Wicked Warrior

If you haven't already, try some work experience. Get an idea of what the job entails. If you have friends or family in either profession, pick their brains. Ask what they love or hate about the job. If they had the opportunity, would they do it all over again? Or would they choose a different line of work?

There are two elements to look at here: the girl herself, and her background, family etc. She might be a true gurmukh. She might already know nitnem. But you've already judged her because of her background. If you feel she is suitable, then spend some time to chat further and get to know her. Ask her all the questions about stuff that you'd want to know before marriage. I met some girls who saw a gurdwara as a place to go for weddings and functions but would never go just to visit Guru Ji. Her background is a different matter. What are the rest of the family like? How much does she get on with them? Would you get on with them?

Ignore the critics. It's a great film for Sikhs and especially the modern youth. I wish this had come out when I was a kid. The animation quality isn't great but doesn't impede the storytelling which is more important. The only thing I didn't like were the English subtitles. They really needed to checked properly. Sometimes it's a misspelling (eg deul instead of duel) but other times they omit words so the sentences don't make sense.

Like the previous film, it is in punjabi with english subtitles.

Happened to attend a boy's 16th birthday paath at a Gurdwara. After the ardaas and hukamnama, I expected the teen to be given a siropa. He was sitting next to me so I said to him to get ready to go up and matha tek. He had no idea about what was going to happen. Duly, he was called to the front, matta tuk and was given a siropa. He sat down and put it on the floor. I told him to not do so and to place it on his lap or even hold it. After a few seconds, he put it back on the floor. Why? Because his dad told him to do so. I can understand the boy not knowing what a siropa is. I know I struggled to understand such concepts at his age, though I'd learnt 80% of my Sikhi knowledge by that point. What I can't understand is when the parents don't know what it means.

On Sunday 10th, there was katha by a group of young Sikhs who I've never seen nor heard of before. It took place at Guru Nanak Gurdwara South Birmingham (Stratford Rd). It was so amazing that I cried. I stayed for only an hour so I couldn't find out about them. I've heard that they might be from Baru Sahib. Does anyone know who they might be? I would love to hear more of their kirtan and katha.

My panjabi is not good enough. I can read the letter but understand only a little. Can someone flesh out the details please?

Find a gurdwara where you feel peace. For me, it's always been the Nanaksar gurdwara in Coventry. I don't get to go often but when I go, sometimes I cry, sometimes I sit absorbed but at the end, my mind is always at peace. I don't have a need to say or do anything other than just go home and go to sleep. Learn to focus your mind. This is the hardest thing to do. It's hard enough to concentrate on simran or bani when you're on your own in a quiet room. It's much harder in a noisy environment but it's something you can master with time and effort. In the Darbar Sahib, there is only you and the Guru.

Take a misari before you sing. Practice, practice, practice. My throat used to be sore when I started singing properly but then it stopped being sore. My voice improved. Remember, the important thing is that you sing guru ji's bani. You are not doing it for sangat. You are not doing it for yourself. You are doing it for Guru Ji. You are singing to Guru Ji. No one else. Focus. Practice. You will get there.

It's okay. I know what it's like and it's hard when other people found their own partners. There was nothing that put me on the spot. The first meet is always the usual questions. These are some of what I remember asking the girls I met: How old are you? Simple question but you might already know the answer. Are you working? What are you doing? Depends on whether you want someone who works or is a housewife. Also makes you think about whether you want someone in a related job or something completely different. Some people might have contact with the public so they might have more developed social skills than someone who just sits in a room on their own all day. Where did you study/learn/train? Just a follow-on question from above, really. Some people move around and there might be reasons for this eg trained in London but moved to Manchester because of family. Where are you now? Are you living with family? Useful to know. Not all girls live with family. Some live alone or with friends. Gives you an idea of the person. Are they someone who is likely to go out partying every night or turn up drunk? Do you have any brothers or sisters? What to they do? What do your parents do? Really just more fact finding. Are the siblings all professionals? Would you likely fit in with them? This is more about general background than anything else. What kind of things are you into? Do you have any hobbies? How do you enjoy your spare time? Some girls might have hobbies that are similar to yours. Or they may not really be into anything other than the usual family, eating out, watching movies and such. This just gives you more of a feel for the kind of person they are. Do you drink/smoke/go out? I've heard of stories where a girl admits to a little drink now and again (they say a small glass of wine) and it turns out they go out regularly and get drunk. On the other hand, some guys don't mind. Do you eat meat? Again, important to know for compatibility. Why are you looking to get married now? (ie why didn't they start looking last year, or why not wait?) It might be pressure from family. It might be because their older sibling has been married and now it's their turn. Or it might be that they feel it's the right time to settle down. This doesn't seem like an important question but I think it is. You really need to find out if this person is serious, because the last thing you want to do is waste your time with a girl who's not ready to settle. What are you looking for in a partner? Important. Are the qualities that she wants something that you possess? If she wants someone who's tall and works a professional job, then there's no point if you're short and a manual worker. Have you been in a relationship before? Do you or have you had a boyfriend in the past? It's up to you whether you want to ask this question. It's a thorny one because you risk upsetting the girl, but at the same time you might want to know. I asked all the girls I met this question but I tried to ask in a gentle, polite way. I'm going to be really crass here. When you meet these girls, two things should be going through your mind: 1. Does this girl seem like the kind you'd be happy to marry and spend the rest of your life with? 2. Do you feel you're the right guy for her? Think of it a bit like an interview. You need to work out whether each girl is worth spending time getting to know. Only you can place values on certain features. You might be happy that the girl is slim and long hair and turn a blind eye that she occasionally eats at Nandos. Or you might feel that you want someone who is in a professional job but would accept that she has to work late shifts, nights and/or weekends. Or you might want someone who can stay at home and be a housewife. But at the same time remember that the girl is doing the same as you. She's checking you out, assessing whether you're a potential suitor or someone she wouldn't want to know. So you might like her but she doesn't like you. Or she likes you but you don't like her. The only thing I would say is be upfront if you're not interested. Let them know ASAP. I'd usually text the same day and say "Hey thanks for meeting up with me today. You're a nice girl but I feel we're different. Wish you all the best for the future and home you find the right person" or something like that. Alternatively, let your parents talk to each other and say no. Be honest with yourself. If you don't think she's the one, don't spend any more time. If you don't feel you're a suitable partner for her, don't string things along. Be honest in the answers you give because you'll get found out either before marriage, or after (which is probably worse). Good luck and don't put pressure on yourself that you're gonna marry the first girl you meet. It might be the first girl, the third girl, the tenth girl...only Akal Purkh knows.

At this stage, you're just finding out basic info about the girl. Ask her about how she is, how old is she, what kind of job does she have, etc. Ask what she's looking for in a partner. Keep it lighthearted and simple. Don't need to ask deep questions at this stage. Depending on how you're feeling, you might swap phone numbers and can then continue chatting or politely decline if you feel she isn't for you. The first few times I met girls, I was nervous. After a while, it gets easier. Be yourself. Be honest about yourself. Don't lie or hide things because if this girl is the one you end up marrying, things will reveal themselves.

Keep practising. I sometimes get stuck if I'm reciting bani and doing something else at the same time - there's a balance between the amount of focus on the task in hand and the amount of focus on bani. I used to be able to do japji sahib in 5 mins. But then I heard a sakhi that it doesn't matter how quickly you recite bani or how many you do. It's more important to recite bani properly with focus.

Race is not important. Sikhi is.

The only person who can decide is you. For me, I've kept myself clean and never had sex before marriage. I personally would want someone who was able to do the same. She might be right and said she's only had one serious relationship. But I'd also wanna know if she messed around with guys in general before.

As others have said, no one is forcing anyone to take langar or eat everything that is available. I stick with daal, roti and dahi. Occasionally I might permit myself to have mattar paneer or cholay. Receive what you wish. Be grateful to God for langar prashad, and remember Him whilst you eat. People don't provide all these foods for the sake of it. I had a birthday coming up and wanted samosas. I automatically thought "I know Guru Ji would enjoy samosas" and hence we took some to the gurdwara to give out in the langar. It was my way of sharing something I liked with God and that's how I saw it.

You're at a young age so I don't know how much experience you have. I've been to night clubs and parties and such. Other than chatting with friends, I found the whole boring. Actually, not boring but kind of surreal. I would become aware of the entire surroundings and yet be distant from them, like I was outside and looking in through a window. It was interesting to watch and see people act and interact, drinking and dancing, almost as though to convince themselves they were having a good time. Go if you can't get out of it but try to remain detached from it and remember paramatma throughout.

Wholeheartedly believe in this. Don't ruin her life too. What happens if you divorce? Probably easier for you to remarry than her. Alternatively, it may be a miserable existence together. Or she might have been the perfect person but you never gave the relationship a chance.

It depends on whether there is mutual trust and respect.

Maybe everyone is affected differently but I found kirtan and singing shabads far more powerful than doing reciting bani or doing simran. When I had the time to do it, I would regularly sing 2-3 shabads a day - sometimes with the baja, and sometimes in my mind. I was more focused when doing kirtan than with simran. I also found that even singing JapJi Sahib was more fruitful than just reciting it. If shabad kirtan was no good, then why did Satguru Nanak use this method to spread his message?

I fail to see the need to wear gloves when distributing degh. Is this some kind of "health and safety" rubbish that's plaguing Britain? If the hands are washed properly, there is no problem. I also see more and more Gurdwaras distributing tissues with or after karah prashad. Why's it suddenly become so popular?

What's wrong with being skinny? If you want to put on weight, just eat loads of crisps/cakes/biscuits/fizzy drinks. All those calories will make you obese! How fat/skinny you are has little to do with eating meat. One of my best friends is as skinny as a rake but will eat twice what the normal person eats and yes they eat meat. It may be down to you having a fast metabolism so you need to eat more frequently to keep up with it. Any food can be filling if you eat enough. Look for food high in protein which will fill you up. Yes meat is protein but there's no reason why you need to resort to it. Fibre will also help you feel full - try eating porridge for breakfast. I've been vegetarian all my life and have never found it impossible to find food to eat. My brother-in-law is a bodybuilder but is completely vegetarian. You do not need meat to build muscle. Not sure why you can't bring food in from home. Make a packed lunch the night before, stick it in the fridge and bring into work. Tends to be cheaper and more healthy.

At one point, I got into the habit of doing 5 japji sahibs a day. I was able to zip through each paath in about 4 mins. It was so quick, even my tongue didn't move. One day, I heard the above katha - that if your mind does not hear it, Guru Ji does not hear it. I have since learned to slow down and found that concentrating more and "listening" to it internally provides more fruit than doing five very quickly. Does anyone remember the katha about a Singh who would spend all day doing a single Japji sahib paath? He would pause and concentrate on each word or phrase.

I've seem families where the whole family eat meat, drink and cut their hair but one child will take Amrit and remain true to Sikhi. God has given you a brain to make decisions, and a body so you can live in this world. Whatever action you take has consequences. Your conflict will always stay the same irrespective of family because you yourself have struggled to make a decision. Your family will always struggle to accommodate your changes. It's a bit like saying you're gay - it will come as a shock, and some family members won't want to know you and some family members will be okay with it. Have you addressed why you want to cut your hair? Or why you regrew it? Your family will come and will go in this life. You might choose to live peacefully with them and keep your hair, or you might cut it again and leave. Or you might leave and then keep it still. Too many outcomes. Too many unknowns. Only God is the true knower of things. Why is your appearance so important to you? What is it about having your hair cut that appeals? Why are you so affected when your family have kept their hair? You need to look at questions like these first.

Also, with a nonveg partner, you may find you have to deal with having meat in the house or even having to cook it. I would ask you to seriously consider which things are you willing to compromise and how would that affect the future. Someone who is into Sikhi, doesn't eat meat or drink but cuts their hair may be more suitable than someone who keeps their hair but eats meat and drinks.

I've been going through this recently and it is very difficult to: 1. Meet Prospective partners 2. Find suitable prospective partners 3. Find compatible prospective partners 4. Find compatible partners who are genuine/sincere. Although trimmed, I don't eat meat or drink and yet am amazed at the number of girls who do, and not found many who are into Sikhi. Ask whatever you would want to know. First meeting should be seeing if this person is suitable. If you are amritshak, then you need to know if they are amritshak. Find out about their age, their lifestyle, their job. What do they plan to do in the future? Do they live with their parents? Is this where they see themselves in the future? What kind of things are they into? I also ask about whether they've met other people and whether they've had any previous relationships or engagements. I tend to give my email address out because it's easier to reply or to ignore or whatever. If you don't think the person is suitable, say so - either to their face or via email (it can be easier for both sides). If you feel they might be suitable, then take it to the next level and start chatting/texting/meeting up. You need more information to get to know your prospective partner and see whether you're compatible. Don't be ashamed of meeting people - the more you meet, the more you get an idea of what's out there and the more clear you become about what you want. Have you tried your local gurdwara's matrimonial list? You might have more chance of meeting someone who is into Sikhi ( well that's my own experience).