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Working wife , a good idea for me or hazardous one ?
Guest posted a topic in GUPT FORUMIts been couple of years since my marriage. In this few years I have blessed by guru sahib with a cute lil son . With my not-so-much salary , and my mom a housewife , and an old weakened father on the brink of retirement , I am seriously beginning to wonder what to do ahead. My wife has completed her B.A (bachelor in arts), a degree traditionally believed to be of little value lol. It doesn't seem she's interested in pursuing higher education. She used to work in a shop before marriage as she hails from a rural , poor family. But she's passionate about one thing . Hairstyling and cosmetics . Infact, before she turned pregnant, she had a short training at local parlor , and from what I heard from her, even the owner lady of the parlor was very happy with her work, and often asking her to do more . However my concern is Is hair-styling/salon a respectable job. I have my reservations against it, because it kind of intermingles or on boundaries with other lesser respectable and shady areas like SPA (heard sex rackets happening there with 'special massage' lol ?) or bollywood celebrity make ups. yes the rotten t's into illicit sex and drugs. I being a closeted guy , and my wife not knowing about my sexuality, am deeply concerned about her spoiling if she started going out. I don't know how justified my fears are, but considering I live in mumbai which is like london of UK (my approx analogy). Its like right now I feel I want my wife to earn and be my support or atleast be independent woman on her own. I asked her don't give me your salary, keep it to yourself ,just want her to be independent, but at the same time I fear her being spoiled or someone locally who thinks I am gay spoiling her intentionally. you never know. Please advice
Should my wife be saying such things about cookking food , etc ?
Guest posted a topic in WHAT'S HAPPENING?So basically I wasn't expecting a scene in our home today noon but it did happen. My mom wasn't feeling well today , and the little kid keeps my wife busy other times , but he was sleeping.So my wife made some food. When I asked if the food was done, she said "yes, but don't criticize it please . I have been in kitchen for 'n' hours now doing cookking" I honestly started losing my temparament . I mean can she not even do this much ! Do I have no right to criticize the food she made. what if its tasteless. I mean my dad has criticized and got dishes made from mom for long. As I started eating and saying as to why I cannot criticize the food she made. Thats the only thing she handles right now , if at all. My dad said I should not criticize too much and that made me fuming because here's the man who always got things made from mom. So I started shouting on him as well. Mom immediately came to my rescue and started shouting at dad. Then mom's outburst came at my wife saying why she can't handle criticism of food . Then past issues suddenly came into arguments. My wife has a habit of arguing. I told her its her duty to make wholesome, tasty food for her husband (me). Thats the least a husband expects from wife. I also said if she can't do that I will start eating in restaurants. All this discussions happened in front of entire family. I was crying a little. Honestly though, I deserve good food with a wife. What's wrong in this ? I know toxic feminists will say your housewife isn't a domestic thing, I would like to tell them then I ain't an ATM either. I never b*tched about having to earn for her.
The incident happened few days back. It was afternoon. Dad called mom , but mom was bathing after doing household chores , so she couldn't pick call. Then dad called my wife and asked her "What all has pantry run out of . Let me know." to which my wife replied "I don't know . Mom might be knowing" to which my dad got pissed off and said "How come you don't know ? you too work in kitchen. are you just there to eat" . My wife got sulked out of this and maintained the typical 'fat face' till evening. She could have ignored dad's scoldings and even learned from it . But apparently father in law is only good when he brings good things for her and he does always . When my mom asked her to go together to gurudwara in the evening, she replied with a rude "NO !" . Later that day when dad came home after a day of hard work, he again scolded my wife (but as her father) The thing is my wife has missed her monthly date and we thought she's conceiving . But she didn't tell me much about her stomach aches . It was kinda bearable for her, but on that night when she was scolded, she all of a sudden develops tough pains unbearable and moves around the bed as if in excruciating pain . I was shocked at the sudden development of her pain and was not prepared for it . Next day she calls her parents and says "I got infection in my stomach since several days and they're not getting me medicines" . Her mom dad prefered to call her aunt (who lives in same city as us) rather than calling my mom dad or me for first hand information. Her dad was apparently sobbing over the phone to her aunt "Please go take care for her" as if we're hitlers and torturing her ! Next day , she gets into petty arguments with non-stop arguments over my mom and my mom is crying to me over the phone while I am in office . I also talked to my wife to bring her to sense, but she has this heightened sense of 'entitlement' without displaying her own sense of responsibilites. She always thinks my mom is conspiring in my ears against her , but its never so . My mom loved her more than her mother can (remember the golden ring to chain thing ?) BTW, when my mom did emphasize to her how much we do love her and gold chain is just one example of it, she thought we're enumerating things now , and she would rather prefer not to wear such things as "ehsaan" did on her. She removed the gold chain and kept it somewhere . She accused my mom of not loving her as a daughter , conveniently forgetting half of her daily chores are done by mom just so that she can learn english and make-up courses which mom herself encouraged me to enrol her into . Later that day when I come home, I give her a convenient dressing down , but she as usual in her rude tone continued to speak in a loud volume , against me and my mom . The thing about my dad is he's doing a lot of earning for our family and supplementing my salary, to which we're certainly grateful to him . But at the same time, he tends to take my wife's side almost always. So our home ends up having two teams , one is me and mom , another is dad taking my wife's side. I called her sister and asked her, she was taking my wife's side and said "She's a child , so what if she does something bad. She makes mistakes" . But its all hypocrisy. When I talked to her parents, their pendu gavaar parents said I and my mom were at fault obviously and her mom told me "You took away our girl from us , atleast visit sometime. I will take my girl for 3 months. If you can't get her treatment, we will" I was flabbergasted by our image created in their minds. Next day her pregnancy test did come positive and we took her to a gynaecologist and spent several thousand bucks into her blood tests. But , oh we're so bad !!
How to do paath for someone deceased
Redoptics posted a topic in WHAT'S HAPPENING?So question I take my guru seriously, how do I do paath for my late wife?
Dealing with an angry wife
Guest posted a topic in GUPT FORUMIts been 6 months or so since I am married. Didn't ask for a dowry or anything. My wife is usually nice to my mom and dad, although I think she just tries acting sweet and has tendencies of passive-aggressiveness inside her . Sometimes she also becomes very angry which is not justified. for instance today she said 'you people have not purchased me' . My mom sold her gold rings to make a gold chain for her. Dad often brings nice fruits etc for her, and since I don't have siblings, she easily enjoys food etc in house. Doesn't do a job , only studies and we have paid the fee so she may be self sufficient. her background is she comes from a poor family but her father is equally arrogant if not more , and has never addressed me as 'dear son' . Still I call him daddy ji . Her mom keeps telling me how we should visit punjab again but honestly I don't have money or vacation to do that . We're on EMIs since my marriage for the loan I took. Despite providing her with everything and she only partly doing work at house, she still has anger and arrogance and if I or mom say something angrily for her own good, she often acts in ego . Today my mom cried because of her because she in arguments said 'you people havent purchased me ' . How to deal with a woman like this ?? I don't think I can afford a divorce either . Is she something that can be improved. I thought she was sanskari , oh well looking at how she back answers I don't think I can say that again .
Is man the head of the house?
puzzled posted a topic in WHAT'S HAPPENING?In our faith or in Sikh culture is there a structure in the household? Is man/husband the head of the house? During the lavaan/phere the man walks at front and leads the way. In kalki avtaar, when guru ji is describing how humanity will fall and go wrong, guru ji says men will stop respecting their parents and will come under their womans control. In most Punjabi houses the female/wife is the head of the house these days (probably why everything is going wrong, men have forgotten their responsibilities) What does Sikhi say about this? is the man supposed to be the head of the house?
Miss my wife
Redoptics posted a topic in POLITICS | LIFESTYLESorry a little tipsy but miss my wife, nobody needs to respond, its what it is.
Why does my wife want to assertively feed me ? Is this a tactic ?
Guest posted a topic in GUPT FORUMShe's a nice person so far, since more than a month in marriage. And she makes nice food too , but I find it bizzaring how she wants to feed me all the time , not during usual breakfast, lunch and dinner , but inbetween lets say we having panjeeri with milk and if she feels i am not partaking of it, she assertively tried to feed me , as if i am a child. She fills the spoon and brings it near my mouth and says "chalo now eat it. " Even if I repeatedly say I don't want to , she gets upset and keeps insisting. Then she does more cleverness. If we agree I will have only one spoon of it , she gives me one spoonfull and soon enough brings another spoonful. Is this seemingly sweet act an insidious passive-agrressive way to take over
Sikh matchmaking help in Canada??
Guest posted a topic in GUPT FORUMVjkkvjkf, What are some useful websites or places I can visit for a suitable gursikh partner. Specifically, I am a 24 year old gursikh male searching for 24 or younger gursikh match. Me and my family are all Canadian citizens and live in Ontario. I am also asking my local sangat as well but I would like to your suggestions as well. Thank you. Vjkkvjkf