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  1. Guest

    Marriage

    Sat Sri Akal i m a girl from Punjab Residing in. Canada . I am from Sikh family from SC Caste(Shimmba) . My parents wants me to marry and they gave me choice that i can find my partner on my own . I never founf anyone sensible or caring . But now i founf a guy who is very mature caring and follows spiritual path in his life . He is from Sc caste (chmar). His family is also Sikh. When i told my parents they said u could have found anyone from general and BC caste we would have approved but we cannot marry u in sc caste . I tried convincing them he is well educated , mature person . His family is very good . That guy helped me alot at my lowest times and encouraged me to be positive in every situation. He made me a better person . I think thats all what matters . But i m confuse now how to convince my parents now . I acannot hurt them and i cannot loose such a beautiful soul from my life in form of partner just bcuj of a caste tag. Plz someone guide me .
  2. Pre context: I'm Amridhari and was looking for an Amridhari partner who has a Gursikh Amridhari family. I've been raised in sangat, samgams, and Sikhi camps my whole life and I'm deeply rooted in Sikhi. Sikhi is my life and the values taught by our Gurus are of the highest value to me. I love Guru Ji and I feel as if I failed Guru Ji. I have failed as a Sikh and I feel I've lost my purity, the purity I had kept intact till now from the day I took Amrit.. I had made a rule that the person I marry will be my past, present, and future. However, when I hit my twenties I realized that to get married you have to speak to many different people. And speaking is fine but the problem is I get attached too quickly. I had kept my guard high and strong for a while but it isn't easy when you're also a hopeful romantic. I want to get married by my mid-twenties and thus I began looking. I found someone online and we connected pretty well however that person(I'll be addressing them as R) was in another country. I insisted that we stop talking but R said let's continue to talk and see where things go before cutting it off so early. I had discussed with R the issues about why we wouldn't work out and did not want to get too attached but R insisted we keep talking and so we did. We talked for 3 months and within those months we had some intimate talks too which I felt bad about. At this point, I felt like I was in love with this person and was ready to move for them but at the same time, I was doubtful of their love. When I suggested that we take this to the parents to make it official, R backed out and left. R wanted me to come over for a few days and do intimate things before marriage which I said no to and I felt terrible that I allowed R to speak to me in intimate ways and also engaged in it myself. I thought it was R's way of expressing love but I was wrong. After this, I completely shut myself off and didn't want to look for anyone else. I was healing and asked Guru Ji for forgiveness. I was doing okay and then again I met another person online (going to address them as Y). Y had approached me through a Sikh dating app and we connected. I didn't initially think of Y as someone I would want to marry and whenever we talked I thought that Y was boring. However, Y always looked for a way to talk to me. We connected in Jan 2023 but properly started talking in August 2023. I don't know what happened but we started talking and things were flowing smoothly and I started liking Y. We exchanged social media and our numbers and we were talking every day. We also discussed any issues that would come up if we were to get married and I told Y that with the looks of it it's better to stop talking but Y insisted that we keep talking and see where things go. I got attached but told Y that we had to break it off because his family wasn't Amridhari and I didn't want to move to where Y was living. Y was upset and I can't bear it when people are upset with me so I started talking to Y again. I broke it off and patched it with Y three times because we both like each other very much but our families and lifestyles aren't compatible. I grew up within sangat and Sikhi all my life but Y has grown up going to the gurdwara every Sunday for a while, going to parties, and weddings where there is meat and alcohol. He is Amridhari but his family is the full opposite. Y's sisters don't believe in keeping Kesh and I don't want my kids to grow up in that environment. I spoke to Y about all these concerns and we both concluded that it's best that we break it off but we couldn't. We kept coming to each other and decided to give it time and sort things out. Within this period we got attached deeply mentally, emotionally, and physically. Our relationship is completely online but we have exchanged intimate moments through video calls, texts, voice notes, and photos. We both love each other but know that we don't belong together and somewhere in my heart I know that Y isn't the right person for me in the long term. But now that I've shared all of myself with Y I feel so wrong even thinking about marrying anyone else. I've had moments and conversations with Y that should only be between a husband and wife and now I feel I've fallen as Sikh of the Guru. I have indulged in lustful acts (which I won't lie came from a point of love), but now that I know I can't be with Y, it's eating me up alive. What do I do? My family and friends don't approve of Y either and they want me to find someone else and I know that they are right. I feel impure and Y has a part of me that I can never get back. I love Y and though it's been only 4 months I feel as if I won't be able to love someone else. I wish I could restart and stop myself from doing all the wrong things but now I don't know what to do... Please advice
  3. Guest

    Anand karaj

    Vaheguru Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji ki fateh Ji I want to do an simple Anand karaj. I'm amritdhaari. Can anyone tell me how a simple Anand karaj looks like? Does it go for 1,2 or 3 days? Like the day there you do the lava and a second day for a little "party"? What to do after lava? Music alcohol,dancing, .and are there other things which shouldn't be in an gursikh Anand karaj? Vaheguru Ji ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji ki fateh
  4. Hello everyone. My first time posting. I have asked the same question on Reddit and was deleted within few minutes. I’m very disheartened as I can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. So to start I’m a 27 year old kesadhari Singh in the west. I hold Sikhi very dear and been about 6 years since I kept my kes. Those that are in the west know how degenerate our lives are especially in the Sikh community. Every women in my bubble were not virgins before marriage. This is the norm here to date from a young age. I never did as I wanted to wait until marriage. Now that I have a good job and focus on my fitness, and hobbies I take care of my parents I want to get married. I’ve asked my family and freinds to find me someone as I don’t know where to find a partner. I said that I want a virgin Sikh women. They all laughed and said that’s not possible in todays age. I’ve been very depressed that realizing that this panth once was ordained by Waheguru himself and now Sikh men can’t even find a Sikh women to marry. I literally don’t care if she has zero education or anything. I can provide for everything but I just want a innnocent pure wife that I can marry and spend rest of my life with. So can you guys give me any tips or would I have to look elsewhere in different dharma’s/cultures for a suitable partner?
  5. Guest

    Pakistan Rishta

    It seems like with feminism becoming a strong issue and difficulty of finding traditional women in western and indian sangat, just curious as to what process might be in terms of finding a Sikh girl from Pakistan?
  6. I got married recently, which was an arranged marriage through a common sangat of gursikhs. Few days into marriage I came to know that my spouse is sufffering from psychosis which was not revealed to me before marriage. It was a major setback for me that a gursikh amritdhari family would do a treacherous act like this. The condition is of such a severity that it impacts all spheres of my life including spiritual. As family not willing for proper approved treatment of the condition. I have following questions related to my current situation 1. If we have done lavaan and parkash of GURU maharaj was there , is it justified to proceed towards seperation keeping in mind their intention of not revealing the problem beforehand. 2. If I think of seperation it is difficult for me to proof that it was present before marriage in court as Indian law favors female in marital cases 3. If I have to accept this as my fate how to deal with this situation
  7. Waheguru Ji ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji ki fateh To the Singh's: What Questions would you ask your ("future"?) Wife before marriage? What questions should be asked? Vaheguru Ji ka Khalsa Vaheguru Ji ki fateh
  8. Guest

    Feeling unwanted

    Male, married for 10 years to my Wife, who I met via a relative for 6months prior to settling down. 3 young children, 2, 4 and 6. Hard working, respectful, strong minded, commited and reliable. Coming into the 10th year of being married, finding that my Wife had taken a keen interest in another male that she meets regularly at the gym. I thought I have my Wife everything, including, comfort, love, stability, emotional and physical support, yet she felt the need to pursue interest in another male, half my age, of an English, white background. I graft hard and look after myself, both physically and mentally, but since my wife's relationship with this younger male developed more stronger for her, it took a toll on my mental health and I started to question what else she wanted. She was in continuous communication with him messaging over the phone and meeting him for personal training sessions at the gym. The chemistry and attraction between them was nothing like I had ever had with her. She physically went to a great length to make her appearance Glow, use more makeup and even groom her facial and head hair more. It got to me quite badly. I called her out on this, as it got too frequent and she didn't stop all these actions. She finally understood where I was coming from, but did not once admit that she was attracted to him. I'm basically calling her a liar and she lied to me about how she felt about him. I asked her what her intentions were and she said it was a New Buzz for her, getting more attention from another person than me, blaming me for not giving her enough. I asked her if she was attracted to him, it she never admitted it at all. I felt rubbish and wanted to know why she did this. Is this acceptable behaviour? Should I forgive and forget? I called her out, to put a stop to it, otherwise it would have escalated. Feeling lonely and trying to rebuild myself in a more alpha way. Trying to be humble and take a Loss here, but it's hard to accept, as I have a LONG way to go with her and my kids if I decide to stay around. Any advice please?
  9. Hi guys so I’m a 26 year old male and my surname is Birdi and I got introduced to a girl at the wedding of my cousin, we are both from the boys side and I got a proposed rishta. so my cousin who got married is my grandads sisters grandson and the girl who got proposed to me is my cousins mums, brothers daughter. I hope this makes sense anyways the girl doesn’t share the same last name as us but her mums maiden name was birdi, this is causing a problem. my mum don’t want to go ahead with it because of this reason! please help me guys
  10. Been married for 9 years now, have 1 child. Ended up getting an arranged marriage with a mental chick.from India. I highly recommend sardaras from canada, uk, please if your born there, don't get married in India. I have always been positive perosn, unfortunately I married someone who basically destroyed my mental sanity, if it wasn't for my son, I probably would have ended myself. Unfortunately it your a wealthy person, it's not easy to get a divorce. I have worked so hard for my son.
  11. Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji ki fateh Guru peyareo, I have a serious question, and I have been suffering from this for a long time. I am a young married Singh who for some reason suffers from infertility, or what we call ਨਾਮਰਦੀ in Punjabi. It is a serious disease, and it has a serious impact on both my physical and mental health as well. I am often tired and can't stand for too long. It doesn't matter what I eat(I always try to eat healthy and avoid junk foods) or of I exercise (I do go to the gym), I can't seem to cure this disease. It has an impact on my cognitive skills as well. I have tried taking ginseng pills, shilajit pills, ashwagandha pills, and various other male fertility pills which claim to cure male fertility, but nothing has worked. I often have a very low sperm count, I am often tired, I can't think straight and get confused and lost easily. Male fertility is a serious issue that is growing in several young men. Does anybody know of any cure, please advise. Thank you in advance. Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji ki fateh
  12. Waheguru ji ka Khalsa Waheguru ji Ki Fateh I am a 20 year old girl living in Canada with my parents. A few years ago, we went to visit family back in India where I met my childhood bestfriend who I grew up playing with (they were our neighbors). When I came back to Canada, we started talking and became really close. When my parents found out I talk to him, they got extremely mad, threatened to kick me out of the house, and said I was gonna ruin their “izzat” in society. I don’t understand what I am doing wrong. I only lived in India for a few years of my life so how is this wrong? My dad says that everyone in same pind are siblings... but we are not related in any way, I am pretty sure my grandparents moved to this pind when they were younger from another place. I have been talking to him for 2 years now and we are each other’s happy place. I don’t know how I get my parents to understand, I have no one to talk to about this. Don’t know what to do. Just found this page, someone please help :(
  13. Hello everyone, I had some questions about gurdwaras matrimonial services. I am 24 yr old sikh male living in UK, only recently started using the matrimonial services. My family are quite religious and well read in sikhi but I admit I am not ,however I love my religion and am essentially using the services as an extra channel in the hope of one day meeting someone. However, I'm a bit confused about something... when i see some of the things on the matrimonial lists; I feel like it kind of defeats the whole messages of our religion. For example, I read some of the preferences of the people on the matrimonial list and they write things like- I am jatt and only seeking jatt, I am doctor only seeking doctor, must be educated above masters. Isn't the whole point of our religion that we are all equal whether it is through caste, social status, social class, occupation etc? I mean I'm no expert but I believe sikhism was created because we didn't believe with the caste system in Hinduism however gurdwaras matrimonial services all over UK are blatantly promoting it. Am I the only one who thinks this way? For example, our religion was created to promote the idea a poor farmer can marry a rich person and still be equals; but the gurdwaras are not even promoting this message, they are allowing this backwards mentality and criteria to continue. Thanks
  14. I finished uni a year ago and although I’ve got a great job I’m feeling lost. I listen to path daily and do as much path as I can but I can’t help feel lost. I’m fairly young 22, and sometimes all I think about is marriage and finding a partner and how I may not be able to find the Sikh girl for myself. I’m a mona but I’m not your typical Punjabi guy. I don’t drink I feel it’s wrong and don’t engage in drugs etc smoking. I workout and look after myself and go gym regularly. But feel somethings missing in my life which is making me feel lost. I know this post seems a bit all over the place but it’s sort of how I currently feel.
  15. Hi loves, As I get older, the thoughts of marriage can’t seem to stop going away. Unfortunately even though I’m Punjabi and a Sikh (still trying to become the best Sikh I could possibly be) I don’t come from a normal Sikh family. We don’t really have contact with our family and my mum is a single mother. My mum is also not religious and she doesn’t care who I marry. We’re also not in a good financial situation. I’m wondering how can I possibly find a Sikh man who can look past that? Because as we know family is quite important in Sikhi. I’ve talked to white men before and a lot of them have liked me and expressed interest in me but whenever I bring up Sikhi they become awkward and want to change the topic. I don’t want to marry a white man who doesn’t care about my religion. Meanwhile most Punjabi men seem to have a negative image of me for whatever reason.
  16. WJKK WJKF It's been brought to my attention that there is an interfaith marriage that is due to take place in a well known London Gurdwara. I want to know what council or group I can report this to so they can initiate preventative action against this Gurdwara that has sold Sikh values for money. Please respond with the highest impact factor groups who can influence this from not going ahead in Gurus house. WJKK WJKF
  17. Some observations: - I recognize a very large number of women who had profiles on there 5-10 years ago (In many instances, their profiles appear to have the same photos ?). Even when I don't recognize a photo, other profile details show that they have been searching for years. For example, there will be a 40 year old women whose profile reads "Hi there! I am 35 years old and recently moved to X to start a new job." Also, most of the profiles are of women in their mid 30s or older. How sad and shocking! I suppose their Knight in Shining Armor still hasn't shown up. - Women in America have updated their income cutoffs. It used to typically be "$100,000 or above" and now most profiles are "125,000 or above" or "150,000 or above". In the UK, they seem to have increased the lower cutoff more modestly from 40k pounds to 50k pounds. - As was the case back then, they are not shy about being EXTREMELY specific about what they require, even though they are looking for a partner from within a tiny population to begin with. For example, 35 year-old women looking for guys who are 35-37, 5'2" women looking for guys who are 5'10"-6'0", women looking for men in very limited geographic areas (where very few Punjabis live), or women looking for men who have very specific occupations.
  18. Guest

    Marriage problem

    Hi, I was just starting this topic for advice. I was in a marriage where my wife and I were really close and did everything together. We have split up now and has completely changed. She has lied about a lot of domestic abuse that didn’t happen and also lied that I used to hit the kids. She’s turned really manipulative towards the courts. This has resulted in a lengthy court application and now I haven’t seen my kids in nearly 3 years and might be the case I won’t see them again. I’ve prayed so many times for peace. I just don’t understand how she keeps getting away with lies. Is there any path I can recite to help lies get exposed? thanks for any advice
  19. waheguru ji ka khalsa waheguru ji ki fateh ji i am 26 n a half year old and my parents are looking forward to my marriage.. it has been 3 years they have been looking but i am looking forward to amritdhari boy, my parents are not much supportive of this. I met couple of boys in the past but no one was ready, i also have this fear that what if i marry to someone having completely different lifestyle than me because i am keen to move forward in sikhi and not step back.. i am non amritdhari but want to go forward in sikhi, recently i came across one family they said that you can take amrit but after 6 months or a year. Boy isn't recently ready but he says that maybe by seeing me he will too get into this but that would require quite a time. what should i do ji it seem very difficult to decide ?
  20. The age people get married is increasing in the world and Punjab. Sikhs in the past married and started families at much younger ages but today many delay it till their late 20s or early 30s. Recently, India proposed a bill to increase the legal age of women getting married to 21 from 18 while it's already 21 for men. Is it better to get married early like Sikhs of the past or follow the global trend of getting married later?
  21. Hi, This has probably been discussed before but it's something I can't really wrap my head around. I'm a singh with full beard and have cousins who are the same, we are finding it difficult to find Sikh girls as life partners. The ones I've been introduced to have a problem with me not cutting my beard and being vegetarian etc... few have asked me if I would cut my beard etc... this coming from supposedly Sikh girls and it's quite disgraceful. I've had more interest from girls who are not Sikh...i.e Gujarati, English girls etc.. who don't seem to care about me being a full singh, it's raising questions in my head about the future of Sikhi as a whole, our Sikh girls are moving away from our faith/traditions and adopting western values and ways above all. One of my cousins got fed up and cut his beard in the hopes to be more 'accepted', but I feel this is the wrong choice to make. I'd be lying if I said the thought didn't cross my mind but I don't want to move away from Sikhi just to find a wife, but it seems like our Sikh girls are. Suppose this is more of a rant than a question as such.
  22. WJKK WJKF Hello everyone, I have been in a relationship with this guy for 6 years. I am now 23 years old and thinking of marriage. I don’t believe in caste and neither does he. My family come from a Jatt background and his family are chamar. My family do strongly believe in caste, but I was not brought up around it. I didn’t even know about the caste system or different castes until 3 years into my relationship with my boyfriend. He doesn’t have Singh in his name, but I always thought this was because he isn’t apart of the Khalsa. When we first met, he told me he was a Sikh and that was enough for me. I am a Sikh too and have always wanted a Sikh life partner. 3 years into the relationship I learnt about his caste. Even then, I still believed he was a Sikh, so it meant no difference to me. I told my mum about our relationship this year and she asked about his caste. I told her he is a chamar and she told me how they have a different Gurdwara and believe in the Guru Ravidass. I spoke to my boyfriend about this and he told me his family go to a gurdwara that believes in Guru Ravidass and Guru Nanak Dev Ji. They read out of the Guru Granth Sahib Ji and they perform the anand karaj as a wedding ceremony. I have been looking more into what he believes and I’m very confused as to whether he is a Sikh or not. I was hoping someone may know more about this topic and can advise me whether we would be able to do anand karaj in the gurdwara?
  23. There’s a new Sikh matrimonial service on Instagram. I became aware of it because... they sent me a follow request ? If interested: https://instagram.com/british_sikhs_matchmaker?utm_medium=copy_link
  24. Hi Sangat Ji What is the Sikh view of a anand Karaj of a second marriage where the previous partner is still alive? If these can be booked and go through then are we to assume they are in hukam and the first was a karmic relationship which was always going to end? Are the second couple ever really married if the promises were made with the first spouse?
  25. This was discussed a few months back, cant remember the topic but if anyone is looking to get married but does not want to use a typical dating site here you go. This was sent to via LinkedIn in so this a matrimony site for working professionals. http://www.kismetintroductions.com
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