outside UK, canada( outside Sikh populated country)... I am the only Sikh boy at my school and locally.. In my live I only almost had Gore/ arabic/ turkey friends etc.. not really sikh firends.. and everything was fine until 3years ago .. I had many friends at my school and in my class and stuff.. we all were close and had lot of fun until e graduate and splitted up.. After that all got worse.. I often felt lonely.. and noone could really understand me.. I don´t know it was like the happiness in my life was gone.. So I come closer to Sikhi - and after some time this happiness come back.. I did many of researcha and stuff... And I almost agreed with everythin in Sikhi.. But sincec last -4 months this happiness is gone again.. I often feel lonely .. and like I have no real/true friends that understand me and that I can talk to.. I have some close friends but we rarely meet.. only 1- 2 x in a month.. and if we meet we just watch a movie or stuff... but don´t talk about deeper things like we did before.. It is like we drift apart.. I knew them for about 7-8 years know.. and since we split up after school.. we rarely met.. and so we drifted apart... It is like.. I want a person I can share my thoughts view and feelings with and have lots of fun...I am usually a crazy funny guy.. but in the last years my mood was very depressive... I never went out... only 2-3 in a months... I am just sitting in front of the computer.. and surfing web and all the stuff.. So I thought I can mae some friends in the Gurudwara.. maybe they feel like me .. Although we are a small community here... I think they must went´some other brothers must went through this as well... So I started having some conversation with other sikh boys.. The problem is that there aren´t many.. and if there are some they have already friends.. I mean they are all close to each other , like they are in a clique or something ( the sikh boys in gurudwara).. So I tried having some good time etc.. and I had some great laughs with them.. that go on for some time about 3-4 months... But no one really wanted to meet with me... I don´t understand why.. I am not douchebag or something.. It is just like I am the fifth wheel... And they don´t want to have some one more in their "group/clique" whatever.. So I am in kinda dilemma... I have no real friends... I can met at 7 pm and relaxx out, having a conversation about life and stuff.... or something.. My mone /gore friends... become moer domestic as well.. they don´t want to meet and stuff... They rather want to play Playstation/Xbox and stuff.. So I am only at home.. and I don´t want to go out alone... I don´t know what should I do.. this makes me really upset.. I know Waheugur is everywhere... and stuf... but do you understand what I mean? Please help... I am grateful for all responses... thanks....