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Shameful acts


redeem23
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Vaheguru ji ka kalsa Vaheguru Ji ki fateh 

I wanted to ask the panth to forgive me and give me guidance on a few different things and also I just want to tell the truth for once  .I am a 16 year old mona but I have been into sikhi for about few years now through Guru jis kirpa. The problem is before i got into sikhi my cousins who are a few years older than me used to openly talk about very lustful things and because I was just a kid and didnt know any better the things they talked about rubbed onto me and I started to indulge into those types of things on the internet as well and i eventually realized this was wrong but it turned into a addiction.When i got into sikhi i tried to stop but eventually it would just relapse especially because I still hanged around those types of people.Then when i started to learn more about sikhi and my relatives and stuff found out they associated me as a religious person because I would often tell them to not do certain things as its against sikhi while I would be a paapi which made me feel horrible.I even tried swearing i would never do these things again which i lied.Now i am still having the same month or so streak then relapsing again and then when I do i make up excuses to not read bani like “oh i ate meat” or “ my hands are impure i cant touch a gutka.I also dont have any sangat or gursikh friends or people i know in my area to turn to.

I hope what i said made sense. 
I just want to know what the sangat thinks i should do to make up for my mistakes and how to stay away from kaam

also what i should do as i dont sit in the sadh sangat cuz i dont drive? and am i just making excuses for not reading bani or what? 
 

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