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Found 6 results

  1. Guest


    WJKK WJKF, I feel so lonely, it's not a good place and I just needed to tell someone because I don't know what to do. I don't have free time to go out and socialise, I am married (but we don't have a good relationship (he puts me down, calls me names etc.) have kids and have a very busy work schedule.
  2. Guest

    Family troubles

    Hi, I am 18 year old female and here's my I guess life story. Ive never met my dad who I've been told by uncles took drugs (heroin, glue) and was was a heavy drinker. And by my mom that he was abusive to her physically and emotionally as well as her in laws (his family). She told me when he found out she was pregnant with me after a while he got angry and punched her in the stomach but she quickly moved to the side so he hit her side stomach and that he tried to push her down the stairs and once he poisoned her tea and she was left on the sofa for days until her mom came over, found her unwell and took her to hospital later. I don't know if any of these things have been exaggerated or are true but they seem too detailed to lie about. I’ve missed out so much not having a dad and use to think he was working abroad and would come in the summer holdidays to visit me like my mom would say until I was about 12. I missed out on having other siblings to play with growing up, going on family holidays not just with my mom which was so lonely as I had no one to do activities like going on rides with my own age group. Growing up my mom was very protective of me and wouldn’t let me go over to any of my friends houses and only once let me have a two friends over from school who’s family she knew once when I was 9. Because of this I’ve always been lonely throughout my entire life because I’ve had no one to talk to or spend time with other than my nanny at home when my mom was busy at work. My mom is very strict and doesn’t care that I’m sad and lonely and either quickly dismisses what I say or tells me she’ll wish she had cancer and die so I’d stop telling her I’m lonely. I’m certain she was a bipolar personality disorder because she quickly changes her moods and lashes out on me if she’s frustrated at someone, for example she recently broke up with her bf who owned a pub and drank and smoked and she takes all her anger out on me through belittling me about school, how I’m a “dumb kid”, how “God shouldn’t give children if their going to be dumb and useless”, “your going to have depression all your life and going to overdose on depression pills when your older”. She told me when I was 13 that she wished to God she got cancer and died so id have no one to help me throughout uni, get me married off ect. She also told me many times when she was dropping me off to school in secondary school (aged 11-17) that she was going to crash the car and kill herself because she had enough of a dumb child in her life. By dumb she means academically despite that I gained all A* grades in GCSEs including triple science. She frequently physically abused me as a child for example she smacked me with her rubber shoes behind my thighs repeatedly when I was only 5 when I accidentally spilt sugar on the carpet or when I was 5 again and I wet myself in her friends living room because she wouldn’t take me to the toilet, so she grabbed me hard by the ear till it bled because she purposely dug her finger nails into it and took me back to the car and smacked me hard on the cheeks when we got home whilst screaming abuse to me in the car while I cried hysterically. She use to pinch my thighs secretly if we were in public and she didn’t want me to continue talking or doing something she didn’t want. She never let me play with children for example at someone’s house or at the gurdwara and is always had to sit next to her. She is very controlling over me, for example she grabs my phone whilst I’m using it to see who I’m texting and what I’m doing on my phone and if she sees any friends (girls, no boys-not allowed to talk to boys- been to all girls schools) she lashed out at me saying I’m hiding secrets behind her. She insists on knowing everything about my friends such as addresses, family occupations ect. Because of my lack of social interaction and isolation at home during childhood I find it very difficult to make friends and keep them so I don’t really have too many, which is great for my family so they can keep more control over me. My mom doesn’t respect my privacy at all she doesn’t knock before she comes into my room neither does my nan and sometimes ill be getting changed and it feels very humiliating especially when she says something inappropriate like your “boobs are too big I’m gonna push them back in” and she starts to dig her fingers into them hard and pinches them on the sides when I’m sitting down next to her on he sofa because she thinks it’s funny that it hurts me. And if I cry she pushes me to the floor and says “oh <banned word filter activated> off (my name) you little <banned word filter activated>, you always <banned word filter activated> trying to piss me off”. I haven’t got many family members to protect me or talk to for example my nan is scared of my mom because she treats her like how she treats me and shouts at her and swears at her for menial things. My uncle who I also live with use to be a violent alcoholic and use to abuse his wife from India physically, I saw him break her thumb and her wrist so she had to get a cast on her hand. And still had to go work at the factory because he didn’t work just drank all night listening to loud music and keeping us all up at night when I had school the next day, he once tried to pour hot oil on my mom in front of me and she called the police, another time he got a knife and threatened to kill his wife and my mom. He went to rehab 5 times (costing £5000 each time, my mom paid) to get him off alcohol. Then my other uncle who also lived with us died recently and that affected me. My family had many politics with other such relatives so I can’t talk to them. I don’t know what to do, no one will help me and if I tell anyone what’s happened to me then social services or whatever will get involved and I do not want that, it’ll cause more problems. Is there any advice gone could give me that”ll be great, I want to do this anonymously so no one knows my past. I’m going to uni in September to study medicine, but I want to live in the accommodation so I do not have to live with my family it my mom doesn’t want to allow this, how do I do this myself? last year I tried to commit suicide by overdosing on strong painkillers left by my deceased uncles room, I became unconscious and taken to hospital where my mom told me I shouldve taken more so she could get an offer for the funeral. That is the kind of person she is. She never got me any medical help after the suicide attempt and left the painkillers exactly where they were in the house when I came back home. Note, I don't want to attempt suicide again, because I'm looking forward to a bright future with a loving husband, children, professional wealthy career, and I can use his loving family to replace my own abusive one. But if this doesn't happen I will probably end my life but I will give it a chance to happen first . thanks for replying to this in advance if you think you can help. Im coming here because I dont know anywhere else I can go anonymously. If anyone could answer this question as well- why would God allow this to happen to me if he truly cared about me? Why wouldn’t he give me someone to take care of me and talk to about my problems at least?
  3. Guest

    Pcos and hiritism

    Hi everyone, I'm a 19 year old female with polycystic ovarian syndrome and this is my problem. Ive never been on a Sikh forum before but I thought about sharing my story anonymously to get some much needed advice before I turn my back on the sangat. Ok, so ever since primary school I've had very hairy arms, legs , back and buttocks. I've been bullied to the point that no one should ever have to experience. I've had boys call me names like hairy mary, monkey, gurilla, the beast ect. I've had girls pull my sleeves up by force to laugh and draw all over my hairy arms, and boys push me in the playground so I'd fall over and graze my knees. I remember felling so hot and sweat in school and being unable to take my jumper off or wear socks to school instead of tights so the bullying would be low. Moving on to secondary school the bullying got worse, I'd have Sikh boys in ramals and gottis calling me moustache girl and hairy and telling me that they'd beat me up and kill me. A lot of the boys and girls would give me dirty looks, push me in corridors, not give me my school book when they were handing them out in class. All of the singhani girls who took Amrit also bullied me despite themselves bleaching their own facial hair and sideburns. Not even the teachers helped because frankly they didn't care about one student with a problem. My mom has no body hair neither does my nanny so they don't understand what I'm going through. Every time I mention my suffering with bullying and body hair as a female to them they clash with opinions. My nanny is amritari and says I should leave the hair alone and it would naturally (she doesn't understand the scientific hormale side of it) and my mom argues with me saying I should continue with the laser hair removal (I've had 6 sessions on my face last year which were not effective) despite my GP saying it was pointless since I'd need hundreds of sessions before it becomes even a bit effective as the excess androgens (male hormones eg testosterone) mean the hair follicles keep regenerating too quickly. I'm at my ends, I've cut my hair which was down to my knees in year 11 to take attention away from my facial hair to make myself look less tradition which I deeply regret as the pcos means I also have male pattern baldness so I have to use planter hair wash which is for women over 40 to stop the alopecia and thinning hair (it is currently chest high). I want to go swimming so bad but my hairy legs, buttocks and back mean I can't cover up those areas in a full sleeved bathing suit and I hate that I can't do one of the very few things that make me happy. What's surprised me the most I believe is that my own community, the sangat have let me down, instead of embracing a trait God has given and giving me support they have abandoned me, 90% of my bullies were Sikhs, most were boys who wore ramals and gottis and turbans, they all physically and emotionally abused me to the point were id cry every night to my mom contemplating my beliefs in God since I'd been given so much body and facial hair as a female. I'm looking for solutions and reasons to why the Sikh community were my bullies. I've tried bleaches, wet shavers, hair removal creams, laser hair removal, I'm currently on the dianette pill for acne and hiritism but it takes 8 months for full effects I believe and its side effects make my mood lazy, anxious, suicidal. I am an only child which adds to my unhappiness because I can't share my pains with anyone. My mom is a single parent who doesn't understand or want to understand pcos (I made full paged notebook full of my own medical notes of pcos and treatments from hours spent researching online and she hasn't picked the notepad up once) she is too busy talking about her ex bf to care about me, I have never met my dad who apparently lives in Canada with his new family, and my Punjabi isn't that great so I can't really talk to my nanny about it, I feel so lonely I have no cousins nearby or many friends to talk to because most of them think I'm akwardly shy since I'm only 4"11 so lack a lot of confidence and also because of the hair they don't want to be seen with me much so I'm very often at home alone in the summer holidays because my mom and nanny don't let me out of the house much anyway because they say it looks bad to the family if ppl see a girl alone walking outside as it makes her look bad to potential in laws in the future. My mom has bipolar disorder and she takes out her mood swings on me very severely, for example when I was 13 she told me because i wasn't studying 12 hours a day she was gonna wish God gave her cancer and that the next day I'd wake up without a mother and since I already didn't have a father or siblings I would have no one. She refuses medical care and my recent passing of my mama, her brother last year has triggered her depression and anxiety as well, so I don't know what to do. I've mentioned many problems, however I would like help with the hiritism side of pcos if any of the sangat would be kind enough to help me. Thank you if you have read my whole querry, I really appreciate it. Waheguru Ji Khalsa Waheguru Ji pateh
  4. Guest


    Hi, I'm 25 from UK and live with family. I don't have a close relationship with my dad, brother or dads wife. I only talk to my grandma but she only speaks Punjabi. After university I lost contact with friends and family wasn't the best either. After my mom died 10 years ago my dad didn't make effort to talk to me and just ignored me. My brother never talks to me either and doesn't seem bothered about me. The only place I found people to talk with were strangers on the internet. My dads sisters and cousins started talking down to me and it started making me depressed so I stopped visiting them and when my dad noticed he started arguing with me and didn't understand how I felt. He cares more about what others think and I don't thinm he understands what family should be like. Nobody in my house has taught me about Sikhi and I think it could help me because I get so lonely. I'm thinking of getting my own place in a few years because I also feel like I don't have enough space and privacy and I just go to work or shops. Most of the time I stay in my room. I don't feel comfortable around my dad or brother. My dad only talks to me about negative things and it only leVes me feeling depressed. I sonetimes feel like I'm not a good enough person to start reading gurbani. I do have bad habits and my depression might be a barrier. Anyone got any advice?
  5. Guest

    Depressed With No Friends

    im lonely and depressed with no friends. every friday and saturday i get even more depressed knowing everyone is going out with their friends while i am at home lonely by myself. ive finished uni and moved to a new area now for the last 4 years. ive made not a single friend. .. while at uni i had the opportunity to make many friends as i was surrounded by new people all the time, but that opportunity is not there anymore. i just dont get any opportunity to meet new people and make friends... i just feel so alone and isolated. is this normal as i am 28? i guess as we get older we no longer have that big circle of friends. i feel very bored also and just feel i have no one to talk to and have no stimulation in life.
  6. WJKK WJKF Sangat ji, I don´t want to sound like a pansy, so please try to undersand me... I am 17 year old keshdhari boy liviing outside UK, canada( outside Sikh populated country)... I am the only Sikh boy at my school and locally.. In my live I only almost had Gore/ arabic/ turkey friends etc.. not really sikh firends.. and everything was fine until 3years ago .. I had many friends at my school and in my class and stuff.. we all were close and had lot of fun until e graduate and splitted up.. After that all got worse.. I often felt lonely.. and noone could really understand me.. I don´t know it was like the happiness in my life was gone.. So I come closer to Sikhi - and after some time this happiness come back.. I did many of researcha and stuff... And I almost agreed with everythin in Sikhi.. But sincec last -4 months this happiness is gone again.. I often feel lonely .. and like I have no real/true friends that understand me and that I can talk to.. I have some close friends but we rarely meet.. only 1- 2 x in a month.. and if we meet we just watch a movie or stuff... but don´t talk about deeper things like we did before.. It is like we drift apart.. I knew them for about 7-8 years know.. and since we split up after school.. we rarely met.. and so we drifted apart... It is like.. I want a person I can share my thoughts view and feelings with and have lots of fun...I am usually a crazy funny guy.. but in the last years my mood was very depressive... I never went out... only 2-3 in a months... I am just sitting in front of the computer.. and surfing web and all the stuff.. So I thought I can mae some friends in the Gurudwara.. maybe they feel like me .. Although we are a small community here... I think they must went´some other brothers must went through this as well... So I started having some conversation with other sikh boys.. The problem is that there aren´t many.. and if there are some they have already friends.. I mean they are all close to each other , like they are in a clique or something ( the sikh boys in gurudwara).. So I tried having some good time etc.. and I had some great laughs with them.. that go on for some time about 3-4 months... But no one really wanted to meet with me... I don´t understand why.. I am not douchebag or something.. It is just like I am the fifth wheel... And they don´t want to have some one more in their "group/clique" whatever.. So I am in kinda dilemma... I have no real friends... I can met at 7 pm and relaxx out, having a conversation about life and stuff.... or something.. My mone /gore friends... become moer domestic as well.. they don´t want to meet and stuff... They rather want to play Playstation/Xbox and stuff.. So I am only at home.. and I don´t want to go out alone... I don´t know what should I do.. this makes me really upset.. I know Waheugur is everywhere... and stuf... but do you understand what I mean? Please help... I am grateful for all responses... thanks....
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