humkire

hey my dear sis?bro?. I have just read what you wrote very carefully and thoroughly. Its cool. We all have problems that 'kill', diminish our worth,reduce our power, and make us feel absolutely hopeless without inspiration and direction and totally lost, confused, trubled, antisocial and fed up, exhausted and unhappy and sad. I am going be 52 this year and i can tell you from my life, this matrix(world) can suffocate. Sometimes all of life can feel like 1 huge massive punishment. Sometimes God seems to not exist, not hearing, not helping, not wanting to help or even non existing. You can even feel like giving up and committing suicide. But deep inside you, you know there could be another way. If not you would have given up by now and wouldnt even have posted what you wrote of your troubled life. Thats the still small voice of God within, making you wake up and come to a forum like this where many blessed Sikhs who are close to God, who have gone through experiences like you but have found a new way, visit, help and share. . Guru Granth Sahib says(page 1267) that as a person gives up on their own little wasted efforts, and hopelessly starts surrendering to God, somehow saints come his/her way to become his friend and help him out and shower him/her with grace and great help. This is why really you are here. This site is where you will help a lot of help and ideas from different sikhs reading your post, that much I can assure you. Your surrender to God(even though you may have done it unknowingly as you started losing hope) has brought you to the right place. So stay on here , read various replies others are going to make and act on all the golden words of wisdom you will read as people read your words and try to sort you out in every way. you can pm whoever you seem to like, in private too. There are 6 billion people or more on this planet and billions who have lived before. You are not the only one who has been smelling the bad coffee. But not everyone ends up as a failure. That choice is yours. The deciding factor is a little thing called hope. Some people just end up giving up and dying slowly or fast. Others latch on to this thing called hope and somehow slowly slowly crawl back out of a real bad situation or existence. Hpe is a gift of God and as I am replying, I can feel that yes you have hope in you. If not you would have never posted to start . You need to grab that hope that is in you. That is God in you. God is hope and hope is God. Use this power within, to fight back for once that 'demon' that has been strangulating your neck. You can do it. You need to make hope, i.e God your best friend and you can be helped out. Who knows how fast. Sometimes things can start moving really fast but just stay patient as things move for you and your family. With the voice of God in you urging you to seek help , giving you lovely Sikh friends here with similar past experiences like yours, and with that same God manifesting as hope within you, you can start to think of some new directions to take in your life, setting up short and long term goals, working on them, and eventually a seismic shift will occur in your life, no doubt about that, take my word. Start doing your prayers, start going to gurudwara more often and God will speak to you through new thoughts and manifest Himself to help you through new friends. Start doing simran , chant God's name, start listening to kirtan and lectures by great Sikhs. Start reading books about Sikhism and a new way of looking at life will slowly help you change your philosophy, outlook and mindset about life. This world operates on change. Everything is in some sort of a cosmic dance that keeps moving, keeps changing its pattern like the moving clouds. Hence you need to start understanding and syncronising your life with this dance, rather than see it as never changing and stale . This is called understanding and moving with God's Will. God's Will is that the universe and all in it is subject to change, movement and a dance. You need to be a partner to this Will as you start understanding it. This well help you to break out of your stalemate and spiral like a hurricane upwards towards success, joy, happiness and wisdom. God's Will will help you start grabbing those forces that cause a mighty wind and storm or tsunami or earthquakes that bring about a sudden reordering of nature and all within it. You need to a partner to this great force called God which can wipe out the whole universe and restart it in the blink of an eye. Gurbani encourages us to get into partnership with God by becoming His child, His brother, His mate, His servant, even His lover, so you can start receiving all these forms of true loving from Him who made you. And we are lucky we have great Guru Granth Sahib as our Guru, our spiritual guide, and everything else through which the Loving Eternal God Guru manifests Himself in more ways than I can ever imagine. There are more than one way at looking at where you are, where you could be and hence many oppurtunities actually await you. Many people who answer and try to help you here will help you look and evaluate all of those. A good dialogue has started and I will continue posting as I read others replies and your counter replies so that you can get the help you require asap. luv ya

I suppose you need at some point to tell that Sikh with whom you have personal issues, that you are concerned why he was rude to the other Sikh you know (who to you is at the 'next level') , and that, this is making you question, whether you should treat him differently. Let him explain why he was rude, and you will be able to judge better how to treat him or advise him not to be rude in the future. You may also ask the guy who was treated rudely his reaction and his feelings about it. Gursikh pyaar is that we treat and greet each other with love and when things bother us about others, we approach them with humility and get them to be frank and honest to resolve the issue. If their answers are not satisfying, and the issue remains unresolved, we can then think of other ways of sorting the problem. The aim is always ''bhai-chara'' i.e to be able to treat everyone as brothers( and sisters) and be fair, without playing favourites, as in Gurujee's eyes we are all Gurujee's children equally loved whether we are this level or next level or the next.

get your mom/grandma/aunties to make you ''panjiri''. Its what sikhs of older generations ate for brain power and is very rich in almonds. Its fabulously tasty too and lasts for weeks and you can have it in a bowl as a kind of protein snack next to your computer to munch along. You could prepare it yourself too if you are good in cooking. www.indobase.com/recipes/details/panjiri.php orwww.greatindianrecipes.com/great-indian-recipe-1008.htmland. Also recommended is gajrela which is good for your eyes too. boil down carrots in milk till it turns into a thick mash and add to it a little sugar, cardamons and plenty of almonds, a few cashews and raisins. Keeps in the refrigerator for a week or more .

liveordie4khalsa pyareh jeeo, we have actually been doing as told and posting lengthy replies and solutions to the person's problems and were just waiting for a response so we can post further and meantime started talking about food and we will behave from now on hehe

Sorry if this does not answer the question but if the Amritdhari veerjee knows both the girls i.e the Amritdhari girl who is backsliding and the Non Amritdhari girl, his focus should be about helping to inspire the Amritdhari girl to get back on her feet and overcome her patit-puna, and helping the non amritdhari to become an Amritdhari. That is more important than worrying about getting married. And as for getting married, you want to get married to that person who is on the same wavelength as you, so the new marital home is one where both inspire each other. That is the ideal, if not the post-marriage scenario can turn out to be a tug of war situation.

_gursharan bhamra_veer jee, An identity crisis is at the root of all your problems, fuelling the drink, smoking, drugs, depression, inconfidence and confusion. Its good that you found this site because you will receive a lot of help from a lot of lovely Sikhs on here. All the problems you have mentioned which are intertwined can be resolved. That is the good news. They will however require some effort and willpower on your part. First, you need to give up alcohol, drugs and smoking rightaway and get on a healthy diet. This is more easily said than done but you really have to, in order to clear your mind. These substances play havoc with your brain and liver chemicals and fluids and cause depression, lethargy and fuel the ego and cause a lack of clarity of thought. If you think you cannot do this on your own, speak to your GP, as they have in house anti smoking clinics and can refer you to other experts to help you get rid of drinking, drugs etc. GPs are very interested in helping people in getting off drugs, alcohol and smoking nowadays. Also mention the depression and ask for an assessment whether you need a short term clinical treatment for depression. Depression connected to drinking can sometimes be short term and giving up drinking and going on a couple months of medication can sort out the problem. Your gp will explain this to you in greater detail. You can print out what I have mentioned and show it to your gp too. In the meantime while you getting rid of the drinking etc as I have just mentioned, you also need to restructure your life and lifestyle. My advice is that you start reading an online English version of Shree Guru Granth Sahib Jee, line by line, page to page(we say panna for page normally) . This exercise will help you connect to guidance from Gurujee and start making you see the difference between a manmukh and a gurmukh and start understanding the purpose of your life, the greatness of God and Guru and it will help to mould your personality and character to be creative and constructive. From there, you may then slowly start learning Punjabi/Gurmukhi through a teacher etc so in time you can do your daily prayers i.e Nitnem . Try to look out for any Sikhi summer camps in the town and country you live. You should try going to the nearest gurudwara too at least once a week , buy and read books on Sikhism . On this site there will be people from your country and town who will be prepared to become your personal friends who can advice, support and help you in person. Slowly but surely all this will help you start keeping back your hair and become an Amritdhari Sikh who can leave the past behind. You mentioned you like music and I love music too, but a lot of Sikhs will tell you from experience that the best form of music is as happens in Sikh religious music i.e kirtan. Kirtan does not just entertain you, the words give you true wisdom and help you pray and connect to God and afters you feel filled with great joy, peace and happiness in your soul. There are innumberable sites on the internet where you can stream kirtan or download it. In fact, maybe one day you could learn how to play the tabla, harmonium or a stringed instrument and do kirtan yourself. Once you have got into place what i have mentioned in the above 2 paragraphs, you will find that in a few weeks time you will feel healthier and happier, more cheered up and joyful and at peace with yourself. This may take anything from 2 to 4 weeks. Then, it will be time to start thinking of your education and future. You mentioned that its been 4 years since you left your 12th, and cannot get into colege. I am assuming this equates toGcse or O levels, the stuff you have to do before you can go to university or colege. Hence you must be around 21/22 of age. Once you have sorted your mind out, you will feel more clear as to what you want to do for work and education. You can pm me or others in private too so I can help you brainstorm a lot of possibilities depending on your interests and past education. Basically, because of the 4 year gap, I would recommend you to retrain yourself in something. You could even get a job and do that parrt-time. So, dont stay disheartened. You are very young and have a life ahead of yourself. Get away from your habits, get your mind cleared up, get close to God and Guru and get back on track. Sikhism helps us to be in chardikela i.e a state of rising power of the mind. Sometimes you may even get suicidal but don't entertain such thoughts. You are young and your body can recover very fast and the next few years of your life will be very exciting as you clean up your act, find great inspiration in Sikhism, make many new friends and educate and get into work. Out of your crisis, you will rise like an albatross to discover your true identity as a great guy, as a wonderful Sikh and as a successful person. Also make sure you are becoming very physically fit by swimming , learning gatka and other self defence , doing aerobics and going to the gym. Never let your mind be idle but work it by reading , by attending courses, by having quality friends and by developing a good understanding of Sikhism. You have a lot to offer and now is your chance. Keep posting your thoughts and your progress, my brother.

Only five Jeeo, I was not implying in any way force. I am suggesting a very practical and time proven method if this case is in the western world. You put some amount of pressure and coax the person , talk to them , and persuade them to get to their gp. The gp based on whatever the wife says together with her husband would suggest a course of action which can be straightforward regular outpatient counselling or he may refer the person to a mental health expert who may then recommend either outpatient or inpatient therapy at some sort of mental health clinic, not necessary rehab. All of this is done confidentially. The emphasis in mental health today is to refrain from using the rehab and more on helping patients understand addiction and an addictive personality, and group and other sessions to get to the root of such a personality, how to cope with it, how to overcome addictions, how to help the family give the person better support and how to place the person in a support system. You are right in that this is a complex and sensitive issue that can affects a family's standing in society and hence the route i suggest is one which ensures a high level of patient confidentiality. I have first hand experience in this matter because of family and thats a very painful chapter in my family's history and i understand with great pain what this young bibi is going through. At the end of the day, an issue like this can be handled in all kinds of soft ways which prolongs suffering and pain at the expense of maintaining the family's respect and standing within the community, or it can be held by its horns and turned around. This bibi has a right to responsible parenting, a right to have a peaceful, safe and trusting home environment and in the west this can be achieved by proactive action, unlike the traditional punjabi culture in which i was brought up where all of this is kept under cover and allowed to fester with damaging long -term psychological effects on the children. If its handled carefully no one would even know her dad is receiving medical help. If this was a 'mild' case , i would agree that it could be sorted out through coercion and without any sort of rehab. However, I have read through her post very carefully and after deep consideration of the seriousness of the situation, I have no choice but to recommend as I have in my reply, whether or not you think its right. In life, sometimes you have to be solve a problem with swiftness and resolve, confidence and boldness. I have calculated that enough persuasion will help this man get to his GP . There is a psychology that operates in an alcoholic whereby they do know that they are on a wrong course but live in self denial. A fair amount of stern and firm handling will put this man in a spot to follow his wife or some senior member of his family to his gp and confess all and ask for help. In fact, I have just spent the last 2 weeks visiting one of the top bank managers in this country at one of the Priory centers in the UK who is a friend, a white man. I had advised him 3 years ago to stop drinking alcohol. Recently, his drinking led him to a near mental breakdown situation and he went to his gp, got referred to a psychiatrist who then booked him in to the Priory. After a week in there, he finally decided to give up all alcohol and is now recovering fast and should be back in work soon. All of this has been handled very confidentially with only a mininum amount of people knowing about it. Whatever happens, this bibi has to stick fast to her amritdhari life and do whatever is necessary so her dad is receiving treatment, and her mom, her, and her siblings are living in a safe, loving and peaceful environment. God bless this family and lets all do humble ardas for this family and bibi.

Barfi n Mithai jee, hehe what do i do now? you asked. My dearest beloved veerjee, my shelf life and use by date is almost over haha so now all i do, and want to do is to serve beautiful beautiful blessed Guru ke bhoth hi pyareh nyareh wonderful Gursikhs like yourself (who inspire me more than i can ever say) because you are bringing Sikhi, beautiful wonderful, life giving Sikhi to the coming generations. I am just trying to wrap up things(my business) so i can go live very near Southall to be able to get Gurujee's darshan everyday. Sade vaste roz please ardas keria karo keh asee GURUJEE de pavan Charna vich bhagtee ateh sewa kardeh rehieh ath nimrta nal. thats all that i need. i have a question too haha do u like barfi and mithai haha as thats your name as making that is one of my hobbies(which aint good for me health haha) . btw im not relli intelligent to b honest . i just survive on Gurujee's wisdom and bakshish wivout which we are all plain simple dust .

HJK0102 jee, Sooner or later, you will need to be honest and upfront about this whole thing to your family. Bottom line is you are an adult and no one has the right to force you into anything. A family is there to be supportive and only advice you from doing things that can destroy your future happiness. You can use the softy softy approach going through relatives or just phone your mom and tell her. As you said you have a degree, are educated and work in the NHS, so as a good person you will need to be honest about your life partner choice. Parents have a way of getting shocked when things dont go according to their 'plan' but also a big big heart to absorb that shock. You can go to a gurudwara and bow before Gurujee to give you strength and boldness and guidance to be honest, and help you before you make that phone call. Your family may accept your decision and support you, or ask you to go do your own thing and leave them alone and forgive you many years later. You have to be prepared for this for the sake of love. That would be my advice at a human, multicultural level. Now, I'll talk on a Sikhi level. From a Sikhi standpoint, its necessary that any person considering themselves a Sikh, find the purpose of life, and guidance for life and lifestyle choices according to the teachings of Sikhism. Likewise, for one's marital partner to be a Sikh and to bring up kids according to Sikhi lifestyle and philosophy. Its very very sad whenever i come across mixed race marriages where the partner's athiest or other religious beliefs weakens a person's love for Sikhi and the children are non Sikhs or very lukewarm. As a daughter of Gurujee, your focus has to be to be an inspiring loving woman who focusses on keeping her home as a Sikh home where her husband, herself and their kids are all following the glorious wonderful blessed path of Sikhism, where there is beautiful continous kirtan and simran in the house and the family goes lovingly to gurudwara together to do sewa and satsang. This is the ideal you want to reach as a Sikh woman, so do consider helping this man to become a baptised Sikh asap, so you can live as 2 married Sikhs supporting each other in Sikhi. A Sikh lives for no other purpose but for the sake of the gloryand majesty of Gurujee. Husbands, wifes, and all the other material comforts are just gifts from God, but a Sikh lives for something much more higher i.e a Sikh lives to serve Gurujee, to love and to worship Gurujee and bring Sikhi to this sad unhappy world.

_ANNOYED_ bhenjee, O sister, the situation you have highlighted is a tale into which are intricately woven, commitment to and understanding of being an Amritdhari, faith in God, the psychology and mental health of an alcoholic, and the response of those who love him and human pain. You dad suffers from a destructive addiction. All you can do in your capacity is to try to get him to a GP and request that he is referred to an in house NHS mental health centre that will help him get cured of an addictive personality and then get him to join AA and NA meetings regularly. Alternatively, if your family is wealthy, get him admitted for 2 weeks in the nearest Priory clinic to your town. Normally this too requires a GP to refer him first to a psychologist/psychiatrist who then arranges with the Priory clinic. If you are underaged below 16 or 18, you could go to Social Services who will intervene on your behalf to make all this happen. You need to tell your mother what I have just told you, and tell her you cannot tolerate this situation anymore and it needs to be resolved immediately. This is affecting your own psychological state of mind and peace and triggering in you feelings of hate and confusion which are bad for your own mental health in the long run. In no way, must you make a link between your dad's problem and your Amritdhari state and have any desire to follow his alcoholic manmatia ways. He has a psychological problem and an alcoholic and drug problem. His brain and liver cells are probably diminishing too and this is a medical problem. Why on earth should you ever want to leave your clean healthy ways, and follow your dad's self destructive habits and ways. There is no logic in this, even if you are feeling helpless and desperate and depressed because of the hell in your home. Hence you need to stick to your chosen lifestyle as an amritdhari. Everyone comes into this world with their own past karmas for which they get both rewards and sufferings. At the end of each person's life, we leave behind those whom we love, and carry on our own soul journeys. Hence you can care for your dad, and try to help him and that would be very kind, but you have your own life to care about. Remember you are not just a daughter. For others you are a sister, one day you will be a wife, then a mother and so on. Let not your dad's problems deprive all this people from your love and your role as an inspiring amritdhari in their lifes, including too those with whom you study or work and all your friends. Becoming an amritdhari is far more special than you can imagine. Its the final culmination of your millions years old soul journey whereby Gurujee Himself has saved you from the maya matrix and made you His daughter. As an amritdhari your are a Kaur i.e a princess, in fact you are now a warrior princess. So you need to live your life as a warrior princess. Your keshkee symbolises that you are not meant to be weak but strong, confident, assured, bold, creative and dynamic. I hope you are taking gatka and other self defence classes, going to the gym and doing swimming so you are physically really fit and able to defend yourself and eating a healthy diet that prevents fat building up. Try to strengthen your amritvela waking up time, do nitnem and a healthy dose of simran and also have a sehaj path of SGGS always on the go with explanations so you are very clear about how to be a gurmukh, think , talk and act as a gurmukh. Also makesure you have amritdhari friends you can hang out with and go to any Sikh camp during summer which is coming up soon. After your amritvela prayers and evening prayers, always include your dad in your ardas, and rather than worry too much about your dad , focus on preaching Sikhi to whoever you can. Stay committed to Sikhi and in time you will be victorious. I hope you are also studying/working hard and making a suceess of your studies or career. Remember, you are not the only one who has to face this problem. Your dad's problem must not be over dramatised and emotionalised and allowed to fester and destroy the lifes of those around him. It is a clinical problem which needs urgent medical attention. If your family refuse to understand this and let it carry on, you may soon need to start thinking of leaving your home, as you are a young individual who deserves better parenting.

_PrivateSikh _ jee, You should be interested in learning punjabi if you are 13 because at that age you want to learn as much as you can about anything. It will help your brain to develop and become more intelligent. As you grow older you will realise picking up as many languages as possible helps in your CV , opens up your options and helps you to communicate with more people. After all as a Sikh, punjabi is your mother tongue and people of other cultures will look down on you for not knowing your mother tongue. Punjabi opens you to the world of Sikhism too because you will be able to read and understand Gurbani which will guide you in living your life, starting from now . To fit into school, its not achieved by cutting your hair but by picking up social skills, the art of being loving and to be loved, the art of making people laugh, the art of making people be interested in you. If you did real well in your studies, were tops in school in sports, hobbies, physical fitness, music, martial arts, and were very informed of politics, news, etc people wud think of you as a celebrity and want to be your fan. That would make you popular. Focus on poor students in your school, on those who are backward in their studies, those who are handicapped and have physical disabilities and learning difficulties and be a little saint and be their friend. Always be the friend of those who are lonely , who aresad , who have problems . Then you will be like a very very loved saint at school. Remember that at the end of the day you are in school not to fit in, but to walk away from that school with 6-9 A s in your gcses and 4 As at Alevel so you can go to one of the top universities in UK like Cambridge, Oxford, Bristol or Warrick or St Andrews, LSE etc. You are 13, this is your age to learn about religion not leave religion. Becoming an athiest is simple, just dont believe in God but at 13 you want your mind not to shrink by wanting to know less and learn less. Rather, you want your brain to grow big and clever and intelligent by knowing and learning more and more things, including religion, languages etc etc. A lot of people in my life consider me to be very intelligent but i will tell you my secret . Its because wen i was your age, i was so so hungry for knowledge. I would read about so many things , i was reading so many books about every subject including Sikhism. Every week a huge bundle of books would arrive from the Guru Nanak Missionary society from Singapore, plus i was learning about 5 languages including punjabi. In my school too there were guys who cut their hair, never wanted to read , not interested in languages or Sikhi, where are they today....working in low jobs and struggling to survive somewhere. So be a good boy and be tops in your school , dont try to mix with gangsters and 'fit in' and focus on your religion, your hair , your language etc. I want to see you at a top university in a few years time, not see you hanging around as a mona guy smoking spliffs and living on benefits and becoming a gangster and getting beaten up by some black guys. So start learning martial arts, gatka and self defence too.

_dont know_ jee Itsgood you are getting into Sikhi and you need to focus on that. You will always come across Amritdharis who are on the way to becoming beautiful, loving, inspiring gurmukhs and those who are immature and unwise and <banned word filter activated> about and have jeolousy and dont realise the value of amrit. So dont let that get under your skin and become an issue that obsesses you. Focus on being a blessed Sikh that makes others love and help and serve each other. That is your real challenge.

if u are in the UK u go see yur gp and say u need counselling etc and you will be refered via the NHS and its free . do say which country you are in as a start . ll reply more laters

haha i really dont understand all this fuss about looking for suitable girls and boys for marriage. A true Sikh's life no matter what jethabandhee you belong is never ever ever about wanting this or wanting that, whether it is a wife/husband/house/ car etc. A true Sikh trusts his/her Guru to give them whatever Guru wants at whatever time. Infact wen Guru gives, we say O Gurujee are you sure, I dont think i deserve this gift. A true Sikh never looks at what others have and desires it for himself. A true Sikh lives in the hukum of Sacha Patshah, always humble, always thanking God, always working hard, focussing on loving Gurujee then demanding and expecting gifts. Asa ki // states that is a miracle wen God gifts because He is pleased. The only thing to beg God is for naam. What is meant for us will come our way and no force apart from God can stop that happening. Ego camouflages itself into wants that we think are ''good'' for us. Humility asks for nothing and only wants to serve and love. Also, if one is a blessed person you do not need to expect God to give you another 'blessed ' person as a marital partner. God may throw into your life someone whose Sikhi is not up to scratch, but your chardikela , firmness, and strength of character will change that person. Kabir says the dhak and pelas trees take on the fragrance of sandalwood as they start growing in the vicinity of the sandalwood tree so ask for nothing, keep all options open and trust God for every breath and every gift.

_Kaur_ You have 2 issues here. You are having problems in doing simran and thats one issue . Because of that you are worried about receiving Amrit, thats the second. Doing simran on vaja is fine if thats what works for you. You will slowly progress and realise you can get your hands off your vaja and keep repeating simran, then from that, start pushing your vaja further and further away and for longer and longer periods to break the habit. I play the vaja myself so i have been through this problem. As you keep doing simran with your hands off the vaja, you will start closing your eyes and concentrating better on God's presence within yourself and your mind will start going deeper and deeper till you dont feel like opening your eyes. You could even try standing up and doing simran, first with eyes closed then with eyes open knowing God is with and around you. From that start walking doing simran so you get into a habit of singing Waheguru 24/7 while you walking, showering, eating etc etc. And when people around you are talking e.g over dinner or while in the lounge, keep trying to listen to them but learn your inner start chanting Waheguru. Perfection comes through practise, remember. Getting up in the morning for simran is a very tricky problem especially in the early stages. Every night b4 u go 2 sleep, pray in your heart 2 God and Gurujee to wake up up at amritvela , bless you with simran and naam ras. Keep doing this prayer a lot and a lot throughout your entire life. Apart from that, remember good habits take ages, and bad habits come in days. So always put your alarm on for 3 or 4 a.m get up, try to have a quick shower and then do simran. In the beginning stage, you just want to be able to get up around that time so start by getting up around that time, drink some water or juice and start doing a bit of simran . As you keep getting into this habit, extend the time and then after 10 minutes get up and start having a shower then do nitnem and simran. If there is a will there is a way. Always do as much simran as you can just b4 sleeping no matter how early or late you sleep . It magically helps you to get up very early and do some simran. Join this site too instead of being a guest as this is a Sikh youth website and keep posting your progress and problems here . There are a lot of very highly inspired Sikhs of your age on this site that will give you lots of replies and become your friends. You can even make friends on this site and get them to call you every morning to wake u up for simran and share their experiences how they began to do simran and be on each other's facebook etc. This site will help you be a chardikela Sikh. I hope you are taking self defense classes too like gatka because a Sikh girl is a warrior princess who can defend herself. Also, i am very proud of you that you have memorised gurbani, but now you need to start learning the meaning of what you have memorised , line by line . It will help you understand what Gurujee is saying in the prayers, and through those prayers what Gurujee wants you to tell Him and to God. That will help you to start really enjoying doing your nitnem, and taste amrit ras in them and even this can automatically trigger you into simran afters. I started just like you. I would wake up just in time to do path b4 school, then i started doing simran on the way to school, then i started doing simran for 5 minutes after morning path, then i increased it bit by bit and as my life went along, i learned to do more and more. As you start loving God, you will love doing lots n lots of simran and bhagtee as and when you can, no matter date or time. It will become a big and beautiful, positive, life giving, addiction hehe. Putting all this aside, dont delay but take amrit asap in april ok. During the ceremony you can tell the Punj Pyaras to give you specific advice on how to do simran and how to get up early etc. They normally allow a question and answer session at some stage, if not approach one of them after the ceremony. Taking amrit itself can help to break barriers in doing simran because by giving your head to Gurujee, you place yourself in His protection and He will look after you and guide you to do the right thing. You dont need to be perfect and get everything 100% right before taking amrit. Amrit is just the start of a long life where your life will slowly change, you will pick up good habits, and become a very blessed Sikh all in good time. So, dont panic about amritvela simran and do take amrit. You can improve your amritvela you go along. Keep posting phenjee and book your name for the Amrit ceremony. Something tells me you are more than ready for it.

Singh Veer Jee, Please never ever ever say ''I am nothing to love, I am a papi''. God creates everyone to be loved and to be loving. Its we as humans that fall short of this. You were so loved by your mom that everyday for 9 long months she carried you in her womb excitedly. When you finally came in this world, the 1st time your dad held you to his chest he felt God had given him a beautiful gift who he could call his child and immediately he felt protective and caring for you. Every morning your mom makes you breakfast and your slightest illness makes your parents restless. God created you to be wise and crave for a beard even at 13. Everyone here too loves you and why not because no one in this world is allowed to hate you. Instead of thinking of yourself as a papi, think of yourself as a prince because your daddy is King Guru Gobind Singh. Yes you can feel small at times and beg forgiveness for doing wrong things but that doesnt make you a prince no more. You must beat your manly chest hard and say '' I am a chardikela Sikh of Guru jee through his grace, I shall serve my Lord, Master and Daddy Guru Gobind Singh, I have the best Daddy in the world''. When you are doing your ardas during Amritvela, you can cry for forgiveness and beg God to make you very humble, but when you rise in the day you got to get up like a lion, and roar loudly WAHEGURU JI KA KHALSA WAHEGURU JI KI FATEH because you are Guru jee's Singh i.e lion, because you are Gurujee's bhujengee i.e lethal cobra, because you are Gurujee's Sikh i.e student, because you are Gurujee's khalsa i.e pure one. The song on your lips has to be from Gurbani i.e Tu mera Pita, Tu mera Mata i.e O Gurujee, O God you are my true Dad and Mom and I am your beloved son, and because you are a Sacha Patshah i.e true king hence I am a prince. But not a proud spoilt prince but a prince who is really powerful but humble that looks after and protects people. In my generation we were brought up to think like this my dear beloved veerjee. If you are on the path of Sikhi your real home is Anandpur, you are heaven bound , you are a beautiful tulip and a beautiful swan. None of this should increase your ego because its all Guru's kirpa. So instead of ever thinking you are a papi say , I am a son of Gurujee through his grace, thank you all for loving me and may I through Guru's grace love you back billion billion times more.

Dear Bertie, Cool! do post that 'very long story' if u wish to, either here or to me in private. I love long stories, longer the better hehe! And since you are in a fluid state in terms of location due to your work, I suppose you could learn via the internet. Depending which mid eastern country you are in, there are pockets of Sikhs out there too that could help you to learn Punjabi, Sikh prayers etc etc. Another source you can tap to learn which you are probably doing already is this lady you are friends with, and some of her family , friends or relatives. Sikhs are generally friendly and helpful and genuinely kind when help is requested.Life is such that when we really want to achieve something we will climb any mountains and hurdles to reach our goal fast. See the X Factor 2009 winner, Joseph McElderry's winning song on you tube 'The Climb'. I mentioned about the simplicity in Sikhism concerning proposing and marriage involving no rings, money and gifts but rather a true love and lifelong commitment. Bloom has tried saying this too. However as you have read many uninformed people tend to dig back unnecessarily into the previous traditions of the culture they come from. If, in your discussions with her, you feel her family insist on this, you will need to ask her rather than anyone else to teach and guide you as to what her family wants. There is a variation in terms of cultural practices relating to marriage depending on the region people come from, in the Punjab and India. There are also variations in terms of where Sikhs are settled around the world and the safest is to actually be talking to your friend and let her family work out how. That said, I must point out that from a strictly religious point of view many of these derived traditions are totally unnecessary and in fact clash with the teachings of Sikhism as they originate from a pre-Sikh, Hindu era in the Punjab and succeeding generations of lukewarm Sikhs have unwittingly embraced them in an unholy alliance of the Sikh religion and Hinduistic culture. Sikh reformist movements in the past 100 years have tried to cleanse the religion of such destructive and parasitic influences. If you read up http://www.sgpc.net/rehat_maryada/section_four_chap_eleven.html , this outlines the accepted official conventions for Sikh marriages . On youtube there are plenty of examples of Sikh marriages performed in materialistic trappings of gifting, money, jewellery and celebrations involving alcohol etc bereft of any true spirituality and humility which half the time tend to end up in a sad painful divorce. However, you can also discover very simple beautiful Sikh weddings without pomp and splendour that are set in a truly religious context that are very inspiring and sincere that evolve into life long relationships based on Truth. I suppose in your case, you can keep all this very simple and focus on becoming a Sikh as fast as possible, given that you have researched into the religion and made your choice of both partner and religion. Give yourself a deadline to learn the basics of Punjabi and reading how to read and understand Shree Guru Granth Sahib if possible or just the dailt prayers to start. Get into a personal friendship in the USA with baptised Sikhs who live there and get baptised lets say within 6 months. Then approach your friend to be married to her and at that point let her family decide the best course of action. In the meantime through your own reading, learning and baptism you would have developed your own understanding of Sikh marriages which you could put forward in discussions with her family to elicit their response. Just remember there are countless blessed Sikhs who have got married with no rings on their fingers and tokens of £ or $101. That includes marriages in my own family. This must be very exciting times for you involving sleepless nights hehe!

The best way of thanking Gurujee for Their kirpa is to live as Raghbir Singh Bir puts it in his book , a ''shukrane vala jeewan'' i.e a life based on continously thanking God. The nanakseria ardas in its final lines always says ''jo dita vah vah ..........'' i.e ''O Lord thanks and Vah Vah for whatever you have given me, are giving and shall give me'' . Hence in our daily ardas we can affirm God's blessings and thank Him. We can receive tremendous kirpa from Gurujee, but live a life where we do not bother to learn the meanings of nitnem and live our Sikhi life robotically and mechanically in a formula kinda manner, never even doing simran with much pyaar and being slack on amritvela, etc etc etc and always looking serious and sulky, being very introverted and always churning out doubts and keeping Sikhi to ourselves. On the other hand we can choose to be appreciative and thankful for Maharaj's kirpa by sharing Sikhi with those that others have abandoned, our neighbours, mates at school and colege etc . I have given you plenty such ideas in my last private pm to you. This translates as ''I love it and am thankful for it and desire to share and distribute it. I have such love for my fellow human beings that I wish to introduce them to my merciful and gracious great Guru so my Guru can bless not just me but others close to me and those unfortunate ones too''. In my business if those who work for me think I am a kind and loving manager and boss, they always introduce their best mates to me to work for me and receive my love too. That makes me feel appreciated. A child receives toys, busies itself in them and forgets about its mother . A gurmukh however always loves the Giver more than the gift. Our thankfulness is expressed by a heart that gets wetter by the second in loving Gurujee, eyes that get filled up in tears for Gurujee and fervent passionate simran, a smiley lit up face, a joyfulness in our character and personality, a sweetness in our words, and a relaxedness in our walk as if we are well fed lions. When deep down you throb in your being with Maharaj's kirpa, every passing second you are in a state of fateh/victory and chardikela and sehaj all in one place. You practically 'rock' because maharaj's kirpa is a powerful force that makes you real creative, energised and dynamic. Thankfulness will beam automatically from your eyes and emanate from your soul and infect all those within your radar.

Dear bertie, Sikhism is indeed a very very truly beautiful and practical way of life well suited for the present and future times that focusses on Truth, a fact you must be already in the process of discovering. A path that helps one connect and experience Reality, serve mankind and be angelic in your personality, explore your potential , and strike a healthy balance between the physical and spiritual elements of existence. In a way you are very lucky you met this lady who has turned out to be a conduit for an even bigger blessing in discovering Sikhism. You not born a Sikh is no impediment at all in being a good future Sikh husband and father, as Sikhism is a learning curve from wherever and whenever you begin. In fact as you already probably know, through the 3HO organisation in USA there are already scores and scores of white converts to Sikhism. Conversion to Sikhism from people of other races apart from the original punjabees is slowly but surely becoming a widespread phenomena in the Sikh diaspora as Sikhs have began to migrate outward from India, and Sikhism has began to take root in other cultures. The fastest way to learn about Sikhism and punjabee is to a)engage a teacher and we can help you find one if we know which town you live in as someone from on here would be willing to be a friend and spend time teaching you how to read, write and converse in punjabee . Post a request on this website mentioning your town and that you are white and need a punjabi teacher and can be p.m-ed privately for exchange of emails/mobile numbers etc. b) visit a few Sikh bookshops around and gather books on Sikhism you can read. Again we need to know which town to help you. There is endless amount of ematerial on Sikhism too on the net, you tube etc etc . Concerning you proposing, it actually depends on how deeply this lady is involved in her Sikh faith.You should do your proposing once you have become a sikh. If she is very ''westernised'' she may want a ring and perhaps some choclates too and a bunch of roses haha. If not, a heart to heart talk where you propose humbly, that leading to a convenient date for the marriage. The covenant of love in Sikhism is set in the heart, in the presence of Shree Guru Granth Sahib, not through material objects like rings.

whyshouldicare jee, It appears that your parents are forcing things on you rather than encouraging and inspiring you to do the right things. Do share what the psychologist said and whether he has had a private talk with your mom and dad, and what he said he would tell them , as this will help to help me and others assess the situation better.You can p.m this to me in private if u prefer. I am getting a feeling that the real problem is not the hair but difficulties in your relationship with your mom and dad. It is very common that around your age of 16, your parents forget that you are growing up and cannot be talked and ordered about as if you are still a kid. This starts from little things and builds into big things. This can make you feel not loved and home can start feeling like a hot hell because no one ever wants to treat and talk to you as a growing up adult person with whom they need to discuss things rather than force things on you. There is a generation gap, the relationship starts breaking down, they feel you dont love them anymore and are too stubborn and rebellious, and you feel they are too bossy and not giving you freedom and independence. This can all lead to kids running away from home, doing the wrong things or having a psychological crisis or breakdown. First thing is to remember that your parents do actually really really love you and just want to protect you and want the best for you because you mean everything to them. So try to avoid getting angry with them and hating them. They may be going about saving you from bad things in the wrong way but that doesnt mean they are bad. Remember your mom had to carry you around in her womb for 9 months and really suffer at child birth and how she would stay up all night wen u cudnt sleep and breast feed you and change your nappies and wash you, take you to doctors wen u fell ill . Remember how your dad protected you and worried about you wen he was working and cudnt wait till he came back home from work to kiss you everyday. See the film called Incendiary to understand how deeply parents love their kids(or the new series of Battlestar Galactica and keep an eye on the chinese girl cylone and her love for her kid). If you can change your attitude towards your parents who you feel are patronising you, you can be more positive and receptive to their good advice and will start to see the wisdom in their words. I once had a conversation with a prostitute whom I was counselling and she told me she had 3 kids but smoked cocaine and followed men in their cars for sex. I had to advice her that she was a very irresponsible mother who could get murdered by bad guys and that she needed to stop prostitution and cocaine and start becoming a good mother to her kids. You are so lucky your parents aren't like that but good people who have never let you go hungry and be bad examples to follow. Veerjee, once you can start loving your parents again, or more than you are now, you will see that their advice is good and you will start cooperating with them. Try to slow talk to them too, either through your mom, or through one of your chachajee, mamajee , masijee or bhuajee, that you want to be treated as an adult and explained things and not forced into things. Dont rebel and do things to await their reaction because you will break their heart. Instead try to explain to them your feelings and your needs and give them ideas e.g why not go to a nice seaside cafe for tea and talk out things. Tell them you really love them and ask them to tell you how much they love you. Tell them you are not stubborn and ask them to tell you the history of hair in Sikhism. Assure them that you do not want to destroy your life and do bad things but want to pass your gcse's with good results, do your A levels and go to one of the top 5 universities in this country. You must tell your parents your needs and also take their good advise. It works both ways. Veerjee, I am very very proud of you that before you ended up cutting your beautiful hair you have come here . Here as you can see no one is forcing you but people of around your own age are logic-ing with you and reasoning out with you. So do listen to them too because i can see they all love you even if some replies appear a bit direct and harsh. Keep posting all your doubts here because thereare many wise people of your age here waiting to be your friends and talk to you. So do try to calm things down between you and your parents and do try to get them talking to you like an adult. You are 16 means you must be very soon having your gcse exams. Instead of hair, worry more about your coming exams and prepare well for them so u can pass and do your A levels ok. If you need help in any subjects , please type on here and let us know because I am sure there will be someone in your town in this website who can become your friend and help you in your studies. I do not want to talk you down because you must be much more cleverer than me in many things like how to use computers, play games etc etc but if i can humbly say this for you to consider....... if you cut your hair who do you please? -just yourself and some friends to look 'modern'. But if you keep yur hair you will make Gurujee so happy with you and once God is happy with you, He protects you, looks after you and that is very important because in the next few years you need God's help in your studies and to get a job etc. Also, make sure you are going to the gym, learning gatka, going swimming, cycling etc regularly. Thats very important at your age. Also take punjabee classes, learn how to play the tabla or harmonium, and how to read Gurbani. At your age, instead of worrying about cutting hair, you want to do well in your studies, develop many hobbies, be very talented and physically fit. Veerjee , if anything i have said is wrong or hurts you, I am really sorry. I have written you a long post because I suffered exactly the same kind of treatment at your age or even much worse when i was your age and it brings back painful memories. Hope you find my and other's advice on here helpful and i think you have a lot of things to teach me too. I am really surprised that at your age your english is so good the way you typed your post. You could become a writer or journalist haha. Try to get your parents to arrange for them, you and the rest of your family to go somewhere nice for this summer even for a week and come back and teach me how to type with both hands on my computer hehe . Take care and be good.

hehe dont worry all things in good time. You are 13 so a whole amount of chemical and biological as well as psychological and emotional processes are just beginning to kick in within your body and mind, as pre programmed according to your biological clock by God. All of these will very quickly start defining your manhood including your hair, beard and moustache. Starting from now the next few years are going to be fun. Do ask your dad at what age his beard started to first grow since you carry his genes. As for food, eat a balanced diet with plenty of protein, vitamins and minerals. Foods such as almonds, hazelnuts, dall , soya, chapattis, saag, chana/choleh, beans, tofu, fresh salad, aubergines, okra, grapes, oranges, strawberries, blueberries, papaya, pineapple, -----all these nuts, seeds, vegetables and fruits are great. Normally around your age acne like pimples on yur face can start to appear so avoid too much of oily fried foods, or sugary sweets and desserts, cakes, biscuits etc. Wash your face very regularly with plain soap or anti bacterial wash, and do not scratch any pimples that might appear. Drink plenty of water too and do exercises, go to the gym, swim, gatka, aerobics, aquarobics, cycling etc. And dont forget nitnem, simran etc. Gurujee will look after you.

_wantmore_jee, What you experienced is just the start of many more wonderful experiences coming your way if you do things right. I trust you are amritdharee, if not be one asap to bind yourself in a deep relationship with Gurujee. You need to focus(apart from other things) on amritvela simran. This is the key to God's heaven and God's secrets and experiences. Every dawn, consistently do simran and there will be no end to your experiences, through Gurujee's kirpa. Let all of these help you to be an angelic warrior princess that does sewa, lots of sewa and is humble, very humble, yet a warrior for truth and defending yourself and others. If we want God to be kind to us, and do miracles for us and give us beautiful experiences, we have to be kind to others, do miraclous things for them and our presence in their life must be a very extraordinary experience for them. Reading gurbani a lot with understanding helps the mind to be carved out into a vessel that can behold on a sustained basis the experience and presence of God on a consistent basis. Gurbani creates a personality fragrant in God's eyes that is detached from the world and only desires God. Gurbani helps us to be net gatherers of Amrit and Gurbani makes us angels worthy of God's vision. God grants us such experiences to deepen our faith and relationship with Him. They help us to lose our doubts and talk about God and Guru with more authority and greater fervour. They help us feel loved, accepted and blessed by God. This is so we can become even more humbler, closer to Sikhi and do even more sewa, simran and satsang. Channel this into your day to day living in being a gurmukh that is loving, caring and sharing.

Veerjeeo is there any recordings of the BIR RAS KIRTAN DARBAR held on 13/3/2010

hehe pjs jeeo aajo aajo ral milh keh keertan kerieh, phirh karah parshad shekah geh. savaiyah jah khulah gphah ? haha Ill let out a little secret to make it even more tastier haha (it really works! ) . fry the atta in the ghee with very very very very slow fire so it cooks and still looks light creamy coloured and NOT light golden brown and then just as the ghee bubbles start rising right away add the syrup. This makes the parshad slightly slightly sticky but awesomely tasty! another tip is to use very dark brown raw sugar like muscuvado or gurrh instead of white sugar. and if you know the technique make your own ghee using guernsey and jersey fresh milk from tesco. now we are talking of REALLY amazing parshad especially more amazing if you stare into it(while cooking it) with laser beam eyes doing Japjee as if that was the last Japjee u going do b4 dying! haha, i mean with soooooooooo much muhabat and prem ras and loud and just magical with full dhyan. Anyway im involved in the catering industry so khana making is me hobby n ask recipes 4 anything wenever

Apart from the rest of the maryada involved in making Gur Ki Degh, in terms of ingredients and method, use as following. 1 cup of ghee or unsalted butter, 1 cup atta, 1 cup sugar, 4 cups of water. Gently heat up the ghee to slightly less than medium temperature, then add in the atta as you are also doing your paath. gently stir it continously and in the meantime boil the sugar in the water under medium fire without letting it thicken and become stringy. The atta in the ghee will first appear to suck in all the ghee and be slightly crumbly, then gradually appear more fluid. Then its colour will slowly change to a beautiful golden lightish brown and the ghee will start to bubble to the surface. At this stage gently add the sugary water and stir with faster, stronger strokes till it leaves the sides and looks ready.