Confused Sikh. About To Cut Hair

[singh2k]

In Sikhism, a Sikh should never cut his/her hair, pray accordingly, do good deeds, and rest in peace.

How many Sikh's do you know are actually Sikh's? Are they Sikh's or just an Image of one?

Let me introduce you to myself, I'm 18 years old, just moved to a different state far from my home town in America. I’m a Sikh with a turban and beard, never cut hair, raised in America from the start. However, last month, for the first time ever, the thought of getting a hair cut came to mind.

Now, the word hair cut would probably shock most of the Sikh's out there, before understanding anything the first thing that comes to mind is “THIS GUY IS WEAK ". I don’t blame anyone for thinking that way, because that is exactly what I used to say whenever a relative or friend of mines cut his hair.

All my life I've been a Sardar, went through all levels of high school being the quiet kid, being made fun of, people laughing and all kinds of things. I know I'm not the only one, and will never be the only one, but sometimes I think to myself, "Why the hell are Sikh’s in America, when we have to force ourselves to fit in?”

The reason most people would say is “To make money, and be successful!" right?

In my point of view it seems like these Sikh's (including me) are gaining self desire, doing things they would never imagine to do, being successful, making money and earning respect. But is this what Sikhism is all about? No (in my opinion), what is religion for? To be separated from the outside world that can corrupt you and your mind, and to have peace of mind all the time.

Whenever I hear on the news or stories about a Sikh getting shot, or tortured, I can’t stand it. Why do Sikh’s have to go through all this? I know most of the Gurus were tortured by Muslim empire leaders but is this going to keep on happening? I agree that we must educate people, but for what reason? God forbid a Sikh terrorist comes on news, what’s going to happen then? What I’m trying to say is, there will always be racism whether people are educated or not.

My brother, who told me that he was once in the same situation I am in, swore upon himself that he will never cut his hair and keep his religion no matter what anyone says (after he was beaten up by several kids after school). Most people would think he’s made the right decision by standing up for his religion, right?

I would say the same, if I was someone else. My brother is a great guy, with a nature and confidence like no one else. However, I don’t want to grow up to be like him in the future. I can easily tell that he feels uncomfortable in some way whenever we go out. He tries to stay away from outdoor activities, unless it’s a Sikhi event. If my brother was to live in India, he would probably enjoy his life a hundred times better than right now.

I have read many articles, asked many people, Sikh’s and Non-Sikh’s about my decision.

I also know of some Sardars that are successful, that actually fit in the crowd. But honestly, those Sardars that I know of aren’t Sikhi at all, besides the fact they have a turban on.

I have spoken with my family about getting a hair cut, my mom couldn’t help me out, my brother told me that if I get a hair cut I would regret it as making the biggest mistake of my life, but whenever I look at him I regret being a Sikh. After speaking with everyone I felt I had no choice than to keep myself shut for the rest of my life.

My dad found out what was going on, he mentioned to me that I’m old enough to make my own decisions, and if I was to cut my hair, set a time period, do some research, and make sure it’s the right decision. After speaking with my dad I felt better. Now it’s all up to me.

Now it’s my decision… Do I want to end up like my brother? Or should I go along with what I feel is right?

They say God is within you no matter what happens. If God is in within me, then why do I hate myself so much?

I respect the Religion, I know by getting a hair cut, it is disrespectful to the Gurus, family and the Sikh society. But in my opinion, everyone has their own rights and wrong.

As long as you respect people, no matter who they are, you aren’t doing anything wrong. I know I won’t be showing any respect to the Guru’s by getting a hair cut, but if the Guru is in my heart, I don’t think appearance would be more important than reality.

Guru Gobind Singh Ji once said “ A SIKH IS NOT A SIKH WITHOUT A TURBAN “

I agree, a Sikh is not a Sikh without a turban. But a Sikh is not a Sikh either if it’s not in their heart to keep the turban. The turban doesn’t bring me any closer to God; it’s just a part of my identity that I have disliked all my life.

A friend told me that by getting a hair cut, you will be throwing away the Guru’s gift. I agree, but I don’t think the Guru would give you a gift which would make you suffer your life, especially in America.

I also agree on the fact that the turban has kept me away from many bad influences, such as drugs and bad company. But I feel the need to go through things and have experience with everything and decide what is good or not by myself. If I keep the turban and be isolated from the society all my life, I’ll just ruin my life (in my opinion). .

Sometimes I feel as if I never moved to America and just stayed in India so I didn’t have to go through all this.

I know I might be wrong, but it’s just the way I feel. The place where I live, its just hard being a Sikh. I never really realized why I am a Sikh, my parents said they never had the chance to teach me more about the religion when I was young because at that time they were new to the country and were working hard.

If I had said anything wrong, please forgive me, but in this situation I’m pretty lost and I think I should just end everything before it’s too late. Even though I am stubborn right now about this topic, it’s just the way I feel.

[buddasingh]

Hey bro,

Thanks for the honesty in your post. There's always a learning and maturing for those who read when someone's being so honest.

Before addressing anything else, what do you mean by "just end everything, before it's too late". Answer here if you're OK with that. If not PM me. Where exactly in America are you?

[Mehtab Singh]

My dear veerjee. Let me start off by saying that I am not going to advice you or give a lecture, just share something with you because I am myself a scumbag...just outwardly I look like an Amritdhari Singh, but the reality is something else.

Few years ago I was a mona, and tried growing my kesh and daari once. It lasted only about 4 weeks or so, and then I cut my kesh and daari. After I shaved my face and saw myself in the mirror, I got severely shocked. It felt as if I was looking at the devil himself. People will always say that you look hot/cute/etc, but what answer will you give to your own soul/conscience/self? You may even get a job if you are clean shaven, you will have more American friends who won't call you terrorist, you may have girls running after you like crazy, but how will you face yourself? How will you look into the mirror and look into your own eyes? I remember whenever I would shave or return home from the barber's shop, I wouldn't be able to look at the picture of Guru Guru Gobind Singh Ji I had in my room. So brother, what is the point in taking up an appearance which makes you unable to face Gurujee, and even yourself!

Just my 2 cents :D

May Gurujee guide you

[harwinder84]

My dear veerjee. Let me start off by saying that I am not going to advice you or give a lecture, just share something with you because I am myself a scumbag...just outwardly I look like an Amritdhari Singh, but the reality is something else.

Few years ago I was a mona, and tried growing my kesh and daari once. It lasted only about 4 weeks or so, and then I cut my kesh and daari. After I shaved my face and saw myself in the mirror, I got severely shocked. It felt as if I was looking at the devil himself. People will always say that you look hot/cute/etc, but what answer will you give to your own soul/conscience/self? You may even get a job if you are clean shaven, you will have more American friends who won't call you terrorist, you may have girls running after you like crazy, but how will you face yourself? How will you look into the mirror and look into your own eyes? I remember whenever I would shave or return home from the barber's shop, I wouldn't be able to look at the picture of Guru Guru Gobind Singh Ji I had in my room. So brother, what is the point in taking up an appearance which makes you unable to face Gurujee, and even yourself!

Just my 2 cents :D

May Gurujee guide you

[buddasingh]

My dear veerjee. Let me start off by saying that I am not going to advice you or give a lecture, just share something with you because I am myself a scumbag...just outwardly I look like an Amritdhari Singh, but the reality is something else.

Few years ago I was a mona, and tried growing my kesh and daari once. It lasted only about 4 weeks or so, and then I cut my kesh and daari. After I shaved my face and saw myself in the mirror, I got severely shocked. It felt as if I was looking at the devil himself. People will always say that you look hot/cute/etc, but what answer will you give to your own soul/conscience/self? You may even get a job if you are clean shaven, you will have more American friends who won't call you terrorist, you may have girls running after you like crazy, but how will you face yourself? How will you look into the mirror and look into your own eyes? I remember whenever I would shave or return home from the barber's shop, I wouldn't be able to look at the picture of Guru Guru Gobind Singh Ji I had in my room. So brother, what is the point in taking up an appearance which makes you unable to face Gurujee, and even yourself!

Just my 2 cents :D

May Gurujee guide you

nicely said, but woaaaa!! A few adjustments on with respect to looks, attainability of jobs, friends, running girls etc.

1. If you are dirty shaven, you will look like a robust lady, not hot, cute, etc.

If you are clean bearded, you will look as hot, cute and etcetera as you were meant to be, but you won’t look like a robust lady.

2. If you are dirty shaven, you get a job.

If you are clean bearded you boldly confront your boss, tell them they should respect employees, leave, become your own boss and your former boss’s biggest competition.

3. If you are dirty shaven, you have more of a certain type of American friends and infinite cultural insecurity of your social place amongst them.

If you are clean bearded, you don't worry about having friends as you are at peace and crazy at the same time, and have ample confidence. This strangely results in attracting a variety of company which is difficult to fit into your social schedule.

4. If you are dirty shaven, you desire girls to run after you because of precisely the opposite, which is you desire to run after girls.

If you are clean bearded, you run away from girls. Since the world is round, this has the same net effect as them running after you. Other girls observing this illusion conform and pretty soon you have a crowd chasing you around the globe. If you are content and don’t care this is exactly what happens.

[wjkk wjkf]

I can understand that it is difficult to live in such circumstances because i live in the same circumstances as yourself- with dastaar (but i'm a girl) and I live in a predominately racist area of the UK. My dad is always sayin to take the dastaar off cos he's worried about my safety etc. But I havent , I've stuck with it because in these troubled times we need to have an identity...I never liked being known as a hindu or muslim (people's first impressions of me) without my dastaar...People dont know enough about Sikh's...I feel that the more people who keep their hair - the more people will know and so the understanding is clearer. This is just one MY reason for keeping my hair as well as what BuddhaSingh described...How can you face YOURSELF and GuruJi?

Please forgive me if I offended anyone...Bhul Chuk Maaf:)

[singh-khalsa]

I can understand that it is difficult to live in such circumstances because i live in the same circumstances as yourself- with dastaar (but i'm a girl) and I live in a predominately racist area of the UK. My dad is always sayin to take the dastaar off cos he's worried about my safety etc. But I havent , I've stuck with it because in these troubled times we need to have an identity...I never liked being known as a hindu or muslim (people's first impressions of me) without my dastaar...People dont know enough about Sikh's...I feel that the more people who keep their hair - the more people will know and so the understanding is clearer. This is just one MY reason for keeping my hair as well as what BuddhaSingh described...How can you face YOURSELF and GuruJi?

Please forgive me if I offended anyone...Bhul Chuk Maaf:)

i agree with benji, we are the new generation who have to teach people abt sikhi.

SINGH2K veer i have same situation like u . I m in america and here people laugh at me everytime. In school students used to make circle around me and laugh at me after every class. they use bad words 4 me. even once or twice i had fight with them. i was the only sikh student in that horrible school. once they try to touch my turban and i stop them by myself. i understand ur situation but be strong don't care abt anyone. if u r not feeling comfortable, i request u to go to punjab for sometime. u will be alright. u can wear bana and kirpan ( as long as u want ). meet other chardi kala sikhs.

but i request u from my heart plz don't do that. just listen to the jivani of chota sahibzadey. in mugal rule they refuse to cut hair wheter they were forced too. they gave their lives for their faith. we have to follow their path. veera plz dont do that. i want to c all my gursikh veers and bheana in gursikhi saroop.

waheguru tuhanu sahi rah dikhavay ji.

[Mehtab Singh]

I never liked being known as a hindu or muslim

Penji, if your reason for wearing a dastaar is just because you don't want people to confuse you for a Hindu or a Muslim, then that is really sad. Your reason should be that it is Gurujee's hukam and you are His princess daughter. Not because you find it offensive when someone thinks you are Hindu or Muslim. Why get offended? Do Sikhs hate Hindus/Muslims that bad that we can't tolerate if someone by mistake calls us a Hindu or a Muslim? Aren't Hindus/Muslims human beings as well? In fact, any time someone confuses you as a Hindu or Muslim, you should explain to them that Sikhs are different from these 2, and explain it in a way that the person realizes that Sikhs hate no one, we are just unique and distinct from them. Gurujee did make us distinct but never hated/disliked anyone or any particular community. Khalsa was created distinct from others, to be a Sant-Sipahi, not because Gurujee looked down upon Hindus/Muslims. There were priestly ascetics who were oppressed (mostly Hindus), and there were were invaders who were oppressors (mostly Muslims). Gurujee wanted His Khalsa to be both saint and soldier. A saint doesn't oppress anyone, and a soldier doesn't get oppressed by anyone. And so here we are, saint-soldiers! We should tell people straight up that we are Sikhs, not Hindus or Muslims. We don't hate/dislike any community, we are just distinct from them, thats all.

Sorry if I misunderstood your words or if any of this didn't make sense

Bhull chukk maaf

[wjkk wjkf]

LOL! thats just ONE of my reasons for wearing dastaar; I wear it because of Guru Ji's Hukam! If identity was the only reason I probably wouldn't wear it and simply TELL people that i'm not Hindu/muslim etc. lol I dont hate people of other religions I just said...we need our Identity...a crown is what Guru Ji gave us and we should wear it with pride!...

How'd this get onto hatin hindu's and muslims? lol never mind

Bhul chuk maaf jio!

[singh2k]

Hey,

Mehtab Singh, I understand where you're coming from, I know that if I cut my hair I wont be able to face Guru Ji, but even if I cut my hair I would face him the same way (in my opinion), as I didn't loose any respect for any of the Guru's. It will always be in my heart.

Wjkk Wjkf, I wish I was never in this position of getting a hair cut either. I know it will be a betrayal to all my Sikh friends out there, but I have to choose whether I should keep myself happy or just keep others happy by keeping the turban.

I can't say whether Guru Ji will hate me or not if I cut my hair, but as long as I keep Waheguru in my heart, I dont think I'm doing anything wrong. Once again, I think Reality is much more important than Appearance.

I visited Amritsar this Summer, although it was very hot, over there I've met a couple of real Sikhs, Sikh's that deserve the name Gursikh, taking holy baths, praying in the morning and evening. I don't think I can ever reach up to that position, as I can't even speak Punjabi. I know some people might say, " Just keep Waheguru in your heart and everything will be okay", I have been doing much more than that but nothings been okay.