guptkuri

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh! Thanks for such a wonderful post. It is a great reminder to keep trying no matter how big or small of a effort it is, it does make a difference.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh! Beautifully worded post veer ji. Alot of what you said need to be said, thanks for saying it. and I agree we must highlight the good at least as much as we high light the bad, if not more. By constantly pulling each other down, we do no good. I wish the members of this site would put in a bit of effort and become more active so this site can be a place where sikhs and non sikhs can come to learn and interact with the Sikh community.

Writer's Woe Doubt, Ego and Inspiration Waheguru Ji gives us many gifts and it is up to us how we view them and live with them. Waheguru Ji blessed me out of the blue with the ability to write and then he put in my head what I am to write about. So really it’s not about me because Waheguru Ji handles everything from the concept, words and giving me time to pen it down. I know it’s not me but still as I write I go through doubt, inspiration and then inflated ego. Am I actually doing what Waheguru Ji wants me to do by writing and making it available to everyone? I am not worthy; I don’t do enough Naam Simran and Path. The people reading my articles occasionally question me on why I write if I don’t have enough Nitnem, and have not taken Amrit. They ask whether I am in position to advice or say anything about Guru Ji. Then the doubts set in, why am I writing? Why doesn’t my mind stop thinking about writing? Then for some days I tell Waheguru Ji I am not going to write, I will write when I have taken Amrit and do more path. I tell Waheguru Ji I am not worthy to please make my mind from constantly talking to Him about what needs to be said or written. I go into a depression of sorts telling myself I am not worthy to write. Then Waheguru Ji blesses me with much praise from people that read my articles and encourages me to write. He seems to take my work from one place to another without even me realizing it. That makes me think He must want me to do this, He wants me to write. That’s why He is making it grow so big that I can’t avoid it. I leave my doubts and just write and write. Every time I someone makes me doubt I remind them I have nothing to gain, nothing to lose from writing; it’s a seva. As I read the positive feedback and argue with the people that bring doubt in me, I fill with ego and pride. For a while I forget that it’s not me, it was never me writing these articles. I fill with ego and think it’s just me and how I want to write even better and get more praise. I drown myself in the ocean of ego. Drowning in ego I try to write the next article but I am unable to grasp onto any inspiration. My mind drowned in ego is unable to hear Waheguru Ji as He instructs me on my next article. For days I willow in misery about being unable to write and then I go running to Guru Granth Sahib Ji and beg for forgiveness. I admit my faults and my false ego and ask for help to write or to move on with my life without writing. Waheguru Ji once again starts inspiring me to write by taking over and instructing me. He helps me write and I try to keep far from ego by always remembering Him when I am praised and giving Him the credit he deserves. As long as I live in His remembrance He narrates and I write, the moment I forget I become nobody. Going through phases of self-doubt, inflated-ego and lack of inspiration, I learn to value Waheguru Ji. Waheguru Ji gives everyone talent but we are only able to recognize it as long as we live in His remembrance. I still go through doubt and ego but I keep repeating that I am no one without Waheguru Ji and He helps me overcome. In remembrance of Waheguru Ji all is well.

Living in filth to remove it, not become a part it. It was never my choice to work in a convenience store but that did not stop me from making the most of it. Making the most of it does not always mean making most money; it can also mean earning good deeds. Until Waheguru Ji blesses me a way out of this store, I will sit here and sing “tera, tera”. This job is an opportunity for me to spread the word on Sikhism, remind people evils of tobacco and alcohol and give a helping hand to those that can’t afford basic necessities. A simple joke about brain surgery, a bad haircut aimed at the Sikh turban turns into a quick lesson on Sikhism; that leaves the comedian wonderstruck and wanting to know more. Every day I am asked what happened, why did I start wearing a turban, if I have become an extremist? The general public is so confused as to the identity of a Sikh and what they are all about, that it leaves them with negative vibes. It is very simple actually, Sikhs look different than your average person and people don’t know how to react to it, so they react with jokes to hide their discomfort and lack of knowledge. From behind the counter I smile at their jokes and explain to them what Sikhism is all about. It is shocking how many people tell me that they never knew, no one told them or how they wish someone had explained to them earlier. These shocked people are the same people from whom Racism stems, by talking to them; I help crush racism in its roots. I have met a man that once told me, “I hated people like you (people with turbans) but you’re different ….I didn’t know….when are you working again, so I can learn more.” Education is the key to all problems and I use my job to educate. To educate not only on Sikhi but to also educate them on the harms of the substances that I am selling them. Yes, I probably shouldn’t be selling it to them in the first place but sometimes, things aren’t always the way we want them. I make the most of my job by educating people on different ways they could quit smoking. I cheer for them when they cut back, I give them encouragement when it gets tough and then I celebrate when they stop all together. I listen to them when they tell me they wish they didn’t smoke; I tell them they can always stop and encourage them. I am not just another face that takes their money and hands them horrible stuff that will cause them harm. I take a bad thing and try to do at least some good. Goodness is not just helping someone leave a bad habit; it is helping someone when they are down on their luck. I am the first to lend someone a buck when they are down on their luck and get basic things like milk and something to eat. Working at a store isn’t all about money; it’s about seeing the people down on their luck and giving them hope. It’s about looking at that little kid whose mom has money to buy herself a can of beer but can’t afford a 25 cent candy for her kid and having the heart to give the kid a candy or something to make them smile. It’s about reaching out to the kids whose parents spend more money on beer and cigarettes then on the kids and letting them know life doesn’t have to be that way. It’s about caring and believing everyone has the power to rise above this lifestyle we are catering too. It is one thing to sit on the side lines and hate this profession, it is another to be part of it and rise above it. Let us not judge, someone unless we walked a mile in their shoes. Let us rise above the excuses and the blame game. Instead try to be good Sikhs where ever we are in our lives. It’s never too late or too early. Yes, we should get away from selling these things but sometimes life is such that we can’t, but we shouldn’t let it stop us. Walk the path of Sikhi and Waheguru himself will show you a way out of all the evils. Don’t mean to defend or offend, I just want people to be more open and help each other be better Sikhs. Make most of what life has given you and use it as tool to become better Sikhs.

Son of Khalsa The First Role of a Man Born into the household of Khalsa, I follow in the footsteps of Sahibzada Ajit Singh Ji and Sahibzada Jujhar Singh Ji and become the proper son of Khalsa. The elder Sahibzadas set an example for all Sikhs on how to live their lives and how to obtain martyrdom. They taught us the value of education, stand up for what’s right and respect our parents all while staying within the teachings of Sikhism. The level of education obtained by the sahibzadas at such a young age was much higher than most people have today at twice that age. Sahibzada Ajit Singh Ji and Sahibzada Jujhar Singh Ji were educated in religious texts, philosophy and history, and had training in the martial arts such as riding, swordsmanship,gatka and archery. Sahibzadas had started Gatka training at around the ages of about 4-5 and started learning Gurbani at about the same time. Today at the age of 4-5 we are barely learning the names of the Sikh Gurus and learning gatka and gurbani is way out of the picture. The sahibzadas were blessed to be born the sons of Guru Gobind Singh Ji but that does not mean they were born with all this knowledge. They learnt it and so can we. They gave equal respect to academic, physical and spiritual education, not favoring one over the other. Today we pick a medium we are good in and have the tendency to forget the others. Let us learn from the Sahibzadas and get proper education. The Sahibzadas never got so bogged down with their education that they had no time to stick up for what’s right. Whenever Guru Gobind Singh Ji instructed Sahibzada Ajit Singh Ji to go and fight for what’s right, Sahibzada Ji went without a second look at his education. Sahibzada Ajit Singh Ji was barely twelve when he was sent to defend Sikh Sangat from the looters ‘Ranghar of Nuh’. Since the age of twelve Sahibzada Ajit Singh Ji has defended innocent people that came to Guru Gobind Singh Ji’s darbar asking for help, regardless of religion. The Sahibzadas never rejected education in favor of doing the right thing or vice versa, they did both at the same time. We need to become like the Sahibzadas in this manner where we learn to do both things at the same time. Often we hide behind the excuse of education and work, so we don’t have to follow the order of our father Guru Gobind Singh Ji and do the right thing. Let us be like the Sahibzadas and listen to our father Guru Gobind Singh Ji. Sahibzadas did an amazing job in whatever they did but they never had any ego and always respected their parents. Sahibzadas always did whatever their Guru, their father told them to do. How often do we listen to our parents today? How often do we do as Guru Ji instructed us to do? Where is the respect if we can’t even follow simple instructions given by our parents or the Guru Ji? We need to be like the Sahibzadas, who gave went up to their father and asked for permission to go join the fight in which they would receive martyrdom. That’s the kind of respect we need to give our parents. Just because we are doing the right thing, doesn’t mean we should jump right into it. First we need to go to our parents and ask permission and explain why it’s important they not say no. We owe our parents at least that much respect, that we can ask for permission when taking important decisions of our life. If our parents don’t agree and the matter is of Khalsa Panth, we can turn to our spiritual father, Guru Gobind Singh Ji and ask for hukam from Guru Granth Sahib Ji. We should always give our parents the respect they deserve, just like the Sahibzadas did. Sahibzadas made their parents proud by being properly educated, being soldiers along with saints and always respecting their parents and Sikhi. Sahibzadas received education and became the saints. They fought for what was right and even gave their lives, so they could be the soldiers and martyrs. They respected their parents and received their blessings to be the best Sons of Khalsa Panth. Following in the steps of Sahibzada Ajit Singh Ji and Sabihzada Jujhar Singh Ji we can become the true sons of Guru Gobind Singh Ji.

Sorry, didn't mean to scare you Bhena Ji! lol I was just trying to point out sometimes we don't realize we are treading on a path that is against gurmat and then after waheguru ji fixes everything, then it hits us how big of thing Waheguru Ji just saved us from. I am currently stuck helping my parents and don't see much of a way out at the moment but I am glad Waheguru Ji is already thinking of keeping me from getting to tied up in this business. As for my family we are looking into ventures outside of this one and hopefully soon enough Waheguru Ji will bless us with a way out. We had bought this gas station long time ago and its finally openning. For the time being there is a way I look at this situation I am in and I will post that shortly. I am sorry to hear about your relative. I hope he understands soon.

Little Mercies The Bigger Picture Every once in a while something that does not go the way we wanted even after a lot of prayer and we begin to question why Waheguru Ji forgot us. I have to admit that in the past few months I went through a similar mindset, where a small part of me doubted Waheguru Ji. I was going through a bad phase and made some mistakes. While I was waiting for consequences of my mistakes, I remember sitting there and praying for Waheguru Ji to get me out of trouble. It didn’t work; I had to face the music. I remember a part of me doubted Waheguru Ji for not saving me and another part saying there has to be a reason. Five months later I am finally able to see the bigger picture. The lessons I learned are have faith, be willing to look and listen and then live in his remembrance. I had doubted Guru Ji on and off for months before Guru Ji reminded me the importance of having faith. Every time my mind had doubts, I forced myself to say out loud that Waheguru Ji probably had a good reason and not to doubt. I did not let the doubts win over my faith of Waheguru Ji. I did not allow my doubts to win but as time passed it got harder to think there was a reason for all of it. Beginning of this month I had to apply for liquor license to be allowed to sell alcohol at a Gas Station my parents wanted to gift me. I was so scared that because of my earlier mistake I would not be given the license and would have to face my parent’s wrath. The mistake had nothing to do with anything but still I was nervous. I was questioning why Waheguru Ji instilled this fear of messing everything up in me and prayed continuously for Him to get me out of this situation. He was merciful and I got called into the liquor office saying that everything was approved just a few minor details left. I breathed a sigh of relief and was in celebration mood, when the lady came without the proper papers and told me there was a problem. I could not have the liquor license since I was not yet 21. At this point my mistake no longer mattered; I can’t be on the license period. I had a shaky faith in him and he got me out of two problems, one I didn’t even notice at the time. As I walked out of the office, Waheguru Ji allowed me to see the second problem I had just avoided. It is against Sikhi to sell alcohol and with a liquor license; I would have attached myself to this profession for a very long time. I currently sell alcohol and cigarettes because I am stuck to this for the sake of my parents. But I have always asked Waheguru Ji to help me find something that is better suited for Sikhs. By creating the problems I faced five months ago, He Himself made me pray to get out a situation that I didn’t realize I was getting into. Now it makes complete sense that He had to do what He did so I would have no attachment to this gift of my parents and He can find something better for me along the road. Because I was willing to open my eyes and ears to Him, my faith is no longer shaky. I know He did what He had to so I would be a better Sikh. I learnt my lesson not to doubt Him and I will always remember these lessons and live in His remembrance. The moment the lesson is forgotten or Waheguru Ji is forgotten I open my life up to a world of miseries. Currently in His remembrance I am in a state of mind where I know good or bad, it’s wonderful because He is on my side. It Waheguru Ji whatever He does is right for me. Waheguru Ji please continue to have mercy on me and stop me from making mistakes that I don’t always fore see. To always be with me, even when I doubt you. Please continue to shower your little mercies on me.

Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh! Thank you! I will do as Sangat has adviced. 1. I will keep writing and allowing anyone to read and reproduce my work as long as its not tempered. 2. I will not get involved in any debates in the comment section, I will focus on my writing and being a good sikh. 3. I have created a new email address to add to the bottom of my articles, so people can email me about my writing if needed. If I missed out on anything or there is something else I should be doing, please let me know. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

Advice Needed Trying to be a good Sikh Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh! Today I am left in bind and I really don’t know what decision to take, so for that reason I have come to my brothers and sisters on Sikhsangat to advise me. I promise to do as Sangat tells me and not question their decision or advice. I am going to tell Sangat a little background information, the problem and why I am unable to take a decision for myself. As some of you may know I like to write and I try to write about Sikhi as much as I can. I work with a few different websites and my own blog to put these write ups online because the feedback is great encouragement to keep writing and learning about Sikhi. I always try to monitor where my articles are put up so that no misunderstandings are created about what I write. My biggest fear is writing something wrong about Sikhi by mistake or someone misunderstanding Sikhi because of me. So I try to keep an eye out if someone takes my article without permission so at very least I can make sure the discussions underneath the article don’t head the wrong way. I am not picky about people asking for my permission because I think of it as Seva and it is free for anyone to read or forward to someone else to read. That’s where the problem sets in; people are taking articles without my permission and posting on websites I am not so sure about. I don’t know how many of you are aware of Sikhchic.com but in recent times they have started posting few of my articles. I am a bit uncomfortable about the fact they are promoting Professor Darshan Singh. I am also a bit unsure about the comic strip they carry called Sikh Park. I feel I should not be connected with any website that openly promotes Professor Darshan Singh. The problem is I don’t copyright my articles or stop anyone from reading or sharing, it’s a seva afterall. So do I let them keep taking my articles even though I don’t agree with the website or do I try to contact them and tell them I don’t want any of my articles on their page as long as they promote Professor Darshan Singh? I can’t make this decision myself because I am torn between what to do. A part of me says it’s will of Waheguru Ji, I didn’t put it up on this website and I should let it stay. Another part of me says I don’t want to be connected with anything that promotes anti-sikh people. I work hard to write my articles in a way that Sikhi should receive utmost respect. Is it disrespect letting my work stay on a website that promotes people that don’t respect all aspects of Sikhi? Or is it disrespect that I am changing the will of Waheguru Ji or withholding seva from some people? I just don’t know what to do. I request everyone to please advise me and guide me on this issue. Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa, Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh!

its a great idea for people like me that are completely clueless about computers.

Raksha Bhandan A day of Promises Raksha Bhandan is a day where a sister prays for her brother’s long life and the brother promises to protect her all her life. A few days ago when my mother reminded me of this day I told her I wasn’t going to be taking part as it’s not a Sikh tradition. Then my mother gave me one of her ‘please don’t fight with me over this issue’ look and I gave in. Since I gave in, I decided I should at least reexamine this holiday and see if Waheguru Ji wants me to learn something from it. The more time I spent researching Raksha Bhandan, the more I felt like a fool for thinking it’s just about a string, money and sweets. Raksha Bhandan is about a promise from a sister to her brother, from a brother to her sister and a promise from the children to their parents. As a Sikh during Raksha Bhandan I promise my brother a lot more than just to pray for his wellbeing. I start by doing ardass for my brother that he may always be blessed by Waheguru Ji and soon become a proper Gursikh. After I have done ardass for my brother I make him a few promises to my brother because as a Sikh woman I am capable of more than just praying. I promise my brother that I will fight by his side if there ever is a need, I will not leave him alone to fight. I promise my brother that I will be the best Gursikh I can be, so he never has to feel ashamed of me. I promise my brother that every time he looks at his wrist he will know that I will always be at his side, making him proud. Feeding him a sweet, I promise to keep our relationship a sweet one. I make these promises not just to my blood brother but every Sikh as all Sikhs are either my brothers or my sisters. I made my promises to all my Sikh brothers and I hope my brother will make his promises to all his Sikh Sisters. I ask my brother to do ardass for me, so Waheguru Ji may bless me to be a proper Gursikh. After he does ardass I ask him to make a few promises to me as I tie a rakhri on his wrist. I ask him to promise to always treat me as an equal and allow me to stand by his side whenever he needs me. I ask him to promise me that he’ll try harder to be a Gursikh, so I can stand proud and say that my brother is a true Sikh. I ask him to keep the rakhri on his wrist as a constant reminder of me, his sister and to always keep me in his life. As he feds me a sweet, he like me promises to keep our relationship a sweet one. Then he hands me some money to promise me he’ll help with any sort of problem I face, including finical. With a small gift he promises to always keep me happy. The rakhri is a sweet reminder for a brother never to forget the promises he makes his sister. Brothers and Sisters exchange many promises on Raksha Bhandan and unknowingly, they exchange a few promises with their parents. Through Raksha Bhandan they promise their parents that they will always be there for each other. That they won’t let the family fall apart. The string of a Rakhri will always keep them tied to each other. The sweets will always keep their relationship a sweet one, a happy one. With the gifts a promise to look after small happiness is exchanged. The money is a promise to be together through thick and thin. A promise between siblings is also a promise to parents that the family will not fall apart. It gives parents a peace of mind and happiness beyond words. As a Sikh, I celebrated Raksha Bhandan because of the unity it brings to my family. I did not follow the Hindu Traditions attached to it but I did try to keep Waheguru Ji on my mind and do Ardass as I tied the Rakhri. I don’t know as a Sikh if I am supposed to even a rakhri at all but to keep my mother happy, I am willing to do it. I did not change my principles for the sake of my mother; instead I turned to Waheguru Ji for guidance on Raksha Bhandan. Waheguru Ji has inspired me to think of it as a promise between siblings and a promise between parents and the kids.

Sikhism and America were founded on the principle freedom of religion but what happens when politics meets religion? When it comes down to building a Mosque at Ground Zero, the issue becomes mostly about being politically correct and not hurting any sentiments. As a Sikh living in America, that means looking at this situation from a few different angles to really understand the whole situation and what it means to us. We have to look at it from the perspective of a Muslim, an American and then a Sikh. This Mosque is being built for the Islamic Population of New York; hence it is very important to understand what it means to them. I am not a Muslim and I am not very knowledgeable about Islam but still I am going try to put myself in their shoes. If this issue was about building a Gurudwara Sahib Ji, I would feel it is my right to have a place to worship, than the same applies to everyone else, including the Muslims. After having this issue brought up and then not having the Mosque built would mean the Americans are blaming the whole Islam population for 9/11 and would recreate a tension filled atmosphere. The extremist can use this as an excuse to rally more youth against America. But at same time, if this Mosque is built as proposed in a community center, it will upset the Islamic population also. The current proposal includes a swimming pool, which from my understanding doesn’t really go with Islam teachings. You can’t swim in a burkha and all events held at the center would have to be careful about intermingling of the opposite gender. The Mosque being built as proposed opens a lot of doors for trouble and religious backlash. Mosque or no Mosque, Americans will have to walk on tight rope to keep everyone happy. As Americans it’s our duty to protect religious freedom and to give justice to those that lost their loved ones on 9/11. To protect religious freedom, we can’t stop a religious group from building a place of worship. To give justice to the families of victims, we can’t allow a religious place of worship to be built on the Ground Zero because it is this religion that they blame for the loss of their loved ones. Yes not all terrorist are Muslims but how can we forget the terrorist that caused 9/11 were brainwashed by extremist of the Islamic Faith? I know as an American when I read first read about the idea, I was outraged. Our troops are still fighting the war against terrorism and dying every day and here we are trying to promote the very religion that is used to create extremist. Yes, we want to mend fences and move on but we how can we forget when our army is still over there? This Mosque can become the horrible reminder of the past and the present war or it can be the tool to move forward. This Mosque might be the perfect gesture for all of us to begin towards moving on. In this fashion we can honor our Muslim brothers and sisters that also lost their lives because of 9/11 and start working towards peace. We are Americans, we accept everyone that wants to better their lives and we accept their right to follow their religion, too. Sikhs have a history of defending a religion that is not their own, Hinduism. The Ninth Guru, Guru Tegh Bahudar Ji, also gave up his life for the right of Hindu’s to follow their religion. So how can we say we won’t follow in the footsteps of our Guru and stick up for the Muslims to have a place to worship? We are the saint-soldiers and today we have to prove it. Sikhs have to fight for the right of the Muslims to have a place to worship and at the same time we have to support the fight against terrorism. That means supporting our troops through joining the army ourselves, or at least donating for their charities. It means signing petitions and letting people know you’re not against anyone’s right to follow their religion. Sikhs stand up for everyone and their freedom of religion, regardless of any outside factors. As I access the issue from three different points of a Muslim, American and a Sikh, I come to the conclusion that it is important to go through with this proposal of building a Mosque. I propose if this charity really wants to make a difference and go through with building this Mosque, they need to change directions. This Mosque should not be built just to uplift Muslims, everyone suffered due to 9/11 and everyone deserves to be uplifted. In place of this Mosque they should consider building a library dedicated soul purpose of holding religious texts and have huge seminar halls dedicated to teaching people different religions of the world. If people understood each other better, maybe we can divert another 9/11. We need a center where people can use the halls to hold religious meetings (it could double as Mosque, Gurudwara, Church or any other religious center) and a place where everyone feel loved and welcomed. Why create a Mosque and community center? Wouldn’t it serve a better purpose if it could reach out to all the people, all the religions that were hurt during 9/11? We have Ground Zero because of religion; now let’s use religion to rebuild a better place. A place where Muslims, Christians, Sikhs, Jews and all other religions can live together in peace.

Thank you, Mehtab Ji. 1. okay, they might not be impossible to change but it is quite hard and especialy if you plan to change them by arguing with them 2. yeah, parents don't always change but they are more likely to change with love, then arguing. 3. I am not saying we should change ourselfs to distant ourselves from Sikhi to make them happy, change ourselves in the manner we don't get angry at every little thing. Also, another thing to consider especially if your from a sikh family is moving slower towards the sikhi path and taking your parents with you. If you jump right into they tend to have doubts if you can do it, if its the right thing but if you take those two minutes to talk to them about it, they are more likely to support you. 4. It is very important to do ardass but you must also try. I don't know, I really belive its not enough just to do adrass. Guru Gobind Singh Ji never won any battles by just doing adrass, he fought them also. So along with ardass we got put in a effort also.

Waheguru ji ka khalsa, waheguru ji ki fateh! I am happy to read that you liked the article. It gives me encouragment to keep writing. I hope Waheguru Ji always keeps you feeling good. Thank you for your sweet comments.

Problem Parents They just don’t get it… It is uphill battle getting parents to understand where we are coming from; maybe it’s the generation gap? Not a day goes by without an arguments and the need to just get away from it all. I remember a time my life when I use to hate spending time with my parents. It seemed like they couldn’t go two minutes without picking faults in me. It was their favorite pass time, I think. Each day I would look forward to the time they would be at work and I would have some peace and quiet at home. In my quiet time I would dream of getting married and getting away from them. Then one day on a really long day home alone, I got tired of dreaming about my future perfect life. So, I got up started cooking and cooking and cooking. I made more food then I could imagine and then when my parents came home I sat them down and served them. That day I realized a few things as I served the food. Those lessons were; a small sweet thought can go a long way, little yes is better than a big no and finally change yourself, not others. My small sweet thought was going above and beyond and preparing a special dinner for my family. My parents didn’t expect it, especially since my mom is always lecturing me to put some more effort into my cooking to no avail. That day we didn’t argue over my unwillingness to cook because I felt since none of my friends have to, why should I do it? In their shock they sat while I served one dish after a next without saying a word to them. That day I even washed the dishes and didn’t even whine about it. Then when I was about to sit down, thinking I earned it, my mother asked me for some warm milk. At this point I was mad; parents can’t appreciate a small deed and ask for more and more. I handed my mom her milk and was about to sit down, when my dad asked for his meds. That whole evening they took advantage of my nice behavior. My mom asked me a simple question when I was finally allowed to sit down in peace, “who will do all this for us when you leave?” That question hit me like a ton of bricks, I had never thought about my parent’s life without me and I never gave them a chance to tell me either. I was always so busy fighting over every little thing; I never gave them a chance to acknowledge the good deeds I did. That day I became greedy for my parents praise and started doing more sweet deeds to earn praise. Sweet deeds take time, so to earn praise faster I started saying yes to the little annoying chores my mom always asks me to do. The deeds and small yes made things super smooth between me and my mom but daddy was still not impressed. My dad’s weak spot was drinking but my mom and his sister never let him drink in peace. I started siding with my dad and would vote ‘yes’ in his favor to have his nightly one drink. I would fight with my mom and aunt and daddy would drink in peace. My willingness to say yes quickly made me dad’s favorite family member. He started talking to me more and spending more time with me. During our moments together I would tell my dad its okay for him to drink but I really don’t think its healthy and I want him to live a long time. While saying yes, I would coax him to stop drinking. I didn’t fight against my parents anymore because I knew they loved me and I don’t fight with loved ones, not even when they are wrong. With love I slowly got my dad to stop drinking and focus more on his Sikhi, today he is amritdhari and I don’t have to deal with his drinking. My parents were happy and I was happy. The key of happiness was not changing my parents to make them into what I wanted but changing myself. I am a firm believer that you can’t change the world, you can’t even change one person but you can always change yourself. So I did just that. In front of my parents I would live by their rules and did the small things that made them happy. In my time I would focus on myself and what made me happy. A cute instance that comes to mind is when I started wearing my turban and my mom hated it. My mother loved me but she couldn’t understand why I needed to wear the turban, she forbade me from wearing it. I explained to my mother that I really like it and want to wear it but since she was not happy with it, I will only wear it once in a while. That turned out to be a blessing in disguise because wearing it just once a week, helped me get comfortable with the turban and my mother wasn’t mad either. Slowly as the turban grew on me and my mother; one day I was upset and my mother cheered me up by coming in my room and starting to tie a turban on her head. It was her way of saying I accept you as who you are, no matter what the world says. That was my biggest encouragement to work harder towards becoming a better Sikh and wearing a turban all the time. I didn’t have to fight with my mother to get to a point where I could wear a turban, I just accepted how she felt and changed myself to accept her feelings, instead of fighting them. But I did not give up my right to wear my turban I wore it on my time. She was happy and so was I. Parents are impossible to change so change yourself and accept them for who they are. The moment you’re happy and keeping them happy, they will start to put more effort to remember little things that keep you happy. If you’re mad and always fighting with them, then they are just going to be mad right back at you. Stop fighting; do small sweet little things to make your parent smile, say yes when they ask you do something (even if it doesn’t always make sense) and change yourself to make a better you. Change your family, your parents with love, not with argument.