WJKK WJKF......
hmmmmm....you may not like what im about to say here because you so badly want it to work with this guy. But having spoken to many bibiah in similar situations and also personal experiences before dass was blessed with amrit......heres my 2 cents......
Attraction and love are two very different things, lust and love are two very different things and it seems you have confused what it is you feel. When you love someone and something or have a feeling of love, lust, sex, attraction do not come into the equation. If you truly loved this person, sex would be the last thing on both of your minds because the bond of love is God itself and is felt and experienced on a spiritual level.
What you are feeling is now desperation, anguish and dispair because, you have slept with someone, now you feel obliged to marry them for that reason alone. thoughts are going through your head such as "how will i marry someone else because im am no longer a virgin, and anyone else will find out on my wedding night." "my parents will hate me and marry me off to some stranger blah blah blah" i hope you understand where im going with this.
Also you call yourself and your partner rehat-dharis and you wear a patka, thats fantastic but what concerns me is that you dont even know what the bujjar kurihets where yet you claim to be "into sikhi" before i contine please let me apologize for the harsh words but im just trying to highlight what exactly the problem is here..........
you are no different to any other girl out there, sikhi or not because, you met someone, became overwhelmed, got attracted to them, allowed yourself to consent to having sex with them and then when the happy ending is not coming your way.....you panic.......it happens every day, to a lot of women. a womans vitue, no matter how much we regret and repent afterwards, once lost, is not retrievable......
You need to seriously think about your future with this man.....
what do you want?
do you want to progress in sikhi together?
what about when you both go on to have children?
what moral values and teachings will you be passing onto them?
are you going to be hypocrits and teach them something, set it in stone, knowing full well you, yourselves didnt follow it yourselves,
If your partner is hesitating now? where were his parents when he decided to have sex with you? can you depend on this person for the rest of your life?
you need to do some serious growing up from now onwards and think how best to move forward.......
please forgive anything that may sound offensive, ive just heard this story so many times and when these questions are raised, girls dont realy seem to know what to say.....but to move forward in a postive light and learn valuable lessons means facing some harsh realities and truths about ourselves.....again i can say this from my own experience and im a paapi as it is....
bhul chuck maafi
WJKK WJKF