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Found 11 results

  1. Guest

    Punishment methods for kids

    Any guidance in Sikhi about parenting and punishing kids for bad behaviour? How did your parents punish you as child for being bad? Or how do you punish your kids? With strict Punjabi parents, my brother and I always got proper punishments. Normally 5 mins of spanking with a karachi (wooden spoon). Looking back it did hurt but I’m glad my parents did it because it stopped me behaving bad. And I used to behave really bad! My kids are 8 and 11. I know other options available like grounding or banning TV, but sometimes it’s not enough?
  2. Fateh, It's that time again where I bang on about how to treat your kids! Why? Me and my sis have been brought up in children / mother toxic relationship. My sis n ma have extreme little communication with one another. When my sis is in trouble she may tell dad but NEVER to Ma. If your kids are aged 5-16 you should show them encouragement and support in wha they're doing. If they did something great express it. If they're wrong or feel like failures encourage them, give em hope. YES u can be strict. YES u can be stern. But if u fail to show support to your kids and make them feel worthless you will regret it! Our Ma made us feel worthless when we were kids. She never showed ANY sign of appreciation nor encouragement. We could win awards, do seva, score high marks was always "That's not good, where is that gonna get u in life? So then what?" And when speaking of other people's kids "That girl is so intelligent! That son is sooo highly educated! WOW so n so won 3rd place in mopping the floor, U watch! He'll be a manager..." am sure u get the idea. ALL OUR LIVES IT'S BEEN LIKE THIS! Degrading and lectures on our failures. Unforgettable moments; 2004 our pet rabbit died one morning. Ma screamed at my sis for not able to contact Rspca and called her a failure (no internet in our home at d time). We were then forced to eat rotia (was lunch time) whilst she stood next to us, shouting. Early 2000, mum purchased A movie through cable n paid once. However, end of movie the movie looped, Ma changed channel n started screaming as we didn't know movie was in a loop... 15 mins of shouting and letting us know our worth, she put it back on the channel but nothing was there. (Movie loops only for about 15 sec before screen saying pay n watch) but she didn't wait. 2016, on 2 occassions she told me to shave my beard as short is nice (basically look good for society than Guru Ji). All other times would be obnoxious behaviour. As for dad? He was never there for me and my sis. So no picnic, no going to the park, no family outing. Only time was when sum pindu's wedding came around then we would get up at 5am morning on a Sunday to go attend. SO AM WARNING YOU! If u want your son to get left behind or daughter to turn out where she only cares for herself, is living 99% like a hermit, extremely quickly gets agitated, overthinks DO NOT be toxic towards your kids. My sis bared so much brunt of Ma's toxicity. She has 0 interest in relations, 0 interest in life only doing Baania keeps her great. Dad was not there so her food n spending habits are not brilliant. She has extreme akar. She did not even attend my wedding in India as her diet would not allow it! (Kachi sabjia that too home made only) a brainwashed health freak, basically. But it's not her fault... PARENTS DID NOT TRY! For more info google mum daughter or even toxic parents should anyone need more info.
  3. Guest

    Help with son

    WGJKK WGJKF I am father to a 20 year old lad in the midlands. Myself and his mum have tried to educate, love and protect him. We have instilled Sikhi into his life (is there any other way ?!) and he is generally good. We bought a dhol which he loves playing and proudly joined the Nagar Kirtan. Found him an interim job at a bank whilst he tries to find his vocation. Learning to drive at the same and we talked about his future career, future marriage, home etc. Family is tight knit and his cousins on both sides he leans on. Everything going ok or so we thought.... As parents we asked / advised him to save money for his future, keep looking to improve your career, take your driving test, keep your room organised, keep going out to a minimum and please respect your parents. Is this asking the earth? 8 weeks ago his aunt took ambrath which was a special moment in our family, which we are blessed. He had asked prior that after the event he could go out with his mates and I replied that we won’t be finishing from his aunts until late, so no. Upon our return he sulked and after some strong words he stormed out. His elder brother calmed him down and the next morning didn’t see fit to apologise. Things settled down shortly after and we put it behind us although both me and his mum noticed a further descent into poorer attitude. Sure enough a couple of weeks later he requests to attend a Muslim work mates wedding for 3 nights and 4 days. I said no. We argued until I reasoned a compromise - attend the night before the wedding day and I’ll collect him after the reception the next day as the bride and groom wish for everyone to go home after that in my experience. Still no. Refusal. He leaves for the wedding and on the 5th day sends a message that he is not returning home. He promptly stops answering all calls and texts. His mother starts to get sick with worry. She’s already grieving for her deceased mother a couple of months prior and doesn’t need this. We contact his friends who don’t answer us but he then sends a text to stop bothering them. “One more time you contact them and we are done” a nice text to his mother reads. Misses his baby sister’s birthday and she’s devastated. ‘Eventually he relents and stays with his grandparents who don’t question a thing. He comes home between 10pm and 4am most nights and they let him in. To our horror we discover he is seeing a Bengali girl. Apparently she is hiding the relationship from her parents too. He takes his Kara off to visit sheesha bars and stops eating pork. His mother (without telling me) leaves heartfelt, crying voicemails- no response. Earned £1300 in one month and had blown the whole lot in 3 weeks on Uber’s, restaurants and God knows what else. Ive gone from disbelief to rage to pragmatism - he’s selfish, arrogant and stupid. I don’t think he’ll change. He’s faced no hardship and constantly bailed out by us. His mother thinks he’ll return, I don’t think so. I believe he’s living a bubble and this girl eggs him on. Grandparents think he’ll walk - I want him to as this will be a life lesson he may need. I have no idea if he will convert to Islam as growing up we had nothing but contempt for their way of life. ‘His mum had a 3 hour meeting with him (he refused to see me) where they hugged and cried and he needs more time and promised to call her etc. 4 days pass and nothing. Think we have lost him. Rather turn to a Bengali girl of 4 months relationship than his parents, siblings and family.
  4. It is possible you bring your kids up in Sikhi but they turn 18, become mone and marry Gora or another Religious / atheist being. But this is not about that!!! Kids require YOUR attention as toddlers. By the time they're 13 they think about YOU as a parent. By the time they're 18+ they will do two things. Point the finger at YOU! or turn to YOU! (you want YOUR kid(s) to do the latter)!!! Now, poor people's kids turn n look up to their parents. In some rich families, kids may have resentment and hatd feelings towards their parents... So, poor or rich is NOT an excuse here. Do YOU show yer kids support and encouragement? Say to them positive things like "You can do it. Put your mind to it. Never give up. Today you're good at cycling tomorrow footy?" OR the negative??? "You'll never b good in life. So n so has more achievement than you. You'll never mount to anything..." If YOU are doing the latter then 15-20 yrs down the line , YOU will pay the price. YOU will have YOURSELF to blame. Your kids will have resentment, disrespectful feelings and not turn to you. YOU CANNOT EVEN SAY I TRIED! YOU DIDN'T!!! Even if your kids don't become religious they will turn to you IF YOU GIVE THEM POSITIVE UPBRINGING! So any new Parents / parents with younger kids, spend time with YOUR kids. Sit, talk n listen to them. They need YOU, YOUR ENCOURAGEMENTS and YOUR POSITIVE VOICE! So many families where everyone's an Amritdhari but no love is there. So many families where only parents are Amritdhari, kids are not BUT... Kids look up and turn to their folks for advise or emotional support. Why??? From a young age these parents taught them Sikhi (but they chose not t follow), gave them positive advice, encouraged and limited the criticism. Positive energy starts when your kids are YOUNG! FIVE OR SIX! Anything after 13's pushing it. DON'T EXPECT A MIRACLE ONCE THEY'RE 18+! It'll b like sum1 did an atrocious job on the varnish only to do a fantastic paint over it. Any DIY expert will kno wha that'll end up as. SAME PRINCIPLE apply. Do it right when they're young they'll look up to u even once they're adults. To sum up DO encourage kids in Sikhism path. DO be their positive energy and support. DO teach them about the world around them. DO take an interest in their activities.
  5. Some important points made by a counsellor about parenting in the modern age and how to deal better with the insidious destruction of childhood by porn . Put lajja to one side and educate your kids before the kids get taught by school and porn.
  6. Rich parents. Do you take your young kids out for weekends away, fairs n cruise ships? Do you show them the world whilst learning about them/ their progress? If not, what are you doing? Middle Class parents - ever take your kids to local parks, picnics, museums whilst teaching them about the world n encouraging them in their choices? If not, what are you doing? Poor parents - ever take your kids library, parks and town whilst showing, teaching, encouraging and learning about them? If not... WHAT ARE YOU DOING!? I'll tell you what yer doing... Wasting time, not expressing an interest in their life, relying on "Somebody else's job. I just expect them to be well behaved..." One day the same kids will turn around n see how much support n encouragement YOU gave them. Where were you in their life as kids?? They will wonder. From experience let me yell you, simply by showing them money ain't good enough. They need support n guidance from YOU! Not teachers. Not peers. YOU! Go out on a journey one time. Take your kids to any trip at all. You'd be surprised how little aapne you get to see over non aapne, in Western countries, when it comes to such trip/ activity. Heck! It surprising to see just aapne on day trips! Why is it surprising? Shouldn't be, but we made it as we do not take out the kids, apart from Gurudwara n town. Then we expect them to "know everything" without saying anything to them? Parents! You want your kids to succeed? You want them to make right choices? You want them to look up to you once they're 18+? THEY WILL. You pay attention today they'll pay attention to you tomorrow. With guidance, support and encouragement they will go far, all the while being emotionally happy n healthy.
  7. Jun 1, 2018: Is there really a way to turn ordinary children into great children? YES! In Baani, Guru Amar Daas Ji states: baabaaneeaa kahaaneeaa put saput karen || The stories of one’s ancestors make children, good children. j satigur bhaavai su ma(n)n lain seiee karam karen || They accept what is pleasing to the Will of the True Guru, and act accordingly. (Raag Ramkalee, Mehla 3, Ang 951) That is, Sakhis (true, historical stories typically with a moral or religious lesson) show what Sikhi is in practice. They are examples of Sikhi lived by Gursikhs. By examining the lives of Gursikhs and our Gurus, we learn what real Sikhi is. With the understanding of what Sikhi truly is, we can then act in accordance with Guru’s Will. For example, from various Sakhis, we may learn that: Whatever our Guru tells us to do, we should do without question. Even if that means we have to try to build a wall, countless times, in the middle of the night when it’s raining or if we have to jump into sewage to retrieve a pitcher that Guru Ji Himself threw. (These are examples from Bhai Lehna’s history with Guru Nanak Dev Ji) Whatever Guru Ji says is True – even if it defies logic or reason. For instance, Bhai Lehna Ji was told to climb a tree and shake it so that cooked sweets (mitthiaaee) would fall to the ground. Bhai Lehna shook the tree and sure enough, sweets fell. Guru Ji has the power to redeem those who society typically casts off as reprehensible. Sajjan Thagg, a serial murderer, thug, and thief, became a true friend and Saint after encountering Guru Nanak Dev Ji Kauda Rakhas, a cannibal who tried to eat Bhai Mardana Ji, was forgiven and put on the right path And those are just a few Sakhis from Guru Nanak Dev Ji’s time! There’s so much more Sikh History and so much more to learn! Ways to Incorporate Sakhi Time Into Your Daily Routine There are a number of ways to incorporate Sakhi time into your daily routine. For starters, examine your schedule or daily routine. If you don’t have a daily routine established for your children (assuming you have children), here’s 13 reasons to consider adopting a routine. Then, block off a 15-30 minute slot for Sakhis every day. A few times that may be good are: At night before bedtime – right before Kirtan Sohila In the evening, after Rehraas Sahib and Ardaas After the kids come home from school (if they are of school age), while the kids are enjoying snack time or after snack time Essentially, any time works, but I’d recommend the evening time if your kids are of school-age, so you aren’t trying to cram it in it before school or work. Tips for Parents: How to Tell Sakhis The following are a few recommendations on how to tell Sakhis. Part 1: Preparation Know your stuff – or at least more than the kids do! You can only teach someone else something that you know. In other words, you can start listening to Sakhis too! There are a number of resources that exist to help you learn the history if you don’t already know it. For some recommendations, see the resources section below. Set some time aside, ideally every night, where you can listen to Sakhis or Katha. You’re in luck here because most Katha is geared towards adults. If Punjabi-language is a barrier, don’t fret! There’s so much prachaar (religious preaching) now in English too. Again, see the resources below for a list. Read from trusted sources that cover Sikh History If you’re listening to Katha or reading a book for adults, consider listening twice (for Katha) or reading once then skimming once (for print sources). Time one is to learn and enjoy for yourself. Time two is to take notes so you can share what you learned in a child-friendly manner. PRO TIP: Start a notebook dedicated to Sikh History notes! This last option requires much less work: Read Sikh Comics or Sakhi books written for children. Of course, I still highly recommend listening to Katha yourself so that you also can reap the benefits of listening to Sakhis! When telling the Sakhi, use the following tips to increase child engagement and fun! Part 2: Telling the Sakhi to Children Use captivating and expressive words Use an appropriate tone of voice to match the character’s mood or emotions, like whining to show a character complaining or a deep, harsh voice to demonstrate anger Use facial expressions to match mood or emotion, like furrowing your eyebrows to show deep thinking (or anger) Use gestures that go along with the story, like pointing forwards or sideways to show the direction of some imaginary object (in the Sakhi) HAVE FUN! Enjoy telling the Sakhi to your children and it’s likely they’ll enjoy Sakhi time too! After kids have enjoyed listening to the Sakhi, it’s time to think about what the Sakhi tells us. Younger kids may need more help in this area. Often times, however, they surprise us with the insights they glean. Now is a great time to ask age-appropriate questions about the story and start a discussion about the central message(s) and applications to our lives. Part 3: Assess Learning and Reflection For younger kids, simply asking, “What was your favorite part?” and “Why?” is a great start. You may need to help them find their words for the “Why?” part. However, first allow them the chance to try to form their thoughts. If after 20-30 seconds they need help, THEN give it. For kids who are a little older, you can ask them, “What do you think the central or takeaway message is from this Sakhi?” Again, allow some wait time (20-30 seconds) before offering a prompt or help. If kids ask you a question about the Sakhi that you don’t know, don’t be embarrassed or ashamed to let your kids know “I don’t know.” It’s important that our kids know that we don’t know all the answers and we’re still learning, too. Some things, we may never have the answers too, either. And that’s ok. Only ONE Entity has all the answers and that’s Guru Maharaj Jee. Also, no need to apologize for not knowing. Chances are if they’re anything like the questions I’ve been asked (e.g. What color were His shoes? What did they do with Guru Gobind Singh Ji’s elephant that died in Anandpur Sahib? How much did he weigh?) they can be REALLY out there – about a very specific, intricate detail that has no bearing on the overall message. I’d like to say, however, it’s wonderful that they ask these questions, because it usually means they’re interested. When faced with this challenge, I normally: 1) empathize (“Oh hey – I wonder… what DID happen to the elephant?!); 2) be clear that I don’t know the answer (“I don’t actually know…”) and; 3) if the kid is old enough, encourage them to find the answer and report back. You could also encourage guessing, if appropriate. Importantly, if you do guess, be clear that you’re guessing (e.g. “I don’t actually know. Maybe they cremated the elephant after reading Kirtan Sohila?… What do YOU think happened?”). Beware the tangents: Kids LOVE to talk and they can ask the most randomest of questions and go on the most wildest of tangents! Be careful that they don’t hijack Sakhi time to talk about some other random event that happened. Keep Sakhi time to Sakhis! Set aside other time to discuss other things. Of course, if they’re making a relevant connection from the Sakhi to their lives, encourage it! It’s incredibly gratifying when kids begin to understand how the lesson applies to their lives. Furthermore, if your children enjoy arts and crafts (or if they have trouble sitting still for 10-15 minutes), you can consider printing out a scene from the Sakhi (if you find it online or from the book you’re reading) for kids to color in while you share the Sakhi with them. Afterwards, to enhance literacy skills, kids who are in Grades 2+ can even create short storyboard about the main characters, the plot, the problem, and the resolution. You could even encourage them to re-tell the Sakhi the next day to you using their storyboard so they have a better chance of remembering the Sakhi and its message. This will also improve children’s communication skills! From Good Kid to Great Kid! Going back to the title of this post, Baani explicitly states that listening to Sakhis turns ordinary children into extraordinary children! How?! Because Sakhis inspire by giving a glimpse of the glory of Guru and Waheguru. Listening to Sakhis increases our shardaa(faith) in Guru Ji. They also give us solace when we (think we) are going through a difficult time. Moreover, they remind us of our purpose of life. In other words, Sakhis keep us grounded and connected to what’s important in life. sun saakhee man jap piaar || Listen to the stories of the devotees, O my mind, and meditate with love. ~ Raag Basant, Mehla 5, Ang 1192 Anything that can keep us grounded and Connected (to Guru) will automatically turn any person (man, woman, or child) into great children! After all, aren’t we all children too? Children of Guru Gobind Singh Ji! Therefore, the way I see it, Sakhis aren’t just important for our younger-aged children, but for ALL of us! Resources for Katha in Punjabi http://www.gurbaniupdesh.org/multimedia/downloads.php https://www.youtube.com/user/mpesgorg (Giani Kulwant Singh Ji, Ludhiana Wale) http://www.gurmatveechar.com/audio.php?q=f&f=%2FKatha Resources for Katha in English https://www.youtube.com/user/bhaisukhasinghjiuk https://www.youtube.com/user/basicsofsikhi https://www.youtube.com/user/Sikh2Inspire/featured http://www.gurmatveechar.com/audio.php?q=f&f=%2FKatha%2F04_English_Katha Book Resources for Adults http://www.gurmatveechar.com/literature http://sikhbookclub.com/ Book Resources for Children’s Sakhi Books www.sikhcomics.com Sikh Stories by Anita Ganeri and Illustrated by Rachael Phillips Bedtime Stories series by Santokh Singh Jagdev (can be found at Sikh Book Club or Gurmat Veechar) – this series is great because you can print out the illustrations for coloring Resources (used when writing this post? Bhai Sukha Singh – the importance of Historical Katha Basics of Sikhi – Bhai Baljit Singh and Bhai Harman Singh on The Importance of Listening to Sakhis http://nalibali.org/how-to/easy-ways-to-tell-stories-to-children
  8. Here's the full video. I strongly recommend that all sangat in the UK watch this, especially the bibian and those of our brothers and sisters who lead quite sheltered lives, even if the content may be somewhat disturbing. Arm yourselves with knowledge about this insidious problem around us.
  9. Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh! Why is there such a bad gender ratio of fewer female Amritdharis than that of male Amritdharis? Do the parents teach the daughter about the need for Amrit or what? (Also I seem to notice that some of them seem to be told off that if they want to take Amrit to wait till marriage; which only hurts this ratio more.) Is there a way to get both males and females interested, in the olden days people begged to take Amrit, now pracharks are begging for others to take Amrit. (Also if someone falls in Prem with Guru Sahib; what stalls them from taking Amrit.) Just wanted to know these questions with the answers. Vaheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji Ki Fateh!
  10. Sadh Sangat Ji, We took a Hukam from Maharaj last week. The name will start with either Gur or Har. Boys and Girls names please. So please, any advice would be much appreciated. Thank you, Preeti
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