Gupt1984

Mocking someone who has lost a pet and is asking a genuine question isn't very funny!

I would advise that you talk this issues out with her, I'm sure she has a lot of concerns too. Its never easy for a divorced woman to remarry despite the thoughts that they wish to reel people in for there own means. Yes this may have been the case in some situations but every case is different. Talk to her about your concerns about how you could make a marriage succeed, future kids, family acceptance. I was divorced and re-married but luckily my past was not judged by my Inlaws or my husband and they took me for who I am as a person rather then as a "divorcee". No parents wants there child to marry anyone who has so called baggage but once you have spoken to this girl then speak to your parents about how what and why you want to marry this girl. If you are harbouring feelings for this girl and then married someone else because it was the accepting thing to do...would that be fair? Would that marriage succeed. It may do so, then again it may not. No wife wants to know that there husband secretly yearns after someone else. Hope you come to the right decision, ask mahraaj to guide you to make the right one. Bhul chuk maaf.

I'm a divorcee and I married a first timer and we are perfectly happy and have been for 15 years. According to you that's not compatiable.

There is also a mirror at gurdwara damdama sahib which was donated to guru gobind Singh ji by the Delhi sangat. People sit in front of the mirror while eating nuts I think...and it helps with any facial disfigurement....I would suggest you also visit bhai dhalla ji's house which is only a few minutes by car away from damdama sahib. There you will be shown Guru Gobind Singh ji and Mata Sahib Kaurs possessions which are still kept in bhai dhalla ji's family.

Gurdwara choolan mehl..I think the name is. We went there few years back...we were told that guru ji was addressing the sangat when they got distracted by the elephants swaying as they walked past....and guru ji said one day the Walls of this gurdwara will sway too. Like you said we also went to and sat on the wall there was about 10 people sitting there and my brother in law was standing at the bottom, he didn't come up with us. The giani ji did ardas and then the walls swayed quite significantly...not something you just imagined or felt a slight shake etc. One guy asked the giani ji to do it again and he refused and said it's not a magic trick. No one moved or pushed the wall...make of it what you will...but best to go and experience it yourself.

Personally I found it a bit weird! Not my cup of tea at all. Can't see how youth in the west will be attracted to Sikhi from it. We just need good parcharaks and gianis who can teach kids and relate to them. There should be question and answer sessions at gurdwaras with knowledgeable gursikhs.

It is very sad to hear that your baby was aborted without you even knowing anything about it. How was your wife with you when you started to get into Sikhi? Did you talk to her and try and encourage her on this path with you?

Personally I would take formal action. We all have to answer for our actions. Using unreasonable force which caused injury and being falsely accused of theft is not something I would accept. Who knows who else would suffer if this matter was addressed. It's not you that would cause this person to lose there job, but the consequences of there own actions if you were proven right.

To be honest I stopped reading at a certain point, it was just too much, the gist I got was your a young kid obsessed with a man that wants nothing to do with you. Seems like you are stalking him. Spending 3 days in a airport just so you could be in the same town as him? Spending 3 days constantly on the phone to him? Constantly harassing him to talk to you when he has made it clear he wants nothing to do with you? To the point of flying out to see him Regarding your brother in law again I think the problem is with you, you've gone and listed all the things you have done that you feel makes your brother in law prefer you over your sister, because you travel around are confident, keep your room tidy, and have loads of independence. You have obviously had intimate relations with this 'baby' because you both thought you might be pregnant. My only advice to you is get a grip...have some self respect...stop wasting your time and money chasing this man. Leave your sister to get on with her marriage....how can you solve there problems when you are creating so many in your own life with your actions! I would also say if you want your life to come back on track as mahraaj for forgiveness and jap naam. If you came here to ask how you can get your " baby" back then I think you came to the wrong place.

Yes it is necessary and also possible.

I am female, and I believe at times women can be there own worst enemies at times. They form cliques, petty arguments take place, in some gurdwaras you just need to go into the kitchens to see this. If someone else does the seva they have always been doing they don't like it. These are just a few Minor examples. Like onlyfive said it should be gursikhs, not whether they are men and women. Women can be very manipulative too, sometimes we just have to look in our own families to see that. And regarding the female foeticide in the majority of cases it is the women doing it, either themselves or from pressure from there mother in law, it is women who cry when a girl is born in the majority of cases. Like someone once said, if women ruled the world there would be no wars, just a whole load of countries not talking to each other.

For the original poster, just a thought - are you sure that they are lookin at you with disgust? I am not amritdhari myself yet, but whenever I see a young singh or singhni in a dastaar I do look over at them, maybe more then I would at anyone else. This is because I think they look amazing, and I am in awe of them. Hoping that I can be like them too.

Mods should have googled the meaning of that saying before they allowed that post on. One check on the urban dictionary would explain why its not appropriate advice. Mod Edit: I would take the blame for approving the above post, I was in a hurry and didn't read it properly. I have now removed the post. Dhanwaad.

Harsharan ji your posts show egotism only. People like you say amrit and kakkars are not important because they dont suit your lifestyle. So you try to convince others to justify your weakness. If amrit and rehat was not important why did Guru gobind singh ji introduce it and take it himself? No one says naam and bani is not important it is. You sound like those dera cult babas desperate for followers of your version, who want to twist bani to suit there lifestyles rather then change themselves. I am not amritdhari myself but even I can see what you are trying to do. May mahraaj bless you.

VJKK VJKF Like the previous poster i would like to attempt to offer an explanation for this, even though it seems some have already made up there minds that the main reasons is girls lust and loose morals. Sometimes this is because its better to say that then accept that there is actually a problem amongst us that needs addressing. Now i know this is not the situation in all cases, and that those girls who are bought up knowing there history on sikhi very rarely stray from it. However, imagine being a child and seeing your family cry when a girl is born in the family, some of you may think this no longer happens, but it does. Where ardas and akhand paths are done asking for a son. Where boys births are celebrated with party's and ladoo's being given out. where when you give birth to a girl, people ring you and offer the condolences, saying hopefully mahraaj will give you a changi cheez next time. Where you see your brothers birthdays celebrated with an akhand path. Imagine when you see your older sister get married to somone who beats her up and then comes home to your family who tell her they cant help her, it's not there place to intervene. Thats her house now and she is there izzat and she should keep it intact. You would think same is going to happen to me, and im not going to let it. I have also come across cases of girls who have run away from home because of sexual abuse going on. which they told there mum about but it wasn't dealt with, was told to keep it all hush, otherwise it would be difficult to get you married. Girls see there brothers being able to go out with friends and hang out, whereas they are told to come straight home and cant go out with there friends.The same brothers openly have girlfriends in front of there sisters, yet tell the sisters they cant even talk to a guy. They are told they cant go away to study, and must study at there local university even if it doesnt offer the course they want to, what does this result in...a feeling of being stifled, and wanting to get out. When girls see that they are seen as less then there brothers...or they see how girls are mourned, it creates a low self esteem, no confidence. In some situations, you start to yearn that attention your lacking at home from other people, who may not have your best interests at heart, but give you that attention that makes you start to feel good about yourself. Why dont you hear of boys running away?....why would they?....they have everything they want at home. Now a solution to this problem i would say is for you to turn around and look at your families and see how the girls are being treated, stand up for your sister, help explain to your parents, that if she is cut some slack now she isnt going to go off the rails. Help awareness and support of domestic violence and sexual abuse needs to be addressed. Women in our history need to be celebrated, encourage girls to go to sikhi events aimed at girls, few and far between as they may seem. I also believe women need to play a more active role in gurdwaras, a visible role model can make all the difference.

I belong to this to this 30+ age group of parents and it's not always the case of not caring for religion but that as we were growing up no emphasis was put on religion. Education was everything. Parents worked all hours and spent very little time with us teaching us about Sikhi or even going to the gurdwara. Parents were concerned with us adopting too many western traits so life at home and life at school was challenging, but I can't recall ever being told a single sakhj. So as I grew up got married and had children I wanted my children to fit into western society in a way my parents didn't always allow me too. Only as I started to look into Sikhi as my children questioned me as to what being a Sikh was did I start to read into what a Sikh is. I was overwhelmed by our history and that parents hadn't shared any of this with me. As i started making changes in my life my own siblings and friends questioned why as it was something they werent familiar with. I realise that at that time for my parents the priority was working all hours to provide a home in a country that was foreign to them as well as helping family back home and encouraging education. My priority is raising my children as gursikhs, which in turn with help them with everything else in there lives.

Vjkk vjkf I can relate to a lot of what u say, family wise, education and having relationships that weren't right. If u wanna chat pm me and I can give u my email address.

In my family none of the women have called there husbands by there name, I guess it just wasn't the done thing. My gran calls my grandad .............(dads name) da papa. My chachi calls my chacha .......(brothers name)..da chacha. My other chachi calls my Chacha boldeh nahi, which makes us all laugh cos we always reply yes he does speak! My mother in law calls my father in law sardar ji. I called my husband by his name once and got told off so I followed them and never call my husband by his name, which can be difficult when you have people round, lol! Just have to try and catch his eye or say meri gal sunno! However all my sisters and friends call there husbands by there name. I don't think there's any significance behind it other then a tradition that's just been passed down!

I think anush may have confused amritdhari's with non amritdhari guys in india who wear a dastaar. We can't deny that there is a growing number of guys in india cutting there kes. I know when I've gone to india kids who i saw with joora now have cut there hair. We were in india earlier this year and my son has only just started to keep his kes, and I had several women say to me why are you keeping his kes he will only grow up to cut it so don't bother in the first place. I might be wrong and can only go by what I saw myself but I didn't see sikhi being taught to the kids, not at home or the gurdwaras. Kids go to english speaking schools, tuition and then no time for anything else. Weddings everyone stays in the palace, and people are hired to do seva at an akhand path. Mums are watching all the drama serials and being influenced by them and following karma chauth and other such like rituals. At least in the west kids have sikhi camps in the holidays and other weekly events to encourage and inspire them into sikhi.

Did panth time still go ahead at this gurdwara? Saturday panth time was about the newly elected Sikh council.

Very good advice from onlyfive.

I'm not sure one way is more successful then the other, you can't say those who find there own are less likely to divorce or vice versa. I may be wrong though. I wouldn't reject the idea of someone offering to introduce you to someone, as you will still be able to talk to someone and see if your compatible in your thinking etc. It is so much harder trusting someone when you've been hurt once, but it doesn't mean that everyone is going to hurt you, it will just take you more time to trust someone. The reason it never worked out before was because it was never meant to be and it wasn't right for you. A little heartache now would save you from a lot more later in life. So personally I would say if someone Is offering to introduce you to someone, meet them at least you never know it might be the right person.

Trust takes time to build, for some it takes longer, if you feel the other person is holding back, talk to them tell them how you feel. Depending on a persons circumstances it can take some time to trust someone and open up fully. Just be open in your communication, share your feelings and be patient. Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa Vaheguru ji ke fateh

Bhenji like the others have already said, you are not alone in this situation. I think mothers find it hard to adjust to another woman in her sons life. the son who has been so dependant on her thus far. My mother in law was the same, we would hardly have any conversation whilst we were home alone and then as soon as my husband came home she was full of conversation. She would almost run to Him when he came home to ask what he wanted to eat. Whenever we both went out together alone she wouldn't talk to me when we came back. As a newly wed i found all this difficult to deal with, but I soon realised that she just wanted to feel wanted and feel she still had a role in the family, rather than me taking over all the cooking and cleaning. I had a chat with my mother in law and told her how I was feeling, and how her behaviour was making me unhappy. I do believe that sometimes people do need to be told how they are making u feel. Yes we can say that your husband should be saying it to his mum, but If you do it directly it's more likely to come across as a concern that you want sorting out rather than you just complaining to your husband. Find a time when your alone with your mum in law, and just say mum I really want to talk to you, and tell her how you feel and that you genuinely wish to sort it out so that you can be happier in the house. Don't so it in a way that she feels you are accusing her and listing her faults but in a way that you express how you feel. Even make some suggestions on how you can get round these issues, I.e you cooking the meals on certain days and her on others. Tell her that you know she has done it for so long and that you just want to give her a break. Like another bhenji suggested go out with your mother in law, find out what she is interested in and see if you can do Something together. Ignoring the whole thing or letting it carry on as it is will only make you more miserable, and can ultimately affect your relationship with your husband. Communication is the key bhenji, speak to your mother in law and tell her how you feel, despite what we think she may not actually be aware of how much this is affecting you. Hope all goes well bhenji Vaheguru ji ka Khalsa vaheguru ji ke fateh.