Search the Community

Sat Sri Akal to anyone reading this. I am a boy in his early teens. Thus far in my life if someone asked me what my religion was I would easily reply that I am Sikh. However, as I am heading towards adulthood, I have begun to feel a little hypocritical. I was born and brought up in the USA. I have been to Punjab a few times as well. I am very connected with my culture as a Punjabi. Since childhood I have had a very warm relationship with my parents and we almost always speak Punjabi at home. In fact, I usually never speak with them in English. We are fond of Punjabi movies, music, food, Bhangra, etc. I feel fairly comfortable with my Punjabi heritage despite being raised in America. Now in terms of Sikhi... When I was younger I would go to the Gurdwara with my parents. Usually the kids would not sit too long in the darbar hall and we would be outside in no time. Eventually for a short while I was in Punjabi class at the gurdwara. Here we were taught Japji Sahib. I learned 20 some pauris by the end of it. However, the truth is that I (along with most other kids in the class) simply memorized the pauris. I had very little knowledge of what was meant by them. Furthermore, I wasn't too interested in finding out. I mean I was like 8 or 9 yrs old. At this point in my life religion wasn't a very big deal.... I was busy being a kid. Over the years I realized that I am not a very religious person. I am more culturally connected to Sikhi than I am spiritually connected. Whenever I go to the Gurdwara I usually just do Seva (in the kitchen or wherever it's needed) and never sit in the darbar hall. I never feel the need to pray either. I personally feel that praying will not change the cirumstances in my life and only I can change them. Thus, I prefer to rely on myself than on prayer to solve my problems. The honest truth is that I am not a very strong believer of God. I have deep respect for all of the Gurus and the many teachings of Guru Granth Sahib, but I do not have very strong belief (thus far) that there is a God. This skepticism did not just recently pop into my mind. I have had a level of disbelief for a very long time. I just never really voiced it. I have been brought up with good morals and ethics. So, I don't go and do horrible things just because I lack a definitive belief in a deity. I respect everyone and try my very best to not harm anyone. My goals in life are to become a doctor and give my parents all the happiness I can. I would like to think I am a fairly decent human being and that is all I truly want to be. However, recently I have been thinking.... is this a common thing amongst other American Sikhs. Are many of them more culturally connected to sikhi than spiritually? I understand that Punjabi is a culture and Sikhism is a religion. However, I think we can all agree they overlap a lot (whether they should or shouldn't). Lastly, would it be hypocritical of me to say that I am a Sikh even though deep down I personally question the existence of God. Please don't take this to mean that I think of our religion as a joke. I know a lot about Sikh history and have deep respect for our forefathers who fought for justice. Quite frankly, I don't want to separate myself from my heritage and religion. I just want to know if it is possible for me to be skeptical of the existence of God (until I come upon some evidence of his existence) and follow the many other teachings of equality, respect, service, etc. and refer to myself as a Sikh (rather than an atheist who would simply consider God an impossibility). I have no aims to try and become any more religious than I currently am. I just want to understand if doubting the existence of God will keep me from being a part of my rich heritage and eventually passing it on to my children. I am sorry for the very long post. I hope I didn't offend anyone. Any comments are welcome. Thank you!