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Hi, I am 18 year old female and here's my I guess life story. Ive never met my dad who I've been told by uncles took drugs (heroin, glue) and was was a heavy drinker. And by my mom that he was abusive to her physically and emotionally as well as her in laws (his family). She told me when he found out she was pregnant with me after a while he got angry and punched her in the stomach but she quickly moved to the side so he hit her side stomach and that he tried to push her down the stairs and once he poisoned her tea and she was left on the sofa for days until her mom came over, found her unwell and took her to hospital later. I don't know if any of these things have been exaggerated or are true but they seem too detailed to lie about. I’ve missed out so much not having a dad and use to think he was working abroad and would come in the summer holdidays to visit me like my mom would say until I was about 12. I missed out on having other siblings to play with growing up, going on family holidays not just with my mom which was so lonely as I had no one to do activities like going on rides with my own age group. Growing up my mom was very protective of me and wouldn’t let me go over to any of my friends houses and only once let me have a two friends over from school who’s family she knew once when I was 9. Because of this I’ve always been lonely throughout my entire life because I’ve had no one to talk to or spend time with other than my nanny at home when my mom was busy at work. My mom is very strict and doesn’t care that I’m sad and lonely and either quickly dismisses what I say or tells me she’ll wish she had cancer and die so I’d stop telling her I’m lonely. I’m certain she was a bipolar personality disorder because she quickly changes her moods and lashes out on me if she’s frustrated at someone, for example she recently broke up with her bf who owned a pub and drank and smoked and she takes all her anger out on me through belittling me about school, how I’m a “dumb kid”, how “God shouldn’t give children if their going to be dumb and useless”, “your going to have depression all your life and going to overdose on depression pills when your older”. She told me when I was 13 that she wished to God she got cancer and died so id have no one to help me throughout uni, get me married off ect. She also told me many times when she was dropping me off to school in secondary school (aged 11-17) that she was going to crash the car and kill herself because she had enough of a dumb child in her life. By dumb she means academically despite that I gained all A* grades in GCSEs including triple science. She frequently physically abused me as a child for example she smacked me with her rubber shoes behind my thighs repeatedly when I was only 5 when I accidentally spilt sugar on the carpet or when I was 5 again and I wet myself in her friends living room because she wouldn’t take me to the toilet, so she grabbed me hard by the ear till it bled because she purposely dug her finger nails into it and took me back to the car and smacked me hard on the cheeks when we got home whilst screaming abuse to me in the car while I cried hysterically. She use to pinch my thighs secretly if we were in public and she didn’t want me to continue talking or doing something she didn’t want. She never let me play with children for example at someone’s house or at the gurdwara and is always had to sit next to her. She is very controlling over me, for example she grabs my phone whilst I’m using it to see who I’m texting and what I’m doing on my phone and if she sees any friends (girls, no boys-not allowed to talk to boys- been to all girls schools) she lashed out at me saying I’m hiding secrets behind her. She insists on knowing everything about my friends such as addresses, family occupations ect. Because of my lack of social interaction and isolation at home during childhood I find it very difficult to make friends and keep them so I don’t really have too many, which is great for my family so they can keep more control over me. My mom doesn’t respect my privacy at all she doesn’t knock before she comes into my room neither does my nan and sometimes ill be getting changed and it feels very humiliating especially when she says something inappropriate like your “boobs are too big I’m gonna push them back in” and she starts to dig her fingers into them hard and pinches them on the sides when I’m sitting down next to her on he sofa because she thinks it’s funny that it hurts me. And if I cry she pushes me to the floor and says “oh <banned word filter activated> off (my name) you little <banned word filter activated>, you always <banned word filter activated> trying to piss me off”. I haven’t got many family members to protect me or talk to for example my nan is scared of my mom because she treats her like how she treats me and shouts at her and swears at her for menial things. My uncle who I also live with use to be a violent alcoholic and use to abuse his wife from India physically, I saw him break her thumb and her wrist so she had to get a cast on her hand. And still had to go work at the factory because he didn’t work just drank all night listening to loud music and keeping us all up at night when I had school the next day, he once tried to pour hot oil on my mom in front of me and she called the police, another time he got a knife and threatened to kill his wife and my mom. He went to rehab 5 times (costing £5000 each time, my mom paid) to get him off alcohol. Then my other uncle who also lived with us died recently and that affected me. My family had many politics with other such relatives so I can’t talk to them. I don’t know what to do, no one will help me and if I tell anyone what’s happened to me then social services or whatever will get involved and I do not want that, it’ll cause more problems. Is there any advice gone could give me that”ll be great, I want to do this anonymously so no one knows my past. I’m going to uni in September to study medicine, but I want to live in the accommodation so I do not have to live with my family it my mom doesn’t want to allow this, how do I do this myself? last year I tried to commit suicide by overdosing on strong painkillers left by my deceased uncles room, I became unconscious and taken to hospital where my mom told me I shouldve taken more so she could get an offer for the funeral. That is the kind of person she is. She never got me any medical help after the suicide attempt and left the painkillers exactly where they were in the house when I came back home. Note, I don't want to attempt suicide again, because I'm looking forward to a bright future with a loving husband, children, professional wealthy career, and I can use his loving family to replace my own abusive one. But if this doesn't happen I will probably end my life but I will give it a chance to happen first . thanks for replying to this in advance if you think you can help. Im coming here because I dont know anywhere else I can go anonymously. If anyone could answer this question as well- why would God allow this to happen to me if he truly cared about me? Why wouldn’t he give me someone to take care of me and talk to about my problems at least?
Guest posted a topic in GUPT | ANONYMOUSwjkk, wjkf. my best friend's parents beat her constantly and this has been going on for a while. she is amritdhari but committed a mistake last year and they have been beating her constantly after wards for no reason after it. Even though she has accepted her mistake and become better. Now, she is continually depressed always and suicidal. but they do not care at all. I have had to pull her through so much. They physically and verbally abuse her again and again. She has recently found out she is at risk for cancer and her parents still do not care even though she goes through so much pain. her older and younger brothers verbally abuse her as well. I have no idea what to do. It hurts not knowing what to do. CAN SOMEONE PLEASE HELP? This has been going on for too long. and I can't take it seeing her pain. I love her. She's the sister i never had. This is a urgent benti to sangat. Please. wjkk, wjkf
I’ve been amritdhari since I was 16 ,now 23. Wherever I go ,people seem to pull my leg and get in my way of learning sikhi, no matter how hard I try to block them out. I Know my 5 bania off by heart but haven’t got good santhyia. I use too have a good santhiya teacher from Taksal and was having private lessons from him GUPT. A group of Singhs found out I was learning from him and done everything in their power to stop these sessions. After that I’ve never seen my Ustad , they took him away. All I wanted is to pronounce bani correctly. Ive never hurt anyway, never will. I DON’T KNOW WHY OTHER SINGHS HURT ME , ARE BROTHERS MENT TO DO THIS. Ive got very bad dyslexia, takes me a long time to learn things. I HATE BEING DYSLEXIC IVE BEGGED WAHEGUROOO TO REMOVE THIS DYSLEXIA EVERYDAY, IT HASN’T GONE My relatives always say sooo much hurtful things to me, like im never going to get a wife , no1 going to marry me because of my dyslexia. Ive failed my GSCES, A LEVELS, CANT GET A JOB Im surrounded by so much hurtful,negative people. NO1 GIVES ME LOVE I done 40 day sukhmani sahib, hoping everything to get better.IT DIDN’T Im know at the point of life where i don’t care about myself no more,I JUST WANT TO DIE I do ardas everyday to Waheguroo to kill me and kill my soul, im abomination. IT HASN’T HAPPENED On the verge of killing myself , I cant escape these people(PEOPLE WHO MENT TO BE MY BROTHERS & SISTERS), IVE NEVER DONE ANYTHING TO HURT THEM, WHY THEY HURTING MY LIKE IM THEIR ENEMEY A Sikh wouldn’t kill them self like this, THAT’S WHY IM LEAVING PLEASE FORGIVE ME GURU GOBIND SINGH MAHAARAJ, IVE FAILED U WAHEGUROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO