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Wet dreams are psychologically and physiologically natural. It's wrong to beat yourself up for experiencing a natural in-built human instinct. Also note that a man may find discharge without having had a wet dream persay. Sikhi asks us to actively take control of lust- it recognises that it exists and that it's one of the key vices to be actively managed as as it takes energy and attention away from God realisation (a simplification- refer to the scriptures for exact phraseology). Doing extra paath to make up for your 'sin' will only make your ego feel better. Suppressing natural desires through guilt, retribution and self hate may be prescribed by some schools of thought of the religious dogma variety but from a psychological viewpoint, such behaviour would be unhealthy and could have serious long-term mental health consequences such as an inability to have a normal sex life with your wife or mental disorders such as paranoia and in extreme cases, OCD. Controlling lust, especially at the unconscious level (i.e. whilst dreaming) is no easy or instant task, it requires the following in my personal experience: 1. Understand that it's a natural impulse which has psychological reasons of occurrence and that you want to use the higher centres of your brain to change and modify this. Without going into detail, attraction to women is an in-built trait for finding a suitable partner for procreation. Our minds have evolved to the point where we have the ability to control animal instincts, live in ordered societies, pursue other causes (God) instead of lust etc. 2. Want to change this for the right reasons. Just to remain in the punj piare's good books is not sufficient. This should be something you really want for the reasons cited in various places of the scriptures. 3. Start with your concious mind. I'm sure many before have discussed methods and techniques to wean oneself away from lustful thoughts. 4. Assuming that the concious mind is clear, look at the source of the wet dream. Dreams are typically influenced by short term memory, events, emotions. Lack of engagement of the mind with a thoroughly engaging task can be an instigator, as can anger or frustration and levels of certain hormones in the blood. How you prepare yourself for sleep, your diet and timings of exercise do all make a difference. 5. Society at large is not concerned with modesty and this doesn't help. Rather than get angry or feel scorn towards imagery in the public sphere, learn to disengage from it over time. 6. Understand that you will still have the occasional wet dream even if whilst concious you are entirely celibate and have no sexual desire and that a man may find discharge without having had a wet dream persay. Good luck. I'm sorry if my personal views have hurt anyone's sentiments. Dr R Singh.

Hi, just my personal view but if the mother is very religious, she wouldn't necessarily desire a physical religious object that reflected the faith, especially for a newborn who wouldn't be able to appreciate any practical use of it. If you feel that she would really appreciate it, you could try your luck with a baby sized kara, but I would recommend regular baby stuff which all new parents need or she may appreciate your personal or indirect assistance in childcare. Your participation in the baby's naming ceremony might be appreciated too and has that religious edge to it. Also see http://en.wikipedia....wiki/Naam_Karan . Hope this helps.

I'm sorry if this is a frivolous question; I am not very fussed with personal appearances other than looking clean and presentable, but I have to attend a very formal black tie event (complete with ballroom dancing) and don't want to hurt anyone's sentiments. Indeed evening social events are not my thing but I can't back out of this. 1. What is the etiquette for Sikh men with long beards which would completely hide a bow tie? I can't modify my beard to suit. Should one wear a necktie instead? 2. Second, I'm expected to bring along a date. Being unmarried, I don't date and don't like to socialise with girls, I'd much rather be meditating at home. I do however have an unmarried friend who is willing to tag along for the entertainment. If it's clear that it's not a date between us and I have no feelings of lust, would I be considered a hypocrite as I challenge those who do date? My friend is not into Sikhi, knowing her she would wear something too revealing for my liking.That would make me uncomfortable, nor would I want to be caught up in a photograph for posterity. What would be a diplomatic way of asking her to wear something more modest? If I choose not to take a date- any suggestions as to how to prevent myself from being ridiculed in the patriarchal conformist environment in which I find myself? Living in a (Western) society where modesty is not the norm and one is expected to conform or be ridiculed, the onus is on me to not hurt other people's sentiments, whilst still maintaining my values and principles and internal happiness. Help?

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