Give it time and don’t make any rash decisions. In time you will grow out of and tired of the partying lifestyle people our age go through. I know people say that with Kesh and Pagh you are representing Sikhi, this can be a lot of pressure on someone…but you gotta live your life and cement your relationship with Guru Ji through the experiences you go through. Nobody is perfect, try slowly to phase out your partying lifestyle. Surround yourself in good Sangat and then slowly begin to bring more bani, Paath and Simran into your life…this is a process that may take 50 years lol but keeping Kesh is the first footstep; don’t go backwards…you already know how hard it is to make that first step, well its harder when your older.
O and don’t presume that if you cut your Kesh you wont feel less ashamed or uncomfortable going to Parties…your brain goes through phases at this moment in time you want to go out and party but imagine your anguish when you want and need that spiritual connection when you know you’ve committed a major sin and turned your back on Sikhi. It’s your choice whether you want to jeopardize a lifetime of Sikhi for 3 maybe 4 more years of partying?!?
Also not everyone is at the same stage, this Bibi is probably very much at a higher level, don’t judge yourself by her standards…set your own and slowly raise them.
And what do you mean by partying? I see nothing wrong with socializing and a jiggle lol. For me Sikhi isn’t all about sitting all day and praying…go out there and enjoy life but not too much lol.
Just go at your own pace! You can’t just straight away put Sikhi First, you gotta grow the love; you’ve already placed the seed…now start watering. :umm: instead of ripping the seed back out again.
Forgive me if I said anything wrong during my waffle.