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need some help.. both have taken amrit, both are different caste, both have different surnames but it has come to our attention we have the same Pind, the boys pind doesnt live there no more and havnt for a very long time.. is having the same pind a problem even not being related and beng different caste?

Hi, My family are a bit traditional and want me to marry a guy from the same caste (jat) - I eventually met a really nice Sikh Jat guy but when we told the parents (early on) his nani had an issue - she has the same surname as me and is from the same village as my dad's ... As far as my grandparents can see we're not related...is this more a cultural thing or is it a definite no no???????????? Any help would be much appreciated, Thanks

I'm Latina and love Sikh Punjabi men. I find very interesting and beautiful Indian culture

Dear Sangat Ji, I am hoping to get marrried, I have been praying since I was 25 to find someone. I believe in God, and honestly have survived some near death expereinces recently,and just have a burning desire to get married. I have been unable to find a suitable life partner, is there a prayer or nitnem that I can read that will help me. I am somewhat dukhi as I would like a wife and to start a family. I have never fooled around or anything. I just wanted a familyl. Thank you

This may seem weird but I really need some assistance on the below. I am nearing 30 years, a Sikh girl. And will be meeting someone along with the family for a matrimonial alliance soon. Frankly have not met many people or had many rishtha for me to know what kinds of questions to ask. Too nervous & not good with putting up a confident outlook. All my family knows about them is through a matrimonial consultancy & their profile that we got to read. So as you can see we know very little. The profile seemed to give a decent overall picture of what we looking for. Although this person is a non-veg (i a veg), i thought i would have to let that be. I avoided people in the past who were trimmers & would drink. So it bacame too much for my extended family to take. Resulting in my said age. Not that I feel bad about my age. I feel bad that even family can't understand or respect how I feel. Basically am a simple person, haven't really seen much of the world. I never went to night club or whatever people are in to these days. Have a small group of freinds who understand me. Please advice & suggest how your sister could go about this treacherous path. I know this is nothing for those who have already passed this stage. I would just be grateful to all for your kind advice.

At the beginning of last year (2012), the Sikh Riot Awareness Facebook group posted this video of a Muslim man marrying a Sikh woman in a Gurdwara: https://www.facebook.com/Global.Sikh.Awareness/posts/347505678617592 As you can tell by the comments, most people were not pleased and were angry that this was allowed to take place. (click "view previous comments and go up to the very top). There were even girls that said it was wrong and shouldn't have happened, which surprised me, usually I only hear of men speaking out against this kind of stuff, but a lot of Sikh females were displeased as well. Someone showed me another Muslim-Sikh marriage video yesterday, this also took place in a Gurdwara. The difference? This time, the girl was Muslim and the guy was Sikh (mona). Here it is: I am just interested in seeing if there is as much outrage over this happening as there was over the last one. Ironically, the Muslim girl does a better matha thek than the Sikh girl lol. For the first video, imagine if the girl ran away with the Muslim, what would people say then? They would bash him for not even having the decency to enter a Gurdwara and respect the girl's families wishes. Say what you want, at least he had enough respect to bow down in front of Guru Ji, he might not practice Sikhi, but it does show he is open-minded, and since they got married in a Gurdwara, I doubt he made her convert to Islam. What is the difference between marrying a Muslim and a guy who is only Sikh-by-name? In neither case would that Sikh girl raise her children to practice Sikhi, so does it really make a difference? If a non-practicing member of our community, who probably knows nothing about the religion, doesn't even know how to matha thek properly, wants to marry out, what's the big deal? For the second video, again, is there any outrage? The Sikh guy is obviously not practicing, so does it make a difference if his wife is a Muslim? If he had married a Sikh girl, chances are she herself wouldn't be practicing either, so in neither case would he produce practicing Sikh children. Thoughts?

http://jezebel.com/sikh-temples-in-england-advised-to-beware-of-same-sex-u-857167306

me and this girl like each other and potentially want to get married if things go to plan and it feels right. However her mom has said she will not allow it because my grandmother and her nani are from the same pind. However they are different surnames and everything. I don't see why this would be a problem at all?

Hi, i live in the uk and my parents want me to have an arranged marriage in india (i have no problem with this) but I dont really know much about punjabi girls, the girl is from a village in punjab and theres so many questions that Im not sure who can answer or who I should ask, such as what if we dont feel in love after we get married? how intimate can you be with each other? is it like relationships in the western world where you kiss each other all the time when youre alone, would they have sex for fun/get closer to each other or would they see it as simply for reproduction? I think id find it hard to ask those kinds of questions to my prospective wife before marriage. Neither of us are amritdharis. Any info on the way punjabi girls are brought up, and what marriage means to them in regards to being close to each other would be great.

Where does it say I can't marry someone from the same village as me in India. We are not blood related but different caste. Does it say in the gurbani? She is a Chohan and I am a pooni there is no bloodline plus we different caste.

Dear Sangat Ji, I am a frequent reader of this site but I seldom post, and am for the first time ever starting a new thread. I do so because I feel that we can perhaps openly examine as a community some of the root causes of many of the challenges that posters present here, especially in the Gupt section. I post here instead of "Whats Happening" as there may be those who wish to contribute but not reveal their identities. The topics that keep coming up over and over include: Women and issues with hair (and the fact that it affects their chances of marriage) Youngsters and romantic relationships (how soon they wish to start their journeys toward Ghristi Jeevan) Depression (having nobody to talk to or share their feelings with) Isolation (lack of sangat and the impact of social politics and dynamics) Each of these can be reduced to the last one on the list: Isolation or loneliness. The need for human contact, identity and belonging is recognised as paramount to healthy human development. The impact of being "under socialised" or isolated can lead to all kinds of psychological issues. In fact, the affects of isolation in the young can lead to "Failure to Thrive" syndrome where people cannot function or catch up with their "normal" counterparts. Today we exist in greater numbers that ever in human history, have vastly greater social connections than we have ever had, (this site is one example, and of course there is the social media that surrounds us), yet it seems that humans have never been lonelier. It has also been proposed that while we have more connections, the relationships have become shallower and less meaningful as they become greater in number. We might have 300 facebook friends and 300 phone contacts but feel like we have nobody to talk to. At the same time we naturally make efforts to be part of some or other social "tribe", and try to identify and be accepted by them by acting, talking and dressing alike. The human social instincts that we have been blessed with drive us to join with others and also drives our fear of rejection. In ancient times, social rejection (from your tribe or village) was a sure death sentence. We could not survive without the protection of our social group and its function to sustain members of the greater whole. Today, rejection is unlikely to result in death yet we still fear it as such. Loss of friends, the end of a marriage, the rejection of a proposal, rejection by those we would keep Sangat with, a breakdown in communication or relations with family, we may fear and treat any of these and react in a manner as if it is "the end of the world" (read death). Fear of being alone seems to be a great driver of the challenges that keep coming up for the Sangat on this site and beyond. Women who fear rejection due to their facial or body hair are afraid that they will end up unwed and alone (or with someone who does not fit the ideal picture they might have of a husband). Youngsters drawn to the rose tinted fantasy of romantic relationships are also trying to get a head start in the race to find a partner, again for fear of ending up alone. We all want to be close to others, to have understanding and to be appreciated by someone that will find us to be worthy. If we do not have this acceptance and appreciation, we face the terrifying prospect of not only a lonely life, but death at a genetic level as there are no children to carry on our biological heritage. Parents desire the respect of their children. Those who are bullied for being different wish that they would be accepted just like others are instead of being socially rejected. All human beings want to find their place in the world. And if we feel that those needs are not being fulfilled, we end up feeling isolated and depressed. Depression is so ubiquitous now that I was told that one Chardi Kala Gursikh said to one of the Singhs in their Sangat that "People come to us claiming that they have been attacked by black magic, that they do not understand what is happening to them, when in fact they are suffering from depression". They said that Mahraj describe it in baani as "Mann Ka Taap" or "disease of the mind". And why not. For someone who doesn't know what a panic attack, or a bipolar disorder is, a sudden shift in their equilibrium can be terrifying and seem supernatural. They may develop agoraphobia, claustrophobia or any one of numerous symptoms, as result of feelings of isolation and loneliness which lead them to depression. It is important to mention that isolation doesn't have to mean physical isolation. We can feel isolated within Sangat, within the family, even within a marriage. When faced with depression people can behave in destructive manners, i.e using the five vices of Kaam, Krodh, Lobh, Moh and Hankaar or addictions such as alcohol or drugs to try to protect themselves from the symptoms of depression. Then, we often see posts of people confessing their guilt and doing a virtual Peshi before the Sangat here, asking if Mahraj will ever forgive them, or posting that they have lost faith as they feel isolated even from Mahraj. The truth is depression is a mental illness. It has symptoms and those symptoms can be treated to correct the chemical imbalances that drive this illness. Further, it needn't be a cause of shame, any more than having the flu should cause us to be ashamed. For those who are currently facing depression I would like to add that there IS light at the end of the tunnel and there are ways of combating this. Different methods work for different people and there will be a combination of methods that will work for you. So Sangat ji, I invite you to share ways, both spiritual and practical that we might combat depression and its symptoms. I know some members will say "Do more Paath" and others will say "Get some exercise", I think it would be especially useful if those who themselves have faced or are dealing with depression to share the solutions that they have found and applied on their own journeys. I am hoping that in the advice that is shared members of the Sangat, wherever they are on their spiritual journey, will find inspiration and tools to carve their own path to well being.

Waheguru ji ka khasa, waheguru ji ki fateh, Please advise... I have been married for 2 years and am now separated from my husband and going through a divorce. I do not want the separation or divorce, but my husband has been verbally abusive to me which started shortly after our marriage, Before this time, we were a very happy couple. He has also become physically abusive and emotionally blackmails me and really made me ill. He refuses to get help for himself and his family are fully supportive of him and blame me and refuse to acknowledge the wrong doings or problems their son has. His mother was not happy that we got on so well and played a big role in emotionally bullying me and made me very depressed living under her dictorship. I became very ill but no one cared and my husband joined his mother in seeing me as the problem and turned a blind eye to what was happening with me. My family fear for my safety in that house and have helped me to become stronger mentally and rebuild my confidence while I have been back at home, but my husband is still playing mind games and keeps tormenting me with phone calls and texts but does not wish to resolve things. He will not get help for himself and his mother blocks any attempt we make to resolve things. He is always ends up listening to his mum. Despite his issues and the way he has treated me, I still want to make this marriage work but am scared of becoming ill and have no control over him to make him work on the issues and stop listening to his parents. I know divorce is wrong, but what do I do in this situation? Please advise...

dear sat sangat ji, can you tell me what are sikh teachings and beliefs og having an anand karaj whilst being pregnant. this has been on my conscience for a while now and have mustered the courage to ask. i have looking for advice and answers but have so far been unsuccesful.

i was reading the views regarding marriage. It is true most sikh girls now want clean shaven men if the ads are seen. The jat community preferes only jats. They are not ready to go out of their caste. In order to become a true sikh we need to get out of caste system. the sikh girls women who most of them are educated should give preference to sikh boys and men not clean shaven. in case somebody has better views it can be emailed to me at franklinrooseveltfrancis@hotmail.com. Myself i am 40 yr old sikh guy living in canada.

waheguru ji ka khalsa wahegru ji ki fateh! its really strange and really hard to find amrtidhari kaurs to get married, if i have shave off my beard and head hairs it would be much easier to find one, but one being amritdhari singh and finding a gursilkh girl .. really hard if someone knows who is looking for gursikh guy, who loves to do simran, keertan, educated, working in usa as software qa engineer, can contact me at tarandslcon3@gmail.com . I don't like to hide my feelings thats what i am expressing here

I am 20, and the topic of marriage continues to come up these days. The thought of marrying a stranger (through an arranged marriage) really scares me. It has recently hit me that I'll be going into a completely unknown family and will know hardly anything about my husband. I don't have a dad, he was a raging alcoholic and subsequently I am picky about the sort of partner I'd want. The very last thing I want is to be stuck in a miserable marriage. But the process of having an arranged marriage doesn't allow for that... I imagine that those couple of families who are interested in me will let me know, and from there we make a decision about whether to go ahead or not. I basically meet complete strangers. It hit me because somebody was asking about me after seeing me in the sangat. And I realised, that simply based on appearance and knowing a couple of things about the person, the marriage is set up. How can I move into a home with a strange family, with whom I'll never feel comfortable? And live life with a stranger? I'm not really a confident person... I'm shy and it takes a while to know me. I feel I won't be ready when the time comes. I'll have to impress a whole family. I'm a clumsy fool really and I just don't understand how I'll make that transition. Basically, this is weirding me out. I haven't been told about how this works, or how to deal with it, it's just something that people don't talk about. And people seem to just get on with it... but it's such a big thing.

Gurfateh! I've seen quite a number of posts here on the subject of caste/pressure to trim beard/other side wanting parties and rituals etc. So how does one go about finding a Gursikh wife/husband without dating or giving up your faith? I don't know anyone through my family, I have very few Sikh friends, indeed I live in a small town where there are very few Sikhs, let alone Gursikhs/Amritdharis and the local Gurdwara is caste and cultural biased. Apart from old-timers, I'm the only guy there with a full beard and I've never seen a woman with a keski/turban. I've been on matrimonial websites for a year and of the thousands of profiles, a small handful appear to keep rehat and of the small handful, some run after money, others caste and of one or two remaining, neither of us wanted to move halfway across the world. I'm a genial chap and would gel well anyone who believes in Sikhi values- I don't think I'm asking for much, or am I being too strict in my criteria? If I marry an agnostic Sikh girl, with Gurui's kirpa, will she become more religious and change her life objectives? So, where does that leave the turbaned and bearded man or keski wearing woman who are committed to Sikhi and looking to get married and start a family. Where do they hide? :nono: Somebody suggested a youth camp, but aren't these for kids? I just want to get married and start a family. Of course I'll patiently wait, but being a hermit won't get me anywhere, I need to be proactive! Hence my request to you all- please suggest alternative methods of finding people :-) Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji ki Fateh

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh ji, I've been attending weddings since ever basically lol typical. But its soon to be my own. So basically someone in the family found/recomended a girl for me to my parents and things got rolling from there. I plan to take Amrit in the near future. I want to get into keeping rehit before i take Amrit so i know i can commit to keeping rehit instead of taking Amrit and then seeing if i can keep it or not. The proposed girl for me is not kesdhari at the moment. I'm hoping here journey will lead her onto this path soon. Now both families are typically punjabi. Hardcore partiers etc. 1) I just want the Anand Karaj to take place, Guru ka Langar and we all go home. I realize this is a dream world fantasy of mine. Does anyone think this could be possible? I dont listen to music, i dont dance drink or eat forbidden food- i dont want all this to take over my own wedding. So can there be a compromise as im pretty sure both families will never agree to a total no party policy. Hows no meat no alcohol and i will not be dancing like a lunitic? Just food, deafening music and people dancing... And when should i make all this clear to the girls family? I think this could potentially be a deal breaker. 2) Is the Kurmai and Chunni ceremony Gurmat? I've seen how the groom is given dried fruits nuts etc in his palla/parna thing and then fed a shuwara/dried date. I don't understand what this represents so am questioning whether this is Gurmat at all. I've seen this take place in the Darbar Sahib. What is this all about? And can I take part in all this? 3) The maiya/mehndi which takes place on the days leading to the wedding. Haldi doh stuff is applied to the groom/bride-to-be. I really dont fancy that. Too intimate and spray on fake tan would do the same job! Pretty sure this is not Gurmat. 4) Groom & Kalgi- this is a no no right? How come this happens all too often? Why is nothing said/explained to sangat before/during the Anand Karaj? And the groom holds a sword- any reason? 5) Can this all work out between me, a kesdhari hoping to soon take Amrit, and a non kesdhari girl? Pul chuk maaf ji.

WJKK WJKF. I need guidance on my current "relationship". I know that A LOT of people experience what i am currently going through, but I feel as though people reply with lines from gurbani (Which is obviously what we should be doing) but can someone respond who has actually gone through this and reply with feeling and emotion rather than going all crazy religious on me! I know that sounds bad but please dont take it the wrong way! I too am amritdhari, I just took amrit about a year ago, and so did the guy i am currently interested in. I am 20 and he is 21. We are not "Dating" but we have everything a relationship has, we are dating without saying the words. The thing is our parents know of this. That we are very close and are together and they are aware of everything that goes on with us, they fully approve, and our families think we are going to get married. We both know we are very young and things might change. We both only have ever wanted one person in our life the way we have each other and dont want to experience this with anyone else. I can honestly say I love him. I love everyone, but this is a different sense of love i have for him. I also know kaam and lust is bad and i must stay away from it. We both do alot of simran to help us stay away from that but its so hard when you have such a deep connection with someone that automatically what you are emotionally feeling ends up turning into physical. You can judge if youd like, we have never had sex or anything and wont until marriage, but we do hug/kiss. And i do believe it will work out in the future considering hes the only guy ive ever brought home, and i am the only girl he has ever brought home. We hide everything in public but our families are aware and we both know sikhi and our rehat comes first. but i can not even explain to you the connection I have with him. And i doubt it will go anywhere. But is this wrong. Can anyone relate to me? what are the chances of this actually working out. we are so young we dont even know what half these feelings are. How are we even supposed to separate love and lust. Its so weird seems like everyhing is happening so fast. but we are so young that i dont even want to think ahead because if it doesnt work out then it will feel like so much wrong doing for no reason. Like is this okay if it was to work out, and wrong if doesnt? is it wrong in general? is it right and normal. To be honest i dont even know what question im trying to ask here. maybe just for someone to relate and re assure me and say yeah its okay to be amritdhari and have these feelings and think im going to marry someone. or someone to tell me im wrong and theres no way it will work. and what we are doing is wrong.

Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa , Waheguru Ji ki Fateh, this question goes out to my Sisters and (Brothers) out there, what do you think of arranged wedding? Do you agree , that your parents find a partner for you? Can you develope love, or should there be a connection - before marriage? I want to know your inner feelings - the truth. Share your thoughts and opinions. Regards

Sat Sri Akaal to the Sikh Sangat community, I have been browsing the forums for quite some time but this would have to be my first post to date. The topic at hand is that I would like to gather and understand some of your opinions on what is in my eyes an issue that requires clarification. Firstly allow me to quickly describe myself. I'm a 22 year old Sikh Male currently in my third year of studying Medicine. Although born and raised in the UK my family moved to Australia when I was in my mid teens. As I come from a fairly financially secure family I couldn't help but wonder is it right to judge someone on their financial wealth? As I've grown up I've often come across elders saying comments to sisters/cousin sisters "woah so and so boy comes from a rich family, you should marry him". Etc etc Sorry for going on so much but the question I raise is "is it morally/ethically right to make a decision or allow your decision (either as a parent or marriage-ready adult) to be influenced by possible wealth to be found in a prospective partners (usually male) family. Is there a balance required in this thought? Please share with me your thoughts and opinions. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ka Fateh

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh Sangat Ji, I am posting in the Gupt section because I have a very big concern I need help with. Before I divulge into the details of my problem, let me introduce you to myself and my background. I live in Canada, I am a university student, and am kesdhari. I'm in my early 20's and believe to have a good head on my shoulders. I come from a religious family who are amritdhari (I am not at the moment). Alright, now onto my query. For quite some time, my parents have been asking me to find myself a girl for marriage. At first, I never gave it much thought; many of the girls I know and am friends with are already seeing people, if not, they have been in prior relationships and have a "history" if you know what I mean (as far as rumours go - that in itself is another thing). Anyways, about a few months ago, I met this girl online. She's from a White, Catholic family. However, she gave up Catholicism and converted to Sikhism (has not taken amrit, but has adopted the Sikh way of life as much as she can). Her and I have been talking for quite some time now and decided to move our relationship from friendship to dating (I know many of you here may oppose this, however, I am fine with this notion so if you have any comments regarding your opposition to dating, please refrain from doing so). We have not done anything inappropriate at all (no kissing, inappropriate touching, etc). Even before we were dating, I found myself liking her, however, held back since I did not want any negative emotions to overcome me. Therefore, I took a hukamnama from Guru Granth Sahib Ji. In my ardas, I asked Guru Ji to let me know if it was okay to move the friendship further, however (and obviously) to refrain from any negative emotions that may come between her and I. So, ideally, to be in a relationship, however, not doing anything that would make her and I deviate away from Sikhi. The Hukam I received was "Santha Ke Karaj Aap Khaloya, Har Kamm Karavan Aaya Raam" - which comes in Raag Suhi, ang 783. Having read the hukamnama, I believed Guru ji to be informing me that her and I meeting was destined to occur (also, do note I do not consider myself a Sant by any means, however, this was my interpretation of the hukamnama). Now, when my parents ask me if I found someone, I've suggested the idea of marrying someone non-Punjabi (i.e have said White person). My parents flipped out, and my dad went on a huge swearing fit saying he'll never let it happen, and if it does, he'll kick me out of the house and disown me. On top of that, my parents have been really rude as of late, with my dad still swearing at me. I do not know what to do. I have taken 2 more hukamnama's asking for Guru Ji's help, both times Guru ji has said to meditate on Waheguru for my desires to be fulfilled. I do not know what to do. I trust in Guru Ji and believe everything will be fine. However, I do not want to leave my family, or get kicked out, for something that isn't that big of a deal (in my opinion). She's a devoted Sikh, and wants to take amrit in the near future. Sangat ji, I guess what I'm asking is, can you please give me some advice, and also do ardas for me, so that everything goes well and that her, my family, and I can live under one roof happily? I apologize for the long post and for taking your time (though, I appreciate you reading this). Thank you!

SSA, Please can you provide advice. I know this sikh sister who has become brainwashed by a Hindu man, he is 8 years older than her and has completely changed her. Before she used to be into Sikhi and used to attend the gudwara, she had strong family values. After, talking to this man she has changed completely and no longer believes in going to the gudwara or sikhi. She has not yet married the man however he has told her family they can go to hell and that sikhism means nothing to him and he will do whatever he likes with their daughter. The family are currently lost and powerless they pray everyday to waheguru to fix these issues but have now become very desperate and do not know how long they can carry on. I pray you can help and provide suggestions. Many Thanks Singh Soorma