Ashamed Please Help

[Guest Ashamed please help]

Gurfateh ji , I need some help sad sangat ji , I am an amritdhari sikh what happened was I am staying over at my cousins house in gravesend and in the morning there I did my nitnem and went over to another cousins house early in the morning now I fell asleep for a few hours and I had a wet dream which soiled my kachera and my other kachera were at my cousins house who had gone to work, so I had no other choice but to remove the kachera as it was dirty and put it straight into the wash and then dry it straight away, I had a shower while waiting and after about an hour the kachera dryed and I put it back on, I did a japji sahib di path and ardas to maharaj but I am thinking now this was a big sin and should I now re take Amrit as your not meant to remove your kakkars but I did not have any choice in the situation I was in. So what should I do

[Guest Tat Khalsa]

It is sad to know that you were in such a tough situation. You had no choice so just do more paath and pray for better luck next time. You don't have to pesh.

[Guest the singh]

Dude!! No way!!! Wet dreams are ompletely natural and you had no choice to take your kachra off. whn you make a mistake you dont just retake amrit. to much amrit ruins the soul like too many cooks spoil the broth. if it makes you feel any better do some more paath but other than that i think your totally fine :-)

[rrss]

Wet dreams are psychologically and physiologically natural. It's wrong to beat yourself up for experiencing a natural in-built human instinct. Also note that a man may find discharge without having had a wet dream persay. Sikhi asks us to actively take control of lust- it recognises that it exists and that it's one of the key vices to be actively managed as as it takes energy and attention away from God realisation (a simplification- refer to the scriptures for exact phraseology).

Doing extra paath to make up for your 'sin' will only make your ego feel better. Suppressing natural desires through guilt, retribution and self hate may be prescribed by some schools of thought of the religious dogma variety but from a psychological viewpoint, such behaviour would be unhealthy and could have serious long-term mental health consequences such as an inability to have a normal sex life with your wife or mental disorders such as paranoia and in extreme cases, OCD. Controlling lust, especially at the unconscious level (i.e. whilst dreaming) is no easy or instant task, it requires the following in my personal experience:

1. Understand that it's a natural impulse which has psychological reasons of occurrence and that you want to use the higher centres of your brain to change and modify this. Without going into detail, attraction to women is an in-built trait for finding a suitable partner for procreation. Our minds have evolved to the point where we have the ability to control animal instincts, live in ordered societies, pursue other causes (God) instead of lust etc.

2. Want to change this for the right reasons. Just to remain in the punj piare's good books is not sufficient. This should be something you really want for the reasons cited in various places of the scriptures.

3. Start with your concious mind. I'm sure many before have discussed methods and techniques to wean oneself away from lustful thoughts.

4. Assuming that the concious mind is clear, look at the source of the wet dream. Dreams are typically influenced by short term memory, events, emotions. Lack of engagement of the mind with a thoroughly engaging task can be an instigator, as can anger or frustration and levels of certain hormones in the blood. How you prepare yourself for sleep, your diet and timings of exercise do all make a difference.

5. Society at large is not concerned with modesty and this doesn't help. Rather than get angry or feel scorn towards imagery in the public sphere, learn to disengage from it over time.

6. Understand that you will still have the occasional wet dream even if whilst concious you are entirely celibate and have no sexual desire and that a man may find discharge without having had a wet dream persay.

Good luck. I'm sorry if my personal views have hurt anyone's sentiments.

Dr R Singh.

[Guest High Spirits]

If any of your kakkaar come off (for whatever reason) you must do jap ji sahib and do ardaas to ask for forgiveness - depending on the hukam of your 5 when you took amrit, you might also not be allowed to eat/drink during this time until the ardaas is done.

HOWEVER if your kashera comes off, then you cannot perform this ardaas yourself, you must go to 5 singhs (not neccessarily Panj Pyare, just 5 rehatvaan Singhs) who will do ardaas for you and must give you a miniumum of 5 jap ji sahibs as tankhaa.

The above is the maryada as per Guru Gobind Singh Jee's taksal (sineh basineh).