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  1. Guest

    Ruined my Jeevan

    Wjkk Wjkf! I need spiritual enlightment sangat ji, A couple years back I was very much into sikhi. I never missed my nitnem, loved doing kirtan, had love towards all, etc. Then came the problems. I started talking to a very good singh in thoughts of getting married. He turned out to be not fit so i had to break it off. I feel as if I hurt a good singhs heart and I am at fault for it. He did not have any job/education and nothing was matching in our families. Then, as a rebound you can say I started talking to another singh as per marriage and we got married. He is more into worldly things as i ended up getting lasor hair removal on my face, arms, and legs. This went on for a year. Now he says dont take off your hair. Everything eventually grew back because of my hormones. Ever since meeting him and going toward the world I have not done nitnem. If i have once or twice it is not with the same love for mahraaj. I feel like a hypocrit. I am just not interested anymore and am into fashion and movies. Inside, I know this is wrong and I do ardaas to bring me back on the path. I even dont care to check if cake or anything has eggs or not. Ive fallen so much I dont think i can come back. I stopped wearing kirpan kachera n all but never took of my dastar because its just who I am now. NOW i am trying to get back slowly. I am going to Pesh tomorrow hoping that mahraaj will have some sympathy on this paapi and my eyes will open. I have promised myself so far that i will keep my kakaars on, will be alert on the egg situation and hair removal. I just dont feel anything anymore. I use to cry in kirtan and had so much love. Now everything is irritating to me and i dont understand why. My heart knows its because of my bad actions.... can i get advice on what i can do to make my situation more understadable and better so i can get back on the path. /\
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