Pheena

I have a feeling this might strike a nerve, so i just want to say that I come in Peace! With all due respect veer, I bolded them for a reason, they speak nothing of what is now and here today. Atleast the writer of the post had the strength to speak the Truth as he experienced it first hand. You provide him with hope of what could be, should be, had been, going to be, can be. The Past and the Future...where is your present which needs fixing? This utopian society will not form by itself while we sit behind our computers. The present is the only thing we have, are we living in it or are we living in the future of what can be, what should be? As the saying goes, we got one foot in the future and one in the past, but we are pissing on our present. One step at a time bro, Let us first conquer our minds/ego then you can speak of ruling the world. If one cannot even rule its own mind how can he/she have raj over some land much less the world? The question is how to reform our Societ so that we are living like Khalsa and i don't mean only physically, that is the easy part in comparison to what lies within us. First this reform must take place, then and only then can this khalsa have a chance of becoming a reality. And the truth of the matter is when this Khalsa raj begins to rule in our minds and hearts, each and everyone of us will become Kings of our own Khalistan.

That is certianly not the case my veer, your thought are just as and probably more important and i don't see why i wouldn't suport your post. Every thoughtful response of a user who write even few words of inspiration, wisdom is of importance. It is not the quantity of the words, but quality and it seems you already have me beat with lesser words and greater quality of thought. The different approaches from each user bring upon the uniqueness that are in the likeness of different flowers in a Garden. Uniqueness and the individual perception of each user's post and thoughts are the recipe for a great discussion.

The more you try to resist this attraction, the more your mind will go towards it. There are few exercises you can do to try to 'get over' this mental repititon. When the feeling arises next time, just take a step back and observe it, without any judgement of it being good or bad. Just watch the thought arising and as soon as you take a step back in a few minutes the thought itself will fade out. If it arises again, be aware of it and detach yourself from the thought. If detaching yourself from this thought is difficult, then redirect your mind, not in a hateful or digustful manner. Remember don't counter act one emotion with another. If his rememberance arises then don't get upset or angry, just stay calm and take your attention to your breathing...now just watch the breath. If you want you can also start doing simran in your breathing...Breath in = Wahe. Breath out = Guru and so on. Remember not to get upset or angry when his thought comes to mind, just stay calm and redirect your attention as you would ignore someone. Ignore the thought and place your awareness on your breath/simran etc. :lol:

I'm glad you brought this up. Im not sure if you had the chance to watch a documentry type movie, "What the Bleep do we Know" This research by Dr. Emoto is explained beautifully in it.

Your words were not harsh, your post is 99.9% the truth. I have to stress though, I was told this on the phone, and have only met her in person once since she told me. When she did tell me, she tried to make out that it was natural, bound to happen etc, as if she had no regrets. This is what made me swear on the phone etc. I'm not proud of what I did. I felt even worse when she told me the true story. I have told her countless times that I'm sorry for what I said, I didn't mean it, and I believe I can never make up for saying it. I was aware she was far more mature than me even before she told me this, which is why it threw me. I couldn't imagine her doing something stupider than anything I would do. Regardless, of how she feels about the situation, whether you feel that she was taken advantage of or that she feels it was natural.....what has happend has happened, It is now that you must be a bigger man and learn to Forgive and move forward which I think you are very capable of doing. It is now up to you what you wish to make out of this relationship. I commend you for taking courage and asking for help on this personal issue. To your credit, we all deal with things differently and if you two had more contact with each other not just over the phone, perhaps you wouldn't be stressing over this issue as much as you are now. Perhaps talk to your parents and see if they can talk to the girls parents to see if you two can out alone to a park or something and deal with your differences. After all it is you two who are getting married, force the issue that you two need to talk about your future if you have to. Resolve this situation before you two take the vow. Just be Honest and be Open and Understanding when and if you do get a chance to talk to her physically. This is your life my veer, you can either create a bridge for the both of you and move across this cliff or you can stand apart. It is truely now that we see the ability that we have been given to make our lives to be what we want them to be. If you are as Understanding with her, as you are Honest on this forum, then I see nothing that could hold you two back from getting together. May you be blessed with Love, Love and nothing but Love.

What right do you have to judge another's mistake by calling her names? Have you never made a mistake? If you don't want to marry her or if she is too low for you on your standard scale then don't marry her. Save her the trouble and your family the trouble. Marry her ONLY if you are going to act with Maturity as many others have said above me. Marry her ONLY if you are going to act like a 25 year old, not the 17 year old High School Lover boy who is jelous about her Girlfriend past. Marriage is not like going out on a date, it take maturity to deal with tough issue and you are already having trouble. It is a sign that you have much work to do on yourself. You have been blessed with 100 days before you tie the knot. Let these days be of the important 100 days of your life. You said you don't deserve her, you are right you don't. She is far more mature then you. First step that you so easily overlooked was her Honesty with you. Do you think that was an easy thing for her to do? She expressed this to you and you alone as you stated. Isn't that worth anything? I would say that your Jelousy is not normal, it is habitual...a habit of the Mind and we blindly fall for such habits. What happened happed to her body, a physical shell that she resides in. Don't limit your perception to what can only be seen with the eyes, instead look deeper within her of that which the eyes cannot see. Learn to look beyond the others mistakes, learn to see them with compassion...Why did you not express Compassion towards her if you were going to be judgemental of her past? Why did you resort to Anger? Why did you not express Love towards her so that she might have taken comfort in your presence; She was able to share her perhaps deepest secret and was taunted or belittled? Why did you not give her your wisdom since you believe yourself to pure sexually, instead you put her down? This does not sound like someone who stand on a higher moral grounds of being wiser, instead of someone who is inherently blind to his own mistakes but takes it out on others for their mistake. I feel that you should call her and apologize for the way you behaved towards her when she told you about her past. Your relationship does not need this habitual Jelousy of the mind, this Habitual Anger, instead it needs Understanding, Love, Compassion, Consideration, Patience and Respect. You have 100 days my beautiful veer ji...100 days. Use them wisely, it is today that you have realized your problem, may tomorrow bring Understanding Love, Compassion in your thoughts? My sincere apologies if my words were too harsh or judgemental...i say this only to perhaps make you see that we all make mistakes, it is not right for us to get Angry or become Jelous. Instead we must learn to express Love and Compassion towards the other who we care about, for the other does not need our Anger, they need our Love. Did you mother not forgive you when you made a mistake? Did she kick you out of her home?? Does God not give us this birth again and again even though we have made countless mistakes through out our past lifetimes, his Compassion overpowers our sins. If he considered for one minute our whole sins and based on that he gave us life, we'd be reborn again and again in the hellish conditions that exist on this planet. Let us mimic God's way in what way we can in our own personal life.

If you are in contact with her, the PLEASE talk to her about providing some sort of information. What Akal Warrior above said are harsh words, but there is a ring of Truth in them. It is very difficult to provide help if there is none is willing to take a stand and share some information. United Sikhs do not need specific details on the attack, the questions asked by the Manvinder Singh from United Sikhs are very general question that are necessary to asses the situation. No one is saying this is not a traumatic experience or it is an easy thing share with everyone, but there is no other way. Help cannot be provided if no one takes courage....Help Us Help You.

Sit on a seat/cushon where your torso is elevated but not your legs. It will help release the pressue from your knees, legs.

You make sound points, then so the question is if we have no idea what our Gurus looked like then why do we get riled up for faces that are only similar to what we have imgained our Gurus to looks have been like through paintings etc. So then we must make a claim that every portrait of someone with a Chola, Beard, Pagri, half closed eyes to be the picture of one of our Guru's.

The Picture is symbolic to someone giving Wisdom/Advice hence it beign next to a Questions and Answers dialog box. It is not deragatory. It is a Person with a Beard and a Pagri, do you automatically think that He is a Guru and that one of the 10 Gurus??? How did you reach to that conclusion? How do you know what our Guru's looked like? And which one of the 10 Guru is that picture of? That is a picture which only resembles the general appearance of a Master, a Sadhu, a Saint.

I sent an email to United Sikhs in hopes that they can provide a greater support for these Kaurs who have been victimized by these so called Gianees. But I need their help answering few questions that they asked. I have modified their questions so they are more direct to those specific individual. _-----------------------------------------------------------_ If I may request some information from you, as this information is not generally displayed in the posts: 1) Where are these specific Gurudwaras that these incidents are occuring. If not, would you be able to provide the provinces/states and countries that this is occuring in? 2) Do you know of someone else who has been a victimized by the same Gianee at the same Gurudwara? 3) What have you done in response to this problem aka. reporting to the police, telling parents, etc. 4) Have you ever met success with approaching any people/organizations/committees which have assisted in the situation? Please Please it is now that you must step forward and Help make some change. We need your Help to stop this from happening again and again to our fellow sisters. If you do not wish give the info here for everyone to see, then Please email me at Gurinderjit82@hotmail.com ( which I suggest you do ) If you know someone who has been victimized then please respond and email me the Answers above to the questions they have asked, so i can provide a more thorough response and they can have a better idea of what they must do from there. Here are the emails in their entirety: **MODs/Admin Can i get a Global Sticky please? **

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?showtopic=18537

http://www.sikhsangat.com/index.php?showtopic=18537

I sent an email to United Sikhs in hopes that they can provide a greater support for these Kaurs who have been victimized by these so called Gianees. But I need their help answering few questions that they asked. I have modified their questions so they are more direct to those specific individual. _-----------------------------------------------------------_ If I may request some information from you, as this information is not generally displayed in the posts: 1) Where are these specific Gurudwaras that these incidents are occuring. If not, would you be able to provide the provinces/states and countries that this is occuring in? 2) Do you know of someone else who has been a victimized by the same Gianee at the same Gurudwara? 3) What have you done in response to this problem aka. reporting to the police, telling parents, etc. 4) Have you ever met success with approaching any people/organizations/committees which have assisted in the situation? Please Please it is now that you must step forward and Help make some change. We need your Help to stop this from happening again and again to our fellow sisters. If you do not wish give the info here for everyone to see, then Please email me at Gurinderjit82@hotmail.com ( which I suggest you do ) If you know someone who has been victimized then please respond and email me the Answers above to the questions they have asked, so i can provide a more thorough response and they can have a better idea of what they must do from there. Here are the emails in their entirety: **MODs/Admin Can i get a Global Sticky please? **

Marriage is a Gamble, whether it is a Love relationship or Arranged. Neither are full proof nor is one better then the other. The X factor is not what type of a marriage it is, but 3 things, Trust, Respect and Friendship. Love is a byproduct of all 3 or you can say Vice-versa.

By not telling anyone, you only give confidence to this sick <admin-profanity filter activated> that it is ok to do it. What right did he have to do this to you? By not doing anything you are saying it is ok to do this filthy act. As teh veer above said, he might strike again on his next victim. What Shardha?? Shardha for a Molestor?? if anything you have every right to stop the Sangat from respecting this sick individual who preys on innocent young girls. Share this with someoen close to you, friend, parent, brother, sister. It is difficult for someone sitting across the internet to do something unless they are relatively close to where you live. Seek help from someone who you are confident in. If you are going to take the steps to take action agains this person, then prepare yourself to go through this to the end. Bring the law in this, it is there for you...have them give him a lie-detector test. I can't mention how crucial it is for you to take action in revealing the Truth behind this so called "giani" or Saint or whatever, it does not matter if others believe you or not, it is the Truth. Truth is your witness, God is your Witness and there is no other greater witness. Be confident in yourself, be aware of God. Perhaps he has done this to many other girls who will come to the forefront when you do. I by no means am saying this is going to be easy, yes it will be difficult. Some people will defend this guy, some will not believe you. There are many other ways if you wish to be brave enough is to recruit some close friend and use Audio/Video device trying to confront this sick individual and try to get some sort of evidence for those who will not believe you. I know that it is definelty easy to give advice and it is much harder for someoen to follow especially going through such an traumatic experience. My prayers are with you my beloved sister.

-edited-

The last post above me says this: so the what language are the words in the first quote: Shia, Sharia..etc from if not parsee? anyone??? im really curious about this are both excerpts from the same person and if so why is there a variation???

He loves her, but does she even know what love is? Do you feel that from talking to him that the girl knows what she is doing? Have you talked to the girl? You know how he feels about her and it seems he is deeply attached to her, but what about her? I don't want to keep repeating myself, but i cannot help but think that the girl doesn't quite understand that at her age such a long term relationship is not the best thing for her because it seems he is in it for the long term. The thing is that all she will ever know is him, she wouldn't be able to explore her world with freedom. He will always overshadow her experiences in life, not necessarily in a bad way, but her experiences will be greatly influenced by his perception of the world. She won't have time to fully develop her own ideals and experiences. The reason i say this is because to a 13/14 year old to have a boyfriend who is much older then him is where mentally one whether it is a boy or girl begin to take leaps ahead of their progressive growth, the foundation does not get fully developed. I dunno perhaps I am wrong in that I don't even know the girl and I'm being over analytic, judgemental of her maturity and I hope for her sake I am. I feel as you've done your part as a friend so now give him some space. If you continue to pressure him, there is a chance that he will block you and your mates out complelty. Atleast now he is willing to share some things with you. Just stand back and observe for now, don't completly get out of the loop unless you wish to do so, but distance yourself and just observe. Just be ready when he needs you. A good friend knows when to take a step back and knows when to step in knock some sense in their friend. (S)He is also ready to catch their friends when/if they fall from their mistakes.

You are right on the govering laws of their countries, but i think most peoples response are more on the lines of values that they adhere to. Yes i do agree that people can be in a relationship with a gap of 5+ years, but there is difference if this age gaps is between a 19 year old and a 26 year old or 20 and a 25 year old....the older the couple get the age becomes a non-issue as both have reached the age of maturity of making an Adult decision, but this girl is 13/14, hardly an age to be in a relationship and that with a guy who is 18. Their thought couldn't hardly be of the same level. If her boyfriend was her age +/- 1 to 2 years, it wouldn't be a problem as their view on the world would be very similar, their thought would be more similar. But in this situation I don't think that to be the case. But i can only say this from what info has been provided. There are also obviuos exception as certian individuals gain maturity far faster then their coutnerparts. Hence the necessity of the original poster to know for certain that if she is making this decision because she is mature enough and aware of what she is doing or if she is being led on by this guy. Even then it is difficult for me personally to say that this girl at her age knows the implications of where this relationship could lead to.

and i always thought pheena was a veerji? i did it again!!!!!!! Sorrrrrrrrrrrrrrryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy i'll let it slide this time, but next time im gona have to put somebody down!!! :bringitondude

He is probably going to ruin that little girl's adolesence. Girls at that age have no idea what they are doing...much less know a thing about what a relationship is. What can you do excpet to offer your advice, BUT if you strongly feel that he is taking advantage of her then it is your Duty/Dharam to step in and take the necessary step, by first, confronting him once more. Second confront his parents. Don't just go stragith to his parents, warn him of what he is doing is wrong and as a friend you have a right to do this. I am sure your buddy is a good guy, perhaps he is just a bit too eager to have a relationship/girlfriend. If he consideres you his Friend, then you need to give him a peace of your mind. It is not so much to do with him, but think of that little girl who is just growing up, learning the ways of the world. Girls can be and mostly are very emotional at such a young age due to their naive nature. Your friend needs to be Mature about what he is doing. Perhaps think about what he is going to put this young girl through when they break up, unless he is planning on marrying her. What exactly did he use as a justification? If he is using the Love card, then i'd say he truely is being dillusional, He might have an idea, but at the age of 13/14 one has no idea what Love is and the complexities of it and the emotional storms that it creates. Tell your friend that for her sake, for her future just stop. Wait till she is 18 or 19 so she can be mature enough to make a decision. Do you truely or does he truely feel that she is mature enough to make a decision about having a Relationship? Are you in the States/UK/Canada or India? btw the religion or ethnicity of the girl is compleltly irrelivent.

100 tons.

1. Karma, Nature, God's will, Karma (yes i know i said it twice) 2. Lonliness, Thought/Sound/Shabad/Dhuni all go Boom into Matter, Anti-matter, Sun, Planets, Moon, Earth, Life, Sikhsangat.com, Pheena and then God said blink your eyes once and find me.

ok is this written by the same person? im getting conflicting answer and its cufoosing me...i must have missed something... so the first post said this.. The last post above me says this: so the what language are the words in the first quote: Shia, Sharia..etc from if not parsee?