MisterrSingh

Yeah, we're either soft and rotund, or underfed and quite willowy. I'm certain the obsession with alcohol isn't helping, as are the heavy foods made with butter and oil with very little in the way of natural or raw produce. Saying that, the old timers from back home use to consume vast amounts of makhni and other fatty foods, but I suppose their active lifestyles (to put it mildly, lol) meant none or very little of it was converted to fat. Even in these modern times the population back home has begun to suffer from ailments and conditions that were virtually unheard of 40 or so years ago in our grandparents or our parents' times.

Living in the west hasn't done me much harm; i'm 6ft3, 14 stone, lol. But I'm grateful for western languages because it means we can communicate as we're doing now.

It's not worth it. The so-called benefits are outweighed by the negatives. I'm not arguing it's unnatural or you'll go to hell for it, lol, but physically and spiritually you'll feel amazing for not doing it. But if you're always thinking about lustful things and it's proving to be a distraction (in terms of a mental struggle not doing it) rather than something of benefit to you in other areas of your life, then nobody can stop you I guess.

Why do you think we aren't as physically big as we use to be?

I'll keep this brief, as I haven't got time to spell out the finer details for someone who supposedly helps married couples in situations such as these. There's a different between misunderstandings and crossed wires between a couple who are possibly too immature to reconcile without the help of a third party, and instances where someone has run off never to return, or somebody who is being verbally and physically abused by their partner and / or their mother in law. If you can't see the difference between the two situations and, more worringly, you refuse to acknowledge there is a difference, then there's not much more I can say. Good luck to you.

That's just gangsta trippin'. Seriously, is this true? It's not an urban legend?

Two examples of inaction from Gursikhs (one male, one female) that I personally knew who were constantly told to "stick it out" in marriages that were doomed from the very beginning. The first, an incredibly tender and straight-down-the-middle young man, who had his marriage arranged with a Gursikh girl from back home. To cut a long story short she was in love with somebody else from her teenage years, and her lover was already over in the UK on a work permit. Her plan was to piggy-back to the UK via marriage to my friend and then leave him once she was here. And that's exactly what happened. Yet, the poor guy was bombarded with do-gooders telling HIM, "You can't divorce her, it's paap, you've made a promise to Guru Sahib..." when SHE was the one who ran away! "Increase your naam, etc" was the extent of the advice he was offered, whilst another man was most likely pleasuring his wife. Who exactly was this Singh going to remain married to; thin air? Second example, a Gursikh girl, UK born and raised. Again, a very mild-mannered and respectable individual from a no-frills family. This girl had it rough from almost the very next morning of her marriage. Her husband and her mother-in-law were Gursikh, but the father-in-law was not. It was the standard passive-aggression on the part of the MIL at first, which gradually morphed into manipulating the son into believing the girl wasn't doing things correctly in the home. He gradually started to slap her around. The crowning moment was when the girl was doing her evening prayers and the MIL took a bottle of whiskey from her husband's drinks cabinet and poured it over the girl's head as she was reciting her prayers. Yet, people were still offering nuggets of advice such as, "You must try harder! You made a commitment when getting married. Don't you dare walk away from the marriage and spit in the face of your sacred vows." I know the healing power of faith more than most, but in some situations where others are basically beasts in human form, no amount of godliness will ever tame such animals who deceive, abuse, and destroy others.

It seems like you're waiting for someone to come along and make the tough decisions only you can make. If what you're saying is true (and don't take that the wrong way, but I've been in a few situations where the innocent party was anything but innocent once the other side told their side of the story), what are you waiting for? I don't think your mother has the will to support you if the marriage ends. Your husband clearly thinks you don't have the stomach to do what needs to be done. So, why not confound these people, stand on your own two feet, and regain a bit of respect? I can guarantee you that nobody will ride along for the rescue and make things any easier for you. That's not how these things work unfortunately. You can wait for your husband to become a permanent resident OFF YOUR BACK, or you can spare yourself a lifetime of misery and regret, and bring this situation to an end.

No persecution, no discrimination, no anything that - as a minority - we Sikhs would decry as unjust, etc. But leave the Anand Karaj as it is. If a gay Sikh couple feel strong enough about Sikhi then, as another user said a few weeks back, conduct a blessing or ask a Giani to do an ardaas for the union. For some even that may be pushing it, but we can't pretend gays don't exist or they don't feel the things they do for whatever reason. That's not too much to ask I reckon. Sikhi aside I think post-modern gay culture hasn't done itself any favours in allowing the more discriminatory members of society to accept that way of life. I mean why do gays have to be so... gay? Or I'm probably being unfair as people who dislike gays will always dislike them no matter how differently they behave. But seriously, I remember reading an article written by a gay English playwright a few years ago, and he grew up in the 50's when homosexuality was practically taboo in the west, and he said he knew he was gay from a very young age, but as he got older and realised the culture and lifestyle of most gay men (in terms of the clubs, the sexual behaviour at times...), and the rites of passage a gay guy had to go through in order to find someone to be with, he basically said to himself that he wasn't that type of person; the homosexual culture, etc, was alien to him. So, he practically became celibate even though he still identified as gay. I found his attitude utterly fascinating, in that he rejected the flamboyancy and the campness (as well as the darker side of it all) and resigned himself to a life of solitude, because he wasn't going to be forced to act a certain way despite his leanings.

Don't get all on broody on me. It's never a good thing to lose a soldier to the horrors of domesticity.

Obviously I'm clearly joking.

Yeah, I understand that's a common reason, bro. But if someone's bored, get a hobby. Lift some weights, read a book, paint a picture, find some volunteer work to do, etc. Don't pump yourself up with substances. Life's a pain in the behind as it is. Why complicate things even further?

I use to think it was the searing heat and possibly the raw agricultural lifestyle that meant even relatively young Punjabi guys in their late 20's and early 30's seemed to look at least 10 or so years older than their actual age. Male relatives from older generations from back home worked harder than their modern counterparts, and they look about right for their ages on the whole. The younger generation have somehow prematurely aged whilst simultaneously shunning the physical agricultural work of previous generations. Now I'm beginning to think there's something sinister at play. Some of these people may not be full-blown addicts, but there's got to be recreational use, like Jagsaw says, akin to smoking a cigarette or taking a few pegs of whiskey. What astounds me is that meth is not like popping a pill or taking a quick drag on a spliff; it is unbelievably destructive, and that's putting it mildly. Now, to see our sisters caught up in these shenanigans is just too much. What the heck is going on? I don't know whether these people need a serious talking to or a helping hand. I just think they need help, full-stop.

It's true you don't see many Dwarf-women. And in fact, they are so alike in voice and appearance, that they are often mistaken for Dwarf-men. And this in turn has given rise to the belief that there are no Dwarf-women, and that Dwarves just spring out of holes in the ground! Which is, of course, ridiculous. Yep, I did just nick Gimli's funniest line, lol.

The classic Norman Tebbit test, hehe. Although, I despise cricket so I don't know what that says about me. It's great to play, but an absolute bore to watch. Well, if these Somalians see themselves as "brothers" in Islam of the Pakistanis and Bangladeshis, I'd be curious to see the reaction of the elders of the aforementioned two groups if one of these Somalians was to propose marriage or even attempt to court a fellow Muslim from the Pakistani or Bangladeshi community. I have a sneaking suspicion cultural ties would trump any over-arching religious ties on the part of the Pakistanis and the Bangladeshis. That would go some way to break them out of the smug illusion that they are equals in the eyes of their fellow Muslims... that is unless I'm being cynical. Rivendell. It's quite nice if you're into that kind of thing. And I am.

I've never encountered a Somalian. What are they like in comparison to their Pakistani cousins in terms of temperament, manners, and general conduct? Are they loyal party members too, lol?

They use tactics they know will stir the emotions, making the other person respond in a way that puts them on the front foot. Best to keep calm and play them at their own game. If they realise they can't get at you, it frustrates them no end. They thrive on exploiting the weakness of their opponents. No weakness (or at least don't show them any), no victory for them.

They can't lose!

I thought so. Equally, sheep or not, there must be something we should do to help these people. They are ultimately our own, and even though they may not think much of us lily-livered firangis, to see these youngsters flushing their lives down the toilet is not a nice thing. Also, I maybe guessing, but the video of the Punjabi girls doing coke and smoking seems like they might be in one of those hostels where they're sent to study. I'm not too up-to-date with the Punjabi education system, but from the little I've heard, girls who wish to pursue further education in Punjab are sent to these almost boarding school type institutions where they bunk together. It begs the question, where do they get access to the drugs when they're in that type of environment?

Never knew things were this bad. I appreciated youth from poorer families were drawn to drugs for various reasons, but girls and those from affluent households too? I'm genuinely disturbed. Would I be incredibly short-sighted to say that an element of personal responsibility comes into play too? Please, anyone correct me if I'm wrong. I mean, outside the home I grew up in a very rough area where there was drugs, gang violence, basically standard English inner-city living. Throughout secondary school there was constant pressure to spark up, start drinking, do cannabis, and even try some of the harder stuff. But I resisted. It may have meant I wasn't friends with many people, but I also received a kind of begrudging respect for not faltering from my principles. As such, nobody came to me and rammed ganja down my throat or jabbed a needle in my arm. It was ultimately my choice. Like I said, am I wrong in saying the individual always has a choice to not do - or do - these activities? Or when it comes to Punjab is the issue a lot more complex?

What you've highlighted, brother, is something that does my head in. We should hold Punjabis to the same standard as non-Punjabis. To not do so is hypocrisy at best, discrimination at worst. Picket the marriages of the Punjabi couple who treat the Anand Karaj as something to be overcome and tolerated for the sake of appearances; why just target the non-Sikhs?

It's a tough situation, brother, there's no doubt about it. I'd love for people to discover the beauty in Sikhi and flock to its path of their own accord, but religion (as a whole, not just Sikhi) has an image problem in this day and age, with people conflating strict adherence to a religion with dogma and extremism, and most people just don't want to be seen as extremists of any variety. Equally, we can't bend over backwards and chop & change our ways (which, of themselves, are more than reasonable) in order to accommodate fickle individuals who want everything molded to their own desires. I wouldn't want any philosophy or religion to be in a constant state of flux in order to appeal to the whims of potential followers, etc. That defeats the entire purpose of it IMO.

That's the thing, brother, when a Muslim man marries a non-Muslim the overriding feeling is that she is now in the Muslim fold (unless the Muslim male is ultra relaxed in his adherence to Islam), and any children born as a result of that union will be raised as Muslims. And there you have their ever-increasing numbers.

Yep, it's the numbers game unfortunately; numbers that the other faiths have in absolute abundance. If we carry on the way things are headed they'll be very little left of us. In an ideal world of justice and fair play, yes, we should be able to marry people of other backgrounds and bring them before Guru Sahib so they can pay their respects, and begin a lifelong journey of acquainting themselves with Sikhi. But we know that in reality once the formalities are over, aside from another wedding or a death, none of these individuals will ever step foot inside a Gurdwara, much less raise children in the Sikh way. Yes, there'll be exceptions, but never enough to make a huge difference. That's not to say bully-boy tactics are the way forward, because they're not.

I agree with the above in principle. I edited the rest of my post because I was generalising too much, lol.