Jasmin.x

you have the qualities that make a sikh, you just have to push that bit harder and let go of everything but your sikhi. You are apart of sikhism, you are on your path...now the reason you feel torn is because you've reached a crossroad (one i have been stuck at for the last 3 years-its hasn't been fun) You've reached a place where your learning enough to know that you can't continue on without sacrificing those worldly attachements that seem so dear to you. You have to decide now what is more important to you, those other trivial, worldy things, or YOUR GURU. If you want to make your Guru proud. Decide now what you will do. Learn to read gurmukhi and start reading bani. Start reading bani and soon you will realize you don't need other trivial stuff. All you need is Guru Ji (which i think you already realize). It's a hard path but has many rewards, try your best, and learn bani! even do it in english at first if you can't read gurmukhi! I myself am on my path and gave you some of the little knowledge I have. Bull chuck maaf (forgive me for any mistakes) I dont know how to quote or anything, I only joined yesterday, please bare with me. You said: You have to decide now what is more important to you, those other trivial, worldy things, or YOUR GURU. If you want to make your Guru proud. Decide now what you will do. That's basically what my problem is based around. Do you really, 100%, have to give up those things in order for Guru Ji to be proud of you? I ask that because...well, I'm only 15 year old and this is really hard for me. I don't think Im as brave and courageous as those who give up those things and I feel that if Im not then Guru Ji will not be proud of me from what I am learning. Is it not enough for Him to be proud me for who i am inside and for my heart? Im sorry if I sound selfish...I'm just so confused

I am a 'sikh' girl (I put that in commas because I dont know if I can call myself that anymore) but over the last few months I have been really getting into Sikhism. I am still very young though so I still do not have a good understanding of things. For example, I don't really understand what 'bhul chuck maaf' (if I spelled that right) means at all =/ I've been despertly trying to find out more about Sikhism though, mostly through these forums, but I still have many unquestioned answers. I don't want to go through the whole list of things so I'll just try to summarise it. I am a girl, I live in England. I wear makeup and jewelerry (I didn't know that wasn;t allowed in Sikhism until yesterday) and I also shave my legs and get my eyebrows done. Somewhere along the line I'm hoping to get my nose pierced and a tattoo (the tattoo is actually very meaningful to me, please don't critisize it too much) That is why I've titled this topic as 'Am I A Disgrace?'...Am I? =/ My question is (and I'm writing this with tears in my eyes) am I still a Sikh? Am I still worthy of Waheguru? I am a good person, too good sometimes (I'm not trying to sound big headed) I do so much for other people, I make my life hell just so the ones I love are happy. I am very charitable, anytime I see someone who needs my money more than I do I dont hesitate at all to empty out my purse. I respect and love my family and friends with all my heart. I try to go to the Gurdwara and listen to the hymns (I'm afraid I have to call them that because I dont know the propr name for them...I am learning slowly though) My skills in punjabi are quite weak in all honesty, that is why I can't read Shiri Guru Granth Sahib for myself to get the answers. I stand up for Sikhism, I never tolerate a single bad word against it. I am always the first one to stand up for it, no matter who it may be too. There was an incident in school when I was asked to remove my khanda from around my neck (I don't know if I should still wear it or not anymore...) but I refused. I go to a Catholic school and I brough up how no one tells a Christian to remove their crucifix and so on. I could have been thrown out of the school but I didn't care because I believed in what i was fighting for. I love Waheguru, I really do. I know alot of people will say 'If you love Waheguru then you will give up all those wrong doings' but my answer is that I can't because I still have another question on my mind. Although I may be 'bad' on the outside, I know I have a good heart. For the longest time I believed that Wageuru was proud of me. I've been through so much crap in life and I believed that He was proud of who I was...that was before I started looking into things and it crushed me So that is my question; Am I worthy of Waheguru? Can I truly call myself a Sikh? It was only yesterday in school my two friends (both Catholic) were asking me about my religion. I told them everything I knew and all the new things I had learnt and they said to me, jokingly of course, 'But you're wearing makeup so that doesn't make you a Sikh!' I laughed at it with them, but inside it destroyed me. I live a good life, I always have done and I always will I always love others before I love myself I hate no one I forgive people I try not to get angry with others and stay calm and patient with them I want to feel like I AM part of Sikhism and I want to feel as if Waheguru IS proud of who I am even though I shape my eyebrows etc. So someone, please answer my question Am I still worthy of Him?