Wales85

Try faking it. Pretend to be all those things that you want to be, and eventually you will be. For the confidence thing, I think sports are a great way to build that. Even just bodybuilding would be awesome for you, but something where you compete with other people would be better. You also seem to define yourself in large part by your sexuality... which doesn't make sense. Stop focusing on it so much. As far as what people say...

There is truth in what you say, but its a dangerous thing to start thinking about... so if your friend isn't thinking about it better to not mention it. True amritdharis will always show him respect, and those who don't really don't matter. It is between God and your friend, and no one else.

Take it slow. One of the things that has drawn me towards this religion is that being a good Sikh NEVER contradicts being a good person. So try to be a good person, and when you feel down and struggle or are really disappointed in yourself, look to Gurbani and it will help you pick yourself up and try again. There are some really good Singhs on this site, and they are always wiling to help. I think going to Gurdwara is really important as well(at least for me), but just realize that its just like any other church/mosque/etc. in that sikhs are still human and some are good and some are bad... and it is a predominately punjabi religion and you may at times feel unwelcome... but take it with a grain of salt. Many amritdhari guys take flack every time they step out of gurdwara, its really a small thing for us to take a little every now and then... early sikh converts faced much much much much worse. Goodluck!

The first rule of fight club is you do not talk about fight club.

Fair enough, I just find it difficult to do. Sometimes I get worked up, waste a bunch of time typing on these forums for something that doesn't bring any real benefit, and then feel bad for doing it later. These things are not mutually exclusive, but for me it is difficult to do both. For those who can, more power to them.

Quote from Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People. Great book, changed my life, but I am guilty of not following good advice. "Instead of reacting to or worrying about conditions over which they have little or no control, proactive people focus their time and energy on things they can control. The problems, challenges, and opportunities we face fall into two areas--Circle of Concern and Circle of Influence. Proactive people focus their efforts on their Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do something about: health, children, problems at work. Reactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern--things over which they have little or no control: the national debt, terrorism, the weather. Gaining an awareness of the areas in which we expend our energies in is a giant step in becoming proactive."

Dalsingh, you consistently paint things black and white that are not so. If the united states did not aggressively pursue oil, another stronger country would. That country would then increase and strength and economic output and eventually consume and destroy us. India does the same thing, as does China, UK, Germany, France, Iraq, Iran, Syria, and literally every other country that matters at all. If there is every a khalistan, it to would have to do this in order to survive, or it would be crushed. The english country that you live in does the same thing, and you reap the benefits. Their are countries who do not fight over these things, and if your conscience pains you then by all means go to one. Since the beginning of civilization we have been fighting over natural resources, and we will never stop until mankind stops being human. I unanimously condemn any immoral acts by US troops in foreign countries, and they should be punished(even killed) for their actions, but I will not condemn my country for acting in its own best interest. When US gas prices rise people end up on the streets, lose their homes, lose their jobs, and many many many end up dead because of it. Its no different than fighting over food or water. Your empty rhetoric and constant personal insults literally mean nothing to me, I will answer to God and not you for my beliefs. Unlike you, I am capable having a disagreement with someone without resulting to personal attacks or gross (usually racial) generalizations. Your inability to do this makes our discussions pointless and futile, so I reiterate my desire to avoid a discussion.

So you say. Which country does not / has not fought to control natural resources? Only those that cannot. I do not desire to engage in a discussion about this. You have your beliefs and I have mine. -W

Perhaps i am too emotionally involved with this issue. Your a good guy Singh, I can't make myself argue with you.

I understand what you are saying singh, but this man took many many innocent lives. The only person who has the right to forgive him are his victims, and they are all dead and cannot give him forgiveness. Its like if I robbed you, and some other guy said its ok Wales.. I forgive you. He would have to right to forgive me, because he would not have been wronged... So, for all the victims of this monster I hate him, and I say may he burn in hell. If I show compassion towards this man, then I spit in the face of all the good men and women who he killed. It is actually immoral for me to not desire justice for his victims. If he wants compassion, let him ask it from God and his victims in the afterlife.

The government denounced that picture as fake as soon as it came out. So I don't see what benefit their is in debunking it. All these conspiracy theories... I guess good ol USA decided to bankrupt itself for no reason. Nothing new here, every major world event has these conspiracy theories around it. The only reasonable conspiracy I would think is that Osama is alive and sitting in a walled up room now learning the finer points of CIA torture. Seems like the perfect way to extract info without needing to worry about repercussions. If he is alive I only pray that he lives for a very very long time :-) War for natural goods is a perfectly just war. We will have it, or the chinese will have it. I would prefer we did. Thats just the nature of a world with finite resources and infinite demands on them.

Wonderful news! May he burn in hell.

Thanks Singh! That is exactly what I was looking for. Thanks again, W

So I know the stance of this site, so I do not want this to turn into a debate. I am planning on taking up a vegetarian diet for a month, but I wanted to know what type of vegetarian you guys feel sikhi advicates, or that you feel is healthiest. Is it required to be vegan? Any good websites for someone getting started on this? I don't want to live off of dal Do you guys feel unhealhy or weak? Seems easy, especially with the vegan diets, to end up lacking some important nutrients. No scriptural/theologic debates please, just asking for friendly advice from many of the vegetarians members of this site. -W

I know nothing about India (not indian), but Manmohan Singh is an economic genius. What he did with India's economy in such a short time span is nothing short of miraculous. His other misgivings, I do not know enough to talk about, but this I do. Could be the scum of the earth, I don't know, but he has been very very good for indias economy. -P

Get as much documentation as you can. Call this number if you want. I would just contact an attorney. Employee Rights Employees may find out how to file a complaint by contacting the local Wage and Hour Division office, or by calling the program's toll-free help line at 1-866-4USWAGE (1-866-487-9243). In addition, an employee may file a private suit, generally for the previous two years of back pay (three years in the case of a willful violation) and an equal amount as liquidated damages, plus attorney's fees and court costs. It is a violation of the Act to fire or in any other manner discriminate against an employee for filing a complaint or for participating in a legal proceeding under the Act. If he fires you without ample documented reason that he will have to bring before court, can can take him to the cleaners. I suggest recording conversations, and make sure you get all the copies you can of your work records without arousing suspicion. I like to use my iphone (there is an app). I know desi people are nervous about doing stuff like this, but this isn't the punjab and you do not need to worry about retribution as much. Corruption like this can be handled in the states, and if you get a good attorney you can wreak hell on him and he can't do anything without risking another lawsuit. If you are unsure of the attorney try to find one with a jewish last name. :-)

Wow, great post Mehtab! Success or failure appears to me to be rather relative. You feel like a failure now, if you get a job tomorrow you will feel like a winner. With these things its all stress and worry and then you have the job, and then its an entirely new stress and worry. I don't think God will get you a job, or not get you a job. Its just the market, your skill set, etc. Do absolutely everything you can, and if you are doing absolutely everything you can then you should be too busy to worry about it. As far as worrying about the "other guys", you need to be like a race horse. Always look straight ahead and push as hard as you can, looking around is just gonna slow you down. Let us know when things pick up, and they will. -W

Let it serve as a reminder to you to make sure you do not do the same, and then leave him behind.

So much nonsense posted here I don't even know where to begin. If you your going to pick apart random pictures on the internet,may I suggest you find a better use of your time? Slander does not bring you closer to God. As to the picture: I think they have graves to symbolize their death to the flesh(common theme in christianity), the saintly figure appears to be a missionary, and the bowls to me signify that they are coming to him for sustenance(spiritual).. meaning gods teaching to humanity(christ). The raised cross is significant of authority, and the rosary around the neck indicates saintliness. I think its an old school religious propoganda.. not unlike that found in stained glass windows in old churches. It is meant to communicate the religion to the illiterate masses.

Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People has a good chapter on time management.. I highly recommend.

thanks for all the comments guys. I have agreed to go to mass with my wife today instead of Gurdwara mainly as a method of appeasement. I think she will be disappointed, but I think continuing to fight her on this will only make it worse. Better to let her see it and evaluate the situation herself. The social situation will appear to her in church, but like me she is a pure monotheist at heart and I think she will be turned off by the consecration of the host. I also have a good plan of how to handle this that I will be putting into effect very soon. Its not easy to try and create a sikh family, but I think it was a lot harder to do when muslims were cutting sikh's throats and waging war against them... so I really have no reason to complain. I just want to get this nice and sorted out before I have kids so that their identity remains intact. Does anyone have some advice about how I can better get involved in my gurdwara? I try to help out at langar when I can, but do you think the granthis would be receptive to my interest?( I am trying to take your advice gurdssingh) I was thinking of inviting them over for dinner... but I am a bet wary. I have heard that some of these punjabi granthis are here for the visa, and I think a big let down could really push this thing over the brink with my wife. wjkk wjkf

Imagine a triangle where God is one corner and husband and wife are the other two corners. The closer they grow to God, the closer they get to each other. If they are not moving in the same direction, they will grow farther apart.

Thanks for all the wonderful comments. I think I am going to try and find some social groups to get her involved with and see if the problem just disappears. I stay so busy I forget that she can get lonely, especially since she is so far removed from the huge desi community she grew up in. She is a good girl, but she is beginning to realize that my skin color makes that old type of community hard to get out here. 3HO is not an option for me, I have serious problems with it and I will leave it at that. I was raised in the church, and it really isn't all bad. It has some problems, but I still think it does more good than almost any organization in the world. The problem is that I just don't believe in its tenets. Catholicism ask you to believe a whole slew of things... Sikhism ask you to believe in one God, working hard, and sharing with the less fortunate. I also do have problems with the sex abuse scandal, its pretty horrific, but some of the most Godly men I have ever known have been priest. I will stay the course, and I fill find a way to help her. Its kind of my duty as her husband. Thanks everyone! Fateh!