Getting Married...hair Problem

[Guest hairy_issue]

Ok as I have already indicated in the subject my problem is with that unwanted body hair. I will come straight to the point.I am an amritdhari girl and I have always had a lot of hair growth on my arms, legs and face. I have been so conscious of it that I have never worn half sleeve shirts and for that matter not even quarter sleeves.

I recently got engaged. (arranged)My fiancé had come to see me. On that day also I was wearing a full sleeve shirt so he was not able to see all that hair. And yes he couldn’t even have noticed the facial hair because I bleach that. ( I know its manmat to do so but I just can’t gather the confidence to carry myself with that hair coz I have heard comments from the so called gursikhs mentioning to it as ‘daadi wali bibi’ or’ muchaan wali bibi’. So I kind of just gave in to the pressure and have been bleaching my face for long. )

Now my problem is that since I have so much hair I feel that my fiancé(we are getting married in a few months) will not like it. I know he is a gursikh but what if he is also like those other guys who pass ruthless comments about women with body/facial hair.

I think I ought to tell him about this. Should I tell him or just wait till after marriage and see how he reacts and then act. Or should I some how tell him about my problem now itself and then deal with the response.

If you feel I ought to tell him then do suggest how should I bring up the issue. I don’t know how to talk to him about this. We do talk almost everyday but I am not sure how to talk about this( that’s if I do need to).

[Barfi n Mithai]

I used to have very little hair but now I've started getting a lot of hair. I think its because I am starting puberty later. I literally have had a hair explosion on my arms and legs now. Including random hair in other places! I think everyone has hair so ure not hairy: your normal but u don't remove it! But ure trying to ask will he see that?

If I was in your situation I would bring it up because heartache now is better than later on. Your amritdhari so surely he knows that you don't remove hair. So mention something like I am worried about something and then say basically as I am Amritdhari I keep all my hair. It may seem hairy: would this bother you? Then wait to see what he says.

Also I know this is random but I know this Amritdhari girl who used to bleach and pluck some of her hair too before marriage. She married an Amritdhari guy and she stopped bleaching. We all believe the guy gave her the confidence to take that step. Honestly I cannot tell you how special he must be. So talk to your man and you never know

[Guest Guest]

If I was in your situation the first thing I would do is stop bleaching and go and pesh, the panj pyare make it clear that bleaching is a bujjar kurehat, and you are being unfair on your husband as marrying him will make him peshi too. Emotional support from your fiancee will also help if you think you may find it difficult to stop bleaching

Hair on arms legs body etc is normal for women, and more so on south asian women who genetically are prone to being more hairy.

I would be worried about telling him about the bleaching rather than what is normal body hair (if it worries you though, get it checked by your doctor to make sure there is no hormonal imbalance involved. But most likely there wont be any)

[۹βkaur۹β]

penje...ur not alone about the hair thing lol

im sure many ppl have it...but ask yourslef..... am i bothered? lol.... who cares.... its just kes.... gurujees given kes : D

and tell ur fiance....if he will be funny about it...then sorryy i think its clear he wont help u in the future...

and pleaseee stop bleaching.... noo point... it just makes it WORSE.

do ardas and ask for strenghth, hope u get to a stage where u feel proud of ur kes : D

pull chuk maafi

vjkk vjkf

[schahal]

penje...ur not alone about the hair thing lol

im sure many ppl have it...but ask yourslef..... am i bothered? lol.... who cares.... its just kes.... gurujees given kes : D

and tell ur fiance....if he will be funny about it...then sorryy i think its clear he wont help u in the future...

and pleaseee stop bleaching.... noo point... it just makes it WORSE.

do ardas and ask for strenghth, hope u get to a stage where u feel proud of ur kes : D

pull chuk maafialking

this little bit about something else, i want to ask u something since u seems to me a bit intelligent.

i started talking with a girl 4 years ago and fell in love over the phone she would not give me her pic, for two months we just kept on laking and liked her, she told me that she is not pretty and she gave me her height. i won her confidence that i would still love her even if she is not all that then i she sent me the pic and didnt like it, it was not the kinda of girl i expected. i told her u r not my kind. she understood and she told me not to stop talkihat if ng which i didnt, we kept on talking. i started feeling that if i will leave her i will be guilty in fornt of god. so we kept on talking. we talk cant help it. whenever i think about oe day i will move on in different direction and she will move to another i kills me inside, i feel like i would be guilty cuz i am leaving her not she. tell me somebody what should i do. even though i told her in the beginning i dont wanna be with her for rest of my life, it still leaves a guilty concious in my head which gives me lots of stress i amm god fearing person. please anyone give me fair advice if u can

vjkk vjkf

[Anonymous_kaur]

penjiiee..seriouslii talk to ur partner and as for bleaching, you need to stop or this will make it worser as penjiee mentioned above ^^ and den u mite jus feel lyc doing it all the time.

u say dat ur fiance is amrithdhari too, then i fink he shud ave no problem wtsoevaa, he shud knw the importance of kes :D

[۹βkaur۹β]

this little bit about something else, i want to ask u something since u seems to me a bit intelligent.

i started talking with a girl 4 years ago and fell in love over the phone she would not give me her pic, for two months we just kept on laking and liked her, she told me that she is not pretty and she gave me her height. i won her confidence that i would still love her even if she is not all that then i she sent me the pic and didnt like it, it was not the kinda of girl i expected. i told her u r not my kind. she understood and she told me not to stop talkihat if ng which i didnt, we kept on talking. i started feeling that if i will leave her i will be guilty in fornt of god. so we kept on talking. we talk cant help it. whenever i think about oe day i will move on in different direction and she will move to another i kills me inside, i feel like i would be guilty cuz i am leaving her not she. tell me somebody what should i do. even though i told her in the beginning i dont wanna be with her for rest of my life, it still leaves a guilty concious in my head which gives me lots of stress i amm god fearing person. please anyone give me fair advice if u can

vjkk vjkf

lol veerje...for a start im not intelligent...more like the biggest fool.. anyway...

u fell in love with this girl? thats not nice lol

no need to get into lovey dovey stuff jee..... wordly relationships will only lead to pain

ur love for vaheguroo will help u in the end..... if i was u, i'd forget about this girl

and start to do more paat etc...only that will help..

this morning, the following tuk stood out in nitnem:

AYsw kMmu mUly n kIcY ijqu AMiq pCoqweIAY ]

aisaa ka(n)m moolae n keechai jith a(n)th pashhothaaeeai ||

Don't do anything that you will regret in the end.

siqgurU kw aupdysu suix qU hovY qyrY nwly ]

sathiguroo kaa oupadhaes sun thoo hovai thaerai naalae ||

Listen to the Teachings of the True Guru - these shall go along with you.

so i think if u feel bad....its ur guilty conscience that u were doing somek bad....if that makes sense...sorry if it doesnt..im just waffling : (

and veerje...do ardas.......

mwDvy qum n qorhu qau hm nhI qorih ]

maadhhavae thum n thorahu tho ham nehee thorehi ||

O Lord, if You will not break with me, then I will not break with You.

qum isau qoir kvn isau jorih ]1] rhwau ]

thum sio thor kavan sio jorehi ||1|| rehaao ||

For, if I were to break with You, with whom would I then join? ||1||Pause||

jau qum dIvrw qau hm bwqI ]

jo thum dhee//aa tho ham baathee ||

If You are the lamp, then I am the wick.

jau qum qIrQ qau hm jwqI ]2]

jo thum theerathh tho ham jaathee ||2||

If You are the sacred place of pilgrimage, then I am the pilgrim. ||2||

swcI pRIiq hm qum isau jorI ]

saachee preeth ham thum sio joree ||

I am joined in true love with You, Lord.

qum isau joir Avr sMig qorI ]3]

thum sio jor avar sa(n)g thoree ||3||

I am joined with You, and I have broken with all others. ||3||

:BOW:

pls forgive me...ive just waffled.

vjkk vjkf

[Anonymous_kaur]

:WW: ^^ nicely put together by guru sahib jii :D

[Guest Guest]

Its better to tell him you have a lot of bodily/facial hair because >>

what if he is also like those other guys who pass ruthless comments about women with body/facial hair

Its better not to live your whole life with someone who won't accept you for who you are. Just tell him and see how he reacts. Also you should tell him your bleaching since this is a bujjar kurehit.

Ok as I have already indicated in the subject my problem is with that unwanted body hair. I will come straight to the point.I am an amritdhari girl and I have always had a lot of hair growth on my arms, legs and face. I have been so conscious of it that I have never worn half sleeve shirts and for that matter not even quarter sleeves.

There are many females including me who have a lot of facial/bodily hair. You're not alone. But the difference between you and me is that I've learned to accept the way God has made me and so should you. Penji, many times in Gurbani it says that this world is just a dream. When we die, we wont remember a thing what happened to us whilst alive. The only thing that is left with us is regret. Regret that we didn't do what we came here to do. Even if you didn't have an excessive bodily/facial hair, will this really make you happy? For worldly reasons it would. But for your soul it won't do any good for you. You will be still left in the same state - separation from God. The difference between your fiancé and God is that God will accept you for who you are. Whether you're beautiful or ugly, God won't take that into thought.

Don't think what Guru sahib has done to you is a punishment. He has only done it to increase your love for him. When you look at your hair, what comes to mind? When I look at my hair, I remember God since God is the one who put that there. It makes me feel detached from the love of this human body and instead it makes me want to yearn for the love of Guru sahib. At this moment you're not going to realize that God does everything for your own good. Soon, you will start realizing that God did everything in love because thats all he is.

he couldn’t even have noticed the facial hair because I bleach that. ( I know its manmat to do so but I just can’t gather the confidence to carry myself with that hair coz I have heard comments from the so called gursikhs mentioning to it as ‘daadi wali bibi’ or’ muchaan wali bibi’. So I kind of just gave in to the pressure and have been bleaching my face for long. )

Penji, why would you want to please the ones that have no love for you? Why would do want to fit in with those that pass on rude comments to Guru sahibs daughters? They say these comments because they want people to look like the way THEY want. You should show these people that you don't care what they think and stop being ashamed of your image. The reason you feel this way about your image is because of company. When you be in company of those who cut their hair, your mind will become imbalanced just as theirs and will think hair is abnormal.

In order to increase you confidence read jaap sahib as many times as you can. Increase your naam/gurbani abhiyaas. Spend time more with Guru sahib (at Gurdwara). Get GURSIKH friends. If you can't then make NAAM your sangat. Avoid bad company. And most importantly do ardaas since we alone cannot do anything because we have no power. Remember: the only one that will love you till the end is God. So, attach yourself to his lotus feet - Naam and Gurbani. http://sikhitothemax.com/page.asp?ShabadID=899

vaheguru ji ka khalsa

vaheguru ji ki fateh

[Guest Cobra_Commander]

I think hairy girls are unique and beautiful.