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Hi sangat jio, First of all lemme start off with a jaikara, " Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh" I am posting as an anonymous user because it took a lot of courage to write this down considering the things I go through. I am a Singh (I call myself that because, despite all my evil actions, I feel helpless but i still feel that the guru i believe in, believes in me), I have severe, bipolar disorder II and severe social anxieties. Ive tried all the so called medicines which didn't help, and due to which i have been a heroin addict ( i blame myself for the wrong choices and I take responsibility for em but i still think ready availability in Punjab might have played a little bit of role). I have been clean for over 3 years now after i lost my best friend to overdose. I still take marijuana edibles at times to ease my brain from the enormous headaches, rapid thoughts and crippling ( yes, I mean CRIPPLING ) anxiety that comes with my disabilities. but since it is illegal, I tend to go towards alcohol more because of its legal status. Now, any of you who are aware of the bipolar disorders know that i only have two constantly changing states, Manic and Depressive. I've accepted this disability as a gift of god and tried to get the best out of it. I'm not on any prescribed medication, but i do use marijuana and alcohol, and ill explain how i use it and i hate the fact that i do. In my manic state I'm aware that i can achieve more than I'm capable of, so i just focus, and try to achieve and consume as much information as possible. no matter if its about string theory, historical religious studies or humanities. I just consume. during that time, I use marijuana ( i hate smoking but where i live, edibles aren't really a regular option.) So i use plain marijuana in a vaporizer or a pipe. I dont use tobacco because i hate that substance. Only reason i use marijuana is to calm my nerves in my manic state and focus on the info I'm trying to consume. I try to do a lot of path in this state to help calm my over excited nerves too, I'm sometimes also able to achieve all 5 banis as a proper sikh should be doing. In my depressive state, as in everybody's case with bipolar disorders, you cant even get out of bed, even if you want to sooooo much, but your mind just doesnt let you. I have to drink almost once every two or three nights to blackout because i cant shut the rapid thoughts out and i end up crying or angry or insomniac for no reason. I try to do as much path as i can but it gets too hard to even see any point in anything in life to actually do anything. ill say this, path has helped me a lot but i still struggle a lot. I do try day in and day out to leave everything behind but just keep bani in my life because i do believe that is the key. I'm on the verge of the end of my manic cycle and by the time i recieve a reply to this it might already be too late and i already might be deep down. But know, I will bounce back into guruji's feet. my ultimate goal is to end up with no other addiction than my guru! I dont know what i expect from this post but this manic cycle just had me to write this and share with my fellow. Judge me all you want, I am no saint. I just want to be a better son to my guru. Any help or advice is appreciated. P.s. please only post either uplifting comments or only give advice if you are familiar with the conditions of ADHD, Anxeity and Bipolar Disorder II. this might be the next good deed you do. I seriously pray for anyone that helps me, they will be in my ardas for sure.