Questioner

There are no contradictions in Sikhi. People will perceive something as a contradiction through a lack of proper knowledge. It is in ego that we think our understanding is higher than that of our Guru, that we think He could make mistakes.

So Sikhs do believe in it? Can you give me a reference to Gurbani?

What is the Kalki avatar all about?! I know nothing about this. Online, a Hindu was questioning me on Sikhi, inferring that it stems from Hinduism because of shared beliefs; one of them being the Kalki thing. What is that?!

Well, I'm not really sure what to say that will add to what you've said. But you're one of the few few people who feel so strongly about keeping a good jeevan before/ while wearing bana, and for that I give you ultimate respect.

Actually, there is no use in complaining. I have felt so down about this for a while. But, how does one get past this? The big play that Sikhi has become for the youth? The only thing I can think is to isolate yourself to avoid being a part of it.

My god! This has been on my mind for the last few months! I can't believe somebody else understands how I feel. Upon realising this reality, I got very disheartened and went away from sangat. I do go now and again but I try not to talk to anyone. The sickly feeling is always in my stomach.

I'm a girl. Wasn't so lucky as to have been born into a kes keeping household. But Maharaj's kirpa I found the path. That kes and dastar which you hate so much is what I fought to keep. Everyone was against me. There was violence and family disowned me. Even today, people are not cool with it and make snidy comments. Look at yourself. I find it hard to believe there are people who don't see Guru's blessing... if it were petty, nothing to care about, worth giving up, why would there be a history of Sikhs from the past till this day that fight to keep their hair and dastaara? Also, sports isn't a problem. Tie a different style.

I have not committed a kurrehit but there are lower levels of kaam that still feel like they leave dark marks on your soul. It's so much easier for a man to go to his panj and talk about this, but for a woman it's virtually impossible. If I had committed a kurrehit, I would go to them, but I don't feel right talking about the other issues of kaam to them. Speaking to an elder Gursikh about what you've done would feel very wrong, let a lone speaking to five men. "I think generally though, we need to wake up and be more aware of how kaam affects girls and deal with it early on." And I agree with this. It's something that has never ever been spoken about amongst women, Gursikh women, as a problem. But we all know it is. It's just such a taboo to talk about, so women don't get advice or help.

Wow, it's so strange, I was brooding over this last night and this is the first time I've seen someone talk about this. I was upset because I can't go to the panj in regards to issues of kaam. They're all men, and most men (especially Sikh) would assume that kaam is only a male problem. I just can't do it.

Exactly, and the thing is, it's the vast majority of people that do that. It's a shame, that those who are really suffering with depression are made to feel weak, and there's such a stigma attached to something that people don't really understand. It's hell to not be in control of your emotions, depression is far from regular sadness and crying for a few days.

Depression is underestimated because people see it as a common feeling of sadness. It's not. It's a chemical imbalance in the brain. Therefore it's really NOT easy to get out of. Imagine feeling an intense emotional pain throughout your day, and for some reason, nothing you do lessens it and you don't understand why. Imagine feeling that way every single day. People ignorantly say things like "You can get yourself out of it be stronger" but they don't understand it's not a case of simply overcoming a regular sad state.

I need help with my Punjabi speaking, but I am sceptical to Skype you, Jimmy.

Aw man that was stupid, I just had it in my head that I wanted to help him and I didn't want to leave without having done so. Damn

Yes, I know you are right in a sense, but it doesn't feel right to walk away from helping someone who MIGHT need help.

I wouldn't have invited him to my flat, lol. I just asked because I wanted to know if he was homeless. What would you have done?

I was at a cash machine outside Tesco, when a guy came over and shook my hand. Apologising, he said he was cold and had no money, and wondered if I could help. I had forgotten my pin number, so I said I had to go back to my flat and then come back. He said he'd wait. 10 minutes later I came back, but he wasn't around. I went into Tesco and bought him something, hoping he'd come back. When I couldn't find him, I asked the security guard if he'd seen where he went. Eventually I just ended up walking back to my flat, saddened and thinking "Waheguru ji, why did you take away my seva?" As I walked, I heard a random shouting noise. It was a busy noisy junction with people walking around. I thought, "It can't be him". I didn't see him, but I waited and looked around some more. There he popped out. I went over to him, and asked if he had a place to say. He said yes, he's just short of money. I told him he could go to his nearest Sikh temple for food any time. He said he knew. I gave him the food. But he said "I don't like snack bars" and gave them back. I asked if he wanted anything else, but he just asked for money. I eventually found that I had £20 on me which I gave him, and that was it. When he walked off, he met with his friend, who was another guy I'd seen earlier who appeared to be doing the same thing. They talked for a second, the guy probably telling his friend what he'd just got, and then started walking further apart so it looked like they didn't know each other. After that, I feel duped. Something similar has happened before. I was sitting in town when a guy who had a cast on his arm came over and started begging me for food in a meek voice with a saddened face. I instantly gave him my food. But as soon as he left, his whole person changed. He started loudly shouting to his friend about what he'd got, they both laughed and jeered like typical yobs and he threw the food to him. I later saw them asking from more people, and when the people rejected, they started swearing at them. I dunno man... I don't think that I do the right thing in these situations, but on the other hand I don't think I'd be able to turn them away either. :s

Oh snap! Yes, I let my anger take over with that one.

Er, the thing is, people are insensitive idiots and they don't care whether they hurt an unknown Singhni's feelings as they post about their opinions on something they actually know very little about. That being said, having had a boyfriend (who YOU didn't leave even when you decided to take Amrit) you can't expect us to see you in a better light than these dumb excuses for Singhs.

Too many! One that always gets to me is: ham sar deen dayal na tum sar ab patheear kia keejai There is none as forlorn as I am, and none as compassionate as You. What is the need to test us now? bachanee thor mor man maanai jan ko pooran deejay May my mind surrender to Your word. Please bless your humble servant with this perfection. ...... kaaran kavan abol O Lord, why are You silent? bahuth janam bishurae thae maadho ehu janam thumaare lekhe I have been separated from You for so many incarnations; I dedicate this life to You.

I would get a fierce beating for having failed as an Amritdhari Sikh.

Everyone, just want to share a thought. Everywhere I look I've seen Sikhs calling Param a loser, an <banned word filter activated>, gay, swearing at him, posting pictures of him and making fun of his appearance. It's gone so far that in my eyes it equates to bullying. We all know that what he did was wrong, but we are reduced to a very low level when we insult him like that. Please always try to remember to speak sweetly and not lose any of your kamaaee over such issues.

I should NOT have watched that...

I don't think you'll find an answer to this. I myself asked many Gursikhs, used to be really horrified by it all and wouldn't touch dairy products after finding out the reality of it all. But no Sikh could give me an answer lol. Some of them even said, "Bhai **** Singh drinks milk and he's a chardi kala Gursikh so you know" lol clearly people just don't get it. I went vegan for half a year but unfortunately I couldn't keep up with a balanced diet and, already being really skinny, I lost tooo much weight. People may drink soya milk etc but they don't cut out other dairy products like cheese, pizza, chocolate and even some breads. So we're all actively taking part in this cruelty. I only drink organic milk but I realise that by eating other dairy products, I'm part of the horrible industry too.

Fateh ji, Is there any way that I can get a ready sharpened Siri Sahib of a decent size (eg. 9 inches +)? I've tried sharpening my own but it just didn't work. Heck, it's a struggle to even take my Siri Sahib out. Not really tyar bar tyar. Can anyone suggest somewhere/ someone from whom I can purchase a sharp one?

Paaji, I honestly don't think this is something you need to feel worried/ guilty about. Whatever happened before you became a Sikh is over and done with. There are people who were druggies, alcoholics, promiscuous etc before they found Sikhi... indeed, a lot of us who weren't born into religious families have a past of sins. I myself as a moni had a boyfriend, but now I too am an Amritdhari who tries to keep a strict discipline when it comes to even talking to the opposite sex. I look back and feel as though though that was a totally different person. I was totally different. I don't think one should take into account the way life was before somebody found Sikhi. Certainly I'd not judge somebody who's now a Rehatdhari Sikh for their pre-Sikhi history. I'd expect that everybody has a past. Obviously, do not keep it from your wife. If she asks you, tell her the truth. Just as you'd expect her to tell you the truth about her past.