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  1. Hi all, I need some help with extreme feelings of guilt and regret. Basically, I’m a 17 year old girl who sinned and lied a lot in my childhood. From the ages of 8-13, I would talk behind my friends back with others and then I woild go to my friend and tell them everything the other person said about them while acting like I never said anything even when I did. I betrayed the trust of many of my friends and hurt them. I feel so guilty now and I honestly feel so bad for how I’ve hurt others. For example, when I was a 12 year old in grade 7, I had a friend who I’ll call B for now, and basically B and I talked behind another girls back, I’ll call that girl N. I was friends with N but I guess I was angry at her so I gossiped with B. I then went to N and I told her what B said about her, all while acting like I said nothing. I lied and made it seem like B was a terrible person who talked about N and I made it seem like I was completely innocent. I even deleted some of the messages where I talked about N with B and showed N so it looked like i was a good innocent friend while B was a bad friend. I lied to B and told her that I told N that both of us talked behind her back. I lied many times and manipulate my friends. I feel so bad. At the time I didn’t even know how bad what I was doing was. I’m 17 years old now and I feel disgusting. I feel like the worst human being ever. At such a young age, I manipulated my friends, betrayed their trust, hurt them, and lied all the time. All while I thought I was innocent. I have apologized to those friends and they have kindly forgiven me. I feel like I deserve no forgiveness because I’m disgusting for my past manipulative actions. For the past three years, I think I have been a good person and have avoided gossiping or hurting anyone. I feel shame when I look at my parents because they always raised me with such good morals and values and they think of me as such a good daughter because I get good grades and listen to them. However they have no idea about the bad kid I used to be and how I used to betray my friends. I wake up every morning disgusted by myself and I don’t think God will ever forgive me. I had so many dreams of getting a good job when I grew up so I could help the world and I wanted to grow up and start a family where I could raise my future children to be good people but now that I’ve become aware of my past actions I feel disgusting and think I don’t deserve any of my dreams coming true. I hurt so many other girls and I don’t think Waheguru will forgive me because I sinned so much at such a young age. Please help and provide some insight on what you think. Thank you.
  2. Guest

    Unable to forgive myself

    Gurufateh jio I will cut to the chase I posted a thread a while back explaining how my husband and I had done some explicit sexual acts and how I regretted it and we wanted to go pesh for it.... Well we went pesh and without describing the actual nature of these two activities to the panj pyare we just told them we had 'committed wrong bodily actions' to which the panj pyare asked was it a bujjar kuret? We said yes. So then we were given our tankhah and 're took Amrit dee daat.' Ok so now fast forward to present day; I still feel guilty for what I did... my husband tells me that we have been forgiven and I should move on but I just feel so guilty and tainted and ashamed...Being in bana all the time and having committed such acts makes me feel like a fraud. I just don't feel like I deserve this Bana, Sikhi or even my Guru...I just want to start again. I wish we could be remarried and I would never commit such actions... I will be honest sometimes when we get intimate my husband still tells me how much he would love to carryout those acts but I tell him no. We need to be good. Then there are times when I tease him about wanting to do those actions with him. It is like the mind likes to ponder in this filth but my concious reminds me no we have already been pesh. No more. We have never re committed these acts but it is always there in my mind that I am no longer a 'pure singhni' - I am just a fake. I don't think I can ever bring my pride for being a daufhter of dasam pita again. I just feel so disgusted in myself. I feel I have let everyone, my Guru, Sangat and myself down. People must take 1 look at me and think wow - Khalsa! But they don't know what a disgusting bit3h I really am...I don't think I can ever forgive myself....
  3. Hello *first of all sorry for my bad english, it is not so easy to read and understand* i would like to know what kind of jobs are ok for sikhs or not? Or is there no any special job? Why do i ask? I studied Business Studies. But i feel not happy with that. Really not. I was wondering for years why do i have absolutely no motivation about it? I dropped out. I felt always good with operation jobs while my studies. Like Mc donalds or manufacturing and so. But other side i felt not happy because i thought that these kind of jobs are so uneducated and i felt so stupied with that. i didnt like to agree that i like these kind of jobs i prefere. I forced myself to finish my studies. But without motivation so i was not able. But i wasted the time just by fighting with myself. Last year again i made further education in tourism and business because i have this business level due to my business studies, although i feel no interest. if i knew that 10 years ago i had start a technical education trainee as technican or similar. Now i will finish the tourism thing soon but i feel not happy with that. i think about to look for jobs as manufacturing operative only. I like to work with hands. Production or street work. Jobs which show me any success or which are useful for society. but business i think are only benefit for myself or for whom who make a business which is waste. like a new tourism agency or so. i would even prefer to repair or clean the roads. because this is a duty which should be done. for everybody. to avoid accident for example.....and i feel useful. and i like that kind of duty. i dont like to sit on table making any calls for my boss....as a servant for any successful rich person who whatever just think about self or so.... after 10 years fight with myself i found it out now. i feel not guilty or bad anymore that i didnt finish my university. 10 years i was sad and feld shamed and bad and guilty and unsatisfied withmyself. This feeling was bad. the enemy was not that i was too stupid to study. I feel not that my enemy was just that i did not agree with my affection for simply jobs. because i thought i should study at university, else i am bad and stupid. Not i am proud to be what i am. But now i have the problem that i wasted so much time. at least i already could have work experiences about 10 years. but now i will start working for the first time in my life, without work experiences, without education. And my second problem is now.....the one whom i love didnt like me....for several things and i think he also didnt like me because i didnt study. thats why also i made that further education in tourism to make him happy. now really he again talk with me. after 1 year. or after he found out about my study. And i love him because he was so simple. He had a simple job and had a good figure. and was simple. no golden chains no special clothes. just work dress and 2 trousers and 2 shirts. But now i feel first time agreed with my simplicity. But now he totally changes. He seems business success obsessed, wear golden chains makes foto positions and seems soo arrogant. He totally changed. Whyyy??? I dont want to change. In my opinion it was never nice and special to wear golden things and lot dresses and so. i love simplicity. thats why i wanted to marry him. And he changed and love me now back because he think i also became business and success and arrogant. Whatever. my question was just about job. Is it ok to make normal job only like manufactoring operative in factory. For example automobile operative line jobs??????
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