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Feel Empty And Disconnected From Guru Ji


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Vaheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fateh

I don't really know how to begin this or what to stay, so I'll just start. A long time ago, my Sikhee used to be really strong.. I felt devotion and love towards Guru Jee and I thought that nothing could ever go wrong as long as I had Guru Jee with me.. but that slowly began to change. I think I started changing when I was given a certain seva and I got praised for it.. (and became egotistical about it.. even if it was just at the back of my mind) but since then, my devotion towards Guru Jee changed and I started leaning more towards my own manmat than Guru Jee. Eventually I completely forgot who I was and who Guru Jee was and just started trusting my own mind over Guru Jee. It sucks and I feel horribly and indescribably empty inside. I don't know how to place my head humbly at Guru Sahib Jee's feet any more.. all I no is that this sucks. Every single day feels hopeless and pointless because I feel like I'm drifting farther and farther away from Guru Jee. I almost feel like living itself is pointless because I feel alone and lost.. not a day goes by when I don't feel doubtful and empty. I've stuck with my Nitnem and Rehraas Sahib and I've gone to camps but nothing ever changes me... it's like I've built a wall of manmat and ego around my mind, blocking Guru Jee from me.

I don't really no what to do.. I just feel hopeless and lost and I was hoping the sangat could give me some advice. :( </3

Vaheguroo Jee Ka Khalsa Vaheguroo Jee Kee Fateh

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Guest Singh23

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Das got to do sangat of a mahapursh for a week and got to hear many people ask this Sant Ji questions about rehit and etc.

This one Bujurg (Elder Singh) on one occasion asked Sant Baba Ji:

"Baba Ji, I've been becoming very lazy with my naam simran. It used to be that I'd wake up doing simran and go to sleep doing simran, but now I just can't. Whats going on?"

Baba Ji replied

" We don't know what we've done in our previously lives, and some times our pichle karam (past deeds) affect us, and that they prevent us from progressing in our spirituality. At times like this we have to push even harder, do even more naam simran, more bani, so that these pichle karam get destroyed."

BTW das still doesn't have the best understanding of punjabi, but this is what I understood of what Baba Ji said. And I know this is not exactly what you asked for but the message is the same no?

PUSH EVEN HARDER THAN BEFORE! Do more bani, more seva, force yourself to feel more piar for guru ji so that you can over come this hurdle!

Try even harder than you did before to use gurmat and not manmat.

You forgot who you where, let me remind you:

Your spiritual father is Guru Gobind Singh and spiritual mother is Mata Sahib Kaur.

Your place of birth is Kesgarh Sahib

Your native place is Anandpur Sahib.

You are a Khalsa, a Siritual Warrior, a Warrior Saint!

I've also heard a sakhi once by the morianwale dhadi jatha. Dhadi Ji was saying, that once you become a sikh of Guru Gobind Singh Sahib Ji, he never lets you go. If in one janam you can't make it, Guru Ji gives you a human life again in a sikhi oriented paravar. if you still can't make it your born as a kookar(not in the modern narkhdari sense) but as in someone completely in love with Guru Sahib. If you still can't make it then your born as a horse or some animal that does seva for gursikhs. Then you get chances at human life again. It keeps going!

Once you give your head to Guru Ji, He pulls you along if he has to, as long as he has to, until you are worthy of him. Guru Ji's with you!

Everyday in chaupai sahib we read it.

Dohra

sagal dhuaar ko shhaadd kai gehiou thuhaaro dhuaar ||

baa(n)hi gehai kee laaj as gobi(n)dh dhaas thuhaar ||

I know in this case it refers Gobind as in Akaal purakh, but it's the same thing.

Das is going on what little gian Akal Purakh has seen fit to give him, please forgive me for any mistakes! And surmatha bakhso so that I may not make these mistakes again!

Dhan guru!

- das

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