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Found 7 results

  1. Guest

    Feeling unwanted

    Male, married for 10 years to my Wife, who I met via a relative for 6months prior to settling down. 3 young children, 2, 4 and 6. Hard working, respectful, strong minded, commited and reliable. Coming into the 10th year of being married, finding that my Wife had taken a keen interest in another male that she meets regularly at the gym. I thought I have my Wife everything, including, comfort, love, stability, emotional and physical support, yet she felt the need to pursue interest in another male, half my age, of an English, white background. I graft hard and look after myself, both physically and mentally, but since my wife's relationship with this younger male developed more stronger for her, it took a toll on my mental health and I started to question what else she wanted. She was in continuous communication with him messaging over the phone and meeting him for personal training sessions at the gym. The chemistry and attraction between them was nothing like I had ever had with her. She physically went to a great length to make her appearance Glow, use more makeup and even groom her facial and head hair more. It got to me quite badly. I called her out on this, as it got too frequent and she didn't stop all these actions. She finally understood where I was coming from, but did not once admit that she was attracted to him. I'm basically calling her a liar and she lied to me about how she felt about him. I asked her what her intentions were and she said it was a New Buzz for her, getting more attention from another person than me, blaming me for not giving her enough. I asked her if she was attracted to him, it she never admitted it at all. I felt rubbish and wanted to know why she did this. Is this acceptable behaviour? Should I forgive and forget? I called her out, to put a stop to it, otherwise it would have escalated. Feeling lonely and trying to rebuild myself in a more alpha way. Trying to be humble and take a Loss here, but it's hard to accept, as I have a LONG way to go with her and my kids if I decide to stay around. Any advice please?
  2. To all my sikh brothers & sisters on this site... there is no point in talking to a Muslim & there is certainly no point in ever trusting anything that comes out of their mouths! They consider us as Kafirs (non believers) and therefore are permitted under the laws of Islam to practice what is known as 'TAQIYYA' when having any dealing with us. I urge you all to research & learn about TAQIYYA for yourself but have added some info below. Also remember that Guru Gobind Singh Ji explicitly said the word of a Muslim is never to be trusted. Remember how the lowly dogs of Aurugzebs army swore oaths on the Quran but then broke them at the first chance at Anandpur & how Guru Sahib exposed their treacherous ways. It is in their blood to lie & deceive. TAQIYYA Deception, Lying and Taqiyya Does Islam permit Muslims to lie? Muslim scholars teach that Muslims should generally be truthful to each other, unless the purpose of lying is to "smooth over differences." There are several forms of lying to non-believers that are permitted under certain circumstances, the best known being taqiyya. These circumstances are typically those that advance the cause of Islam - in some cases by gaining the trust of non-believers in order to draw out their vulnerability and defeat them. Quran Quran (16:106) - Establishes that there are circumstances that can "compel" a Muslim to tell a lie. Quran (3:28) - This verse tells Muslims not to take those outside the faith as friends, unless it is to "guard themselves" against danger, meaning that there are times when a Muslim should appear friendly to non-Muslims, even though they should not feel that way.. Quran (9:3) - "...Allah and His Messenger are free from liability to the idolaters..." The dissolution of oaths with the pagans who remained at Mecca following its capture. They did nothing wrong, but were evicted anyway. (The next verse refers only to those who have a personal agreement with Muhammad as individuals - see Ibn Kathir (vol 4, p 49) Quran (40:28) - A man is introduced as a believer, but one who had to "hide his faith" among those who are not believers. Quran (2:225) - "Allah will not call you to account for thoughtlessness in your oaths, but for the intention in your hearts" Quran (3:54) - "And they (the disbelievers) schemed, and Allah schemed (against them): and Allah is the best of schemers." The Arabic word used here for scheme (or plot) is makara, which literally means 'deceit'. If Allah is supremely deceitful toward unbelievers, then there is little basis for denying that Muslims are allowed to do the same. (See also 8:30 and 10:21) Taken collectively these verses are interpreted to mean that there are circumstances when a Muslim may be "compelled" to deceive others for a greater purpose. Hadith and Sira Sahih Bukhari (52:269) - "The Prophet said, 'War is deceit.'" The context of this is thought to be the murder of Usayr ibn Zarim and his thirty unarmed men by Muhammad's men after he "guaranteed" them safe passage (see Additional Notes below). Sahih Bukhari (49:857) - "He who makes peace between the people by inventing good information or saying good things, is not a liar." Lying is permitted when the end justifies the means. Sahih Bukhari (84:64-65) - Speaking from a position of power at the time, Ali confirms that lying is permitted in order to deceive an "enemy." Sahih Muslim (32:6303) - "...he did not hear that exemption was granted in anything what the people speak as lie but in three cases: in battle, for bringing reconciliation amongst persons and the narration of the words of the husband to his wife, and the narration of the words of a wife to her husband (in a twisted form in order to bring reconciliation between them)." Sahih Bukhari (50:369) - Recounts the murder of a poet, Ka'b bin al-Ashraf, at Muhammad's insistence. The men who volunteered for the assassination used dishonesty to gain Ka'b's trust, pretending that they had turned against Muhammad. This drew the victim out of his fortress, whereupon he was brutally slaughtered. From Islamic Law: Reliance of the Traveler (p. 746 - 8.2) - "Speaking is a means to achieve objectives. If a praiseworthy aim is attainable through both telling the truth and lying, it is unlawful to accomplish through lying because there is no need for it. When it is possible to achieve such an aim by lying but not by telling the truth, it is permissible to lie if attaining the goal is permissible (N:i.e. when the purpose of lying is to circumvent someone who is preventing one from doing something permissible), and obligatory to lie if the goal is obligatory... it is religiously precautionary in all cases to employ words that give a misleading impression... (See the Permissible Lying section on the Sharia page for more) "One should compare the bad consequences entailed by lying to those entailed by telling the truth, and if the consequences of telling the truth are more damaging, one is entitled to lie." Notes Muslims are allowed to lie to unbelievers in order to defeat them. There are several forms: Taqiyya - Saying something that isn't true as it relates to the Muslim identity. Kitman - Lying by omission. An example would be when Muslim apologists quote only a fragment of verse 5:32(that if anyone kills "it shall be as if he had killed all mankind") while neglecting to mention that the rest of the verse (and the next) mandate murder in undefined cases of "corruption" and "mischief." Tawriya - Intentionally creating a false impression. Muruna - 'Blending in' by setting aside some practices of Islam or Sharia in order to advance others. Though not called taqiyya by name, Muhammad clearly used deception when he signed a 10-year treaty with the Meccans that allowed him access to their city while he secretly prepared his own forces for a takeover. The unsuspecting residents were conquered in easy fashion after he broke the treaty two years later. Some of the people in the city who had trusted him at his word were executed. Another example of lying is when Muhammad used deception to trick his personal enemies into letting down their guard and exposing themselves to slaughter by pretending to seek peace. This happened in the case of Ka'b bin al-Ashraf (as previously noted) and again later against Usayr ibn Zarim, a surviving leader of the Banu Nadir tribe, which had been evicted from their home in Medina by the Muslims. At the time, Usayr ibn Zarim was attempting to gather an armed force against the Muslims from among a tribe allied with the Quraish (against which Muhammad had already declared war). Muhammad's "emissaries" went to ibn Zarim and persuaded him to leave his safe haven on the pretext of meeting with the prophet of Islam in Medina to discuss peace. Once vulnerable, the leader and his thirty companions were massacred by the Muslims with ease, probably because they were unarmed - having been given a guarantee of safe passage (Ibn Ishaq 981). Such was the reputation of Muslims for lying and then killing that even those who "accepted Islam" did not feel entirely safe. Consider the fate of the Jadhima. When Muslim "missionaries" approached their tribe, one of the members insisted that they would be slaughtered even though they had already "converted" to Islam to avoid just such a demise. However, the others believed they could trust the Muslim leader's promise that they would not be harmed if they simply offered no resistance. (After convincing the skeptic to lay down his arms, the unarmed men of the tribe were quickly tied up and beheaded - Ibn Ishaq 834 & 837).
  3. I won't beat around the bush. There are a few members -- from what they've shared on this forum -- who are going through a rather tough time in terms of spiritual issues related to their personal lives. That's probably an understatement. But it's at times where we begin to feel doubtful about certain things; when we feel alone and abandoned, the vulnerable of us are the most susceptible to outside forces that choose to capitalise on that vulnerability for nefarious purposes. These so-called beacons of hope offer so-called support and understanding; a shoulder to cry on. Don't fall for it, and end up in a situation where you're drawn into the web and the schemes of a wolf in sheep's clothing. Such people will approach as a friend, but their intentions are less than friendly or honourable. I refer in particular to the bibiya on this forum who are at their lowest ebb, and are perhaps most susceptible to these types of individuals. Those from other non-Sikh communities can read everything you post here about your struggles and experiences. Be smart.
  4. Guest

    Ripped off

    I’ve been ripped off by a fellow Punjabi in a business deal. I know I’m to blame as well as I trusted this person when I shouldn’t have. I don’t even care about the money even though the damage done is close to 6 figures, but am feeling really bad about how I’ve been treated. I thought I could trust this person but he just saw me as an easy target and dollar signs. My family members are telling me to forgive and move on but I’m finding this really hard to do as I think about it all day. Any suggestions on how I can move on?
  5. Benti to Tapoban Singhs of Toronto, There are serious doubts raised about confidential trust issues with you. Have any of the Tapoban SInghs of Toronto Canada ever been guilty of doing sewa in Panj Pyare and then breaking trust by talking about any peshi outside of the amrit sanchaar? Those who do sewa in Panj Pyare must be held accountable to Panth and Sangat. Remember it is a big sin to lie on such a serious issue. So do not lie and be honest. Just give us a simple answer. The sangat deserves the truth. If ANY Singh of any group is guilty of not being trustworthy in his punj pyare sewa then I would advise them to confess infront of Khalsa Panth whilst you still have a chance living in this world. It is harder to repent in Dargah. ijQY jIAW hosI swr ] jithhai jeeaaa(n) hosee saar || But there, in the Court of the Lord, all beings will be judged. nkØIN vFNØI lwieqbwr ]2] nakaee vadta(n)aee laaeithabaar ||2|| Those who have violated the people's trust will be disgraced; their noses will be cut off. ||2|| Benti to sangat, this is a serious topic please don't ruin it with immaturity. Wait for one of the Tapoban Singhs to reply. If they don't reply that should be seen as a sign on guilt.
  6. Guest

    Bullied And Trust.

    I remember when I was in school I had awful days, my best days were in primary. in secondary my mum used to make me do a plait.. I had long hair lol and still do! but anyways i used to go to school and yh the boys in my class used to call me hairy!!! when really there were 2 Muslim girls who had the most bushiest eyebrows and sideburns!!!!!!! my school was a mixture of races.. white, black, Sikh, Hindu but majority Muslim. the Sikh boys were a disgrace and most of the girls were slags. they used to drink, do shisha, smoke, do weed etc etc.. don't get me wrong i had friends but my school had the fakest of people and their were backstabbers and sh** , anyhow when i left school I've never looked back, there some people i stay in contact with others can kiss my hdbfedkwek LOOOL, when i see them on the streets i don't bother! im a friendly person and that but with them nah ah. i was the only one i positively grantee that knew about the Sikh history. m not religious but i know about the singhs and sacrifices and etc etc.. what there is to know basically. there were times when i did wanna cut my hair but i always thought of my mum and dads izit.. (pride) and thought im a Sikh! and im not gonna cut my hair because of words cos that's easy defeat. BUT DRUMROLL.. THE FUNNY THING IS, MY SISTER HAS A RISTAAA AND MY JIJA TO BE HAS A COSUIN THAT BULLIED ME! basically my brother's know and they told my dad, I told my mum and sister but they didn't wanna know! and told me to keep quiet cos it was time ago but I just wanted an apology as he comes to my house! and yh.. um my brothers told my dad and my dad had a word with me and etc which was cool cos I felt as if it was off my chest, he spoke with the boys father but the boy just said it wasn't just him it there were other people involved and he don't wanna apolgise and also the boys dad said why didn't she come out with it before! which I understand but I told my father that yearh there where other boys but there not coming into the family whereas he kind if is cos my jijas asal family is in india and he lives with his mami and mama and cousins ( which is the boy) I used to say <banned word filter activated> to him don't get me wrong but he ( and the others) were constant and I just learnt to ignore it but cos his my jijas cousin and practically the only family my jija has here I wanted an aplogy so we could start fresh kind of... anyhow they tried to make it out as if the rishta was broke but it wasn't! and then my dad had a go and me trying to blame me and my brothers stood up for me. but yh I don't know what to do? like I want him to really suffer my brothers said they would of beat'd him but cos his family of family they cant. ALSO I had this incident with a boy ( just swapping numbers and chatting!!!!!!!! ) but it got twisted so badly! its been time but urm I remember my dad fought he touched me when he didn't and I wouldn't if let that happen with any boy or anyone for that fact! but yh I remember my dad wanting me to go to the doctors and have tests and <banned word filter activated> and I think my dad fought I had sex which I havnt and i would never unless im married! but yh me and my dad are back to normal but I can seem to forget that or forgive him for that I feel disgraced that he fought that ... AND i got hate for my sister cos when i told her about the bullying she didn't give a toss, or my mum. so my sister could of easily talked to her fiancée and what not ! im depressed in the sense of all this and to make things worst they took my phone away and im not aloud to go link with mates or go out on my ones. i felt like running away or even commiting... :'(
  7. Guest


    SikhSangat Ji My question is simple. How do you Trust someone? If you have a little doubt about what someone is saying to you - What goes through your thoughts? AND How do you deal with this feeling? I am specifically referring to a Husband and Wife relationship, but the Principle is similar to many other relationships. What are your thoughts please? Thank you
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