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Engagement In Gurmat Style


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Vaheguru ji ka khalsa Vaheguru ji ki fateh

With Guru sahib jis kirpa daas is getting engaged soon. As both families are discussing the arrangements of engagement & stuff. I am not sure whats Gurmat and whats not. I am into Sikhi, wanna take amrit asap (before marriage) & the Singh is Amritdhari. We boht wanna get married in total gurmat syle, nothing for show or just as a ritual. But we both have families who are not exact Gurmat vaale and we both haven't really been to a Gursikh engagement or weddings & dont have anyone in the family who would know this and not quite sure about how gursikhs get married/engaged totally according to gurmat..

My main question is how do you do engagements in Gursikhi style? Do Gursikhs even wear engagement rings? or is there something else we do instead? Please suggest!!

Thanks in advance :)

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Akaalo

Please see the following link:

http://damdamitaksaal.org/index.php?option=com_content&view=article&id=80%3Arehat-maryada&catid=26%3Acode-of-conduct&Itemid=68&limitstart=20

You will need to scroll half way down (the layout of the website is slighlty messed up) The Engagement section starts on the following lines:

"Guru Jee says, meeting the True Guru, one comes to realise perfect knowledge.While; laughing, playing, dressing and consuming fine foods, he/she is liberated." (SGGSJ Ang 522)

Today many people have forgotten the above teachings and started to live outside the boundaries laid down by Gurmat, doing what they feel is right or wrong. Some Amritdharee Sikhs marry non-Amritdharees just for money but this is not acceptable, marriage should not be based upon desire for wealth or other worldy goods. A marriage is to be based on the same Dharam/Principles and qualities in both people. According to Gurmat both the bride and bridegroom should be Amritdharee. The Kurmayee/Engagement should be a good deed and not involve taking money from your daughters/sisters. No form of dowry (gifts from the Brides family) should be given or accepted. Bhai Sahib Singh Jee writes in a Rehatnama:

Akaal Jee Sahae

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We had the same thoughts as yourselves (we're both Amritdhari) and ended up doing Asa dee Vaar at the Gurdwara, followed by Sukhmani Sahib Paath.

After Ardaas and having sung Kurmai Shabad, a few males (dad, chachis etc) from (future) brides side came over to me and gave pyaar (Sri Sahib, Dastaar, something sweet - mishree etc and some money) whilst I remained sat over guys side as normal.

After this, some females from my (grooms) side went over to future Singhni and gave her pyaar (Sri Sahib, Dastaar, Kanga, something sweet - mishree etc and some money).

And then carried on with Divaan with Kirtan/Katha. Nice and simple with no fuss :)

The (future) brides side did bring fruit baskets when they came which were then distributed in the langar.

And we both don't wear any jewellery anyway so never even discussed/thought about rings.

What we did is not necessarily right, just thought id' share what we did recently whilst hoping to keep it Gurmat. Hope that helps.

Oh and congratulations btw! :)

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