kaur135

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i have these doubts too. i had the opportunity to attend one amrit sanchar, but i couldn't go there. and after some days i talked with some other bhenjis who actually wanted to take amrit too and also couldn't go there.

the strange thing is: everyone of us had doubts. and now when we talk about the amrit sancg´har, we thank wahgeuru that we didn't took amrit couse we definetly had broke rehat. we were not prepared.

i think these doubts are like a test. u have to overcome them. if u do, you have a blind faith in waheguru and you are prepared to take amrit.

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put ur alarm clock sumwhere away from your bed so tht u have to get up to turn it off.

it didn't worked for me. i really tried to wake up, but i couldn't. i dunno why. my amrit wela was soooooo good, since i have my exams, i can't sleep so good, and therefore i can't wake up at amrit wela. but i don't give up!!!

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

thank u a lot.

u r right, it's a battle in the head. what i learned is that only waheguru will help u, only he is your support.

now i remember when i took the decision to wear dastaar in school, i knew it would be hard, i knew that i wll have to face problems. but i hab to choose , if i want to be a sikh or not. and if u wanna be a sikh, u have to be brave, u are never afraid of facing problems. u have to be strong. and in this battle u become strong.

the funny thing is that when one problem is solved, another appears.

now my parenst are okay, the people say that i am just doing dhakawa.

chal koi naaa

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

Waheguru Waheguru Waheguru!!!!!!!

Penji!!! I am in such Chardi Kala because of your choice to wear a Dastaar!!! Vadiyan Tenu Borth Borth!!!! Sorry if this reply is a bit late to when the thread actually got started lol, i was just browsing thru and saw it. This is going to be a bit long but it is definatlyyyyyy worth a read!!!

Penji, there is no1 on the earth that will understand your problem betta than me!!!!!!!!!!!

I am a 17 yr old male, and i had been wearing "african" style Dastar for the past year or 2 now. My mum is from kenya and she taught me how 2 do it. My mum is very happy with my decision to wear "african" Dastaar. My dad however is from India and wanted me to wear an "indian" stlye Dastaar. I had already learnt how to tie african stlye Dastaar and explained this to my dad. At first he woz like "i dont want to be seen out with him eva again", ouchhh lol, but my dad got over it after a couple of weeks and things have been great with us!! :2singh2:

I then started to do my research and looking around websites, where i found various pictures of Dhumalle, wen i saw this i woz like, wow!! i then also found the importance in wearin a Dhumalla. E.g, it's the proepr way of tying a Dastar, Wen ppl took Amrit in 1699 Guru Gobind Singh Ji gave them Dhumalla and Bana, and so on lol. My parents knew for a while i didnt feel comfortable as i did wearing a african stlye Dastar and i wanted 2 wear a "bigger" one. My parents are really westernised and so is the sangat around here, they all shave but wear african stlye Dastar because its "cool" and the most "modern" stlye of tying a Dastar. And because of this i had really never seen any people wear a Dhumalla in real life lmao. i thought they would have all been lerking around in India lol.

I had then met a Nihang Singh (sorta lol) at da Gurdwara once. I had explained my problem to him. He told me he was in the same situation aswell, he wore an african style Dastaar and no1 around him knew how 2 tie a Dhumalla, so he had to go to birmingham and go 2 Singh's houses and watch them tie their Dhumalla. We got talking and being a Sikh of the Guru, he told me i can go round his house weneva i want and he would teach me! So i went 2 or 3 times, he even provided me with a Dastaar and let me film him tying it lol. Over about a week or 2 i learnt how 2 tie it!! And thats wen the problem hit.....

I was standing infront of the mirror one day trying to tie it for the 1st time, it took me a good half an hour! lmao. But the smile on my face wen i tied it for the 1st time!!! I then ran to the living room where my family were expecting nothing support from my parents!! Boyy woz i wrong! As soon as i entered, my dad looked at me for about 10 seconds then barged past me and went upstairs, this had really confused me. Then the 1st words from my mum were "WHAT THE HELL IS THIS!!!!?!" thats the point where my heart frooze and broke lol. I didnt know what to say at the time. My mum could not stop shouting, she even called me a terrorist!!!! lmao! she then tried to pull it off but luckily i managed to move out of the way. She then started saying that i am nevver wearing that again and im going to continue wearing the african one.

My parents thought me tying a Dhumalla was just a phase and i would have gt over it. A couple of weeks passed by, and as you do, i got betta and betta at tying a Dhumala. Then there were NOTHING but fights in my household. More weeks passed and it was christmas. Its family tradition in my house to go 2 my cousins house 4 xmas so like every year we did. I had just got the Chand Tora that day and i had learnt myself how to tie that. I was eager and excited to wear it thinking i would possibly get support 4rm my uncle. So i wore this really nice Blue Dhumalla with Chand Tora on it! My uncle wears an african Dastaar and shaves.

A couple of hours had passed and my uncle and my dad were TOTALLY drunk!! At one point the room went dead silent. And all you hear is "Look at what he's doing to me", thats wot my dad said to my uncle. I was sitting right infront of them. Then my dad shouted for my mum to get in the room. Then the whole family were in the room, mum, aunti, cousins, bro, sis. I felt i was put on the hot seat. My uncle then said, "your his dad, you should explain to him this is wrong and he should stop doing this". I knew what wos cumin and once again my heart shattered in2 a million pieces. I cant remember everything that was said but i can remember this.. "What the hell does he look like?? He doesnt even look like a Sikh, he looks like a fu**in terrorist!!!! No one's ever going to accept him!!! He's never going to get married!! His children are going to die early and young. He will never get a job like this!!! He's never going to make it anywhere in the world!!" Now, imagine your dad saying that to you, and my mum was jus sitting there not even standin up for me or anythin. I wanted to cry at this point but didnt obv lol. My dad even said he would be more happy if i was a mona!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! just so i wouldnt have to wear that Dhumalla! and my dad wears an indian Dastaar, but is completely bald!!!!! This "discussion" had then gone on for about 2 or 3 hours!! more things were said, my dad even went to swing for me, and started pointing at me saying he's not my son, he's not my son and had really hurt me bad and disrespected his own son. During this ENTIREEE discussion i had not even said 1 word!! i had to sit there with a nice big smile on my face while all this was said, becuase i was brought up to never show any outsiders the problems we have at home, but obv my dad somehow managed to forget that. It hurt me so much that he could do that and say all those things about me infront of outsiders and family.

After that me and my dad havent spoken AT ALL! It's been a good 6,7 months now. We was getting ready to go Dabar Sahib once, and saw i was tying my Dhumalla, he then came in and started shouting "SO UR STILL NOT LISTENIN 2 ME!!!?!", he then pulled my Dhumalla off completely, and we have not been out together since, he doesnt want to be seen with me. Thing had not been to good with mum either, she was still speaking to me but not properly. And she would alwaysss say something about my Dhumalla everyday. And just like you Penji, i was continuously told that i would not get a job, would not fit in2 the world and so on. Then more arguements occured with me and my mum. Then we stopped speaking. I had tried talking to my parents teling them that it is only a Dastaar and i do not mean to disrespect anybody. But they wouldnt have any of it. I had 2 go a good few months without talking to my parents.

Now Penji listen 2 this.....

I started to spend more time with that Nihang Singh and his family. They even took me to a Kirtan programm that was 2 hours away!!! His parents could not stop huggin me and telling me how beautiful i look with a Dhumalla. This brought tears to my eyes!! And since i've stopped talking to my parents, my life has been unbelievable!!!!! I feel more close with Guru Ji!!! And its tru, Guru Ji will never leave u!!! especially in hard times!!!!!!! I am now engaged to the most amazing person in the world = ] and God knows i love her!!! I got a job working at a jewellers!!!!!!!! I've been blessed with Amrit!!! At the Amrit Sachar they told me, Guru Gobind Singh Ji is now your Father and your Mother is Mata Sahib Kaur Ji, your birthplace is Anadpur Sahib and your hometown is Kesgarh Sahib. Ever since then i knew who my real family were. And i've never been more happy or more Chardi Kala!!!!! And my "parents" are still not talking to me but im as happy as ever!!

I guess what im trying to say is, Never 4get ur TRU N REAL Parents!!! They will always be with you and support you all the way!!! Neverrr loose support in Our 11 Guru's!!! Breath, Eat, Sleep and Drink Naam!!! And things will always work out for the best!! DONT LET ANY1 PUT U DOWN!!!!!! Ur Guru Gobind Singh Ji's Son/Daughter!! Always do wot u think is right!! All the best for life!!!

Nice one again for the decision to wear a Dastaar!!!! Im so happy for you!!!!

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh bhaji

waheguru!

bhaji u r soooo chardikala!!!!

really.

if my parents would stop talking with me , i would never bear it. perhaps my parents would not bear it.lol.

as u have written that u met a nihang singh, i met also some great bhenjis and bhajis. since then i changed a lot. before meeting them a did paath and kirtan, but after meeting them , i realised what a sikh is. i wanted to become like them. the only problem was that my bhenjis and bhajis live very far away from where i live. my parenst aren't so much in sikhi. they always criticize me, when i wear a small keski at home, or wear more karre, they find always something to criticze.

in january was here an amrit sanchar. they didn't allow me to take amrit.

since i am going with a dastaar to school, we have everyday, really everyday, discussions. now i have stopped to talk with why i won't stop with wearing my dastaar. my mummy understands me (sometimes), she also said that she is proud of me, and that she sometimes thinks that i am her son, not daughter. lol. my daddy is sometimes alright, and sometimes he is against dastaar. now i don't care. i took my decision, and i am happy with me, and i love my dastaar, if others don't like my dastaar..menu kii, i don't care!!! lol

thank u very much 4 ur post, it really encouraged me and i hope other too.

stay in chardikala

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

bhul chuk maaf karni

Wjkk WJkf

bhenji maff karna cauz of my negative reply. u know what, we have girls at our gurdwara who start wearning dastar. b4 i never use the word girls for them cauz they were more like my sisters. also i use to love them more than me as a big brother. now they start tying dastar and we dont even talk with each other. itz not because of only wearning dastar. they think they r the only good ppl and everyone else is below them. they said ppl who do bhangra and gidda r not sikhs. personally what i feel abt them is they think theiir society is verydifferent from others. they do good kirtan but the dont want any child to sit near them cauz they dont know how to play shanay good. does wearning dastar means u r the only one who is a singh or kaur.

what u said bhaji is very important, cuz some of my sisters have really problems now with hankaar. they think that they are better than the other bhenjis, who don't wear a dastaar. it is really sad... they have changed. i pray that waheguru do kirpa on them.

as i have already written..i make no good experience since i started wearing my dastaar. its really hard for me. it's like i am fighting 24 h with myself and the others....

maybe this is the reason why i am not so in hankar....

but now i am facing new problems!!!! i am wearing dastaar since october 07..

i have pimples on my scalp( i had to look this word up in the dictionary.lol. learned a new word!!! ). and they really hurt!!! sachi!!!! i dunno what to do. the doctor gave me some medicine which i have used for 1 month, but it doesn't help. do you think it is because i started to wear dastar?

pls help sangat ji

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bhul chuk maaf karni

wjkk wjkf

just keep tryin.

i learned to tie a dastaar on my lil sisters, and then i could tie it on me.

i couldn't learn it with the videaos, one day you will have your own style. :D

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thank u all very very much. it really helps my sisters and me. but the situation is gettin worse. now some of my sisters stopped wearing dastaar.

it is hard for all of us. the sagat effects alot on me. when they try to persuade me to stop wearing my dastaar, i become weak.i dunno what to do.

bhul chuck maaf karni

wjkk wjkf

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh

thank u very much.

it really helped me. i read the replies 3times. lol.

now i will never think of taking off my dastar. really.

but why have girls more problems with dastaar ???

i knoe so many bhenji who want to wear dastaar but the parents don't alloe them. we all want to take amrit but our parnts don't allow us.

we always think that koi naa waheguru kirpa karan ge.

waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji i fateh

i have a really big problem. some girls started to wear dastaar. we asked our parets what they think and they said that they do'nt accept our decision. it will craete a lot of probs in school and in finding a job etc. But we trust waheguru and started goping with dastaar to school. No one had probs in school, people were surprised when they saw us but no one really bullied my sisters or me. where we live are not much sikhs, and i think we are the firts sikh girls who tie dastaar in school.

we all feel very good with our dastaar. now we are happy how we are. we really feel like we are sikhs.

but our parents.....

they don't support us. they always discuss with us and discourage us. we all are very dissapointed. we don't know if it was right to start tying dastaar. my parents say, that i will never find ajob, people will discriminate me, people will hate me. i should accept that i live in a foreign country, wit a different culture. i should be like them. they always say : jaisa des waisa pes.

but what with my gurus??? is sikhi a fake? doesn't it fit with this time?

i ask my parents what they think about the shaheeds, they sacrified their lives for the guru, they never gave up, and we...we gave up when we get problems with our parents or in school.

my parents say that i should stop tying my dastaar or my "pagg" as they always say, what should i do??? they are very angry with me because i said i will never stop tying my dastaar. they said they will send me to india. one of my sisters was beaten by her father. i was really shocked. now i am really confused....is it all a test? or is it reality, i mean should we stop tying dastaar? perhaps is sikhi not for us.....

please help us

sorry for my bad english

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