Good Or Bad

[Guest mustromeodie]

Dear Sangat bros and sisters,

I would really appreciate it if you could offer serious replies to my question.

I am not an amritdhari.I only want to be a liberal, kind and good man and help needy people around me.Would the sangat please tell me if i am a good or a bad man.

1)A girl,my senior, was in love with me when i was still in college.She tried to arrange meetings with me in different settings on different pretexts to take the relationship forward.I was too naive then and did'nt realize it.I respected her since she was my senior. In a weak moment ,at a college fest,she asked me if i loved her.I then realized she liked me.But i didnt love her.It was possible for me to pretend to be in love with her , take advantage of her,use her and then walk out. But I felt against it and let her know i didnt have any feelings for her. Later,i felt i was being a bit too "sidha" and tried taking the relationship forward .But i had already let her know in a way I didnt feel for her the way she did,Most of my peers had girlfriends.Those who didnt possess gfs longed to be in relationships.Having a gf was a status symbol.Those were wild days and I just lived like a "sidha saada" guy.I ignored attention from girls.

2)Later I suffered two very bad heartbreaks in life.In the first case,the girl already had a bf i didnt know about.Though the girl didnt return my feelings,i used to go out of the way to do things for her.I had stopped paying any attention to my work and personal life for her.Later I was laughed and mocked at by her bf and i spent a month trying to get out of a very bad depression.

The second time i fell in love with a girl who betrayed me very harshly.We were planning to get married.She admitted her love for me.We discussed everything related to marriage: from the roka to the mehndi and life afterwards.I used to break my knuckles on the walls when she used to fight me with me over petty things.But I didnt have any idea she was still seeing her ex-boyfriend on the pretext of meeting her girl friends.It was a shocker when she walked out of my life one fine day leaving me ruined.

3)I have always prided myself on being respectful towards girls.I tried to see girls in gurdwaras as sisters.I have also tried to girls outside.Once i saw that someone's wife was peeing in a train toilet and all men outside were trying to steal a peek. I didnt like it and i went and shut the door.

I dont talk kinky about people's wives the way my cousins in punjab do at weddings and in pinds.I didn't try to get intimate with my female friends when drunk late nights.I would also try to get them home safely.

I also turned down a girl who wanted to have sex with me.

4)I always pined for love.As far as my personal life is concerned ,my busy life prevented me from being social .I had few friends as a result.So inside i have always been longing for a person who could be my life partner and someone whom i could share my feelings with and someone who could relieve me of the pain that i have suffered due to my past affairs.

I do try to woo girls but with the idea of settling down permanently. If i would see a girl at a wedding,i would shower her with attention or ogle or stare to let her know i am interested.The girls sometimes also tried to flirt with me.I know if i am to get married , i would have to do the work of finding someone myself for some reasons.I dont have the luxury of generous relatives who would hook me up with someone. I dont have the luxury of contacts.

Of late i have started feeling guilty due to the onus that people put on restraining kaami thoughts. I am not lecherous.The only time i have kissed a girl was my ex girlfriend.I havent had sex yet.I dont indulge in eve teasing the way people in punjab and elsewhere do.

I would like to admit a thorn from my past.I was at my cousin's shop in a village in punjab.I let my shoulder rub a girl's hand while she was buying something to get some attention.The girl didnt feel okay and rushed out of the shop after buying her stuff.

This is the only time I have done something of this sort.I have known a lot of girls but i have always maintained boundaries with them.

I have held hanfds with my ex gf and we had kissed.I had tried in vain to take the relationship forward and get more intimate but she wasnt ready for it . i am sure i didnt want to get into premarital sex.I have never wanted to spoil someone's life.

When i look back at my life,i experience feelings of regret as well as satisfaction.I sometimes regret that i havnt got intimate with any girl like my cousins have.I am satisfied too as i have been able to restrain my sexual impulses in times of weakness.

But the thorn in my past is bothering me.I feel guilty as i overstepped my boundaries with the girl in my cousin's shop in punjab.

All I would like to know is whether i am a good or a bad man.

Thanks for reading my long post.It was important to get this mistake off my "zameer".Apologies for writing a mammoth post.

[Guest siddi kudi]

amazing that there are still guys like you around the world. dont worry, waheguruji has everything planned out, your wife will be a very lucky woman having you as her husband. Everybody makes mistakes in life, dont regret about it, but learn from them. U seem like a loving, caring guy, dont get stuck in kaam because of friends, punjabi society.

[Gurpreet14]

U cant force urself to luv someone.,..

Nor u can force someone to b loyal to u....

In both the cases u r not at fault....infact u haven't spoiled any of the girl's life by laying off with.....

This was the game of ur heart....look around u Will see people who after doing bad with other never bother to realise it.....

So u r not at fault...u just need a true luv in ur life.... That's the most difficult thing to get in this modern world......

Pray to god to bless u with it.....Waheguru always help if u r true

N ya I just luv ur confession...it requires gutz

[jasdeepsingh2k125]

ਸੁਧਿ ਜਬ ਤੇ ਹਮ ਧਰੀ ਬਚਨ ਗੁਰ ਦਏ ਹਮਾਰੇ॥ ਪੂਤ ਇਹੈ ਪ੍ਰਨ ਤੋਹਿ ਪ੍ਰਾਨ ਜਬ ਲਗ ਘਟ ਥਾਰੇ॥ ਨਿਜ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਸਾਥ ਨੇਹੁ ਤੁਮ ਨਿੱਤ ਬਢੈਯਹੁ॥ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੀ ਸੇਜ ਭੂਲਿ ਸੁਪਨੇ ਹੂੰ ਨ ਜੈਯਹੁ॥51॥ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਭਜੇ ਸਹਜ ਬਾਸਵ ਭਗ ਪਾਏ॥ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਭਜੇ ਚੰਦੂ ਕਾਲੰਕ ਲਗਾਏ॥ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਹੇਤ ਸੀਸ ਦਸ ਗਵਾਯੋ॥ ਹੋ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਹੇਤ ਕਟਕ ਕਵਰਨ ਕੌ ਘਾਯੋ॥52॥ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਮੌ ਨੇਹੁ ਛੁਰੀ ਪੈਨੀ ਕਰਿ ਜਾਨਹੁ॥ ਪਰ ਨਾਰੀ ਕੇ ਭਜੇ ਕਾਲ ਬਯਾਪਯੋ ਤਨ ਮਾਨਹੁ॥ ਅਧਿਕ ਹਰੀਫੀ ਜਾਨਿ ਭੋਗ ਪਰ ਤ੍ਰਿਯ ਜੋ ਕਰਹੀ॥ ਹੋ ਅੰਤ ਸ੍ਵਾਨ ਕੀ ਮ੍ਰਿਤੁ ਹਾਥ ਲੇਂਡੀ ਕੇ ਮਰਹੀ॥53॥

[VanHelsingh]

You seem like a playa with a conscience. You can't have a conscience in the old playa game.