Some very good advive for you here bro!!!!
But more than that I think the respones to your predicament show the true brother (Or Sister) Hood of the khalsa :e: . This should give you strength. Many things are done in the name of Religon (eg 9/11) but its just evil trying to justify itself. Even Bush said he was told by God to bomb Afghanistan. The Mughals used religon to justify the killing of many people in india, the israel again says they have a divne right to palestine and wont accept judgement from anyone. Its like at school when some kid gets in trouble they try to justify it by saying "But sir he made me do it" I hope you can see what Im trying to say. And remember the sacrifices our Gurus and the followers made eg banda bahardur, the victims of 84 etc. Even our 10th Guru lost his father, mother, 4 sons well pretyy much everything but his faith and love in all those who follow the Khalsa (baptised or clean shaven) made him carry on and bring this wonderful religon to the world. Even guru Nanak describes the creation of every thing as a big flash of light and everything expands out from that light he also said at the end of creation everything will shrink back into nothing. This as Im sure youve guessed is an exact version of a highly respected scientific theory of creation called the big bang!!!! Its even been scientifically proven that galaxys are moving away from a central point and the universe is expanding! the theory is that once it cant expand anymore the universe will then start to shrink back in on itself to a point where another big bang will occur. This is a quite recent theory Yet Baba NANAK already knew this HUNDREDS of years ago :nihungsmile: :e: :T:
If I can be so bold Id like to recomend a book by J.D. Cunnigham called the History Of Sikhs I found it to be very objective and enlightening. Also If u can read Punjabi (otherwise do as I did and get an English translation) read and Understand the SUKHMANI SAHIB
Anyway Ive gone on long enough but I hope you find the peace you are looking for. please feel free to contact me anytime if you need a friend
:D
Take Care
WJKK WJKF