So I wrote this thread out a few years ago, And Im going through the same same thing again, In the end I did email her it was an embarassing mess.
This is how it started 5 years a go, I had a dream about her and when I woke up the first thing I said was Waheguru, I didnt feel right in my heart or my head, felt like there was somehing pulling me or not letting me sit still. Then I had another 4 dreams one day after the next. After a while I did email her, it was embaressing, a complete mess, I cant describe to you how bad it was. I didnt tell her about the dreams it sounded weird like I was losing my mind, tbh it probably still came across like that.
In the end I knew something was not right with me, And I got up and went to India, to matha tekh at the Gurudwara, I went to see Mahapuhrsh[SP]. I showed them a photo of her, and to keep it simple they told me she didnt have a good heart. But when I saw them it felt like a huge weight was being lifted off me. It took me about 2 years to sort of get myself back to how I was. At the time I was under a lot of pressure because I was buying a business and I had 30 day completion, and I was really stressed out, I think I had or was on the verge of a mental breakdown.
Anyway time passed and then last year my dad died, he was 59 and just went instantly, spent the day with him at work, and he went home my mum was getting him food and by the time she went to tell him his food was ready he had passed away.
I have found coming to terms with this very hard, I feel like he was stolen away from us. I dont understand what need there was for him to go. I know he was fed up, the world had drunk enough of his blood.
Anyway way last Friday I woke up again after having a dream about her, And again I been typing out emails, Ive deleted them because I dont want to do another round of doing my besthi. I am buying a house at the moment so I can move mum closer to me as I need to take care of her now. I am feeling the pressure, Im the only man left in my family now. I feel like its all on me, and Im going to <banned word filter activated> up everything my dad made.
Basically I think somone has done something to me. I know I probably sound like Im losing my mind, and I probably am. But Im closer to the end than I am to the beginning, there not enough time left to keep making mistakes and recovering from them. I keep saying to God just tell me what you want and Ill give it to you, what ever it is I dont mind, what ever you want I will happily give to you. cant believe he wants me to commit a sin, or do something I know I shouldnt be doing.
So we find out who killed Hardeep Singh Nijjar. What we are going to do about it?
Me personally I try to avoid the whole Khalistan fiasco since religion and politics get mixed. That's a messy situation to be in.
I firmly believe that one quote in regards to cannabis is not written by Guru Nanak Dev Ji (O'lord the fear of thee). B/c nasha is nasha. But cannabis is a bit a different since it was used for medicinal purposes in India also.
I feel gurdwaras are maybe somewhat getting back to their functions as dharmsalas containing schools and learning centres. With panjabi schools, gurmat classes, santhiya, martial arts, keertan training, with sikhi camps occasionally in towns, there is somewhat some functions connected to traditional gurdwaras of the past.