Forgiveness for serious sin

[Guest H singh]

When I was young everything was good and I had really good time doing paath and attending gurpurabs. When I went to college I became worldly and started drinking as well. Then I started to become atheistic and started to question religion. I became increasingly angry towards religion and on one night I became so angry that I didn't think about the consequences and said some really bad words about Gurus. I other word I did beadbi in my mind. After that things became really scary and strange. In my dreams I saw amrithdhari sikhs with Kirpan on my necks and with very angry look in there eyes. I became really scared and I started asking forgiveness to Gurus about what I have said. One night I had a dream where I was in a court and was surrounded by amrithdhari sikhs on all sides. I was being judged and even I heard one sikh saying that " this boy used to do paath and what happened to him( in punjabi). I am changed man now and hopefully if Guru will would try to become amrithdhari but I feel like a lost cause and destined to go to hell. Is there anything what I can do to make things right or its too late for forgiveness. I just wanted to share it and ask opinion of other sikhs. What can I do to make it right?