AmarjitKaur

na baba na, no chat thingie. all the people will do would be talk about how that other member ticks you off all the time with his comments etc. etc. Mind has the intention to go after garbage than a good read. In chat sessions, mind gets that, or mere varga taa eh puchhi janda, auj roti kahde naal khadhi :-)) The people who are looking for good sangat, go read online books, pjs veerji and Mohkam Veerji are putting on some scribd website. they are good reads. I have read parts of some. Whats better than having sangat of real GurMukh piyares, or the Sants by reading their jeevans or the topics written based on what they have to say. And how about listening to kathas. I have been listening to Bhai Pinderpal Singh jee and recently started SGGSji Katha done by Giyani Thakur Singh jee. I know its basic, but thats what person like me needs yet. Almost whole day, keep some katha or Shabads playing when you are not doing your nitnem, depending upon what keeps you busy otherwise. And how about vaheguru vaheguru when no time available. few moolmantars when have 1/2 min. available. and Chaupai Sahib when have 5 mins. Anand Sahib when have 10mins. japuji Sahib when have 15mins. and Dukh Bhanjani sahib when have 30-40mins. and How about SUKHMANi Sahib when have an hour on hand. And What could be better than Starting a Sahej path, if you can just do some ang everyday. Even if you finish in a year, still you have made your year worthwhile. Just one Sahej path changes something in your life so much that you get hooked to doing more after that. Don't just trust me, try it. You will see your life's flow has changed in some good direction after that. Its not hard at all. I beleive I have suggested enough to the ones who actually would act on sometihng I have said above.

This is very hard thing to accomplish. Often the dassan part disappears soon and chaudhar part kicks in. The committees should be changed every year. And those trustees, nomination committees, executing committee, it all gets complicated. Whatever kind of committes there are, they should have atleast one amritdhari (I would prefer everybody, but its very hard to accomplish at each gurughar), one woman, one very young person, one old wise person atleast. And all the people (amritdhari or non-amritdhari), should be doing Full nitnem everyday. Often I notice, that most of them either don't do any bani recitation or they will do japuji Sahib or may be rehras sahib and they have done enough for the day, and if you ever raise that issue as a requirement, then they will tell you, its their personal business and I have no right to know if person atleast does the nitnem.

May Veerji's soul rest in peace in vaheguru's feet. We will miss him. May there be more like him who can come upfront to guide the unguided readers out there, who could attach the lost souls to bani of Dhan Dhan Sri Guru Granth sahib jee.

It becomes hard to comment on some situations, without knowing the persons involved personally and the whole situation. But I would comment in general. I think rather than you, it should be boy's job to go talk to his mother. You are not part of their family yet, so you shouldn't interfere. If boy feels as strongly about you, as you do for him, then he is the one who should talk to his parents. Its same like if your mother didnt' agree then it was going to be you talking to your mother not him entering into your house and trying to convince your mother that I am the right son-in-law for you. The only thing you can do is to stop it from lingering, you can set a timeline to make the boy get in high gear to talk about it (I would only suggest that if you are done with your bachelors studies and at the age of marrying. if you are below 22 or so, no need to rush, we do get impatient at times, please don't). The reason to have boy acted is that you don't wanna see your life waiting for him to talk to his mother for ever. If its not going to work out, you need to move on. As I said above, if you are right age and you both are mature enough to have a married life start for you and he is strong enough to go talk to his mother, then yes, set some time limit and pray to babaji to guide you better. But if you are both like in 1st 2nd year of your school, then you rather pay attention to your studies at the moment and put this thought of marriage on hold for few years. Let life unfold itself. Yes, you can stay as friends with the boy, but as you didn't go close before physically, keep that distance until you have a spouse which could be eventually him or could be someone else. let time tell to you.

As you probably would have expected me saying something, here is my suggestion. apne aap nu busy kar lao. enna busy kar lao, ke es issue/topic/matter/stuff bare sochaN da mauka hee na mile. here is one way to keep you busy. When you have one hr on hand, do sukhmani sahib, when 30-40 mins., dukh bhanjni sahib, 20mins on hand, do Japuji sahib during the day and rehras sahib in the eve., five mins on hand, do chaupai sahib. When you have 1-2 mins., slowly do Moolmantar, and when only few seconds, keep saying vaheguru vaheguru. if you keep getting distracted by thoughts, say this "Gur merai sang sda hai naale" and feel it that Guru Sahib is really holding your finger or watching you from distance. And yes, start moving out of this box of you and him being there. means, build new friendships, not necessarily with boys to fill his void, but to occupy that friend void ( I do not suggest chatting friend though, its more healthy to have a live friend, with whom you can go running, shopping, have live discussion, share stories face to face). YOu will be all fine. We all go through this. We build a world around one person to the level that it becomes our weakness. And then that world shatters one day suddenly or slowly. We need to belong to the universe not to one person or thing. Je Guru da saath hamesha apne naal samajhoge, dooje sathan dee jaroorat hee nahi paini. We are sufficient enough to be just united with Bani, but we should not isolate ourselves either as waheguru jee is within all around us. But as Guru Sahib says, refrain from attachment, which you are suffering from at the moment. Replace that attachment with attachment with Bani. Gur ang sang.

veerji, tusi mainu aunt de tor te ta nahi promote kar rahe :-)) I do get annoyed if someone more than 10year old says aunt to me, unless I am actually aunt of someone. looks like UK tv have some agony aunt kind of talk show or drama, or something like that where you are getting the name from.

When you choose to wait until you become "close", you are leaving the other person less of a choice. You are putting the other party, the girl, on a guilt trip. you are giving way to sentiments to come in the way. Please don't do that. Do it before you become emotionally involved with the girl. Knowing each other better, is different than being close. You definitely don't wanna wait until the stage of being Close. You are making yourself and her victim of being emotinally hurt. Hurtaches are not easy to deal with. So please refrain from it. so you do have to choose a right time, where girl get to know you but still have the thought-of room to decide. Tute dil naa juRde, ve dil toRi naa naa apne aap nu victim banao, te na doojiya nu. We are all humans and all feel the pain when get hurt. We show it or not, thats different story. How quickly we recover back from heartaches that depends upon the person and situation as well. I won't want to see another post here in few months where a girl says what should I do, I like the guy very much, but me and my family can't digest the fact that a brother left the house for this reason. or you posting that I got to know this girl, she loved me and this and that, but as soon as you told her about your family situation, she stopped returning your calls, msn, emails etc. word of advice from a sister................

To tuhiNirankar bhenji, When a punjabi boy or girl marry, they dont' only marry to one spouse. They marry to whole family. Look at your own family. Now analzye how you are attached to your bhuas, chachas, tiyas, massis, mamas. It matters. Brother is a close relative. I also know families in which a girl ran off with a boy and parents boycotted her. Even though she is in no touch with parents, but situation comes back and taunts from time to time. Because realtives, onlookers would mention her name from time to time. Thats just part of our society. Its like you have a broken finger. It taunts you from time to time for not having it, doesn't it?? my opinion of course, you may have different opinion based on your experiences.

I know a such a beautiful simple bahut hee bibi kuri who got married with a boy. They spent so much on this marriage. Ist marriage in house, eldest out of all three girls. Kuri found out in few weeks or days. But she kept quiet and didn't tell her family about it. Thinking that he would change. eventually got divorced. I was so hurt to hear after about a year or so about it. Such a nice kuri and this happens to her. NOt good. Parents married him thinking that he would change. BUT NO. Girls should not be punished. Indian/punjabi parents do this all the time. apne vigRe hoye munde nu sudharan vaste viah kar dinde ne ke kuRi aape aa ke sidha kar lavegee. They don't think that they are throwing their own responsibility on an innocent girl. I just feel bad for girls then. And I do ask SOCIETY, WHY?? Pahilan mundiya nu jiada laad piyar de ke vigaN lainde ne, fer ihee munde sir chaR ke bolde ne, chalo huN kuRi labh ke nath paao ehde. apne keete dee sza kise begani dhee nu kiyon?

Hanji, you asked for women's perspective. So I will comment on parts of your post about finding a spouse for you only. Its truth of your family today, so it has to come out eventually and will, even if you try to hide. So its not healthy for you to hide. But I would not spit out in the first meeting with a girl. You are not out there trying to put down your family. You consider girls and the one who looks like matching to your expectations in life, you share with her and can even mention to her not to go tell 20 people out there that this is the situation. If she wants to reject you on that basis, let her. Its ok. Move on. Don't come back here and start a new topic, that a girl rejected you for your brother being not straight. Instead move on thinking that girl didn't deserve you anyways. As whoever it is eventually, has to accept you all with all your life facts, at least the most obvious ones. Life doesn't end with one girl denying. There are countless other good ones out there. Theek aa jee. just little advice on being it hard on family. Just accept it as GOD's will. (This choosing to be GAY or naturally GAY issue generally confuses me. I have no idea how to comment on that). When someday somebody gets in a serious accident and looses a limb, we accept that, don't we?? It will be much easier if you and your family accept the fact and move on. Let him do whatever he is doing. You can't control his actions. Instead what you can do is control your actions and your response to the whole situation. To give peace of mind to everyone in house, you guys should do at least one Sukhmani Sahib da path everyday. It will change the vibe in your home. Veerji, stay in chardi kala. Bhuliya bhatkiya kde ghar aa jaooga. Baba jee te bharosa rakho. Tuhanu sirf brother dee fikar aa, par vaheguru jee nu sabh dee aa. Bas ardas kar de riha karo, ke uhnu sidhe raste te pave.

so you let yourselves out, now how do you feel. eh jeevan atma, je is jeevan nu apna samjhna, dukh taa pauNa hee hai. eh jeev tu aiya laaha lain e, par lagiya dekh kehRe kum aa. jeevan tera hai hee nahi, jisda tu adhikari samjhda hai to take away. Neither you were responsible for your birth, nor you are responsible for your death. Why stand in between, while you are not anybody to decide your birth or death. tera kum aa, kirt karnee naam japna vand chhukna. ena kumma nu bhul ke, hor koi vee kum karenga te suffer ta karenga hee. So don't be stupid. go for running or jogging or join some gym etc. Life is to flow, let it flow. ma baap es layee nahi jammde, ke ik din himmat haar ke sada bacha/bachee maran diyan galla karn lag jaave. life is to treasure, to enjoy, to share with, to jap naam, to do good for ourselves and good for others. Society dee buniyaad (base) lies on each tiny or big individual person. You are a part of big picture. you don't see your role in it yet, but you will soon. Instead of looking at computer screen, watching here who responded to your topic, instead pick up Gutka Sahib and Do five Chaupai Sahibs for me today. And then tomorrow is another fresh day. Do five more to thank GOD for giving you your body, and environment (water, air, food, clothes, etc etc) to have you survive. Ok, no more whining, crying like a baby. Grow up, OK. breath in and breath out. (You just fed some CO2 to the plants and used some O2 they produced for you, see your role, right there :-)) Now give me a huge smile. Huge one, not tiny little one.

hey guru has the ability to test us in lot more ways than just having hair here and there. If you don't see yourself like a sheep who has to mix with the crowd, but a lion who stands out and keeps its roar no matter what. then you won't feel any temptation. I am a girl and have lot of chin hair. So what. I see people giving me looks about that. its their problem. I am just following my Guru's command. pity on them they cut/shave their head hair as well. Let the world follow you, but don't follow the world in wrong doing. In your heart, you know if you cut, shave, color your hair, you are writing bedava to your guru. Guru is standing next to you, protecting you from lot bad which could happen to us mentally and physically, materilistically etc. But if you write bedava to Guru Sahib, you are not under his command anymore. Now you are his kookker with Guru's leash around you, but writing bedava means, you are street dog with no leash around you. Your choice. It should be ok to gel your hair, making them stuck to your nose and not standing up or falling on sides etc.

Bhenji, Here is what I can suggest you doing it for her. When you do your nitnem, do one additional Chaupai Sahib one in the morning and one in the eve. just for her. (as we know she cann't concentrate and you being the closest person to her right now, can feel her pain better than person like me can). Ardas kardiyan roz tuhadi friend nu himmat bakhasaN layee pray karo. Just start little competition with her about doing X many chaupai sahibs a day or week. That will motivate her to do more, doesn't matter dhiyan lagda ke nahi, hauli hauli aape hee lag jaaooga. Don't start the hurting topic with her when you talk to her. She probably don't wanna talk about it with anybody. But instead plan some activities with her and only include her in the plan. It could be very simple things like going for shopping, going to movies (preferably commedy light drama, not violent). Or just call her at your home or go to hers and watch movie with her alone in a room. Let her open up to you, go real slow with her. Listen to her holding hands. Let her cry and don't say anything if she wants to. and mention to her about some class you wanna take (on purpose pick the one which she always wanted to take) and that gives her chance/confidence to find a friend in need in you. BUT in no way, ever break her heart but by discussing with others while others somehow accidently mention to her what they learned from you and that would break her confidence in you. She is in a trauma stage right now. Let her get a grip on herself and then encourage her to speak against this offender. And be with her and tell her you will stand with her throughout. Then possibly consult some professional help how to handle the situation. if its a relative, it could be beneficial to approach some (respected in the whole family) relative, who could be trusting her and doing something against it. May She feel the presence of Guru. "Gur merai sang sda hai naale" Play this shabad when you are with her qU kwhy folih pRwxIAw quDu rwKYgw isrjxhwru ] thoo kaahae ddolehi praaneeaa thudhh raakhaigaa sirajanehaar || Why do you waver, O mortal being? The Creator Lord Himself shall protect you. Guru Arjan Dev Ji Raag Tilang 724Guru ang sang.

Yes, Sikhi says males and females are equal. But sikhi also says there are five vices and today's society is so much impacted by Kaam that last thing anybody would want to see it flourishing is in Gurughar. Yes, we know ourselves, but we dont' know others. We can say that I have no kaam type feelings for other person, but we can't see/control other people's feelings and then later actions. I would allow you to mingle with each other, as long as you promise you see a brother in the male standing infront of you and the boy sees a sister standing infront of him. As soon as you leave the room of being it neutral, there is risk of Kaam to enter at some point in lifetime. Take from my example. I am married person with 2 kids and address to most people I know in person and cyberfriends by saying Veerji, I still find lot of people giving me different looks, which I know are not of a brother. But I still keep saying veerji , that sooner or later person would see a sister in me. bus ihee kharabi aa human nature vich. kaam horan dee balle balle as person gives it outlet. what can I say?? I am partially with those bibiyan babe who stop you from doing all that mingling at Gurughar. as they dont' know if you are really doing it with sewa bhav or doing it to give an outlet to your inner kaamic feelings. There is very fine line to distinguish between mingling like gurusikhs or promoting the vice you shouldn't be. My friends want to be together forever... until we die... and be their for eachother forever! well this my friend is not gonna happen. As sooon as you get done with your school and look for job and then get married and have couple of kids, you are going to be so busy with your own life with your kids, spouse, in-laws, your own parents side relatives, owning a house, and lot more comes along with, you will be hardly calling your friends on the phone after a month or so. forget about being together with same friends. Your tastes in life going to change. your friends are going to be the parents of your kids' friends. and then later on some differet sets of friends. So friends keep changing as life goes on. There will be very few friends who would stay forever. (my dad who is about to retire still has good friends as his college time friends). I am not in touch with my college or school friends. These are just facts of life. you will be lucky if you can keep up with 1 or 2 friends for most of your life. You cann't blame anybody or yourself. Its just life the way it is.

I just reread my own reply above and noticed the typo. in previous one, I said we giyanis, kathakar. I meant to write THE giyanis not WE giyani. Me being in giyani category, that would be a big blunder/joke :-)) I just fixed it now.

Here is analogy if it helps. Its raining, raining and raining. But you didn't put any vessel to contain the rain, so its not being contained. But now you put your vessel, but its leaking. so coming in your vessel but not staying. and then third scenerio is that your vessel is strong and its able to contain the rain. Now relate to 3 situations you put above. and don't worry about situations/stories like you said above. It could be true, but you cann't verify the validity. The giyanis kathakars give you exmples like that, they try to encourage you to jap naam. So listen to the essence of the katha/story, don't go after checking the validity of the story. kahavat hai punjabi vich, fal khao, darakhat na gino. The way I like to think (could be wrong). We have done karma in previous times in this life or previous lives, for which we get punished (pay off) , there is way to wash that karma without creating a new one. And that way is to jap naam. So why not, sow the seed we wanna reap. grow mangoes if you wanna eat mangoes, you don't get mangoes from tree of cactus.

Oh my my........ I am sitting wondering here, to how many people we can respond to and say the same thing. I feel like its repeatedly same thing people do and then try to find a comfort here. Well, here is your punishment. ( and I also know that you are not going to do it). Do recitation of 40 Sukhmani Sahib jee in next 40 days. Its one per day. NO, it won't bring the pure you back. But it would give you comfort to some extent. Yes, we would have another post here in months to year saying that my wife didnt tell me she had done it with someone before while he was looking for virgin girl and you will hide it from that would-be-spouse and that boy would go marry someone else as he won't think you are worth it, as if you can screw with him then you can screw with anybody else too. and your future husband would want to beat the guy to death. But question is, who had hard time controlling emotions?? Why don't girls/boys understand that if they don't do the stuff with girl, they are not really just leaving the virginity of that girl in tact, but they are also increasing the odds of getting virgin for themselves in months/years to come when they would want the pure girl too, who could keep this thing to special one, HER HUSBAND only, after Anand Karaj. I just wonder. It pollutes your body, pollutes your thoughts, your soul, your heart, and yet still youngsters cann't keep it to that special day they would have after marrying in a proper anand karaj rasam.

Just a thought, (I know you will laugh at it), how about instead of saying hello to girls, say waheguru jee ka khalsa waheguru jee kee fateh BHENJI. Well, the way I see it, he likes to be attractive. Otherwise, if he sees a sister in each girl on the earth (except one), then he shouldn't have a problem, don't you think?? I think problem is with his own eyes. I have/and meet many boys/men whom I address as Veerji (well I can say to anyone on this earth as I already got my husband slot filled), but they wont' say bhenji to me. I never really understand their hesitation. I don't mind at all being called bhenji, but somehow boys have impression that girls don't like it. So they leave that room there to be attractive/thought differently of. But who cares about girls like it or not, he is going to be following his guru's command. Even if he doesn't say bhenji to them, find a sister in them in his own mind. He can never feel the way he feels now, if he can put on glasses of the brother on his eyes.

oh come on. don't go after the guy. forget him like he doesn't exist. I can tell you one thing, if you don't move on by forgiving her, you are going to do most damage to youself than you can do to your wife or the guy. Who cares about him anyways? do u know what you need at the moment?? Little time off. take your wife or not with you , your choice. But plan some fun time for yourself with friends or cousins or whomever you can spend good time with, without spilling out your pain at the moment. You have to keep it top secret. And better yet, do some SUKHMANI SAHIB jee de path and keep doing ardaas, babaji mainu man dee shaanti bakhsho. jo tusi test vich paiya hai, es ton paar langhao. consider you are stuck in mud right now, and only saviour is GURU SAHIB. Reach to him. Guru sahib is ready to help, you are just not asking for HIS help yet. WHY NOT?? You are his child and he is the father, he would definitely help the child, child just has to ask for that helping hand. gur merai sang sda hai naale Guru ang sang

As some of the above posters said, I also agree that you need to forgive her. You also need to help her forgive herself. Sometimes others forgive us and move on, but we dont' forgive ourselves and live our lives in agony. Look at example of Sajjan thug or the malik bhago, Guru Sahib forgave them and they become good people afterwards and set a role model for us. I know you will say the situation is not same, but wrong doing is wrong doing. If you are a practicing SIKH and wanna follow Guru's commands, then you have to follow this one, Forgivness. Daya. Jihra ke dharam da adhar hai. daya bina dharam exist nahi karda, bhamve bhekhi asin baN sakde haan. Consider it as a test of life, (there will be million others coming on your way in married life, not similar but there will be of different nature, which will test your forgiveness quality) and forgive her. Yeah, we all agree it was mistake on her side not to disclose to you, but then if she did, you were not going to marry her. May be you were too good to be let go by telling the truth. So she didn't. Not good, but how many of us, have courage to embrace the truth. hardly any. tusin eh Kahavat suni honi aa, Akhi vekh ke makhi nahi nigal hundee, so she told you after you swallowed it. Now you cann't spit it out of your tommy, so just move on thinking that it has no bones and not poisnous. For any BOY or GIRL, its not ok to have physical relationships out of marital relationships, we all know that. But some people have done this mistake and would have to pay the price like you and your wife is paying today as a mental torture. yes, I know there is no fault of yours in this situation and you would wonder why YOU. Consider it as GOD's leela to teach you some lesson that you wouldn't have learned any other way. Just make sure it doesn't effect your children in future. Your wife, realizing this as a biggest mistake and accepting it, would raise very good children with high moral values. Life doesn't end with this. Life is to learn from, to progress. Get those GuN, practice them what Gurus wanted to teach us. Sometimes, yes, babaji sanu iddan diyan situations vich paa dinde ne, where we get tested and life goes in one way or the other depending upon how we choose to deal with the problem on hand. I hope something helped.

Gur Fateh Veerjeeo (original poster), As far as I can tell from your post, you are possibly from punjab, india or some other state in India. (12th grade and hostel suggest that to me). Drugs, depression are swallowing the youth there in these days, and I have been seeing that for 5 or more years. Its hurtening to us, who are sitting in foreign countries that our brothers and sisters are cosumed by drugs. As far as I can analyze from yours and youth's condition in general, Youth don't have a direction. They don't have good guidance available to them, they are missing the motivation. They just don't know what they need to do. The corruption of whole country is effecting the youth, the worst. They go to school forced by parents not knowing why, when they won't get a job without having powerfull connections or a big box full of money to offer to the employer, as a bribe. Anyways, before I go too much into that direction, I should come to your situation. My suggestion, I am sure it would work, go to your local gurughar (sometimes people feel embarrassed to face the community they live in, in that case go to some next town/city gurudwara) as much as possible. Do shoe-clean sewa there while doing vaheguru. Fill up humbleness in you, by doing that. And don't forget to keep doing vaheguru vaheguru vaheguru in your mouth. No need to gossip with people there. even though here and there, a dioalogue doesn't hurt (sometimes God sends help in the form of people surrounding you, you need to realize that as well). But duniya bhar dee ninda chugli karn dee koi jaroorat nahi. Keep your purpose of doing sewa in mind. do cleaning dishes sewa, washing the floor, or brooming the floor, or there are counless other sewas at gurughar. And btw when you go to gurughar, after matha tek and parkarma, try to recite some bani that you can do (japuji sahib, chaupai sahib, dukh bhanjni sahib or Sukhmani sahib) while sitting there. You may be very slow in the beginning if you havn't done Path ever before. I am saying all this to you to do, as I know it would help. Its not a magic formula either that you would feel all better in one day. Remember it took you no. of years to be in current situation, it may take that many months atleast to be optimistic, chardi kala person. Our problem is that we forget the GURU totally. We become incharge of our own life and think we can do whatever we want. IT takes a while to figure out that we are capable of nothing. WE forget the purpose of human life totally. and hense we suffer. What you going through today, there are countless other youths going through the same. You are not alone and you won't be able to help yourself either in one day, with some magic pill. Its going to take time. If you get GURU sahib on your side, you will feel that uplift in your life, that mental support you need, will come from having waheguru word (remember, Gurubani says, Vaheguru Gurmantar hai),moving around in your head all the time. And also, remember in Rehraas sahib Guru jee says "Dukh daroo sukh rog bhaiya" You will find the medicine in this suffering you are going through. But you need to know where to look for medicine. Its definitely not at the drug store, or at the pind/shaher da THEKA. Whenever you feel the need for alcohol, drink some shakanjvee or lassi or better yet, glass of milk. Whenever you feel like having some drugs, put some chewing gum or ilayachi in your mouth and keep chewing on that. Your battle is with your mind. Get Guru Sahib on your side, you will win the battle. if you get drugs or whatever else on your side, you will definitely loose the battle and loose the life one day too. you won't get a good life partner, and hence your life will linger. You are still at young age, there is lot you can do to fix it as I said above. You can join some computer classes, typing classes whatever else is going on in india these days. Join some training to keep you physically busy (and hopefully that will help you get employed one day) and Gurudwara to keep you mentally busy. Its not in general healthy to keep us free for any person, even if its me. you have probably heard this "vehla dimaag shaitaan da ghar". vehle dimaag nu nitnem diyaan pauriyaan te chaRan laa diyo swere shaam. Tell it, you won't get food for stomach, untill you have fed the nitnem to soul. And veerji, our parents take care of us until they can, but one day they do have to leave and you would have to support yourself financially, so you better work on it, when you can. Punjabi dee ik hor kahavat vee suni hoNi aa, "jinna guR paonge, unna hee mithaa hoyooga (As you sow, so you reap)". So invest in education and get in the field you would want to earn from. Parents job is done after you have started realizing your bura bhala. I hope I havn't offended you in any way. Guru ang sang.

First of all, whatever you did you are in agreement that you did wrong. And you are willing to go pesh, that shows you won't ever repeat again. As Guru de singh/singhniya we are not allowed to have any intimate relationship with opposite sex untill we have taken four lavan in the guru's presence. I understand you said you havn't gone all the way with the way. But having kammi thoughts are also the pollution of the mind. Anyways, I am sure you understand all that. There is nothing to be scared of. The feeling I have that you are scared because you think you are going to make the mistake again even after going for pesh. Beg Guru for strengh to keep your rehat. Guru de ghar mangte baN ke jaao, piyar naal jao, dilon benti karde jaao, taan khali nahi muRiya karde. As you sow, so you reap. So whatever you did, now get ready to pay the price. You will feel much much better after you have paid the price (which probably won't be to give your head physically, it would be most likely more recitation of some banis or some sewa or both.) And you mentioned about not doing nitnem, ardas etc. from your heart. The thing I have noticed that when you listen katha of the bani/ardas jihde vich dhiyaan nahi lagda, fer katha suN ke jiaada dhiyaan lagda, as we get to learn the different perspective of the same bani/ardas that we never knew before. Most of the time during the day, keep your thoughts, your day busy with somehow connected to bani through reciting/listening (katha or shabad keertan). That will bring your mind to the right place. Mind is scattered now, as its not listening to bani enough as much as it should be. Any other specific doubts, questions, PM me.

Here is another one, I just received by email. \ ****************** One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport. We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space right in front of us. My taxi driver slammed on his breaks, skidded, and missed the other car by just inches! The driver of the other car whipped his head around and started yelling at us. My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy. And I mean, he was really friendly. So I asked, "Why did you just do that? This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the hospital!" This is when my taxi driver taught me what I now call, "The Law of the Garbage Truck." He explained that many people are like garbage trucks. They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full of anger, and full of disappointment. As their garbage piles up, they need a place to dump it and sometimes they'll dump it on you. Don't take it personally. Just smile, wave, wish them well, and move on. Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people at work, at home or on the streets. The bottom line is that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over their day. Life's too short to wake up in the morning with regrets, so..... "Love the people who treat you right.. Pray for the ones who don't." Life is ten percent what you make it and ninety percent how you take it! *************

Gur Fateh Bhenjeeo, I may not do the best job at guiding you, but I am going to try, with waheguru's grace. waheguru jee kirpa karan. Feeling alone and at the same time not to get bothered by anyone, seems like signs of mind being too much free. I might have said 100 times on this forum that "Man jeetai jag jeet". Its all minds game. Mind makes us beggers, mind makes us richest person in the world. Mind tells us we are the most miserable person one day and mind tells us we are the happiest person in the world on another day. Think about it, we are same person but our feelings change from time to time. WHY?? I know this as I have gone through this and still go through it to some extent, but the frequency and level has decreased so much. More unstable the mind is, more sharp valleys and peaks we see on this sine wave of mind. Your mind needs to be busy. Its free thinking about stuff that it doesn't have to be. You need to suppress the mind activities and go on about focusing on your studies (from boyfriend business going on, I am assuming your are school/college going girl). I will write more later, but now, just read this The Interview With God Poem I dreamed I had an interview with God. “So you would like to interview me?” God asked. “If you have the time” I said. God smiled. “My time is eternity.” “What questions do you have in mind for me?” “What surprises you most about humankind?” God answered… “That they get bored with childhood, they rush to grow up, and then long to be children again.” “That they lose their health to make money… and then lose their money to restore their health.” “That by thinking anxiously about the future, they forget the present, such that they live in neither the present nor the future.” “That they live as if they will never die, and die as though they had never lived.” God’s hand took mine and we were silent for a while. And then I asked… “As a parent, what are some of life’s lessons you want your children to learn?” “To learn they cannot make anyone love them. All they can do is let themselves be loved.” “To learn that it is not good to compare themselves to others.” “To learn to forgive by practicing forgiveness.” “To learn that it only takes a few seconds to open profound wounds in those they love, and it can take many years to heal them.” “To learn that a rich person is not one who has the most, but is one who needs the least.” “To learn that there are people who love them dearly, but simply have not yet learned how to express or show their feelings.” “To learn that two people can look at the same thing and see it differently.” “To learn that it is not enough that they forgive one another, but they must also forgive themselves.” “Thank you for your time,” I said humbly. “Is there anything else you would like your children to know?” God smiled and said, “Just know that I am here… always.” -author unknown I have it posted on my wall and like to read it time to time. Whoever wrote it, great job and so touching. AND SO TRUE. You will find the truth in it as you would keep going on your journey of life.

aren't you the same person who is going to open up a school to have punjabi/sikh history classes etc. Well, you definitely need people who know punjabi for your punjabi classes then. Be an assistant teacher for punjabi class, you can learn and monitor/assist kids at the same time.