D Kaur

Sorry - It's taken me a while to get back online! As i said i had an interesting discussion on this very subject recently. Below are my own thoughts... It's evident that Non Amritdhari people dont feel comfortable saying "Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Waheguru Jee Ke Fateh", and likewise Amritdhari people tend not to greet others in this manner either. The only Non Amritdharee that do use this greeting are those that are potentially in transition... What i found interesting however was one comment that someone raised.... which was alonge the lines of... Well my mum and dad dont say it and neither do my family in India so i dont think there is anything wrong with saying Sat Sri Akal instead... And there is the problem - the word "Instead" I think it's safe to say that at one point out great ancestors took Amrit, thats why we have been born into a Sikh Family. A one point our Dadkeh and Nankeh did say "Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Waheguru Jee Ke Fateh"... but at some point our great great great grandparents and inevitably our parents watered the true Sikh message down... Therefore your parents whilst they mean well dont always have the correct answers... Thats how we have so many different types of Sikhs... Amritdharee / Non Amritdharee, Sehajdhari / Non Sehajdhari... our families diluted the message, and we continue to dilute it... I admire people who respect there family, however our families dont have all the answers... We have so many Gurus / Teachers in our life... When we go to school we have a Vidhiya Guru, who teaches us our curriculum, so we can pass our exams. When we want to learn to drive, we go to a driving instructor, when we want to learn to swim we go to a swimming instructor, when we want to progress our career we take a course and go to our course instructor... when we want to learn a new language we go to a language teacher we are so willing to have lots of Teachers - yet were unwilling to adopt the ultimate teacher. And will instead just blindly follow what our families do... If we take the time to better ourselves, academically - dont we all owe it to ourselves to try and find out a little about who / what we are? For some the first step is as simple as saying "Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Waheguru Jee Ke Fateh"... Being greeted in this manner, makes you want to belong, and makes you want to live up to what Sikhi represents... So the next time you greet someone, please make sure we all say "Waheguru Jee Ka Khalsa Waheguru Jee Ke Fateh" - you never know how this one greeting will effect that indivdual.

Looking at Sikhi with regards to what we will get in return isn't advisable. As every situation that we face is the Hukam of our Guru, in evry Sukh there is Dukh, in every Dukh there is Sukh. We need to learn from every situation thet we are put in... Guru Hargobind Jee Maharaj whilst sitting in Sangat one day, asked of the Sangat if any one could recite Gurbani of by heart and with great love, focus and attention and with no mistakes whatsoever - as it should be. At that time some Gurmukh pyareh from afghanistan had bought Maharaj 5 horses. Maharaj had given 4 of thoses out to people from the Sangat already, and there was one horse left. Bhai Gopala Jee recited the whole Jap Ji Sahib, In order to listen to the GUrbani, Maharaj got of the Takht himself and got Bhai Gopala Jee to sit on the Takht to recite the Bani, and Maharaj Jee, sat lower himself. Look at the Satkar, the Sharda, the Respect. Bhai Gopala Jee was reciting with so much love, attention and affection - but his mind wondered, he thinks about what Maharaj Jee will give him. He decides that if he is asked, he'll ask for the remaining horse. In the Sangat, Guru Hargobind Jee Maharaj is thinking that this Sikh is reciting so much Bani with so much love and affection, i'm going to make him the next Guru of the Sikhs. Look at the difference in the two thought processes. What is the Guru thinking for us, and what do we think for ourselves? We need to stay focussed myself included - instead of looking at what we may get, we need to think about what we can do, we need to do seva, we nood to keep good sangat, we need to do as much Simran as we can. Take one step towards Vaheguru, and you'll find yourself wanting to know and learn more. When doing Ardaas, instead of asking for material things, talk to Maharaj, say i'm doing ardaas, but i dont have the ability to do what i want to do, ask for that aility, instead of the result. Have the NImritha, and Maharaj will do Bakshush

Vaheguru Jee Ka Khalsa, Vaheguru Jee Ki Fateh Is this a greeting only for Amritdharis? Are Non Amritdharees afraid to use this greeting? Should they? Why do people opt to use Sat Sri Akaal? Fateh? GurFateh? I've had this discussion recently, and wanted to bring it to a wider forum... Lets discuss and debate :smile2:

Thats a very good question... We do recieve signs, not necesarily when we need them, sometimes they come immediately, sometimes in a weeks time, in a months time, in a years time. But we do get our answers. We just need to be open enough to accept our answers... At times we get our signs, but we assume those signs are a coincidence... we just delay accepting the signs... as it's easier to accept that they are coincidence... Quite often we do Ardaas for personal gain, to pass our exams, to get a new job, to get a new car... maang sadee vadhee hundee, seva apah thoree kardeh... Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ji Sadha he Manayeh... Let Guru Granth Sahib Je be our everything, let Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee be the only thing on our minds. Let our lifes be focussed on how WE want to be a part of Sri Guru Granth Sahib Jee as opposed to the other way around. And we will receive all the answers that we need, and will be inclined to stay on the right path.

I agree with the above ^^^ But just out of curiosity, have you been approached? Or asked to be initiated? As you cant just join, i'm intrigued as to why the free masons would approach you? And what they want from you? You wont get into that society unless your a particular type of person (elite), and how on earth did you get on their radar? But i digress - please do stay away... And instead lets all hope that we can be Guru Gobind Singh Jee's Sons and Daughters instead...

Hmmmm.... well you've had alot of advice... and i agree what they all say, but i thing the one thing that is missing, and i'm sure your feeling, is vulnerability. You was introduced to this prospective life partner, you accepted your families wishes, and got to know him, you let your guard down as you felt that he was your life partner. There is no shame in that, for if you do not try to get on with your fiance there will be no relationship. The hurt you are feeling is because you were under the impression that this was for real, and a life long commitment. It's ok to feel hurt and betrayed, were humans we have emotions, that it what gives us our humility. Instead of mourning what could of been, accept it as a lesson learnt. Accept the fact that this man was not for you, and accept that Vaheguru showed you this mans true intentions before you were married, and worse, before there were kids involved. Accept that Vaheguru has let you escape from a painfull life with this man, and be happy to have the chance to meet a more worthy partner. When you meet your true life partner, you wont even think about this experience, it hurts now as the wounds are still fresh... it wont always be that way...

Congratulations on your engadgment and the upcoming wedding! Engadgements aren't registered, only marriages are. I'm guessing that you are only engadged and still to be married? Essentially you have two options, you have a registry wedding at the local registry office. And you recieve a Marriage certificate. You dont need to do anything else. Or alternatively you have a represntative attend the Anand Karaj, and you sign the legagl documentation prior to your Anand Karaj, at the Gurdwara, you recieve your mariage certificate, and again you need do no more.

Reading some of the topics that we have on SS at the minute, i thought i'd create a topic for those that dont already know. There is a series of Inspirational Talks being held at Singh Sabha Gurdwara Coventry - UK. Every Friday 7 to 9pm, in English (for the next 9 weeks). So far there has been: Week 1 - Harvinder Kaur Khalsa Week 3 - Manvir Singh Week 3 - Angad Kaur Khalsa All were great speakers. As the Gurdwara has gone to the trouble of arranging these talks, could we look into having the poster issued each week on the Sikh Sangat banner, to get maximum coverage - if your on facebook have it as your profile picture for the week too. Week 1 had a huge turn out, numbers dwindled the following weeks. 3 sessions have taken place - there are 9 more to go. This friday will be Joginder Singh. You can obtain future posters directly from the website Follow on facebook If you search for "gursikhiinfo" on youtube you can also watch a number of the talks / discussions / veerchar held at the Gurdwara (A link to these talks of the SS banner would also be advantageous).

LOL @ this!!!! I dont know what the topic being discussed was about, or what was said. However violence in our Guru Ghar is not acceptable. With regards to pressing charges - to be honest i would be inclined to sitting the two down, with some Sianeh and resolving the issues. Take the opportunity to show that yes charges could be pressed, and more than likely an asbo issued, giving her a criminal record. But instead use it as a way of showing her what she did was wrong, that she needs to look at her anger management issues, we all get heated and emotional at times but we need to control this. Hopefully she has appologised? Of course - if it was a particularly violent attack, then this girl needs to be held accountable.

Fantastic Seva. I have donated, and will continue to do so monthly. A Truly inspiring orgainisation - It's so good to finally be able to give back to our own through your organisation and continued good work.

It's difficult seeing our family members taking the wrong path, but as you have said, they have been on this path for the last 20 + years. Chances are they wont know what true Sikhi is any more. But being your family, i can appreciate how you would not want to loose hope with them. So my only advice to you is to be a good Sikh around them. Do your Nitnem and Vaheguru Simran, with the family. Do your Rehras Sahib with the family. Your continuing to be a good Sikh and hopefully they will look at you and maybe in time begin to adopt True Sikhi, as you have, as opposed to a cut down version. I know of a few westeners who came into Sikhi, because they witnessed someone doing Vaheguru Simran / Path and wanted to feel as blissful and as content as that person. Personally, i find there is nothing more peacefull than doing Vaheguru Simran within the Sangat. Maybe your own Gursikhi Jeevan could help them. On a personal note - i've always wanted to challenge a dera follower. I've always wanted to ask them to try True Sikhi - for 7 or 40 days of there life, follow full rehit. And see if they find a greater peace, if not they can go back to their beliefs. As they are your family you may be able to put this to them? Although would i be open to someone asking me to follow there religion for 40 days just to try it? NO! Inevitably if it is the greateast Punh to bring someone into Guru Granth Sahib Jee Maharaj's Charan, it is the greatest Punh to push someone away from Guru Granth Sahib Jee Maharaj. However we must not loose focus, as anything that distracts you from your own Gursikhi Jeevan is not desirable. This weeks story of the week from Tapoban: Bhai Sahib Randhir Singh & The Gurodom-Sants By Bhai Sahib Randhir Singh In Guru Kanshi Patar, June 1939 Some days ago, over a hundread or so "Sant Mahatamas" who were in to "Gurdom" came to meet me. Akhand Paath Sahib was going on. They wanted to come and bring me outside from the smagam and said, "we want to ask you some things." I replied, "you too should listen to the Akhand Paath Sahib. You cannot hear anything higher or better from a asimple human being than you will by listening to the voice of Sri Guru Granth Sahib." They then said, "No, we want to listen to words from your holy voice." I then said, "only by attaching our voice to the voice of Sri Guru Granth Sahib does a voice become holy. Here! If you must make my voice "holy" then i will start doing paath and join my voice with the paaras voice (of Guru Sahib)." They kept pressuring me to leave the Akhand Paath Sahib area and come out to hear whet they had to say and also to speak to them. Eventually, they forced me to come outside the Akhand Path Sahib mandal. I had them sit in the next room and said "hukam karo..." (give your orders...). One Sant from the amongst them then addresses me and said, "Sachay Patshah! It is only this Daas's benti. What hukam can we give you?" When the Sant said this unprincipled thing. I immediately scolded him and said that he had committed a very serious mistake that he had called me a simple human being "Sachay Patshah". I said, "may MY ears burn and YOUR voice burn! Truly this is the punishment i have been given for having left the room where Akhand Paath Sahib Darabar of Sachay Patshah Sri Guru Granth Sahib was going on". I said this and the entire group [of Sants] got upset and left. They did not listen to the Akhand Paath Sahib or benefit from the Akhand Kirtan which followed. Had i replied to them in a polite and flowery way and addresses them the same way they had addresses me, then they would of been very happy. But whose happiness did I want? Guru Sahib's or from those who go against Guru Sahib's principles, and wanted to take me away from my position as a Sikh and have be try to foolishly equal the position of the Guru?

I have contacted Khalsa Aid, as i did not want to re-post here untill i had some facts. For anyone who questions their work and commitment, you should know that they are doing the best they can with the support they have, if you feel they can do better - give them your support, contact them, talk to them, dont criticise the good work they do. As they are clearly helping many families around Punjab. I've been informed that they have contacted all Jathebandis, to initiate these programs with Jathbandis guidance, along with funding from Khalsa Aid. They have had no backing, and are having to go solo. Maybe we should be contacting Jathbandis and asking them to form aliance with Khalsa Aid. If Khalsa Aid did nothing, Radaswamis, Ram Rahim and other Deras, would continue to step in and "help" the very people that we need to be assisting, leading to more lost Sikhs. If you feel that you can do a better job, please contact Khalsa Aid, and discuss sponsoring a Program for your own Village, and become a Pracharak for your village. There administration and expertise and your excellent Pracharak and sponsorship would be greatly welcomed. It would be easy enough to monitor the success of a program in our yown Village. And what better way to give back to your own. For reference Khalsa Aid are currently working in 20 Villages in Punjab, and are now concentrating on setting up programs near the deras of Anti Sikhs like Ram Rahim. They are also raising the plight of the Dharmi Faujis and are now openly supporting the families of the Singhs in Jails and Shaheed families. The people in Punjab need our support, Khalsa Aid are prepared to give it - are you. I know that i would prefer to donate to Families in Punjab, who need assistance as opposed to a building fund. What you choose to do is your decision.

Please do NOT, talk to your Mum, Bhabhi, or Brother about this. All this will do is give them a reason to think that your wife is turning you against them. Your Bhabhi will say your not talking to her because of your wife, and that it is you that has changed. Aslong as you and your brother are always talking, it's just women's politics, as soon as you two get involved the family dynamics change, sometime irrevirsbily - please do not get yourself into this situation. You know the truth, and that is all that matters, as aslong as you are always on your wifes side she will be happy. It's good to hear that you see what is going on, so many men dont. My advice to you, is to let this situation play itself out, as it will - eventually. And continue to be supportive to your wife. If you need to say somthing to your bhabhi, tell her your worried about your wife, that you think she's missing home and could she try and talk to her. Essentially i'm asking you to pander to you bhabhis need to feel like she is valued in the family. and that you need her help. If she feels needed, and not threatend by the new addition to the family she will change. You have always been her ally with the family politics, she needs to know that even though your married that hasnt changed, and that now she can help you too. With regards to your wife, she should compliment your mum / bhabhi on a favourite dish, ask to be taught a particular recipie. Cooking is a great time to bond, and there is nothing women like more than being complimented on their cooking and being asked to teach someone else! Your wife should also suggest an activity that the 3 of them can do together, an afternoon walk, now that the weather is getting milder. Or what i used to do with my mum and bhabhiya, go to the ladies swimming session on a saturday afternoon. The perfect way to exrcise, get fit and bond outside the house. Hope this helps - if you wife wants to talk, ask her to PM me. I saw the same issues playing out with my bhabhiya.

Wish i could come down for this :sad: Is there any chance it will be recorded?

Settling into married life is difficult, a new family, a new routine, a new way of living, a new time schedule. There is no shame in admitting that your finding your new life difficult, you've admitted it, thats the first step, now try and do somthing about it. Ok, so your now not doing any Paath. Lets make this simple, get back on track by doing Simran. Set aside 10 minutes to sit down and do Naam Simran today, if you can do longer great! When in you car on your way to walk do Naam Simran, when cooking in the kitchen, play a CD with your favourite Naam Simran. When at work, plug your earphones in and listen to Naam Simran. Take one small step, and the rest will fall back to the way it used to be. You'll soon be back to doing your Paath, you should also suggest doing your Nitnem together with your Husband. After all a family who prays together stays together. If you need to talk with regards to married life - please do PM me, i understand how nerve wracking it is initially, but it will get easier.

------------------------------------------------------------ :umm: Bump :umm: -------------------------------------------------------------- Red Nose Day sponsorships are in full swing - please also donate to the charities above. I Just did Dont forget to declare 'Gift Aid', as it allows KA to claim back tax on your donation.

I dont know what issues you have - but i wouldn't recommend leaving them unresolved, all you will be doing is deferring your issues till a later date. and leaving the country to get away from them is a little extreme. To be honest i wouldnt advise you to come to the UK to study, the Tuition Fees are being increased for 2011/12. Universities can charge "up to £9000" per year, for Home students. International students will be more. If you dont have relatives in London that you can stay with, there will also be your living costs. Rent etc... Part time jobs can be found, but you will have to do a significant number of hours, if your planning on financing your accomodation, living costs, and buying books etc not to mention the Fees. Just doing a quick search on International Student Fees - i have found the following for Bangor University Undergraduate College of Arts, Education & Humanities £9,600 College of Business, Social Sciences & Law £9,600 Bangor Business School (BA/BSc) £10,500 College of Health & Behavioural Sciences £11,800 College of Natural Sciences £11,800 College of Physical & Applied Sciences £11,800 Postgraduate (including Taught and Research Courses) College of Arts, Education & Humanities (including PGCE) £9,800 College of Business, Social Sciences & Law £9,800 Bangor Business School (MA/MSc) £12,000 Bangor Business School (MBA) £13,000 Bangor Business School London Campus (MBA) £18,000 College of Health & Behavioural Sciences £12,500 College of Natural Sciences £12,500 College of Physical & Applied Sciences £12,500 The cost of accomodation for residential halls in london for a single room is £150 per week - you could of course rent a house with 3 / 4 other people. As for jobs, we are in a recession, students typically work in retail outlets, and a number of our large retailers have gone into administration. So be prepared to work any where. You should consider whether studying abroad is financially viable for you, please remember that once you have your degree, and want to save to for a mortgage to buy a house - you will first need to settle your Student Loans. Please only do what you can afford. The advantage of studying at home, is that there are no accomodation or living costs. If you do decide to move to the UK, and need any other info, let us know. But please do resolve any issues you have at home, running away from your problems is not the answer.

“Khalsa Aid” and their Sister Charity “Focus on Punjab” need your donations. Money raised by the Sangat for Khalsa Aid, is spent not only around the world (Albania, Turkey, Gujarat, Somalia, Kabul Afghanistan, Pakistan, Indonesia, Bangladesh, Haiti and now Japan) but their new sister Charity “Focus Punjab” concentrates solely on the Punjab, getting our poorer Sikh youngsters an education, and keeping them away from the huge drugs problem that is currently rampant in Punjab. It is possible to state exactly where you want your donation to be spent, and be safe in the knowledge that your donation will be spent as you wish, and in return, the world will see Sikhs – as givers, and the people that extended more than thoughts and sympathy and helped when, help was needed. Khalsa Aid still doesn’t have the publicity it deserves, but it has already made a huge difference across the globe. Sikh TV showed a documentary about Khalsa Aid over the weekend, the work they did in Haiti was fantastic!! It was lovely to see Jeeps with Kesri Chandeh pull up in Haiti, and for the Singhs to be greeted so well (especially as there are still muppets who see a Dastaar and freak / or think Taliban! As highlighted in the recent shootings in Sacremento California) So…. Just a small request from me to you... When you donate to Red Nose Day this Friday – Match that donation to Khalsa Aid, there is a new project for the Japanese Earthquake and Tsunami victims, and your donation would allow Khalsa Aid to further their good work. They are a nonprofit organization and can only continue with our donations. Recognise all of the human race as one. - Guru Gobind Singh Ji

You shouldn't. For the original poster who asked about clubs, i've attempted to describe the differences, you would take your sister to a restaurant, and reception, but not to a club. Therefore clubs are a no no... Using our sisters as an example, often hits home. It's a method of trying to explain to the OP.

Firsltly - Your Fiance should not being asking you to go to a beauty parlour. If your not able to talk to him now before marriage and you dont question his request how will you build a successful relationship together? Today he's asking you to go to the beauty parlour and grow your nails - if you give in now, what happens if in 5 years time he tells you to pluck your eye brows?? Or just to do that one hair that sticks out? Just remove the hair on your lip... where does it stop? It's starting from Skin - where will it go? First and foremost, you need to discuss this with him, tell him your not sure what he wants? What does he think a beauty parlor will do? What if you dont go? Secondly - I agree with previous posts, looking after your skin is very important, you need to cleanse, and exfoliate regularly. Steaming your face is also good for opening your pores, deep cleansing masks are great too, and a perfect treat to help relax. As stated previously drink lots of water and eat well, fresh fruit and veg, less fried and processed food. Exercise is also a must, trying jogging, the fresh air is brilliant! Most importantly, looking after your skin is somthing you need to do for yourself, not anybody else. Please do discuss your concerns with your fiance.

Going to restaurants and wedding parties are different all together... these places whilst not Gurmukh are family environments. It is perfectly normal to see families in a restaurant. And you would not feel ashamed to be seen in a restaurant. There may be meat and alcohol. But a True Sikh, is not likely to disgrace themselves in these environments. Pubs, bars and clubs however are made for the consumption of alcohol (which Sikhs do not consume). Pubs, bars and clubs are full of scantily dressed women, and men trying their luck (kaam). Pubs, bars and clubs are nothing but pickup joints. Pubs, bars and clubs are not an environment where your likely to ask your Mum, Dad or Sister to attend (unlike a restaurant or wedding party). If it's not got enough for your sister, or your family. You shouldnt be there. More importantly - if you have to ask if it's ok - You already know the answer. No it's not. The mortal beats the drum for a few days, and then he must depart. With so much wealth and cash and buried treasure, still he cannot take anything with him. || 1 || Pause|| Sitting on the threshold, his wife weeps and wails; his mother accompanies him to the outer gate. All the people and relatives together go to the crematorium, but the swan-soul must go home all alone. ||1|| Those children, that wealth, that city and town - he shall not come to see them again. Says Kabeer, why do you not meditate on the Lord? Your life is uselessly slipping away! ||2||6|| Guru Tegh Bahaadur Ji in Raag Gauree on Pannaa 220 Gauree, Ninth Mehla: O mind, why have you gone crazy? Dont you know that your life is decreasing, day and night? Your life is made worthless with greed. ||1|| Pause|| That body which you believe to be your own, and your beautiful home and spouse - none of these is yours to keep. See this, reflect upon it and understand. ||1|| You have wasted the precious jewel of this human life you do not the way of the Lord of the Universe. You have not been absorbed in the Lord'd Feet, even for an instant. Your life has passed away in vain ||2|| Says nanak, that man is happy who sings the Glorious Praises of the Lord's Name. All the rest of the world is enticed by Maya; they do not obtain the state of fearless dignity. ||3||8|| Instead of wasting time discussing whether manmat activities can be justified, in any way shape or form - go spend time with the Sadh Sangat, attend Kirtan and Simran programmes at your local Gurudwara.

I've just written and sent the following text to all my contacts, thought i'd add it on so others can copy the message: 2011 Census: Please fill it in correctly. Q16. TICK "OTHER" & WRITE "SIKH" Q20. TICK "SIKH" This is IMPORTANT as it affects our RIGHTS in the UK. Please also assist any relatives, friends and neighbours to complete the form correctly. Log onto www. thekhalsa . com for more info

It's ok to miss your Home and Friends - But home and friends are still there. You can visit, when you like. If your new home is now to be in London, try and make the most of it - assuming you've moved for uni - work etc. I know what you mean about it being a busy unfriendly place - i'm from the midlands, and when i've had to travel to London for business trips, i've found the people very rude and unfriendly. But i gues thats just the fast paced life, and the fact that i walk to slow in the underground and dont know where i'm going!! Have you tried meeting like minded people? Maybe joing the local gym, you'll get to know other people who are also interested in looking after their health. You may not meet up with them outside of the gym. But it opens the doors to new friendships even if you only meet at the gym 3 times a week! I'd also see what programmes are on at your local Gurdwara, (Gatka / Tabla / Vaja etc classes)and go to any events that they hold as you'll meet like minded sangat there. With regular attendance you would become a familiar face, and would make new friends, go do some Lanagar Seva, and you'll meet everyone. Moving to a new home / town is always daunting, the prospect of being nobody in a abig town is scary. But your just building a new network in london the old one exists! Things will get easier. And dont forget - when going to the Gurdwara, you wont be seen as a Northerner, just a Sikh coming home. (If you've left home for some other reason - you really should go home. Your family be would worried about you. I've gone on the assumption that this was either a family move, or your now at unit or in a new job)

It's always difficult when family members are not talking, it's amplified ten fold when it's in your own immediate family. How old are you? Do you have any brothers or sisters? Are your Dada / Dadi Ji or Nana / Nani Ji around to talk too? If it is effecting you i would have a talk with your Mum. She will appreciate your concern and may appreciate just sharing her feelings with someone. It may be an emotional chat, but atleast neither of you would have your feelings bottled up. I have an 18 month old, and as a Mum, i can honestly say that if my actions were hurting my child i would want to know, and i would endeavour to change them. I have a few other suggestions, but they would depend on how old you are.

Please ONLY use this board to show messages of support to family and friends. Through horrendous circumstances we've lost another son / brother/ nephew. In his young 21 years, our Veer did great seva, more than most could even dream of achieveing in a life time, if any of his family do read this, You should know that he will always be remembered for his hard work for the Panthe. His legacy remains - and his work will continue.