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  1. Guest

    Unable to forgive myself

    Gurufateh jio I will cut to the chase I posted a thread a while back explaining how my husband and I had done some explicit sexual acts and how I regretted it and we wanted to go pesh for it.... Well we went pesh and without describing the actual nature of these two activities to the panj pyare we just told them we had 'committed wrong bodily actions' to which the panj pyare asked was it a bujjar kuret? We said yes. So then we were given our tankhah and 're took Amrit dee daat.' Ok so now fast forward to present day; I still feel guilty for what I did... my husband tells me that we have been forgiven and I should move on but I just feel so guilty and tainted and ashamed...Being in bana all the time and having committed such acts makes me feel like a fraud. I just don't feel like I deserve this Bana, Sikhi or even my Guru...I just want to start again. I wish we could be remarried and I would never commit such actions... I will be honest sometimes when we get intimate my husband still tells me how much he would love to carryout those acts but I tell him no. We need to be good. Then there are times when I tease him about wanting to do those actions with him. It is like the mind likes to ponder in this filth but my concious reminds me no we have already been pesh. No more. We have never re committed these acts but it is always there in my mind that I am no longer a 'pure singhni' - I am just a fake. I don't think I can ever bring my pride for being a daufhter of dasam pita again. I just feel so disgusted in myself. I feel I have let everyone, my Guru, Sangat and myself down. People must take 1 look at me and think wow - Khalsa! But they don't know what a disgusting bit3h I really am...I don't think I can ever forgive myself....
  2. Hello *first of all sorry for my bad english, it is not so easy to read and understand* i would like to know what kind of jobs are ok for sikhs or not? Or is there no any special job? Why do i ask? I studied Business Studies. But i feel not happy with that. Really not. I was wondering for years why do i have absolutely no motivation about it? I dropped out. I felt always good with operation jobs while my studies. Like Mc donalds or manufacturing and so. But other side i felt not happy because i thought that these kind of jobs are so uneducated and i felt so stupied with that. i didnt like to agree that i like these kind of jobs i prefere. I forced myself to finish my studies. But without motivation so i was not able. But i wasted the time just by fighting with myself. Last year again i made further education in tourism and business because i have this business level due to my business studies, although i feel no interest. if i knew that 10 years ago i had start a technical education trainee as technican or similar. Now i will finish the tourism thing soon but i feel not happy with that. i think about to look for jobs as manufacturing operative only. I like to work with hands. Production or street work. Jobs which show me any success or which are useful for society. but business i think are only benefit for myself or for whom who make a business which is waste. like a new tourism agency or so. i would even prefer to repair or clean the roads. because this is a duty which should be done. for everybody. to avoid accident for example.....and i feel useful. and i like that kind of duty. i dont like to sit on table making any calls for my boss....as a servant for any successful rich person who whatever just think about self or so.... after 10 years fight with myself i found it out now. i feel not guilty or bad anymore that i didnt finish my university. 10 years i was sad and feld shamed and bad and guilty and unsatisfied withmyself. This feeling was bad. the enemy was not that i was too stupid to study. I feel not that my enemy was just that i did not agree with my affection for simply jobs. because i thought i should study at university, else i am bad and stupid. Not i am proud to be what i am. But now i have the problem that i wasted so much time. at least i already could have work experiences about 10 years. but now i will start working for the first time in my life, without work experiences, without education. And my second problem is now.....the one whom i love didnt like me....for several things and i think he also didnt like me because i didnt study. thats why also i made that further education in tourism to make him happy. now really he again talk with me. after 1 year. or after he found out about my study. And i love him because he was so simple. He had a simple job and had a good figure. and was simple. no golden chains no special clothes. just work dress and 2 trousers and 2 shirts. But now i feel first time agreed with my simplicity. But now he totally changes. He seems business success obsessed, wear golden chains makes foto positions and seems soo arrogant. He totally changed. Whyyy??? I dont want to change. In my opinion it was never nice and special to wear golden things and lot dresses and so. i love simplicity. thats why i wanted to marry him. And he changed and love me now back because he think i also became business and success and arrogant. Whatever. my question was just about job. Is it ok to make normal job only like manufactoring operative in factory. For example automobile operative line jobs??????

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