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Hello all, first time I've ever posted anything but am a long time lurker. I was just wondering if my brothers and sisters here can help me out/give me some advice. I am a first year in university in the UK, I have met a girl who is 1st year in Uni also but in Australia. I am a Sikh from a Sikh Indian Punjabi household and she is agnostic and White. Now my question is what shall I do? I do not know what to tell anyone. I am a very private person and whilst my parents are not overly conservative I know what is "expected of me" ie nice Indian/Sikh/Punjabi kori and such. But honestly I do love this girl and she loves me, this is not some sort of immature/childish fantasy, I know what love is and regardless of anything else I do feel like we are soul mates. I am not interested in the sexual aspect of this relationship- that is immaterial to me, I love her as a person- that she is attractive is rather irrelevant to me. Now Sikhi teaches that once two souls are married they become one, that there is no Sikh/Hindu/Muslim/other that we are all on different paths to the same ultimate goal and as such her religion and mine is immaterial, isn't it? one should respect one's parents and I feel like I am being dishonest and disloyal by keeping such things from them. I am very conflicted, I would very much like to tell them but then I am also aware this could be received less than desirably and there is nothing I wouldn't do for this girl. Am I being a bad son? Am I being a bad Sikh? I would never even think about it but do I ask her to convert (this is strictly against my personal beliefs and against Sikhi, right?)
There are quite a few threads on this forum about the troubles of dating with a turban and beard. Most of these discussions deteriorate into guys taking their frustrations out by bashing Punjabi girls for not wanting to be with keshdari males. I came across a post on reddit that tackles this issue from a slightly different angle. I will post the relevant bit: "Hey guys and gals, I'm a Sikh guy, wear a turban and have a fully grown beard. I live in Canada and am 20 years old. I have quite a few friends who are also turban-wearing Sikhs, and the one thing I am accustomed to hearing on an almost daily basis is "girls won't go out with me because I am a keshdari". That is all I ever hear, not only from my own friends, but on every Sikh forum online, there are hoards of Sikh guys who complain about not being able to get a girlfriend because they wear a turban and sport a beard. This is for any guy on reddit who complains about this issue, and for anyone who knows a guy like that in real life, I say, you need to slap some sense into him by showing him this post. The turban and the beard are not the reason you can't get girls. It is your lowly perception of yourself. You have no self confidence, you freak out every time you talk to a female because you are worried she doesn't like your turban/beard and you are a social klutz. Most keshdari males in the west spend their time hanging out with other keshdari guys, or other Indian men in general. You have very little experience socializing with members of other races, and especially with members of the opposite sex. That is the problem. You got no game. How do you fix it? Become social, talk to people you normally wouldn't talk to, develop your social skills, and watch your life change for the better. Secondly, most turban + beard guys I know are not physically attractive. No, it is NOT the beard and turban that are responsible for it. Most of you don't work out, and quite a few (maybe even majority) have really let yourselves go, and have developed huge guts. Get your behind into the gym, lose weight if you're fat, build muscle if you're skinny. If I was a girl, I wouldn't want to date most of you either, because you don't take care of yourselves. Sikhi says to treat your body like your temple, how on earth have you allowed your temple to become so desecrated? Stop eating allu de parathai, samosai, gulab jaman, eat good, wholesome, nutritious food, get in the gym, lift, your testosterone will increase, your confidence will increase, and so will your success with the ladies. Lastly, and perhaps most importantly, STOP LIMITING YOURSELF TO PUNJABI GIRLS!!!!!!!!!!!!! For Pete's sake, most guys I know who complain about this are the ones who ONLY go for Punjabi kudis. The world is your oyster my friend, there's wonderful girls out there who will accept you for who you are and are not Indian-descent. In fact, from my own experiences and what I have heard from friends, non-Punjabi girls actually respect the turban and beard more than Punjabi girls do. If you are proud to be keshdari, then they will respect you for it. When I ask most guys why they are wearing a turban, they'll tell me "because my parents made me". When pressed further about why their parents made them, they say "because it is a part of the religion". But they don't know WHY Sikhs wear turbans. That is the problem. FFS man, learn your own history! It is legendary what our ancestors went through to protect our dharam. It is teeming with stories of epic battles, sacrifice and determination. No other religion has ever had to face even half the crap we did to survive and preserve our beliefs. It was keshdari Sikhs who destroyed Mughal rule in Punjab, 21 keshdari Sikhs who held off an army of 10,000 Afghans for over 7 hours until reinforcements arrived. Confidence comes from being sure of who you are. Understand why you wear a turban, and the thousands of brave men and women who wore it before you, and you won't give a damn about what any woman thinks. If some immature Punjabi girl has no respect for your turban, that's her loss. A lot of them have forgotten that when Punjabi women were getting kidnapped left, right and center by Persian forces, and being taken to Iran to be sold in the sex-trade industries, it was turbaned Sikh men who went after them, fought enemies umpteenth times larger than themselves, won, and brought the women back safe and sound to their families. Any girl that rejects you solely for your turban isn't worth the time, even if she's Punjabi. Most of them are going to be fat aunties in 20 years time anyways, then they'll be paying guys to give them the time of day. My girlfriend is white, my brother is married to a Chinese lady, who is absolutely wonderful, and has complete respect for Sikhi and the turban. If you respect your turban, others will too. I've got a handful of friends (all keshdari) dating white girls and Asian (Chinese mostly) girls. I've got family in the USA, a few of my cousins are with Latinas. All are socially confident, all work out, none limited themselves to just Punjabi girls. That's my rant. I'm tired of keshdari guys complaining about how girls don't give you the time of day, it makes us all look like insecure, needy, weak boys who do not deserve any woman in the first place. Cutting your hair isn't going to make you a success with the ladies if you are out of shape and socially demented. On the other hand, I have known the most athletic, outgoing keshdari brothers get rejected time and time again by girls just because they had the turban. And each time, the girl was Punjabi. Face it dude, there are girls out there who are not attracted to the look, and there's nothing you can do about it. But there are a lot more girls out there than you think who don't give a damn about how big your facial hair is or what you have on your head, and a lot, if not the majority of these girls, are not Punjabi. STOP LIMITING YOURSELF! I leave you with one last question: If Dwayne The Rock Johnson converted to Sikhi today, grew out his beard and stuck on a turban, would he have any less success with the ladies? I rest my case." Source: http://www.reddit.com/r/Sikh/comments/1ggy25/dating_with_turban_and_beard/ Most respondents agreed with what he said, the support was almost unanimous. My thoughts? I think he hit the nail on the head. I disagree with the bit about Punjabi girls all turning into fat aunties, I think that was uncalled for, but other than that, he makes very valid points (imo). Keshdaris stick with other keshdaris and/or Indian men, so have little experience interacting with people of other races, and because of Punjabi culture, are discouraged from talking to women. I've been to quite a few Gurdwaras in my time, the one thing I noticed over and over again was a lack of aesthetics amongst the more religious members of our community, doesn't matter if they were young or old. Now, this isn't always, the case, I workout, most of my friends (keshdari) workout, a lot of guys posting in the comments section of that post said they do as well, and I'm sure a lot of guys on here do too. But what I have noticed is that, while we are supposed to be saint-soldiers, most of us focus too much on the "saint" aspect and not enough on the "soldier" portion. I also agree with what he said about Punjabi (NOT SIKH) girls, the average Punjabi girl these days doesn't really care much for Sikhi, so dating out of the race is probably a good idea. Thoughts? Yay or nay?
Hello ... I recently had been by a docotr who diagnosed that I have depression... My life became so senselesss and grey in the past years.. I can´t handle things anymore.. Everything seems to be <banned word filter activated>! I feel no longer any sense in life... And the wrost thing is I feel ashamed, because I am keshdhari 'Sikh', I mean I love Waheguru and everything.. and I love Sikhi... But I can´t practice it proper... I am so lost... Now I feel , that I am disrespecting.. Sikhs by wearing turban and kesh... because I have depression.. becauseSikhs have never depression.... I mean I am looking like a Sikh, but inside I am not and dead.. and I don´t want to offend.. I mean I love SIkhi but I can´t practice. like doing path etc.. because I feel so 'tired' of life... My parents don´t know either... and no relative or anyone else.. I am just suffering silently... From outside, I am seem to be very happy and stuff.. but I am not... I dont know what to do any longer... I mean I love my kesh.. and I would never cut it but in last time my mind is confusing me ... Because I constantly think that I am disrespcting what a true sikh is and represents... There is no other problem.... it isn´t for girls or stuff or for me.. it is just because I think I am disrespecting.. I mean Sikhs try to make the world a better place.. and I can´t count myself as one.... I mean everytime I read Bani my mind gets so happy and in joy.. like someone understands me... but everytime I interrupt I can´t ready further... Idon´t know why.... I dont want to cut my hair... what do you think.. am I disrespecting you ...? I feel so fcking bad ... as a boy... like a nobody.. a looser... I mean world would be better place with me... I never do or did any paap... but I jsut cant handle it anymore... I don´t deserve to live on this planet...