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  2. today my husband divorced me....i have nothing more to say then cry....people from our commuity who have given me shelter are trying to cheer me up saying that i have been rescued...but i thought there was no concept of divorce in sikhi especially for amritdhaari sikhs
  3. divorce case...and domestic violence case am fighting...did not go to prison...yes had bought lot of gold jewellery..milni jewellery..milni clothes gifts..cash also..my cousin brother gave them cash and spent money on the marriage...like a normal indian punjabi wedding..my mother in law was not happy with our gifts and i gave all my shagun to my husband,he kept all the money and used it for spending on me..like buying new clothes..toiletries etc...we never went outside home..only few times i was taken to grocery store for buying household items..otherwise always at home..
  4. my choice is not in question..fighting legal case here first...i cant even move from the city becoz of this
  5. my concern was to have a happy married life... now my main concern is to get out of these legal issues and find my peace of mind... and to understand why i still hope for miracle and now what to do...i am still shocked..how can people one is living with plan things and do it one day and i didnt even realise it was going to happen...used to so much abuse everyday..it became normal..i never thought it could happen me..to a postgraduate girl..who had a career and everything..left to start a new phase ..a new life with my husband..was engaged for 3 years..knew each other for 5.5years ..and it was him who was always pursuing for marriage..it was on off talk we had till we got engaged , still then i was not allowed to share it on social media my engagement,even after marriage not allowed to post any pics or my relationship with him on fb, was asked by him to just obey his parents,his sisters living with us, as i was the youngest in the family, now i am thinking was this normal because i never felt it normal, we never went for honeymoon, never went out of the house, he works from home..so where did i go wrong in not understanding it all?? is it normal what one experiences after marriage here in foreign country?? becoz this doesnt happen in india in my relatives i know..all this with talk of gurmat and sikhi and gurbani everyday in their house..with nitnem..with sahaj paath..and what did i miss in there?? i was said to ne manmat not gurmat as i am not yet amritdhaari..and only applicable to me not my sister in laws who were amritdhaari but dont follow any dictats..am confused..
  6. i wish i could forget..but this marriage has made me currently homeless in a foreign country..no money..no home..grateful to senior citizens of Sikh community to give me shelter....food...but this is causing me mental stress..life was much more bearable with abuse living with him..now its as if i am beggar...atleast there i used to cook..clean..do household chores and be abused(i realised after being thrown out..told by others that it was domestic violence)..there was familiarity... no unknown place to live..grateful still..at least have a roof and food given to me ...people took me in...but so many legal issues to take care of now...uncertainity of future..raising money from community..never felt so helpless... confused..as i dont want to be a divorced women..back home in India..its a shame on family name..on me.. already people are gossiping...some ladies in Gurudwara sangat told me to go back to my husband saying such things happen,,i should adjust..i was adjusting till date...no one was listening to me when i told what i was going through..my aunts told me to bear it all..be a good wife..daughter in law..sister in law...bear everything with humility..i tried and now am thrown out..people who have sheltered me are my inlaws family friends..they say i am out of that house..i am saved...but this society does not let me live..i was never taken out of home to go to even Gurudwara in 6 months of marriage..hardly went there 3or 4 time...not allowed to talk to anyone..or speak..was just doing household chores from morning till midnight...atleast i thought i had a husband..now...am a women who has been thrown out...my emotions are strung and mentally am breaking out as my husband and his family are saying i should not be staying in this city..soo many complications..threats..they are not listening to anybody..i wish i could also forget that day when i was slapped by my father in law...i cant still get over the shock..
  7. it is noot easy to forget...my gut feeling was telling me..but if Waheguru ji made this match, and doing so much paath everyday, him doing more than me,what is missing..where did i go wrong? which girl wants to have a disrupted married life...who wants to divorce?? i have no one to speak to right now...foreign land so much complications...lost my confidence...
  8. no such experience apart from the fact we had Anand Karaj, Guru nu hazar nazar rakh ke 4 laavan littiyan sii.... and he is my world..i have no one else....where shud i go...the promises made in front of Guru Granth Sahib ji... what about those...?? so everything was a lie... then...if ..dunno... been through too much...lines have been blurred..it will be shame for my family and for me to be divorced...and to go through all this...
  9. my dilemma isnt resolved yet,,what am i still missing..why is it so difficult to let go of my husband when it didnt take him a second to plot and throw me out in a demeaning manner
  10. WHAT SHUD I DO..i tried contacting some services here they dont give much help..just do case intake and want me to come to them..whereas who will take me to them..plus they refer to another organisation...and no one can keep on driving me around especially senior citizens who have shletered me...there is already daily enough legal things to take care of ..
  11. it was online arranged marriage...my visa is now cancelled as it was fiance visa...i cannot stay but am stuck in a legal matters and cannot go also coz of this...its a complicated situation as their family is not listening to community also.i.e sikh sangat from Gurudwara sahib and are pressurising for me to leave city also and have created a mess where there is so much mental stress for me..
  12. I am a kaur, i am from India, my husband is from usa, i was confined at home for 6 months, he has filed for divorce, the sikh community, means one of my husband's family friends saved me, i am still confused, it was an arranged marriage online contacted by his family, we were engaged for 3 yrs during which my parents passed away, got married here in states, i have no family to go back now,been though jail ,dont know anybody here, everyone says he is culprit, he does not love me, and i still want to make this marriage work, i am in a mess right now, homeless, no money, didnt have social security i had a career back in india, i still dont know what to do, my husband does what his family says, we lived with his parents, his 2 sisters, the one married, her kids and her husband also. sikh community elders are supporting me, but i am left questioning so many things, my father in law who is a doctorate in Sri Guru Granth Sahib tortured me, slapped,their whole family is amritdhaari, but only my husband and his parents wear all 5,i am not amritdhaari, i am a sikhni,and his sisters are allowed to wear everything, i had restrictions what to wear after marriage, had to follow certain rules and was tortured by his sisters and himself ad there were different standards for them and for me.things like this dont happen in India, my mother in law was never satisfied with what we gave them in marriage, even though they said we dont want, harsh reality is they took everything we gifted,and wanted more, i want to know why would anyone marry someone to make them work like a slave, contorl them,and then throw them out of house when they talk gursikhi, when my husband talkked all bani with me, did nitnem with me, we had anad karaj, then why this behaviour?? why am i not able to get over him when i know i was ill treated and suffered cruelty, my perception of world has changed, i dont know what to believe, to believ people who preach and profess gursilkhi and gurmat but its just words, no lectures, then people like me who are trying to live by sikhi tennets but not so much into all this rehat marayada and stuff why do people who are amritdhaari do this karma?? why did my husband do this to me?/ why?? what he did before and after marriage change so much, why...why cant i let go of him, our divorce is finalised,it jsut takes 2 months here in usa, and i still dont want divorce to happen,is wahegur ji had this anand karaj done, then how can it be broken,? is marriage just a word, with no meaning??as per his dad we were into manmat, but they are into gurmat, then is divorce gurmat?/ lines have been blurred, i have a social stigma attached being a divorced woman, in 6 months,that too when i left my life, my career, my siblings everything behind in india to marry my fiance and to be treated like this. why me, what shud i do..
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