Guruguruji

True but obviously I don't want to say that as I don't want to encourage them to step out of line anymore. I guess maybe the kirpan was a visual reminder and caused guilt. Only waheguru ji knows, I'm nobody to judge. I just hope waheguru forgives them and showers his mercy.

Theres someone I know who has took their Sri sahib off but still had the remaining kakkar. I think maybe this person has got involved in a premarital physical relationship hence the person's excuse was 'I'm not good enough'. I've tried explaining that nobody is 'good enough' and we all make mistakes. We are sikhs- learners. I have noticed this person's sangat being a bit dodgy hence there's no actual feeling of guilt. I don't know what I can do to help this person because explaining just evokes arguments and tension.

Thank you, Yeah I used to try do lots of paath but it kinda became really stressful and I was getting agitated so now I do my nitnem and a little extra if I can. I know that I've prayed fully with all my heart and hope in waheguru and majority of the time when I take a hukamnama it's got something like 'all my affairs are resolved' "...he has blessed me and been merciful" "...protect and preserve the honor of your servant" "suffering and pains are dispelled" -these are from some recent personal hukamnamas I've took so this doesn't make me feel dumb for keeping hope. I try to look at them and remind myself that I need to detach and let waheguru ji play his part I just took a hukamnama now and it's this beautiful message; https://www.sikhnet.com/hukam/personal/1944 I still pray for my hubby, I still have dreams of him every other day, yes I do feel angry and frustrated at times but then I remind myself that God is working on him and he'll see sense soon. It's my sister's wedding in a few weeks and with guru sahibs grace I'm really trying to join in and be excited. I've been helping her buy stuff, organising little house parties etc. Hiding my pain and joining in is so painful for me at times and my wounds haven't healed yet but I can see my parents looking happier which means a lot to me. I remember watching some YouTube videos of patients who has been told they only had a few weeks to live and they visited amritsar or started doing ardas/simran and they're still living today. Give me hope when I think of it as these people were fully diagnosed and had scientific evidence of their lives ending.... My situation is just a mind game, if waheguru changes my husband's mind that is all that is needed to resolve the situation. Obviously, I have now more self respect and will make it clear to him that I want the commitment I deserve. I know I'm taking the harder route and keeping faith but I know waheguru ji will never let it go to waste. Please give me positive blessings in form of the sangat so that my ardas can be heard.

Would u mind sharing any experiences?

Thank u so much for your reply- it has truly made my day safal! May waheguru ji keep u in chardikala. have u ever done darshan of sant ji?

I see God as someone who i can turn to during times of worry and someone to thank when we have happiness. This may sound bad but I don't really have a thirst to actually meet him, its just nice knowing he's there for comfort and that he is an infinite source of energy/has the power to do anything. I do fear God as in I feel like if I stop praying/ start slacking things will turn bad and he'll stop supporting me. One thing i do find funny is that if anything goes good we give God the credit, when something goes bad we blame our karam and then when things start looking good again we start saying that God saved us etc etc. For example: with my marraige when the rishta turned up everyone was praising God and saying how kind he had by blessing us with an amritdhari family and now suddenly it's all my bad karam and how God's saved me etc etc. It just a massive switch.

To be honest pen ji this morning I just cried after many days of trying to be strong... nothing was ever in my control, I didn't go searching for the rishta, it literally just turned up - I wasn't even looking to get married yet! Everything happened with maharaj jis agya and both families put guru sahib first. Me and my husband rely on nobody but guru sahib, even when I was begging at husband's door, I could hear him do waheguru in his room. Good or bad we both rely on guru sahib only. I did an ardas this morning saying - Guru Ram Das ji, we're your children, everything happened with your hukam, we got married with your laavan and till the end point we both called out your name. It's Guru sahib's responsibility alone now, I have nothing left to do or say. May waheguru ji fulfil my ardas and if he doesn't may he give me the strength to never ask for anything ever again.

Waheguru he was at his grand dad's house as it's near his workplace, tbh they should've sent him back home and told him to take responsibility. They actually fueled the situation with the whole 'pati parmeshwar' notion which I'm not against I adore my husband, after all this is still can put my hand on my heart and say I love him but that doesn't mean the husband has no duty towards the wife. I.e. bhagat kabir jis wife treated him like God and bhagat ji loved his wife so much that today her name is in gurbani. The family is very religious the grandad is part of a big Sikh organisation in the UK. We're both amritdhari. Pen ji mistakes happen, people mess up, if my in laws sat there as told me and my husband that we both need to sort this out together and find a way out we probably could've had a strong relationship. Good times don't make a couple unbreakable it is the bad times as you learn to stick together, you learn to give and take. I wouldn't even have minded if they sat be down and gave me a good telling off if I did something wrong, I'm not perfect but I'm ready to learn and improve. I've never been in a relationship before so I don't know what love is like... before we were married he sent me some nice gifts on Valentine's day, he used write some cute msgs on the cards etc. He did seem decent, he taught me about guru gobind Singh jis bachan for couples, he explained to me how we're a gift from god to each other and how our laavan are like our amrit sanchaar and should never be broken. My heart still loves him, I do feel deep down he was decent but the fact that he preached all this and his actions have been the total opposite. My heart always says that guru sahib wouldn't play around with laavan, I'm sure we were made fo each other but I just don't know what happened. can I ever believe in the power of laavan or ardas again if this marriage ends? I know I sound like a bad Sikh but these r my thoughts right now

He has severe anxiety, a sort of depression and his family didn't tell us, maybe they didn't acknowledge the seriousness of it and thought marriage would fix it. So after getting married his anxiety increased, I feel like people pressured him with the notion of honeymoon period and didn't acknowledge that we had an arrange marriage. I tried my hardest, I even threw all my English clothes away and wore what they brought me, I used to wear a suit on the weekend to avoid any stress on the weekends, I tried to support my husband with his anxiety and even persuaded him to get medication for it. My husband didn't come home for a week, wouldn't answer mt calls or msgs and when he returned with a group of his father's friends, who I hardly knew, announced that we can't be happy together and disappeared in his room. The so called friends began shouting at me, laughing at me and accusing me. They rang my parents before coming but my parents didn't know the seriousness of the situation and said that they don't want to interfere and my hubby needs to go home n discuss whats ever the matter is with me. One of man's wife began recording a video of me crying. I begged to be able to speak to my husband and my MIL and FIL who claimed that I was their daughter felt nothing towards me and sat there watching. The so called friend offered to drop me back home to my parents and I refused. They rang my parents and that man was very intimidating. When my parents and brothers arrived they were furious at how I'd been treated like a toy- when their son wanted me they were all dancing around me but now that he doesn't want me I'm not even being allowed to have a say. So basically they kicked me out with the single pair of clothes I had on, I took my work bag and managed to get hold of my passport/documents..... I remember sitting there broken and the ladies were giggling and chatting about shopping and their pets. I cried to my MIL that my life is falling apart and all these people can do is talk about their dog and all my MIL had to say to them was go chat in the other room. I still remember that day clearly, I came back from work and spoke to everyone. They all seemed weird. I asked if they heard anything from my hubby and they claimed they hadn't. The night before I had posted some flowers to my hubby and a note that I really miss and love him. All the family were aware of what was going on but kept me in the dark. They so called friends claimed I has requested a breakup to my hubby but I don't understand if I had why would I sit there crying to my MIL FIL Saying how much I wish my hubby would come home or why would I msg/ring him or even sit around waiting. I just don't understand how everything turned so horrible

Honestly, thank you from the bottom of my heart. Your reply has really brought peace to my mind. Yes you're right, professional support is out there but I think this journey is difficult but will build me as an individual. I've always tried to live to make others around me happy which kind of left me unknown of my own identity. I really want to build myself, understand my needs and wants.... And mostly importantly recognise my weaknesses and faults so I can be a better person. Confidence and having high regards of your own well being attractive I guess. It sets a bar and people know not to cross it which keeps relationships healthy and fair. With waheguru jis mehar I really want to improve myself so that when my marriage is fixed I can move forward. You're right, I know I want quick results but on the other hand 8 months of no communication feels like a life time.... However like you said it is better to wait and have problems resolved. I definitely need to research some techniques and see which suit me best.... It's my sister's wedding in a few weeks which is great happiness for us as a family but a constant reminder for me. It's really hard but the more I'm trying to be happy for her and plan things for her the more peace I feel. Once again thank u sooo much, your response has really settled my mind.

Thank you, it's hard when nobody understand your pain. It's been a massive eye opener for me as I've realised that nobody has the time to understand your emotional pain or consider your mental wellbeing, you're just expected to get on with it and move on. I guess that's just the harsh truths of life. I guess it'll make me stronger. I've been trying really hard today, I keep telling myself 'it is what it is' and if guru sahib wishes to fix it that's his will otherwise I will have to go through this pain. I'm trying to continue doing paath but I'm just doing it out of commitment. I will never stop doing paath and believing in God but it does make me wonder if karam and destiny is above all and most powerful as nobody can change it. I know this sounds very low, I'm sorry

Thank you pen ji, I know I sound very needy and I feel quite embarrassed at times that I'm blurting my personal life on a forum. I really apologise to the sangat, my hubby and our families. I guess I'm just desperate for answers. I totally agree pen ji, if I had a friend going through my situation I'd say the same. It's my mind, I watched at lot of law of attraction videos, I listened to saakhis I.e. matha sulkhani ji, Mata Ganga ji. I also read and listed to real life experiences where people shared how with the support of gurbani their problems were resolved. I've spent the past few months reading books like the power of ardas, qualities of sukhmani sahib.....these things have built a strong hope in my mind. My mind will say yes my husband's gone off track but that doesn't mean I wash my hands off him and begin wishing for another one. If I had a child who went off track, I would pray for him not just get rid of him and wish for another better child. The way we were brought up was very traditional and everything was always about when we got married. I just don't understand how I failed. I still love my husband and I know for a fact he didn't have a black heart but I just don't understand what happened. I feel so impure and disgusting If my ardas brings back my husband then I will know that I have a golden key, no matter what problem I'll face I know I have the solution . I'll know 'sab te vadda satgur nanak jin kar rakhi meri. I also know that if waheguru brings my husband back that he won't bring back a messed up individual, he'll bring him back as a strong individual. When I do ardas I don't ask for my husband to return I always ask waheguru ji to give me and my hubby the gift of his name so that we can have a happy ghrist jeevan. You're right about pen ji, I'm so lucky that my parents have made me a talented individual who can manage all the roles of a house wife and have a professional well paid job. Over these past few months I've definitely developed my self worth, I know I'm a strong woman, I still haven't taken a single day off sick from work, I still haven't given up, I do not sit and cry everyday.... I'm prepared for the future, I know i can stand up, speak up and act for my rights now. It's sad I've had to learn the hard way but it's a lesson I'll never forget I don't know what anyone can say to me to fix my mind.

Sorry veer ji, please forgive me. I did not intend to sound as if I was calling myself superior or special in any way. My husband is special for me because he's a gift from waheguru ji to me hence I feel he's worth praying for. When we did our laavan, in my perspective I thought we were making a commitment to help each other on the path of sikhi and that if any of us were going astray (manmukh way) we would be there to support/guide each other back. The reason why I highlighted the word 'bride' in the hukamnamas was because I did an ardas to guru sahib that if he will save my marriage please show me the word 'bride'. I guess it may sound childish but that is possibly because I'm feeling broken. I know being amritdhari doesn't make us extraordinary, I actually feel ashamed that we're an amritdhari couple and we're doing this beadbi - in actual fact we're quite disgraceful as when people hear about our situation and the first thing they say is 'lehh what's the point being amritdhari etc etc'. We've let guru sahib down. Yes you're right I'm very weak, I should have faith in waheguru ji and understand that whatever he does is for our good and that the pain im receiving is due to my past bad karam. But what I do firmly believe is that until the divorce is not fully complete (God forbid that there is a divorce) I will continue to pray for forgiveness for mine and my husband's previous bad karams in hope that our father has mercy on us. But yes u are right alongside this I should also do benti that I increase faith in waheguru and that everything he will do is for our best. Once again I'm sorry I didn't mean to do any sort of beadbi.

My sister is getting married in a few weeks (hopefully if the government say it's still safe). I feel sorry for her as we can't all get together as a family and do anything. It's really hard for me with my situation but I honestly want to make sure that she has the best experience possible. Does anyone have any ideas for what we can do to make the weeks before her wedding special at home? I've planned a home spa day.