skaur8888

websites are sikhhelplinecom and sasorg.co.uk

contact the 2 groups I mentioned in last message as they're experienced in supporting women with violent husbands so can suggest how to overcome her fears. the mental abuse he's giving her may be affecting her confidence and self-respect as he may be telling her she's worthless and nothing without him and how will she manage with 3 children alone - its like brainwashing. I'm surprised more people haven't responded with advice but there's a lot of silence and apathy about domestic violence in our community and there seems to be mostly men on this site so maybe they just don't it see it as a problem. please also ask for Waheguruji' to bless you with strength to help your sister

there's so much domestic violence in our society but it goes invisible as we sweep it under the carpet because of the shame if it comes out, our gurujis respected women and want us to stand up for and protect those being bullied. maybe contacting Sikh helpline or Sikh Awareness Society for advice too (sorry couldn't paste the weblinks, but just do a search on google) Hope that helps

your sister may be worried about dragging you and brother into this, and the "shame" bought onto the family of leaving her husband but she's very lucky to have family willing to help. my mum was in a similar situation and although massi/mama tried to support her - no-one was willing to help in the way you're suggesting. But she can survive without him, other women like my mum have done it, it isn't easy especially in our society where the woman tends to be blamed, but the fact she has family on her side makes a big difference. one way to get through to her is to tell her its your duty as brothers to protect her and her children now you know the truth and you have no choice but to get her out the situation that if he carries on this way how will her children manage without a mother as his behaviour may end up with her being badly hurt or worse. Rather than her leaving by herself, I would go and collect her, it shows that she's not on her own. Don't give up on helping her out of this situation, she will find it very difficult to get out without support. In the meantime, why don't you and brother speak to her husband and make it clear you won't put up with him abusing her? makes me sick how these men think its ok to abuse women

thank you for this topic as i also have problems concentrating and any tips will help me too. Have found trying to listen to my voice as I'm reciting helps and also to see mind wandering as my mind's way of trying to get control as it doesn't want to focus or be controlled - this way I don't get so annoyed with myself and feel guilty - it seems to help. but mind is very clever and seems to come up with new tricks, recently I noticed I'm getting parts of Japji Sahib mixed up, think its a sign I need to focus more on the meanings. Hope that helps.

how does your father-in-law treat other people in the family , especially other women? and does he act this way in front of others, or just when you're alone? I've noticed its people who do the most caring are sometimes treated the worse, and you sound like maybe you're putting the family first which is a very nice quality and what us indian women are encouraged to do. but if the way he speaks to you carries on, how will it affect how others in family see you (if he's acting this way in front of others), especially your son?. Without the support of your husband it will be difficult to change the situation without being blamed as the daughter-in-law, so I would try and get your husband to understand how you feel and that you're not happy to be treated this way - I know its difficult, but try to stay calm and reasonable and give specific examples of what father-in-law has done/said as men tend to want to avoid any emotional scenes. You can then try to tackle it as a couple rather than you doing it alone. from what you described, it sounds like bullying, and usually people do it if they think they can get away with it. if he only does it when no-one else is around, I would try to avoid being alone with him until it can be tackled. Your message didn't say whether there's other people who can support you, but being treated this way can easily make you lose faith and confidence in yourself if you feel alone, so try to keep in touch with other family/friends who treat you well. Also like the posters suggested, do patt and trust in Waheguru as your prayers will be answered. Hope that helps

unfortunately there are also parents who opt out of disciplining their children- perhaps seeing the chance to relax and sit back while their child runs riot and spoils the atmosphere for others . in the old days, most parents would be too ashamed to let that happen in public - maybe its the western disease of bestfrienditis - wanting to be the childs best friend instead of a parent, it just amounts to lack of respect for our guruji. and this week I'm seriously considering not going to the gurdwara as its more peaceful at home and I can just put on one of the Sikh channels

I think having signs, announcements and sevadars politely correcting people will help and also education of why we need to show respect, that guru granth sahib ji is the same as all the gurus - I honestly feel some people don't realise the significance - its just a book to them. sorry to say that but its the only reason I can think that explains why they carry on this way.

I've seen that too at my local gurdwara. I don't know why this trend is happening, but there are also other worrying trends such as general chit-chat in front of guruji and while kirtan is going on, playing with mobiles phones, texting and phones going off even during the ardas - its got to the stage of weekly reminders to please switch off phones. can be very depressing sometimes witnessing this, and maybe its just the gurdwara I go to but wonder if people would do these things in front of Guru Nanak ji or any of our gurus yet they behave this way in front of Guru Granth Sahib ji

north Europe hasn't always been so "great" - e.g what the Nazis did to 6 million jews . the wealth of many of these countries was built on exploiting their empires in Asia and Africa. I really admire your search for answers, but according to Sikhi our minds and therefore understanding is limited, maybe you should also search for answers in getting to know Viaguruji through studying bani especially Japji Sahib as it focuses on creation of this world and through naam simran

I totally agree with you, our Gurus wouldn't be happy at these insulting words, its ignorant and I remember such words being used about me and my sisters walking to school by goreh

don't go if you feel uncomfortable with it - just to fit in at work, its more important to fit in with Guruji

maybe I'm missing something here , but why would postponing the event mean the committee is corrupt?

yes I agree people can be very clever in how they write and seem genuine but I think he's being truthful

I think its very difficult if you're different from the rest of society around, but I think the same goes for other people too that are different in whatever way, like the disabled, or people who are unmarried in our culture and a lot of this is due to the worries about what others think. In my own family, my dad left and that was considered shameful for our family and so we were looked down on - in our society most difference is looked down on - that's why I find the message of our gurus so beautiful - everyone is equal before Waheguruji's eyes. Whatever others feel about you being homosexual, in the end its between you and Waheguruji, and I know that Waheguruji is the only one that accepts all. You said you're worried about your actions reflecting badly on sikhi, but there are many people drinking. swearing and doing worse in a pagg and dhari, at least you care enough about sikhi, but don't let others opinions come between you and Waheguruji. I used to feel very guilty and unworthy of Waheguruji as I felt I was not a good enough Sikh, but over time I realised it is between me and Waheguruji and not up to anyone else, no -one is perfect in this world. I think you should ask Waheguruji what to do and not let other's opinions distance you from him.

how he's written his post shows it Is genuine, unlike some posts that are just fake and made to create a reaction against Sikh women. he's been honest and isn't trying to encourage others to express negative opinions about one group of people - he's seems to be looking for genuine advice. As you get more life experience you'll be able to see the difference too.

sukhi077 ji why should this thread be ignored, he has a dilemma and is asking advice, and has asked politely. Maybe its your age (you seem very young from some of your responses) but people deserve politeness in response to their genuine questions, even if you don't agree with them.

this really is kaljug, they should be focusing on encouraging children to wait until they're married, not to indulge at even younger ages, world is going mad.

I agree, your boss sounds like a bully and its easy to start doubting yourself and losing your confidence at work so try to get support, not sure where you live but is there a union or someone you can speak to even if you don't report her it will help to make you feel you're not alone. Also keep yourself up and in chardi kala by listening to patt and seeking support from Waheguruji these are the times when it will help you feel closer to Waheguru and that you're not alone - remember there is more to you then this job, and with Waheguruji's blessings you will find a better one. try to do things you enjoy outside of work so you get a rest from it. This person is only creating bad karam for herself and will reap what she sows later, Good luck, and hope it works out for you,

sounds like you've made your own decision about who will marry and that's something Punjabi parents will find difficult. I personally feel there's nothing wrong with your parents wanting you to marry a punabi - someone who has a similar background, and experience, Waheguru made all different people, and the different cultures are part of Wahegurujis beautiful creation, and Punjabi culture is worth continuing - I know a lot of people on this site will not agree with that. have you considered girls who your parents may also be happy with? think its too easy in western society to become individualistic and feel you only need to consider your own preferences, but family is important too, they will be the one's generally who'll be there regardless whereas marriage may end in divorce, you're more likely to have a successful marriage if you have your family's support.

the hands are washed before giving karah Prasad, that is hygienic so shouldn't be a need for gloves

I'm not sure what to make of it - its good to make people aware of what they're entitled to but think its better to give people info on how to get work/training rather than just a list of benefits to claim - Sikhi is about earning honestly

yes do the ardas but will be very difficult to pass if you haven't done any work - we can't expect Viaguruji to help us if we don't put any effort in, sorry if that sounds harsh - but do some some revision too . Good luck

Hello ji. its Jasdeep Kaur from Qi-Rattan

its a women only session Paji, I don't see there's anything wrong with that