MisterrSingh

That's great to hear. Speaking from experience, start with something you know you'll be able to sustain. As others have mentioned the last thing you want is for your daily nitnem to become a chore or an obligation. Feel every word and believe. Don't rattle through the bani with one eye on the clock. The voice inside will tell you when it's ready to move up to the next level. Also, if I may ask, what are you hoping for? Peace of mind? Inner strength? Or something specific?

Thanks, brother.

You can start by listening to a recording of it. Like I said, to go from nothing to doing it "all" overnight is setting yourself up for failure.

Be your own source of support, my friend. I use to lament the lack of empathy or institutions designed to cater to some of the unique situations we as foreign born Sikhs find ourselves in. I guess I just got tired of waiting for the "other" to lend a helping hand, so I began to toughen up and embodied the support I was craving. It's good that you're taking care of your parents. Just play it by ear and see where life takes you. But don't confuse Sikhi with the rank and file Sikh community. Sometimes it's confusing to see where the distinction is, but it's there. Don't let any form of resentment eat away at you.

It was this portion of his post that irked me. The rest has some merit.

That's an admirable way of looking at things. That's integrity. You know this already but life is harsh; people are rarely any better. I'm guessing you wish you could tune out that nagging voice in your head and go with the flow like everyone else, and not over think things too much. So what's the plan? Forget about everyone else, what do you want to happen?

Even you have to begin to wonder whether there might be something awry. You couldn't find a woman in your initial period as a Singh; you struggled to nab a lady when you had shorn hair, and now you're back at square one. What conclusion is to be drawn from that? Maybe it's your confrontational attitude and generally negative manner that is the problem? I don't think you have a rotten personality. You seem like a somewhat intelligent individual. I do think you're hurting, though. I also find it interesting you've resurrected this thread on this particular day, Valentine's Day of all days, to be a telling indication of your state of mind. Perhaps you're feeling slightly lonely and unnoticed, and feel the need to vent at the community that you feel is responsible for the unfortunate situation you find yourself in?

The "educated young Sikh" in the West is as much a part of the long-term problem that will decimate us as a people, as the kirpan-waving, uncouth, status and wealth obsessed pendu. Two sides of the same coin, the difference being the EYS has deluded himself into believing he occupies some form of a higher moral ground that sets him apart from his so-called lessers. Both sides are serious causes for concern.

Have you considered that perhaps you need to work on yourself, and that it's not your appearance that's the problem but what you "put out there" as a person? Bitterness, anger, and resentment aren't desirable qualities in any person, and usually someone who does wallow in such thoughts has a certain feeling about them that isn't agreeable. You'd be surprised at how easily most people can detect that kind of negative vibe emanating from a person. It's very off-putting. I'm sure you don't need to be provided with countless examples of Singhs with uncut hair who've bagged an attractive Punjabi female (because, reading between the lines, I believe that's what you think you deserve), so one would have to wonder why that isn't happening for you.

I'm sharpening my gandassa as we speak. I'll tuck it safely into my kamarkasa once I'm done, ready for any eventuality. Thank-you for your concern! What's the status regarding your nitnem? Is it something you do; do you believe, or is it of no interest to you? I'm not expecting a complete overnight transformation but even easing into the mool mantar is good. Remember, let's not run before we can walk.

His is a conveniently selective view of the situation. Some issues and responsibility must be attributed to the individual, but broad issues that affect a mass of people come from the top. He has the profile and clout to make a difference and lay bare what's going on in Punjab, but the will isn't there. The religious hierarchy are viewed with mistrust; the perception is that behind the facade they're as self-serving as anyone else. Someone like GM could get the ball rolling, but I don't think he wants to place himself in a situation where he stands out as a target. A combination of complacency and perhaps a sense of ambivalence fuelled by being incredibly wealthy (too much to lose) is the cause, in my opinion, despite this "protest" song.

Jokes aside, Gurbani helped me out - and still does - so much. I'd be a goner without it. I was the complete opposite of calm and collected, lol.

It's a waste of valuable of time.

Connect? U wot m8?!? Nah, I'm joking. PM's genuinely the best way for me. I'm not on social media or any of that stuff. I get notifications from this site when I do get a message. There's gotta be a way to send PM! I sent one a couple of months back, but I can't see the option now.

I'm a silver surfer. Plus, I'm down with the kids.

I can't seem to find the PM option either. They've changed it around since the upgrade. Do you know where it is?

Wot?! I'm an old soul.

I'm 74 years old. You can PM if you like.

Definitely screwy. Makes me wonder whether the site is secure. I hope there aren't any dodgy scripts being run when anyone visits.

Savage!

That's good to hear. The reason I asked the question was due to the thought of how each of these situations is incredibly unique despite the desired end result being the same. I'd like to think those girls who have been raised in a home that is lax on discipline and certain positive Punjabi cultural norms, should be made aware that those undertaking this seva are putting a lot on the line to extricate them from a situation that is mostly self-inflicted. I'd hate to think the naive Sikh girl who is preyed upon by opportunists is treated the same as the Sikh girl who escapes to uni in the hope of sleeping with as many guys she can get her hands on. There's a marked difference between the two, and I'd hope the situational approach from SAS reflects that difference. That's not to say I'd expect SAS to wag their finger in disapproval at those girls, especially during a traumatic period of time regardless of blame, but ultimately considering the service being provided for these girls and their families, I would think SAS are well within their rights to impress the need for certain religious values to prevent any future misshaps.

Im not too familiar with the workings of SAS, although I'm aware they perform admirable seva. I was just wondering, whenever SAS do whatever it is to retrieve these girls, do they make a distinction between a vulnerable girl from an unstable familial situation who was manipulated and groomed, and on the other end of the spectrum a brazen thrill seeker who bit off more than she could chew, and ended up in dire straits due to her own hubris? Or do they treat them all with the same touch? Is there an aftercare policy in place?

The thing that gets to me is the organised nature of it. They think they're being so smart about it, but anyone who can see through bull in general can immediately detect what's transpiring. It's incredibly cynical, but nobody is prepared to confront it. The elders give it a pass because either they're incredibly naive that such things are occurring, or because they've been completely hoodwinked. Give it another few decades and there'll be scandal after scandal emerging. All it takes is a couple of people breaking their silence, and it'll be laid bare.

Do you think there's ulterior motives in sections of the contemporary younger generation of Sikhs in the West, particularly those who follow certain traditions and sects, who've latched onto the apparently self-sacrificing idea about wishing to stay celibate and "serve the panth", in order to shield themselves from the pressure of getting married, allowing them to indulge their homosexual desires behind closed doors whilst presenting an image of religious piousness to their families and the community?

Idolatry? The worship of inanimate objects?