So ever since I got to the age of i think 16-17 I've stopped looking at bani and paath (prayer) -- I don't know why, I used do loads! of nitnem and look into bani. I'm now 19 and still not even touching nitnem or reading bani... I very disappointed in myself I used do loads and me and my dad would have debates about things and get told about stuff I've not even heard about. I think its got something to do with Kaam... and I'm not going to lie I do find myself... doing that thing quite a lot... But I can't help I've even done paath on a random occasion to stop but Kaam keeps grabbing me by the neck -- I don't want to do this anymore and just go back to when I was 15 doing loads of paath and studying even deeper into sikhi. I don't why I've stopped its like I forgot about sikhi. Although, there are a couple things that I sort of disagree on sikhi ever since I got to 19 years old (if you are keen on knowing what I'll send you a message because I don't want to share this out to every and become a bad person any way), I also think thats why I'm not doing paath -- because of that. Any suggestions? On what I could do or what could possibly be the problem. I know that I'm 19 and I'm indulging in the wrong stuff (Kaam related) I also think that could be a massive problem... but seriously I just want that life back when I was doing paath and reading bani at young age.
All in all, I'm trying my absolute best now -- trying to squeeze paath. I just can't see myself moving any closer to light -- what it looks is a sikh boy on a path at a stand-still and not moving towards Guru's light.