proud_to_be_singhni

Perhaps it would be helpful giving a better advice if we knew the reasons for you not wanting a reception. but here is a general answer. Compromise. The Husband has just as much right to have a Reception after the wedding as the wife has the right to refuse to have one. Perhaps you guys can compromise on the type of event that you guys want held at the reception or find a common ground on the things you don't want to have and want to have and he do the same. Who knows maybe you will actually enjoy. Sometimes you will have to step back and sometimes he will have to. 142056[/snapback] erm....the person in question who doesnt want the reception (no hints!) ...iz because she feels its not appropriate considering she never goes to receptions/parties at any1 elses wedding and stays at darbar hall or goes home to help after everyone has come back etc.....the noise, music, dancing iz not her scene at all and wud most probably upset her. She wants simple wedding, kirtan and then lovely langar with a get together at home....no parties etc. But saying that she loves and also respects her "to be"....so she stuck! How can she compromise?? anyone???? 142107[/snapback] beloved, It seems obvious that you don't want this bump on the road to cause a big issue. How certain are you that 'he' wants the same type of a wedding you wish to have? Perhaps he is also compromising his ways to give you the wedding you wish to have. It is also obvious this is a very special day for the both of you and you will remember this day for the rest of this life so you want it to be a experience which will bring memories you will cherish. When i say compromise, it does not necessarily mean that you will have to compromise to his ways, rather it means to find a common ground between 2 individuals. After all this is a marriage between 2 people and its bidirectional. If there is still time in the wedding and reception, then i suggest you put more effort into getting your voice heard to your family and to your soon to be husband about your desire to not have a reception. You will be surprise what effort can produce, who knows maybe the will of god is the same as yours that there will be no reception at the wedding. If you are very intent in not having it, then make a stand and force the other to compromise. That day will be what you make of it. And if there is a reception, then make the best out of it, just observe the play of others, distant yourself mentally from the noise, music, dancing. Let that time be a time for a internal test for you mind. There are often times when we are placed in a position where we do not wish to be and that we are forced to turn towards God. Personally that initself is a gift for that environment produced a circumstance that made us remember our priorities of rememberance of our Beloved. I have found that i remember God most in places where i do not wish to be. Perhaps it will bring upon an experience for you that you will never forget. We believe that we should create a distance between those things that do not aid us in being more closer to god. Initially that is the best and only option. But if by chance we are place in those situations, instead of running away let those situations be a place for meditation...we cannot always live in the boundry of our safe-zone. There will come times when we will have to walk thru the places which we feel as harmful to our growth. In reality it is only when we walk thru those places that we are able to judge, analyze our progress. That even walking through them my rememberance of God did not break. That day will be what you make of it and make the best of what you are given. Beloved sister, I wish you the best of luck on your journey and may god bless you with Love, Love and nothing but Love. 142300[/snapback] Has anybody ever told you this (i bet they have)....You Rock!!!!! I read your post thru 5 times or more and each time the more i read the more things begun to make sense. I did not even think that way..... I do spend most of my time running away from these events .then again a suitable thing wud be to go to one of these events before, there is one coming up soon which i was going to ignore the reception mayb i need to attend and see how i feel?!...(brain getting ideas...hmmm)...and if i dont like it il raise my voice (hey prateek paji, no trouble there! lol!) thanx again all .....

mehtab praajeee ju arre berry slow.....

.... ..... compromise, compromise ,compromise,.......cant think no more thanx to all responses, i have enuf to ponder over, by all means any1 else have anything to add please add. this is a big thing.....a decision which relies heavily on the balance of this relationship, its not exactly straight forward.....why i can't make my mind up.....i dont know?...its not so simple. Anyways............! (note to self) >>>Lighten up Already!!!!! @ Thanx evryone.

ahhhhh paji we all share that dream.... when it happens il be one of the first to shout akaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaal.....and more!

hahahhahahahahhahhahahhahahhahahhahahahahhahaha ..... wait................my stomach killing me laughing! hahhahhaha.. grover madam???!!!! hhahahahahhahhahahhahaahhahhaaaa hahhahhahhahahhahahahhahhaha...... ....... ur mad curious paji........awwwww.....biscuits.........xmas spirit ,....hohoho!

ssm penji thanx but do you not think if the someone gives in this time to the others demand, then down the line will need to keep compromising each time... ...thats not how it should work hana.....or should it....damn i dont know.... this is so complicated ......for any1..... things shoulkd be straight forward, course they not....soooo vaheguru will sort it......please?

wow...thas cool bro. david, the internet is great! lol....i still learn so much from it. Sikhnet has a lot of useful information and there many inspiring poeple here on sikh sangat....ask whatever you want to any of us. Its great if a sikh can learn gurmukhi many dont know it at first, you can look up translaiton on sites like sikhi to the max....for help until you can learn from a teacher.

Perhaps it would be helpful giving a better advice if we knew the reasons for you not wanting a reception. but here is a general answer. Compromise. The Husband has just as much right to have a Reception after the wedding as the wife has the right to refuse to have one. Perhaps you guys can compromise on the type of event that you guys want held at the reception or find a common ground on the things you don't want to have and want to have and he do the same. Who knows maybe you will actually enjoy. Sometimes you will have to step back and sometimes he will have to. 142056[/snapback] erm....the person in question who doesnt want the reception (no hints!) ...iz because she feels its not appropriate considering she never goes to receptions/parties at any1 elses wedding and stays at darbar hall or goes home to help after everyone has come back etc.....the noise, music, dancing iz not her scene at all and wud most probably upset her. She wants simple wedding, kirtan and then lovely langar with a get together at home....no parties etc. But saying that she loves and also respects her "to be"....so she stuck! How can she compromise?? anyone????

awwww...thanx pajee you too kind

hanje paji it is okay i think. My mama and mami ji actually passed away a long time ago, my parents adopted their two sons when they were about 7 and 8 back then....vaheguroo....and who are in over 18 now and both amritdhari with guru ji's kirpa.....its amazing every time i think guru ji didnt want me to have two but four brothers. i love them all so much...vahegurooo.

Here is a scenario..... Now suppose you getting married and your significant other half wants to have a reception after the anand karaj and you don't. Then what? What do you do? You both get on, you wanna still marry but this..... So, what would you do??? :music:

works both ways, but better to keep them gupt.....i would but im still working out how to do that with my distaar....to ensure it doesnt rip or lar comes out. i love practising though.. a real singhnee feeling runs through my heart.

hey penji, PM me and i may be able to help ya with other contacts etc...me president at thames valley uni... started it last year and iz goin realli well...we have simran session every wednesdays which is getting more and more sangat each week......vahegurooo. BTW check www.boss-uk.org for help too, they very koool! :TH:

that iz just so worng..... absolutely takes the mick out of the Real victims....how people have no shame... vahegurooo bhallla karan.

thanx paji. btw paji the kirtan at sheperds bush gurdvara (LYK) was truly sooo amazing......wish we coiuldve shared it with sangat here.....may be next time that seva can be done.... funny thing was though it took us 1 hour to find car parking. lol.

awww penji...

uhrmm paji i did see one in pink and green too.....in hazoor sahib!....so iz the hat ready??!!! oh and yeh...singh sandhu has volunteered to go down his local gurdvara in red chola tomorrow....or was that santa claus???!!! @

okayyyy...... that makes it all soooo better ... weird bro!

eat my hat??!! pajee does have a funny side.....kool :TH:

Man Penji ! Whas up ! U high on the unshared purohnteh again ? 141971[/snapback] u know veer me getting bored of the unshared pranthe business.....pleasssseeee move on....hehhehhehhhehhhehe please!

yeh mine were well painful ! Thanx 2 ma Daddy Ji ! Arw my childhood brings bak the larfs & the cries ! But we terrorised are teachers though, but my tutor was soo sly that she had to tell my dad, coz the racist knew I wou;d get battered 4 it . . 141979[/snapback] hey heyyyy.... how can you be so sure she was racist. its usually we just think that and they're actually not.... tut tut.....!

HAHHAHAHHAHAH...............HAHHA thas hilarious...why iz that sumone always does that at gatka. Its usually a kid where i go. i go sometimes.....shud go evry week but don't coz the teachers (if we can call them that )......are sooo mean, making us run for an hour, do exercises, do our path and ardas. by time we finished its like ....hun.....COLLAPSED! I never come for the exercies any way , just to learn the moves which me very good at...needed just two lessons to learnt the pedhra and now gone past salaaami etc. singh sandhu....awwwww......thas soooo bad......u mustve been realli cheeky to keep gettin clippings! hehehhee! funny stories! :TH:

what??? desi boy! hohohoho.....damn what a cold day it is today! sooo im guna go check ur new topics of embarassing moments now..... TATA (LOL)

i know ..u wrote it in a serious manner.... but for a second i cud not stop my laugh..... the way u wrote... turbans flying anywys.... ya it wud be a massive behtzi 141923[/snapback] same here bro!.... nah seriously thas bad!

So according to you sex with your wife for pure phyiscal enjoyment is not allowed? 136070[/snapback] obviously not ***** . kaam is not going to help you in your sikhi 136074[/snapback] What? You made no sense. 141220[/snapback] Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa. Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh. "jackpaul"!! what do you mean he made no sense? do you honestly think that having sex for "so-called pleasure" is ok in sikhi? its wrong before and after getting married, if its for "so-called pleasure" but sex is only allowed after the couple are a couple! (MARRIED)*DUH* come on..thats a really stupid question from you....ask your parents they'll tell you...lol...and you know exactly what i mean. i know your parents..lol. they should have plenty of answers...i think....... dont ask another question like that. and dating? i think its important to know someone before getting married to that person. but it depends on how youre getting to know that person. you shouldnt like "go out". i think thats wrong cuz you might end up doing something that you never expected yourself to do. if you wanna get to know someone, bring along a close relative, or best friend. then you know that you wont end up doing something stupid. so its not really a relationship, its just like meetings...and yeah...tests..lol and getting to know someone doesnt take like 4 yreas man! thats crazy...well i think that anyways. look at the persons status in sikhi. look at the persons eductaion. look at the persons background...(meaning parents and how they have lived) and to girls: make sure that its a guy who likes kids..i know so many punjabi dads who hate kids. and thats so sad cuz they dont spend time with their kids and then the mother has to do it all. the kids dont grow up knowing how fum their dad can be. and the dads just go out with their buddies. this happens too much. but then there are the really nice fathers lol of topic, sorry anywho..thats all i have to say. peace... Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa. Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh. 141926[/snapback] hmmm....sis being just what 17 you know quite abit.....we need to keep an eye on you and others!.....too many youngsters replying back on these posts. Wonder if its okay??..... lol.......chill...just kidding!