Sangat of Sikhs (particularly Kaurs)

[Raaj.Karega.Khalsa]

Me and my wife both feel the same in the fellow crowds, such that now, we completely don't trust any one else except ourselves.

My wife and me can never be closer to anyone in any way, like we are to ourselves.

We have both learnt the hard way through pain and suffering, that people are ALL out just for themselves.

As a result, me and my wife are now only out for our kids and each other, and to help others without ever expecting any return favours.

Whoa! Felt like you were narrating my family's story from my Singh's perspective! We're SO exactly like you've described yourselves above! ....and yes, we learnt it the hard way...It's all Kaljug .....all simply meant to make our hearts sad and barren so we don't have the motivation to read bani at all.

[Guest .]

Totally agree.

Also, just to get this off my chest...everything is a competition these days. It's getting stupid now.

Whose anand kaaraj was the best? Who had the best kirtani doing the laava? Who wore the nicest suit? I swear to God, I've heard a Singhni say that her wedding was going to be the "wedding of the year" pointedly directed towards another bibi who was getting married around the same time. Sad beyond belief.

I don't have any close friends that are Singhniya. Can't deal with them man. My friends are either white, black or standard Punjabi non-drinking/clubbing decent types. If I go to raensbhaees, I don't even go to the langar hall. Too much nonsense goes on these days.

So fed up of it all. And I can see things getting worse after marriage if you spend time in sangat around other young couples. Can't bloody wait.

[Guest nihangsinghniwannabe]

Bibiya who run or promote organisations which are meant to empower Kaurs, are the ones who, away from the organisation, slander, gossip, judge and ignore certain Kaurs. Make them feel excluded for reasons unknown to them, push them further down.

If someone knows I'm struggling in life, she will make absolutely no effort to try to help me. They claim to empower and help Kaurs but they pick and choose the people they support. I have struggled through depression and kept it quiet, but those who knew I have a lot to deal with can't even fake half a smile when they say fateh, let a lone ask how I am.

Sometimes a person/ people are happy with you, and will greet you with love and happiness. A few weeks later they'll ignore you or treat you as though you've done something terribly wrong to them- again, for reasons unknown to you. You start to obsess over what it is you do wrong, why this always happens.

There is hardly anyone I know who would be happy for even a minor success of mine. Any good quality or talent I have, makes them harbour a jealousy and bitterness towards me. Subsequently if something good happens in my life I try to make sure no one finds out.

Going to rainsbhais just isn't the same anymore. I used to be an anonymous face and I loved being in the unknown sangat singing Waheguru's praises. Now it's all about popularity and cliques... those who are friends do kirtan together, while those who don't like them leave the Darbar hall. If we like someone we'll sing along and big up their kirtan all week... if we don't like them it's a different story.

Hundreds of people will be off with you because you didn't go out of your way to say fateh to them. I just want to listen to kirtan and when I go to have langar, all I see are crowds of people to my left and right. I walk with my head down, trying not to look around, but happily greet someone if I run into them. People still seem to have a problem with that.

I'm so frustrated at the state of Sikhs. Singhniya go on about how we're all sisters and go out of their way to show that they are great people, and the majority of people love and support them for that. But then they slander and knock down certain people. They're the same people who drive to rainsbhais in their half empty cars but don't offer you a lift when you're asking around because you're desperate to go.

All girls do is gossip and hate on each other... I thought it'd be different when I came into Sikhi. The longer I've been here, the worse it gets. I'm not perfect by any stretch of the imagination, but I DON'T gossip or <banned word filter activated> about any bibiya, yet the way I'm treated it'd seem as though I have. I'm tired of feeling so on edge, so resented, like people are jealous because out of ALL my negative qualities I have one good thing going. So busy wondering what I did wrong this time, why so and so don't like me, feeling like I need to please the sangat and be liked. That's what it's turned into.

And I feel like I can't get away from it. I just want to get away from all these people and be an anonymous face again. But they're everywhere... known by everyone, at every programme. I just... didn't know that Kaurs were no different from the rest of the world. There are only a couple I've met who are lovely genuine people.

i get this feeling all the time.. only maharaj is there for us penji

[Guest Peace X]

Dear Sad,

It was with some interest I read your post. The fact there are several replies to your post shows there are many people who feel this way.

I would like to share a few thoughts;

1. Regardless whether you are a Kaur or a Singh, whether you attend rensabhi or help out camps/events, we are all on a journey. Some days/moments are better than others, the 5 chhor are on our case most of the time, if someone does greet you or forgets to greet you don't take it personally. It is Guru Ji's greeting (fateh) and when you say it you are saying it to your Guru Ji.

2. Being a Singh/Kaur does not automatically stamp you with godliness (it would be nice if it did :smile2: ). However, think how many lifetimes we have travelled to be blessed with the opportunity to be a part of the sangat. Everyone in the sangat is beautiful, people will have differences of thought, some will not grasp the love/power of being in the sangat. My Mata ji always said the Gurdwara is one place you can get anything, the company of the sangat, langer, the latest intel on auntie 49 even a pair of shoes. Decide what you want and stick by it. You have to live away from the sangat to truly appreciate it

3. Guru ji light is in all of us and is what connects us (I do agree some of these lights needs some polishing/bulb change). Do not lose trust, do not lose hope. If you are blessed and asked to do keertan seva, relax and be in the bliss of the shabad. Does it matter, if you have a group? Being anonymous is a mindset, in a world of celebrities, fame and popularity. We must strive to keep an inner balance, there was a story (can't recall exact details) a talented musician used to play for the king, he played so beautifully people would admire his talent and flock to listen to him play. One day the king said I've got to meet your teacher (ustaad ji), can you ask him to play for me? The musician replied that they could go 'on the sneak' and listen to him but that he didn't play on request. The teachers music was heavenly, no words could describe the celestial sound. The king later asked the musician why he did not play like his teacher, the musician replied he played to please him (the king) where are his teacher played for the one (God).

Just like to finish with this- one day we will realise that all the things which are 'issues' now will melt away in to the realm of insignificance, if tomorrow your world ended ('your' meaning everything that you hold dear and true) we would realise the futility of our present thoughts and what really required our consideration.

Ok now its past my bedtime. school tomorrow.

Peace X