Ranjeet01

In our culture, particularly in Indian media with the saas - nau dramas, the mother-in-law always get a bad rep.The daughter-in-law is always the innocent party. I thought why would this be the case and I wonder if the saas has valid reasons to be tough with her daughter-in-law. The mother-in-law will ****-test her daughter-in-law to see if she is worthy, not only for her son but also because the daughter-in-law will take over to become the matriarch of the family. A lot of women will complain about the "preferential" treatment given to the husband's sister, but those women will move in with their own husband's families and receive the ****-tests from their own mother-in-laws and will eventually become the main woman in the married family. I think a mother-in-law in her 50s and 60s is a lot more clued on than her daughter in law who may be in her 20s. They have much more life experience and pick up on a lot more cues of what might happen and act accordingly. A lot of female communication is a lot more subtle and covert than male communication that tends to be direct. I think that for a male, for example a father-in-law tend to see the actions of her daughter-in-law favourably and see her as his own daughter, however a mother-in-law also being a female will pick up on certain nuances, body language that the male would not notice if something is not correct. These are just my observations.

Did you write this yourself or did you just copy and paste? What in your opinion would be the solution to these problems?

Well, for example the fact that different ethnic groups can get together to fight others. Take Millwall as an example. They are based in Deptford, S.E. London which has a very highly black population (it was in the 1990s, not been there for almost 20 years and do not know if this is the case). But they have always been known as a racist club and even though there are black Millwall fans, they never galvanised together with their local whites. However I know that Cass Penant headed up the West Ham firm and he was black.

There is a particular dynamic between different ethnic groups that is maybe not the same in other parts of the country. What makes the Birmingham/W.Midlands area unique in this instance?

I remember watching a program about football hooligans. And I recall that the Birmingham City hooligans were called The Zulus. Normally, football hooligans are known to be white racist thugs but what was strange about the Zulus was that they were full of Irish and Blacks. What was stranger was the Irish and the Black's used to go up and down the country to fight other hooligans who were mainly white English.

Even though it against Maryada,I am saying that there is a diverse set of reasons why people may do it.

The same reasons in the west that women have abortions even though there are contraception and family planning clinics.

Women have abortions for many different reasons, even Sikh women. Not every Sikh woman who has an abortion because the evil brown Sikh man coerced her to. Not every Sikh woman who may have an abortion because she might be giving birth to a girl. To parade this myth that the evil brown Sikh male is behind every Sikh female abortion is ludicrous. Why is that when a white western female has an abortion then it is her right to choose and it is her body, but when a brown Asian female has one it is because she is oppressed by the evil brown male. It is an insult to the intelligence of every Asian brown female.

More so the overall family pressure, and the vast majority of fathers love their daughters. A lot of that pressure would come from mother-in-laws.

How do you not know that it was the woman's choice to have the abortion and the husband foots the bill?

How is paying for a procedure equate to pressuring?

It is obviously the lust and attachment. 2 of the 5 thieves at play.

One of things I have realised over the years, there is a lot going on with women that a lot of blokes do not realise. With women, a lot of communication is covert and unless you are not aware of the signals you will not pick it up. My dad used to call it doing the "bhenji bhenji".

That diamond has brought nothing but trouble. It's the original "blood diamond"

Personally, I have never heard of a situation where a husband pressurised his wife to have an abortion because they may be having a girl. It's funny in the west that feminists claim a woman's right to choose to have an abortion but claim the opposite when women in the east have one.

I think we are getting off the topic somewhat. We are talking about Sikh men being momma's boys and what that actually means. Those mothers whose husband's had been shaheeded did not molly coddle their sons and gave them the space to be men, maybe they had to become the men in their families because they had to take on the extra responsibilities.

Doing a bit of trolling are we ;)? Just having discussion with JKV and MisterrSingh, expressing some thoughts, asking some questions. No one says that women cannot raise children. If you have something to contribute to the discussion, then you should present your views to the rest of the Sangat.

There are exceptions.

It is from these experiences that being in Chardikala comes from.

Well I am discussing in the context of this topic which is are Sikh men momma's boys. Furthermore, the average Sikh is a normal human being with all the character flaws. They are not Gurus.

Jkv/MisterrSingh I think part of making of a man is allowing your son to go out and make his own karam. He needs to go out in the big wide world and make his own mistakes. Making mistakes is also part of Maharaj's hukam as it is where one learns and grows from one's struggles. However, it can be very difficult to let them do that.

Donald Trump is being called a bigot or a fascist and that he is promoting hate etc etc. The thing with Donald Trump no matter what you think of him is saying things that perhaps need to be said and he is tapping into a sentiment that is felt by millions. Maybe there are a few elephants in the room and maybe there is time to call a spade a spade. Better for things to be out in the open and at least then they can be dealt with instead of doing the bhenji bhenji.

I sometimes wonder what is meant by being a momma's boy. In some ways every Sikh male is a momma's boy. The mother-son relationship is a unique special relationship. The mother is placed upon a pedestal, because they give birth. However, a mother was a female way before they even became a mother. That means that they will have all the virtues and flaws of female-hood. The question would be can mother teach a boy to become a man? Does a mother manipulate her status to her son to meet her feminine imperative? Can a mother be a detriment for her son to reach his full potential as a man?

http://www.simplecapacity.com/2015/11/native-americans-keep-their-hair-long-its-the-nervous-system/ Interesting article.

I know that we as Sikhs must stand up against tyranny and oppression but we also must not become "useful idiots" either.