Hello everyone.
I'm a sikh girl , i don't know if im allowed to write something like but i dont really know where else to go for help. I suffer from a mental illness, Schizophrenia, im currently waiting to see another psychiatrist for help and medicine. Im not making excuses for myself but i have lots of problems in my life and i feel its all down to my illness and soemtimes i feel i have been a bad person. Due to my illness, i hallucinate and can hear voices, i have delusions and basically live a very different life in my head to the one i actually live. if that makes sense, i get bad thoughts, i cant help myself beacuse i want to be a good sikh but i feel i shouldnt pray beacuse i have been a bad person and god can see that...and because im ill i dont know if i can always be true to god...so im really confused.
I have never been overly religious but in the past 2 year i have turned as my problems worsened i turned to god and listened to gurbani and went gurdwara and did ardas and i feel that helped but i always look at my kara and think how can i wear this, i have been a bad person and then i hallucinate and do and say stupid things...its wrong. I just wish i could have a normal life, because i want to go to univeristy and make my parents proud but i feel my illness will pull me down and make me feel the way it does. Sometimes, i become very isolated and distance my self because i get really scared that people are going to hurt me and attack me, physically and verbally. im just really nervous around people.
I want to enjoy life and im afraid i wont, i also dont know how sikhi views mental problems and how to deal with this and want to be a good sikh aswell.
Thanks for reading.
take care H
