cksingh

the reason i posted was so people realize that divorce is becoming something that is more common then ever within sikhs, as well as our weakening morals and values towards what marriage truly is according to sikhi. whether its casual divorces, or ones where violence is involved, all sides to know what gurbani tells us and live by that. there are youth on this forum, many of whos only outlet to knowledge of sikhi is this here. i would prefer them to know that sikhi is not something that is superficial, but where gurbani is meant to be understood and applied to life.

so what are you saying....?

singh ji, we have to incorporate gurbani into all of this. you should read my first post closer as to what i was saying. you said: if we have a clear understanding of gurbani, we realize what true happiness is. in my original post, and in gurbani, its mentioned that the only true love and true happiness is from the guru, and from within saadh sangat. Guru ji warns us to stop chasing this so called happiness we have become accustomed to. one can not seek happiness or attain happiness from another human, or any other material thing. If one person gets the best of us, do we turn another person or to guru ji? He already warns us that all relationships are false, and that household anxiety is the worst anxiety. Gurbani is based upon destroying ego, and to control the duniyavi pleasures which we enjoy. We take four trips around the guru ji with the person he himself assigned us to. Who are we to tell him he is wrong? Our own karam placed us with that person, to against such hukum is disobeying the guru. We have to stop thinking on a earthly level. We are not here to marry, to get the best jobs, biggest houses etc etc...we are here to defeat the mind and become one with waheguru all within the life and situations he setup for us, based on our own karm. By running to other people for sukh is leading a trap for ourself.

would you agree to an actual legal divorce, or just live separate? i think the purpose of divorce becomes a legal issue, where one is allowed to remarry, which is wrong. in the older days, noone knew what a divorce was.

in my observation, i have notice a trend in peoples general attitudes towards divorce; it is becoming more and more acceptable even within our own amritdhari community. from what gurbani tells us, marriage is not a bond between two people, but rather their bond with the guru ji. as a society, we're taking it upon ourselves to decide what is good for us and who we should be with, whereas we are ignoring waheguru ji's hukum. it is hipocritical for people to say its to advance their sikhi, when the attitude of getting divorce goes against any hukum. We are essentially taking happiness in our own hand, and we are ignoring the vow we took in maharaj's hazoori, as well as the supreme hukum we were ordered. We are meant to be with the particular person through better or for worse, and help them attain understanding. By helping them, we are also helping ourselves and our own patience, undstanding of life, and people. if a spouse cannot give unconditional love, other then guru ji, who can. the underlying issue here is our ego. because we are not satisifed, and this person is not fufilling certain desires, we look other places and this is wrong. let it be known. there are many cases where there is violence, and to protect one's self they can leave for safety if all other options are exhausted. however, to pretect one's self is one thing; to divorce and remarry, in any situation, is simply wrong. If one person did not bring you your happiness, what makes you sure the new person will? Only Guru ji can make you happy, in any situation. more and more we are forfeiting to western cultures 'me' and 'I' attitudes. "When 'I' am not satisifed and you are not fufilling 'me' and 'my' needs, i will take my business elsewhere." The reason i mention this is our weakening attitudes. We are becoming complacent and many of us are contorting sikhi to justify our own needs. A certain sect of christianity was started solely to make divorce supposedly 'legal' in the eyes of god, and St Thomas more, a priest, became a martyr to defend the sanctity of his religion. anyhow, this is something i have noticed. half the couples in n.a. are not married, and their lazy attitudes towards a moral marriage are non-existent. as sikhs, we need to realize sikhi is to lose ego and realize god, not to fufil the desires of the mind and body.

how important is how a couple 'looks' i.e. how much of a 'match' they are in peoples eyes. eg one person is short the other is tall, one is pretty and the other is only decent what should a persons, who is in this situation, mindset be. someone please give some input please....