This Needs To Be Taken Of The Net

[DHANGURUNANAK]

Al-Qaeda engulfs US with Sikh porn tsunami

Diabolical attempt to undermine fabric of society

by Dan Wood

In a startling revelation, a high ranking FBI official revealed last Friday that a tremendous amount of hardcore pornography stemming from the little understood Sikh community had been in widespread circulation in the "foreign" sections of video stores across America for years. The international terrorist group al-Qaeda is believed to be responsible for this attempt to undermine the very fabric of US society.

Due to the deeply fetish-oriented nature of Sikh-based pornography, the average non-Sikh renter of the porno flick would not register the film as remotely pornographic on any conscious level - but subconsciously the damage would be done.

This odd "in plain sight" attack on America's moral values was possible because any devout Sikh considers the rental of video tapes to be an unholy activity. The genius of the al-Qaeda plot was that since Sikh's do not enter video stores, they were therefore unable to alert authorities to the incendiary material placed at the eye level of every video-renting child in America.

To better understand the subtle nature of the attack, it is necessary to understand Sikh porn. Like western porn, most Sikh porn films feature a set of readily identifiable stereotypes acting out a pre-determined sequence of activities. Unlike European hardcore, Sikh porn eschews the mullet-and-tash combo sporting stallion, preferring instead to depict young Sikh men who are barely 18, wearing traditional Sikh pants and daggers — but topless.

In a typical scene, the camera will focus on a lone Sikh manchild standing rigidly erect and staring fixedly at the camera without blinking or showing emotion of any kind. The Sikh will commence making teasing motions as if he is about to unwrap the turban from atop his head.

This whorish display will escalate as he will begin caressing his large turban, punctuating the caresses with sudden and inexplicable grasps of his kirpan (Sikh ceremonial dagger) while scowling ferociously. As the erotic tension builds to a feverish pitch, the climax of Sikh porn — the Sikh "money shot" so to speak — comes when the turban is completely removed from the Sikh's head. Invariably, the scene ends with a lecherous, slow-motion close-up of the Sikh slowing tossing his four to five-foot length of black hair about with wanton abandon.

Jessica Meir, a 26-year-old aspiring hairdresser in Madison, Wisconsin was mortified to learn that the innocuous video box in her hands was in fact morally-bankrupt Sikh pornography surely planted by agents of al-Qaeda in pursuit of their total destruction of the West. The box artwork was typical of its ilk, with its graphic depiction of a heavily muscled Sikh manchild staring fixedly at the camera with the edge of one end of his turban dangling lasciviously.

"Like, oh my god?" gushed Jessica. "I thought this was like a men's hair care video? I've got this job as a hairdresser? But, like, I lied to get it and I've been renting these things to try and learn something about men's hair? I mean, the last video in this series — Never Been Cut 2 — was such a classic..."

This nefarious plot was finally foiled after a member of the Sikh community with a bad Hollywood habit noticed the porn during an illicit midnight run to a local video store. After wrestling with his conscience, he reluctantly approached authorities to expose the menace. The Sikh man in question — whose identity is being masked to protect his standing in his community — did give reporters a brief statement. A visibly-shaken Mr "Singh" (not his real name), stated to reporters that not all Sikh's rent Hollywood movies, although those that do show a curious preference for Woody Allen movies or anything with Charlie Sheen.

The impacts of this oblique attack on America were still being measured by White House experts on such issues. However, early reaction is one of astonishment. One high ranking official in the Pentagon who spoke on conditions of anonymity stated: "Damn, I didn't know that Sikhs could make porn like that. It's almost as good as the American stuff although some full-frontal nudity or frottage would have been nice."

Others speculate that the goals of the attack were to create irreparable rifts between the generally peaceful — yet Kirpan wielding — Sikhs and the rest of American society. Whichever side of the debate you weigh in on, one conclusion is unavoidable: protecting society against further attacks of this nature will be a nearly impossible task

Mod note: general advice to all members not to add links to external sites which could lead to non-gurmat activity.

[Guest Papi]

ummm theres kids on this board bhaji.....

please put a warning next time

[Pakandi baba]

HAWW!!!!!!!

Satguru Buchave!!

[Guest Papi]

:lol: :D @ :umm:

[Lionchild]

...ok that was just weird :umm: @

[SSM]

I'm guessing the box at the top if clicked might take people to some next weird site.

Why don't we just cut and paste some of that article here and then delete that link.

The last thing we need is some sikh kid watching porn.